HEY KIDS! Thanks for the reviews. So everyone liked the Italy secret! Good! So in a chapter or two you'll find out what happens. I promise! Let's move on shall we?

Disclaimer: I DON'T OWN ANYTHING! Seriously I don't, I just spent all my money on gas for my car.

Chapter Thirty Five: Redemption Song…

Raye lay on the sofa in Serena's house watching TV though she wasn't really paying attention to it. It had been about two days since she saw Serena. She was alone in this big house, and she noticed that she hasn't been able to dry her eyes in the past two days either. Is this what it's like? To have a wonderful house like this? Always alone, no one around. Raye thought to herself. She turned from her side to her back and stared at the ceiling.

XxxFlashbackxxX

"Come on Raye," her father, Mark, held her by her hand to her grandfather's temple. Raye was a young child, about a year had past since her mother passed away, she had been spending a lot of time at her grandfathers lately.

"Daddy…" Raye called out to her father.

"Not now sweetheart." he told her. They reached the temple and her father placed her in front of the TV and walked out into another room.

"How long do you intend on staying away this time?" Raye's grandfather asked her father.

"I don't know, it could be awhile." Mark responded.

"It's always 'awhile.'" her grandfather responded. "When are you going to take some responsibility for this child? You're all she has now."

"I have my work to do!" Mark snapped at him.

"And I have my life to live!" Raye's grandfather yelled. "I'm too old to take care of a child! I'm in retirement now, I don't have time to take care of a child, I'm so old it's about time someone took care of me!"

"Oh God!" Mark shouted as he turned away, he put his hand on the table and looked back at him. "You're so selfish!"

"I'm selfish?! Look who you're dropping your daughter on every week! Sooner or later she's going to end up living here!"

Raye heard the commotion from the living room. She knew what was going on, she wasn't stupid. She always heard about parents fighting about their children. Except her family was different-it had been a different family for about a year now. Instead of having a mother and father fight about their children, she had daddy and grandfather fighting about her.

"Listen!" her father boomed at her grandfather. "Raye belongs to her mother. I had a child because Eliza wanted one. Otherwise I wouldn't be in this mess!"

"So your child is a mess? If she is it's because of you! Take some responsibility!" Her grandfather told him and left the room. Mark sighed and walked back to his daughter. Raye had heard everything but didn't say anything.

"Honey, you're going to be staying with grandpa for a little while okay?" Mark kissed his daughter's forehead.

"Okay Daddy." she told him as she continued to watch TV.

"Be good for grandpa." he kissed her forehead again and walked out of the room.

Raye didn't hear from her father for months after that. One night as her and her grandfather were drinking tea together Raye asked him a question.

"Does Daddy hate me?"

"Now where do you get that?" her grandfather responded.

"He didn't come back so we can go home." Raye replied.

"No, no, Raye. Your daddy loves you very much. He is just really busy with work." Her grandfather told her.

"He's always busy with work." Raye told him as she looked into her teacup. Her grandfather felt horrible, he knew that if her father came to get her every once in awhile it wouldn't be good for Raye. And if she lived with him and he was never around it wouldn't be good either, her grandfather had made his decision.

"I know he's always at work, but since his work is very far away, he doesn't want you to be far away from all your friends and from me. So you're going to stay here." Her grandfather told her.

"Until Daddy comes?" Raye asked as she looked up from her teacup.

"No, your Daddy will come visit you, and we can go visit him. But since you're school is here, and Daddy's work is far away, you stay here." Her grandfather explained as best as he could.

"Okay." she said, she sipped her tea. "I miss Daddy."

"I know my dear…I miss him too."

"Does Daddy talk to Mommy?"

"Hm?"

"Because I talk to Mommy."

"You do now?"

"Yes! Every night. I tell her what I did today. Does Daddy do that?"

"Your father talks to your mother all the time my dear. Now come on, time for bed." Her grandfather took her teacup from her and led her into her bedroom, which was now her permanent bedroom.

XxxEnd FlashbackxxX

Raye lay on the bed. She remembered all the birthdays her father had missed, every year when she blew out the candles on her cake she wished for her dad to be there. He showed up occasionally, with a large gift and he would spend a few days with her. Yet, this didn't make it up for the relationship they never had. Raye remembered the arguments they had together. When her father was around for a long period of time he still would go his own way and leave Raye on her own. Raye would scream and yell at him to be there for her, to actually keep his promises, but it never worked. They were both stubborn, they both thought they were right. As Raye grew up, she realized that she spent more time by herself. Her grandfather didn't need to take care of her anymore, she was old enough, and her father would come every few months. Raye took advantage of this by having sex in her room anytime she wanted. Although they would always leave by dawn, she would always end up alone again.

