Part Thirty-Six
After

After thoroughly enjoying some pizza slices and making their way through security, Olivia and Elliot joined the small crowd waiting at the gate. It was instinct, she knew, the way they chose the row of seats against two walls, allowing them to feel secure while they surreptitiously scanned the group around them. Mostly they looked to Olivia like typical San Diego-bound vacationers. Women in high-heeled sandals with fake orange tans, over-sized sunglasses pushed up on their heads, sitting with men in old tee-shirts and ill-fitting shorts who were threatening the kids to behave or else they'd all leave and go home. There was also group of older couples, along with some sort of clergyman, a church group of some kind, off to some meeting or whatever it was church groups did. Finally, there were a handful of annoyed business men in suits, tapping away at their laptops or fiddling with their iPhones when they weren't glaring at the shrieking children who hadn't fallen for their fathers' threats.

Olivia wondered which one of their fellow passengers was the agent, the one carrying her medicine, the one who would introduce herself when they landed. A quick glance at Elliot assured her that he was trying to figure out the same thing; the tense lines around his eyes revealed that he was as sure as she was that the woman wasn't there.

She swallowed hard, reaching out to touch Elliot's arm, disturbed by the fact that it was already so deeply ingrained in her to reach for him despite having resisted the urge for so many years. It was upsetting to realize how naturally acting like his wife had come to her.

He saw the shock pass over her face, his hand moving to her leg, squeezing her lightly just about the knee. "What? What's the matter?"

"Nothing," she lied, shrugging to convince him. "I just thought for a second what if she doesn't make the plane? What if her bag gets lost?"

"Damn it, I didn't think of that." He winced, trying to take the blame. "If I'd thought of it, maybe we could have hidden a couple days' worth of pills."

Refusing to let him shoulder the blame, she let her eyes wander over his revealing outfit. "And where, exactly, would you have hidden them?"

He shrugged and turned away, leaving his hand right where it was. "You've got enough room in those clothes."

She ignored him, both of them already knowing security would have found a handful of unlabeled pills on her during the pat-down. It wouldn't have been worth the trouble. "I'm sure if she doesn't make it, she'll catch the next one and arrange for someone to meet us."

He glanced back at her. "Just because that's what we would have done doesn't mean someone else will."

"Not everyone is a bumbling idiot." Deciding she liked the way the warmth from his palm was seeping through her jeans, she tried to encourage him to leave his hand there. She leaned over, dropping her head onto his shoulder in much the same way as she had the day before in the van.

He turned to respond, but as he opened his mouth, a man sitting across from them grabbed wildly for his phone as it started to fall from the armrest where he'd balanced it, sending his laptop crashing to the floor in his haste, and then cursed loudly as he kicked over his coffee cup while trying to rescue the laptop.

Elliot chuckled. "You were saying."

Happy that he hadn't moved his hand or tried to dissuade her from leaning on him, she didn't bother to argue. "Never mind."

"I thought so." And though his voice was snarky, his hand remained right where it was.

She awoke to a gentle shaking of her leg. Someone was calling for Kelly. Confusion drove her to open her eyes, the concern in Elliot's expression immediately bringing her back to the present. Olivia sat up, looking around to see what was going on.

It only took her a moment to remember where she was, which considering how very many places she'd been in twenty-four hours seemed like something she should be proud of. Rubbing her eyes, she looked at her partner. "What?"

His eyes were worried, scanning her face for a long time. "You ok?"

Irritated that he was making a big deal out of her nap, she rolled her eyes and leaned back away from him. "Yeah, geez, I fell asleep. It's been a long day, Bill." The emphasis on his new name, she hoped, would serve to remind him that most normal people would have required some sleep too.

"We're boarding." He stood up, grabbing both their bags in one hand and offering the free hand to her.

She took it until she got to her feet, simply out of the fear someone watching might notice something weird if she didn't. "Sorry for falling asleep on you again."

He kept looking back at her, glancing over at her as they approached the gate. "You sure you're ok?"

