Thirty-Five

I had absolutely no idea how to explain my utter inability to judge Chaf'ena'lemrok's play to Threll. It had possibly been brilliant, I would never know. All I could do was separate entertaining plays form those that bored me. A cunning production might just bore me to tears whereas a flashy piece of loud trash could hold me in thrall. Fenal's play had been neither.

Everybody had been running around in black-and-white striped prison jumpsuits with one stripe coloured to represent a thing. They were all colours of the rainbow and then some, so I could not make much sense of it. Their dialogue was surely connected though on a level I could not find. I was not sure if the play was about the forming of the first houses or the hypothetical thawing of the planet.

Since you did not applaud to show your appreciation but talked directly to the involved, I had nothing to gauge the reception by. And since I had never been at a play before, I could not compare the aftermath of this with that of anything else. I was just happy that everybody wanted to talk to the actors and I could stand at the side and watch. I didn't even know if was impolite to just leave. The last was a question I would certainly ask Threll.

The comm pinged softly and his young, blue face appeared on my screen. "Let me just tell you, before-"

And he was gone in a storm of statics. I stared for a long minute, not sure if it was actually a malfunction. With a sudden, the image was back, showing me a woman in blinding white. "Good evening, Lanna." her hands were slightly outstretched. A gesture that implied a formal greeting, even if the comm wouldn't allow for that.

I mirrored her gesture. She was amazingly beautiful, the white setting of the blue hue of her skin and emphasising her jet black hair. The effect was one I knew, one I liked and certainly one that I fell prey to easily.

"Good evening to you too, Ar'anasi." I stumbled over the sudden name change.

"And here I have heard you are slow in your head." I was not sure she was using sarcasm or not. "But to each their own. We need to talk."

There was no room for argument in her lor'kina so I just accepted. This straightforwardness was surprising and rather refreshing. Suddenly I missed Dave. "I am wholly at your disposal, Ar'anasi."

"Good, we need to discuss the direction of your socialising. The choice of friends you chose to start from is fine if a tad predictable. Still, you have made yourself agreeable to anybody who approached you; there is nothing contrary to hear about you apart from the generic anti-alien slant." She considered the tally for a moment.

"There is talk about you attending the reception on Unity Day. I would not have expected this, but since you are everywhere at the moment, people actually expect it. Quite a feat, Lanna, well done. We need to build on that and make sure it happens."

I was trying to follow her, but completely lost it at 'well done'. To the best of my knowledge I had done nothing yet. I had just reacted kindly to everybody and accepted every invitation because I had had a six month draught in that respect. Plus, I still hoped to meet people that would actually be of use for my quest.

"I agree," I said just to say something. I wasn't even sure what I agreed with.

"Do you indeed get along well with Kres'tor'manad?"

"I do, Ar'anasi."

"Good. He will open many doors for you. Threll will pique curiosity in the fleet. I will do nothing of that kind." She paused. "Are Thorra and Thkela informed?"

Informed of what? My secret mission that everybody seemed to know about? "They have heads of their own to think with," I tried to get out of the affair.

"It is too soon to be offensive about anything," she went on as if she hadn't heard. "I hope you have no plans to make a move any time soon?"

"Ar'anasi," I almost sighed, "I have not planned to make any move at all, not now, not later, not ever. It is not up to me to move anything."

Her eyes narrowed for a split second. "Is that so?"

I held my own. "That is how it is."

"An unexpected strategy. It needs consideration. But you are sure about this?"

"I am, Ar'anasi." I put all the honesty I could find on my lor'kina. "This is why I am here. I will not make a move."

"It will take longer." It was not even an objection.

"If it has not been me, it cannot be put down as an alien's whim. I will not make a move." I turned my palms to my body.

"You are not what I expected," she finally said. "I might like that."

"You are even more than I expected," a smile flitted over my face, "and I like that very much.

"We will see. You know you next steps?"

"I do." I hoped I looked and sounded confident, because I was still half confused by the conversation.

"Good. I will talk to you on Unity Day." She gave me a moment to ask any last questions.