Raye thought about what she should do. She couldn't have this baby, and if she did, what would she do with it? She knew that she couldn't be a mother, not at her age, she wasn't even twenty yet, she couldn't remember her own mother enough to be one herself! She thought about her options.

She could have an abortion, but what would she do? What if the future had changed and she was meant to have this child? How could she kill off her own child? Well then again, the child was just this tissue in her stomach, so that wouldn't make much sense. What was it that the abortion protesters were always saying? Of course, she could remember that in history class but she couldn't remember anything about World War II.

She could give her child up for adoption. She always read signs inside the school office about "giving up your child to a firehouse" or some bullshit like that. But it if she was going to go through with the pregnancy, what was she going to tell Darien? He would eventually find out, what would he do when he found out? Would he leave her? Would he support her? Would her marry her? And if he did support her, what were they going to do? Raise their child in Serena's house? The whole idea made her sick. Then again, it could have been the morning sickness.

Raye thought about how she would be as a parent. Considering that her and Darien weren't exactly the happiest couple at the moment, their child would end up suffering because of their fights. That was the last thing Raye wanted, for her child to grow up with a parent missing in it's life. Just like her. She looked around the house, she remember Serena's old house in the suburbs. Just like this one, the kitchen led into the TV room.

XxxFlashbackxxX

Raye sat around in Serena's house while Serena got them two bowls of ice cream. Serena plopped down on the sofa while Raye flipped through the channels on the TV.

"So what do you want to do tonight?" Raye asked her.

"I don't know, we can call the girls up and go out for a bit, maybe see a movie." Serena replied as she licked her spoon. Raye found something they both liked. Serena became the captain of the remote and put it next to her. They heard a door slam.

"Why are you always like this?!" They heard someone shout out.

"Why am I always like this? Because-" they heard someone else shout out. Their voices were cut off when Serena turned the TV up louder. The two girls laughed at whatever was on TV. They had finished their bowls of ice cream and Serena picked them up to put them in the sink. Raye sat there wondering what was going on earlier. Serena came back in a bit later and turned the TV Down.

"Was that your parents?" Raye asked.

"Yeah, they were yelling at someone over the phone." Serena told her.

"Really? I thought they were yelling at each other." Raye told her.

"Nah, it was some loser on the phone, they were both yelling at the same time. I think it was because the TV was kind of loud." Serena told her.

"Well then you should have turned it down meatball head! Geeze! Give your parents a break!" Raye teased her.

"Oh shut up!" Serena tossed a pillow at her. They sat there laughing, watching the television together.

XxxEnd FlashbackxxX

Raye remembered that day clearly now. Serena's had hinted a few times to her while they were biting each other's heads off that she had her own problems to deal with that didn't concern her. After remembering this Raye realized that Serena's family problems were probably just as deep as hers.

But why didn't Serena share them with her when they were close? She knew that if Serena was in deep trouble she would have told her and the rest of the girls and they would have dropped everything to help her out.

But would they drop everything and help Raye out? Especially after everything that's happened between them? Raye felt as if she was the reason of this whole mess, which she was to blame-for some of it. Serena had barely communicated with them while she was away in Europe, Darien was probably annoyed because Serena wasn't going to give him any. Not to mention everyone had their own fucked up family problems that the best therapist money could buy couldn't even put a finger on.

All together, they were one big happily screwed up family. Okay not happy, but one big screwed up family. Not to mention they had the right to call themselves a family-what's more screwed up than a family?!

Raye grew frustrated, even more this time. She marched up to her room and closed the door. She lay on the bed and waited for something to happen.

XxxxxxxxxxxX

Serena lay on the sofa in the small area of Mina's house where her and Dave usually hang out. The TV was on low and she was laying on her back, her head turned to watch whatever was on TV. Anything for a distraction. She closed her eyes

"They won't stop! I'm afraid something will happen!"

Serena opened her eyes, she remembered. She closed her eyes again.

"Serena, please stop crying! If I can get through what happened to me, you can get through this! You're a lot stronger than I am!"

Serena then stared at the ceiling, letting it all flow back in to her head.

XxxFlashbackxxX

"Bye guys! See you tomorrow!" Raye and Serena said their goodbyes to Lita, Mina, and Amy. It was just Serena and Raye now, Serena always stayed behind to help Raye clean up the mess they all had made in her house earlier. The two girls actually enjoyed it, they got their own time together to gossip and share their secrets.

"So anything new with you?" Raye asked her.