She glared at him, wondering when her partner had turned into such an overbearing mother hen.

And then she remembered the rest of the story, the part that had been going on for much longer than a day. Her little nap, which she knew was entirely voluntary, had worried him. Olivia tried to take his hand before she gave her boarding pass and ID to the flight attendant, but he stayed just out of her reach.

As soon as they were checked and ushered onto the plane, she smiled. "Yeah, El, I'm fine."

The panicked look on his face struck her a second before the fact that he'd stopped dead did. His eyes darted around, fear obvious as he looked over his shoulders and then over hers.

"What?" She'd never seen him acting so weird.

He grabbed her arm harshly, suddenly hurrying her toward their seats, leaning over to whisper in her ear. "I'm not El, remember."

She felt like an ass when she sat down, even more as she watched Elliot struggling to stash both of their bags in the already full overhead compartments. She was just fucking useless now. Elliot finally succeeded in jamming the bags in the compartment, using enough force that Olivia wasn't sure the bags would ever come back out. It didn't really matter though, since they had their IDs and cash in their pockets. Except for the sweatshirt, nothing in her bag belonged to her. Thinking of her own unexpected fit of sentimentality in keeping the sweatshirt, she wondered if Elliot had held onto anything of his.

When Elliot joined her, he was holding a Time Magazine in his hands, which she'd watched him buy at the stand located next to the pizza place. It hadn't occurred to her why he wanted a magazine. It hadn't occurred to her that she ought to pick one up too. It hadn't occurred to her that she was looking at just under three hours with nothing to do but stare at the back of the seat in front of her.

Conveniently, he fell asleep before the flight attendant even came by with drinks. Olivia snagged the magazine from his lax fingers and read it while he snoozed on her shoulder for a change.

Surprisingly, the time passed quickly. She'd only just started the first of the articles she'd initially skipped over when she paged through the magazine looking for interesting ones when she realized the flight was nearly over. Nudging Elliot awake as soon as the captain announced their descent into San Diego, Olivia looked out the window at their new city. It was nothing like New York, but she supposed that was for the best. If she was somewhere completely alien, then she would be much more likely to remember that she wasn't herself anymore. It had helped in Oregon. Olivia Benson was far from her comfort zone marching in hiking boots, arms locked with men who hadn't shaved in at least ten years. Though in her dreams she had been back in her hometown with her partner, every waking moment she'd been reminded of and consumed with Persephone James. She knew all too well what it was like to become someone else and stay that person for more than a few days.

As she glanced at Elliot, who was blushing over having snuggled up to her in his sleep, she wondered how he would do in their new lives. He'd agreed to go into witness protection. Hell, he'd demanded he go in with her. But the way he'd stared at the picture of his kids, the way worry and disappointment had already settled onto his features – they made her question his decision. She wasn't sure he'd actually thought about what he was doing.

Damn it. She wanted to kick herself. She'd thought about it, about his decision to give up his kids, decided it was due to his sense of responsibility, figured he was just trying to take care of her like he thought he was supposed to, but it wasn't just that. It wasn't just that he had a thing about protecting his partner.

Elliot was a hothead. He always had been. He'd spent years flying off the handle and making judgment calls with no judgment whatsoever. She'd always been his voice of reason, his sounding board, his obstacle to losing control at any given moment for years. He counted on her to make sound decisions when he couldn't. Unfortunately, he hadn't been thinking and she'd been too excited by the prospect of playing his wife when they'd been faced with a huge, life-altering decision. She never should have let him give up his life, his family, his job, his everything, just to make sure she took her medicine on time. She should have been an adult and accepted the responsibility of her own decisions – she was the one who'd agreed to testify, she was the one who'd be on the chopping block, she was the one whose moronic half-brother had spilled all her personal information to her even more moronic ex-boyfriend.

She should have gone in alone.

She'd ruined her partner's life with her neediness. God help her, if he ever realized what she'd done, he'd never forgive her.