"I am looking forward to it," I just replied. The questions I had were too many or none at all. Considering her businesslike attitude, I opted for none. It would hopefully let her think of me as capable for a few more weeks, too. Unity Day was only a week away. I had absolutely no idea why anybody would think I'd show up at all. It was the reception of the high and mighty, the influential and aspiring.

Of course it was fun to think of in a Cinderella kind of way. Me, the poor girl in blue among the princes of the Ascendancy, lost and lonely, but about to find the prince. Too bad I had already done that and people would certainly not look benevolently at me grabbing another guy a few months after arriving. So, no fairy tale for me.

I waited for a while in front of the black screen, but Threll did not come back. So I would have to wait a proper amount of time before calling him again. By that time, I had likely forgotten everything about that play he had asked about. I scanned my schedule. A chamber music evening tomorrow, recital the day after, then I had promised Storm to visit Kres Museum with him. The evenings of the coming weeks were actually pleasantly full.

On the down side that meant that I had to spend most of my mornings and early afternoons comming people, visiting people and talking to people. I hated people. I didn't want to take the time and find out if we had anything in common. Unfortunately, the Chiss society was set up in such a way that, no matter who you met, you did have something in common and thus something to talk about. It was absolutely disgusting.

It helped that I could think of it as my job. I had to network, meet a lot of people, create a buttload of connections on which I could later fall back on. I was not quite sure for what, as I had not been lying about not wanting to make any moves myself. The plan – hey, I actually had a plan – was to have other people make moves for me.

A plans go it was horribly vague on all details, but I had always been better at reacting than acting. How should I know what I would do before somebody gave me the chance to react? I almost heard Thrawn frown disapprovingly at that attitude. He was a man of action, one of the things I liked so much about him.

If only he was here. I sighed and stared at the screen which had turned itself off. If only. Things would be so much easier. I pulled open the drawer and stared at the sealed letter still lying in there for a change. I'm just a girl with skin-coloured eyes, how can you expect me to last? Among those blue-skinned, cold-blooded- I was about to gear up for a nice rant to keep my sadness at bay, when the comm pinged softly and turned itself on again.

Taking a deep breath I hoped it would be short and I'd hold up. And anyway, how could the comm even do that? It only did this if a call had been-

"Now that was quite a bug in the connection, wasn't it?" Threll greeted me cheerily. "I see it affected you more than me." He toned down immediately. "You want me to call later?"

"I want so many things. Mitth'rel'lapis. Can you give them to me?" I tried to blink away my mood. "I think not. So what does one more matter? And by the time you call again, knowing your horrible habits, I will have forgotten everything about Cahf'ena'lemrok's play."

"You actually went?" He sounded surprised.

"You asked me to and I saw no reason to refuse," I replied. "And it was a public performance."

"Lanna," his lor'kina rippled a little apologetically, "Chaf'ena'lemrok is a blockheaded traditionalist of the most sturdy kind. He'd support a bill forcing House Inrokini to change its colour because it reminds too much of barbarous outsiders. And you really went."

"I did." Suddenly I didn't feel so good about it any more. On the other hand, I really regretted not talking to any of the actors now. That would have been a nice little éclat. The image had me suppress giggles. "I can't say I understood much of it, though. I really should have talked to the actors and have them explain it to me."

Apart from his eyes Threll remained completely calm. "It is better you didn't. I would have killed you personally, because I had no chance to be there and see that."

"I could go again," I offered. "I think they have a few more performances scheduled. I could brink Rukh to record the footage for you."

"No." He let no space for argument. "We need you alive. There are less dangerous ways for you to amuse yourself. Go, find them."

"Alright." I lowered my head into submission. "Alright, I will. But first, you will have to answer some questions to make sure I don't make a bigger fool out of myself than necessary."

"I guess, every little bit helps," he said in a most condescending tone. I launched a barrage of questions, well aware that conversations like this kept the sorrow at bay, even if only temporarily. I was not all alone, no matter what my grief-stricken mind liked to tell me. I just needed more reason to drown it out with.

And this is the reason I didn't update here.

Author's Note: The whole Chiss naming system might be confusing. I uploaded an explnanatory (or so I hope) essay over at livejournal. Name of the journal: tridu