"Not much." Serena said as she put the dishes away in the dishwasher. "How about you?"

"Nothing really. I met this guy, turns out he's gay." Raye told her.

"All the good ones usually are." Serena told her.

"Unfortunately." Raye responded.

"Make a good situation out of the bad one. Make him your best friend and go shopping together!" Serena suggested with a grin on her face.

"True, I don't have a gay best friend." Raye told her.

"I'll introduce you to mine." Serena offered.

"I'll hold you to that." Raye told her. She looked at Serena and she could tell something was wrong. That look she always had when they were cleaning up was gone. The one that was full of gossip and talks when they were tired and dying on the sofa. "Serena, are you okay?"

"I'm fine." Serena told her as she stared into the sink, concentrating a little too hard on the bubbles in there.

"Are you sure?" Raye told her.

"Yeah I'm fine." Serena responded.

Soon the girls were finished cleaning, they had finished their gossip, and Serena was still there. Not that Raye minded, she liked having Serena over since she was alone most of the time. The only thing was, Raye wanted to take a shower and didn't want to keep Serena waiting in the house by herself, she felt bad if she did that.

"Hey Serena, I'm going to take a shower if that's okay with you." Raye told her.

"Oh, I guess it's past my limit then." Serena stood up and began to grab her purse.

"No, no. You can stay, I just feel bad if you're sitting here alone." Raye told her.

"I can watch TV. But if you want me out, just kick me out." Serena explained to her.

"Are you sure? It sounds like you don't really want to go home." Raye raised an eyebrow at her.

"No, I can go home." Serena said quiet strangely.

"Serena…" Raye sat down on the sofa. "Is something going on that you don't want to go home?"

"What makes you say that?" Serena asked her as she turned away.

"It's just the way you're acting. Serena I'm worried about you. Tell me what's wrong." Raye watched Serena's back, she didn't say anything for awhile. "Serena…"

Serena turned around with tears in her eyes. "I'm sorry." she said as she wiped away the tears.

"Serena! Oh my God! Please tell me what's wrong!" Raye begged her, she pulled her to the sofa. The two girls sat down, Raye handed her a tissue.

"It's just, my parents keep fighting lately. It's getting worse everyday." Serena told Raye.

"Serena, I'm sure it'll be okay, everyone's parents fight. My dad and grandfather argue and fight too."

"No! You don't understand!" Serena caught herself from saying the wrong thing. "They won't stop! I'm afraid something will happen!" Serena grabbed another tissue. "My dad keeps leaving, my mom keeps telling my dad it's all his fault. My Aunt comes over and tries to help but it won't work. My father says we're all mistakes, he says that my mother is a bitch. It's like he regrets everything!" Serena cried even harder.

"I'm so sorry Serena!" Raye told her and hugged her friend tightly. "Come on, you'll get through this, you have all of us-"

"No Raye. You can't tell anyone! You can't tell the rest of the girls or Darien! I don't want anyone to know anything until I find out what's going on personally for myself!" Serena wiped away more tears.

"Serena, I think it's better if you tell everyone, maybe they'll understand better and try to help you out." Raye explained.

"No. I don't want them to worry about this. It's not their parents, besides, I don't want to add more problems." Serena explained through her tears. "Just promise me you won't tell anyone! Promise me Raye!"

"Okay Serena…I promise." Raye told her. "But you have to stop crying, for me. Okay?"

"I can't!" Serena cried out. "It's so horrible. I can't go home, my father gives me these looks because he's mad at my mom and my mom gives him these looks and it's so cold in that house, you can feel the ice run up and down your blood."

"Serena, please stop crying! If I can get through what happened to me, you can get through this! You're a lot stronger than I am!" Raye told her.

"I'm trying Raye. I really am." Serena wiped away the last of her tears. She sniffed a bit and looked at her friend. "Thanks for being here for me. I know it's hard to listen to my family problems when you have your own."

"That's what I'm here for. That's what friends do." Raye told her.

"I know it's hard to hear about me complaining about my mom when you're having trouble remembering your own." Serena told her.

"It is, but since it's you, I know you understand, so I feel comfortable telling you." Raye told her. "Okay you relax, I'll get you some water, I'll take a shower and we'll watch a movie, okay?"

"Okay." Serena said. "Let me just splash some cold water on my face."

XxxEnd FlashbackxxX

Serena remembered how Raye helped her out. She also remembered how Raye's mother wasn't around for her anymore.

"That's what I'm here for. That's what friends do."

