He takes me into his arms again and we just hug while I bask in the security of his embrace. But then reality makes its unwelcome intrusion and I back away.

"Luke, this isn't right. We can't do this."

"We'll figure it out, Severine."

I stand up and face him, my arms akimbo. "No! We can't figure it out! You don't understand, Luke, I'm damaged goods. There are people who are made for normal loving relationships. I'm not one of them."

"What do you mean, damaged goods? There's nothing damaged about you. I know all about your lifestyle and it does nothing to diminish my feelings for you."

"You don't know about my past, Luke. There are horrible things there."

"I know enough, Severine, and it's nothing I can't live with." Wait, I have to work this out to get what it means. Okay, we're good. But wait again. I give him a quizzical look.

"Taylor and I review the dossiers of all Mr. Grey's submissives," he answers in response to my look.

"I have a dossier?" I'd never thought about it but it doesn't surprise me.

"Yes, we run full background checks on anyone connected with Mr. Grey, especially his subs. I know a lot about your past, Severine."

"Well, then, things are rather unbalanced here. I hardly know anything about you except that you have lousy taste in football teams."

"I'm an open book to you, Severine. Ask me anything you want and I'll answer it honestly."

I start pacing the floor, wondering where to start, when a scene from this evening flashes in my mind. I stop and turn towards him. "So who's blondie?" I ask accusingly.

He's caught off guard for just a moment and then he smirks. "Are you jealous?"

"No! Yes! I don't know! Just tell me who she is, you dork!"

"What's with all the name-calling tonight? First I'm a nitwit, now I'm a dork? I've never seen you this hostile before."

"Just answer the question. Who is she?"

He sighs. "All right, she's an ex-girlfriend." He seems reluctant to divulge this information.

"Ex? Are you sure about the ex part?"

"Severine, after what we just shared, after putting my job on the line, why are you doubting me?"

My shoulders slump; I guess he has a point. I'm confused about my feelings right now and it's making me rather testy.

I sit down again and take his hand. "Luke, this is new to me. I haven't had a vanilla relationship since I was 19 and I was a way different person then."

"What makes you think this'll be a vanilla relationship?" he interrupts.

Oh my, what don't I know about Mr. Sawyer?

"Seriously, Luke? What are you saying?"

"I'm saying that we have a lot to learn about each other. And much as I'd like to start tonight, it's really late and we both have lots of thinking to do. Why don't we have lunch tomorrow?"

"Okay. That sounds like a good idea."

We stand up and head to the door. Before opening it he bends down and softly kisses me on the forehead. "Sweet dreams, Severine. Sleep well and we'll talk more tomorrow."

"Good night, Luke." After closing the door behind him I stand there with my head pressed against it. What the fuck am I going to do now? I slide down to the floor and sit with my back to the door and my legs drawn up, forehead pressed to my knees.

So many questions unanswered. Do I go forward with this? I'm in love with him but can I really love him in a committed relationship? And did he really mean we wouldn't have a vanilla relationship? And I just signed the fucking contract renewal! And turned it over to Master! OMG, what am I going to do about that?

I reluctantly get up and head to the bedroom. Taking off my clothes, throwing them in the hamper, putting on my nightie, I go over the events of the evening. And then the past few weeks as well. Is this what love feels like? I'm wishing he was here with me and wrapping me in his arms again. I felt safe, protected, the way I feel when I'm in the playroom with Master.

Yes, but I'm also scared. Is this just my hormones talking? He's a good-looking, intelligent man with manners, a real gentleman. Who wouldn't find him attractive? Obviously blondie does, or at least did. I need to get the story about that relationship.

I crawl into bed and lie there under the sheet, my mind racing. Good thing I have nothing scheduled for the early morning because falling asleep right now is an impossibility. My brain plays through my past relationships – Carl and the boyfriend before him, Zach, plus all the Dominants I've had. I don't care what's in my dossier, there's no way it has all those men and I'm wondering if Luke can handle the fact that there have been so many.

And back to Master! How much of a betrayal is this? He's been so generous and such a good Dom. How will he react if I tell him I want out of the contract? From what I've seen, he's a pretty ruthless businessman. On the other hand, nothing about his personal life is available anywhere so I'm sure he'd like to keep it that way.

Back and forth, like a tennis game, my mind jumps from Luke to Master, Master to Luke. Finally, having exhausted itself, my brain lets me fall asleep.

The early sunlight awakens me. I've only had about four hours of sleep but it's enough for now. If I feel tired later in the day I'll take a nap. Or, more likely, I'll go to bed early tonight. For now I'm not sleepy at all, not even tired which is remarkable considering the kind of evening I had.

Checking my phone I see a text from Erika:

OMG TEXT ME TEXT ME TEXT ME TEXT ME!