That's what friends do, sure, but do they also do your boyfriends? Serena angrily turned around and faced the TV. She saw a re-run of friends and Monica and Rachel hugging. Is this a sign from my mother? Serena angrily thought. She closed her eyes and went to sleep, she decided that whatever it is that she'll do, she'll do it in the morning.

XxxxxxxxxX

Serena walked into her house, Scott was there and of course so was Lita. They were in the TV room as Serena walked in.

"Hey, where have you been?" Scott asked her.

"Nowhere." she said tiredly. Scott had his guitar in his hands. "Anyone else around?"

"Raye's up in her room." Lita told her.

"Family wise?" Serena raised her eyebrow at them.

"Me only. Scott replied. Serena trudged up to her room, she closed the door and lay on her bed, staring at the ceiling. She knew Raye was in the next room, she knew Raye was probably having a nervous breakdown, so was Serena. Serena thought about cutting again, but she didn't, she was too tired and had been through too much already. Downstairs she could hear Scott's guitar, she could hear him singing a Bob Marley song. Redemption Song.

Old pirates, yes, they rob I;
Sold I to the merchant ships,
Minutes after they took I
From the bottomless pit.

Serena continued to stare at the ceiling, her hair sprawled around her, she just listened to the music, of course the fact that Scott was French-Italian killed the song, but it was still a great song.

But my hand was made strong
By the hand of the Almighty.
We forward in this generation
Triumphantly.

Raye sat on the floor of the bathroom, with another test in her hand, she was crying her eyes out again, she looked over at the shower where she saw the razor that she shaved her legs with. She looked at it, and then back at the test, she cried even harder knowing that she hated herself for thinking that idea. She didn't want to die, she didn't want any of this. Maybe I can just leave and have the baby alone.

Won't you help to sing
This songs of freedom
'Cause all I ever have:
Redemption songs;
Redemption songs

Lita was sitting on the sofa next to Scott, thinking of all the troubles they all had. What happened to them? What happened to Serena? How can this be happening to any of them? They were good people, they were the good guys in all the battles, the good guys never lose. She lay on the sofa with her head on Scott's leg as he continued to play.

Emancipate yourselves from mental slavery;
None but ourselves can free our minds.
Have no fear for atomic energy,
'Cause none of them can stop the time.
How long shall they kill our prophets,
While we stand aside and look? Ooh!
Some say it's just a part of it:
We've got to fulfill the book.

Serena listened to the music downstairs, she liked it better when Bob Marley sang, but the guitar that Scott was playing was pretty good. She was just glad Scott wasn't doing his Jamaican accent that he did sometimes when he got high. Serena debated her decision once more, she thought about it over and over again.

Won't you help to sing
This songs of freedom-
'Cause all I ever have:
Redemption songs;

Serena got up and walked to her door.

Redemption song

She walked down the hallway.

All I ever have, Redemption song

She stood at the doorway.

Redemption song

She took a deep breath and knocked on the door. No one answered.

All I ever have, Redemption song

Serena walked into the bedroom and looked around. No one was there, she heard something come from the bathroom. Serena walked over and saw Raye sitting on the floor sobbing her eyes out uncontrollably with another test in her hand that proved positive.

Redemption song

Serena leaned against the doorway. "Hi Raye…"

YES THE INCREDBILY SHORT AND HORRIBLE CHAPTER YOU'VE BEEN WAITING FOREVER FOR! God, I hope I don't get too many flames for this, YOU'LL SEE WHAT HAPPENS! I PROMISE! I know it took me forever but I was really busy…flying places…seeing certain reunion tours…dodges a tomato sorry if you kids didn't get to see, BUT I DID! HAHA! Although I do have to say…it was only worth it to see the concerts if you had UP CLOSE seats. Which I did! dodges a chair Yeah Live Earth was GREAT! dodges water bottle Hey! I hope you recycle that! Besides, the best part was, I got see many bands perform…dodges alarm clock okay! I get the picture, next chapter will be out soon considering I'm working on it right after I post this one up. Geeze, be nice! Or no new chapter! Well everyone's thinking "that's not new, we knew you'd flake out on us Everafter! You suck hard!" All I have to say is that I saw concerts and you didn't! And now I'm off to see The Dave Matthews Band! dodges lamp okay I'm off to see them AFTER I update another chapter. Geeze. OH I also saw Roger Waters live. BWAHAHAHA (For you tragically unhip folk he's the guy in Pink Floyd) Just remember I LOVE YOU ALL! And Reviews equal love and I love you too!

Ps. Don't take any offense to my concert ramblings, I'm just bragging, ask Moon, she'll tell you what a freak I am, she told me to shut the fuck up HAHA. Just remember I love you all!