And another from Luke:

good morning severine can we do dinner instead of lunch

Seeing Luke's message I get a severe case of the warm fuzzies. I reply to him first.

sure pick me up at 7

I figure that'll give us a nice evening together and maybe fireworks afterwards. Erika next.

what up gf

I get an immediate response from Luke.

k see you at 7

And my phone rings with a call from Erika. I answer and after several squeals from her we agree to meet at the Starbucks on University Way in about an hour, giving me time for some yoga and a quick shower.

It's way early for her but she's already sitting there with her drink when I walk inside. I put my bag on the empty chair at her table and go get my latte and a bagel. When I get back she's grinning like the Cheshire cat. I'm guessing it has to do with Idris Lookalike.

"Okay, chica, dish!"

"OMGOMGOMG, Reenie, it was fab . u . lous! After you guys left we sat and talked for an hour, then we danced some more. Then we went to Memo's and talked and talked!"

"You could eat after that big dinner we had?"

"Nah, I just ate chips and salsa while he had a taco plate. Geez, he can really put it away! Anyway, like I said, we talked and talked. I mean, not the usual guy stuff where he jaws on and on while you listen. He was actually interested in what I do! And you're not gonna believe this!"

"What?"

"He's from Chicago!"

"No way!"

"Way! Course he's a northsider and I'm south side but we can make it work."

I'm caught up in Erika's enthusiasm. I finally get his real name (Derek) and what he does (veterinary student at Udub). They've already made plans to go out for the holiday tomorrow. I'm really, really, really happy for her. Her last relationship was over a year ago and since then she's spent all her time on school. I hope this works out.

After spilling everything she can about him, she turns the tables on me. "So, what happened last night? Why did your bodyguard whisk you away?"

I've kept so much of my life under wraps for so long, and so much has happened in the last twenty-four hours, that I guess the dam was just waiting to burst. I find myself unloading things I've never talked about. I tell her about my lifestyle; I explain about my Dominant, carefully, so as not to reveal any identifying features. And then I tell her about last night. After about a half hour of talking, ending with my dilemmas, I sit back and wait for her reaction.

"Wow!" She leans back in her chair and stares at me. "Do you really love him?"

"Yes!" My answer is immediate and unequivocal, which kind of surprises me.

"Well, then, do whatcha gotta do. You're seeing him tonight?" I nod yes.

"Then come up with a game plan together. If I were you I wouldn't go back on the contract without finding out more about Luke. You don't know a lot about his past."

"That's true. I think I need to do that before making any firm decisions. For all I know, he may be okay with me finishing the current contract or even the renewal."

Much as I'd like to sit here all day and hash this out with her, there are things we both need to do. And Erika's exhausted – she didn't sleep at all, not that I blame her. We take our leave of each other and head home.

Back in my apartment, I'm full of nervous energy. I'll have my Sunday Skype with mama in a couple hours so I try to screw myself down to do some schoolwork. It's not easy. While doing research for my thesis I keep thinking about Luke and how little I know about him. It's tempting to google him but no, first I want to see what I learn by talking with him about himself this evening.

Eventually I get absorbed in my work and before I know it, there's the familiar boop coming from my laptop. I click the phone icon and after a few seconds I see my mom's face.

"Hi, baby girl, how's it going?"

"Fine, mama, how are you and daddy?"

"Oh, honey, your daddy had a little incident on the shuttle to the rig last week."

"What?! Why didn't you call me? What happened?"

"He's okay now. He got a little faint and nauseous. The medic checked him out when they landed and after a couple hours rest he went to work. I didn't find out myself until we skyped that evening. I'm surprised he told me but I think he was afraid I'd find out from one of the other wives."

"Oh, mama, are you sure he's all right?"

"Well, I won't know until I see him again but I'm pretty sure they wouldn't let him work if they thought anything serious was wrong with him."

"Well, next time something like this happens, please call me right away! I know I can't do anything but I still want to know!"

After that we talk about the usual family and neighborhood gossip (no mention of Carl, thank goodness), as well as the progress on my master's degree. I'm almost wishing I could tell her about Luke but I know it's way too premature for that conversation.

After we hang up my thoughts turn to my imminent date. I have no idea where we're going and consequently am at a loss as to what to wear. Just as I'm thinking of texting him to find out what the plans are, he texts me.

dress casual going to Bellevue for food & fireworks

My reply is quick

thx for headsup see u at 7

And immediately I get

xxx

How about that! A kissy text! Now to decide what to wear. I'm still under contract so it can't be anything too slutty but I don't want to be too demure either. I go through my wardrobe and decide on a long black flowy skirt with a white camisole top. I have a multicolored knit pashmina that I'll take in case it gets chilly in the evening, although I'm rather hoping he'll be wearing a jacket and will insist I wear it. I know it's silly but I think that's sexy.

Now that that's taken care of, all that's left is for me to clean up and get ready. A nice long bubble bath while drinking some hot herbal tea will fill up the time until he picks me up. I can't believe how much I'm looking forward to this.