Disclaimer:
I do not own anyone or anything associated with the Haruhi Suzumiya Series and whatever else I'm going to include here in this fanfic; they all belong to their respective creators - so no surprise there.
I'm just writing this down for my personal entertainment as well as for others.
Adjusting his shades, Kyon, as a RED Sniper, sighed as he looked through his Awper Hand's scope for a target.
"INCOMING!" Yelled a distant, feminine voice.
Alone in his nest in the map of 2fort, the pseudo-Australian grimaced as he caught sight of Haruhi, as a BLU Heavy, being accompanied by a scared - you guessed who - Mikuru, a BLU Medic. Judging by the number of small blue crosses floating away on the eccentric girl, she was Overhealed, and the teenager scowled as he began to aim at Mikuru's forehead. As they moved, so did his red dot; and eventually, his shot had reached full charge.
Kyon slowly steadied himself for his headshot kill. "Steady, steady..."
But the BLU Spy had other ideas.
Koizumi, absolutely out of the blue (no pun intended, if there was any), uncloaked and raised his butterfly knife...
Only to feel glass cracking against his head and feel a foul-smelling liquid cover him completely.
"JARATE?! NOOOOOOO!" He screamed reflexively right before Kyon's Bushwacka offed him. "AHHHHHH!"
The Esper's unmasked suited corpse flew to the wall, hit it hard, and then landed in a uncomfortable heap.
"You got blood on my knife, mate." Taunted Kyon solemnly as he doffed his hat before he refocused his attention.
Then an arrow impaled his head as he automatically screamed whilst falling to the ground.
DUN-DUN-DUN-DUNNNN
"One Sniper to another, mate: GIVE! UP!" Yelled Kyon's BLU counterpart at the other side of the map.
The RED Sniper swore profanities as soon as he respawned, grabbing his Huntsman from his locker...
"Spy sapping my Sen-"
Koizumi immediately backstabbed the unfortunate BLU Engineer, Nagato, with his Your Eternal Reward.
"Yippee-keyay, pardner!" The RED Spy laughed. But when he turned around to run away quickly...
"Oh... merde."
His face was then immediately cleaved into two by Tsuyura's fire axe. "AHHH, YYYYEEEEOOOOWWWWWW."
Then the BLU Pyro promptly air-guitared gleefully. "Mmmph Mmph Mmph Mmmph Mmmmph!"
Taniguchi, a RED Soldier, pulled out his Equalizer out of Kunikida's skull, a BLU Demoman.
As the fanfare for his domination over him ended, he said: "You were good son, real good. Maybe even the best."
His awesome post-mortem one-liner, however, was ended when Fujiwara, a BLU Scout, batted him to death.
"Ahaha! Ahaha! Ahahaha! Yeah, yeah..." He laughed evilly between tears, enjoying his latest kill far too much.
"Get behind me, doctor!" Yelled Haruhi as she fired her minigun, while Mikuru continued healing her. "Cry, babies!"
Kunikida popped out of cover and thrusted to them, showing the paper with the smiley face taped on his crotch.
"KA-BOOM!" He yelled to them enthusiastically. His teammates looked at him in disbelief; Taniguchi was amused.
While Mikuru was close to fainting, Haruhi realized what his action meant. "OH, NO!"
Then the two BLU girls were blasted into bloody, chunky pieces by the RED Demoman's hidden sticky bombs.
"Didn't you see the bloody bombs?!" Taunted the eye-patch wearing teenager as he set up more sticky bombs.
"ALERT! THE BOMB CARRIER IS CLOSE TO THE HATCH!" Screamed Kyon's little sister on the speakers fearfully.
Kyon, Koizumi, Haruhi, Mikuru, Nagato, and Tsuyura all rushed back to defend the hatch in Decoy.
"Oh, you know what'd hit the spot? Brains! They're delicious!" A zombified Fujiwara said to an uncaring Tsuyura.
"Uh-huh." The RED Pyro nodded annoyedly. "Mmph Mmph Mmmph!"
"Sweet." He chuckled, before an arrow impaled his head. "AAHHHHHH!"
Kyon doffed his hat while Tsuyura taunted a 'thank you' to the BLU Sniper.
"Need a Dispenser here! Need a Dispenser here! Need a Dispenser here! Need a Dispenser here!"
Nagato ignored the approaching, burning BLU Scout and decided to destroy her level 3 Dispenser.
"You have got to be kidding!" Fujiwara said in disbelief before he crumpled to the ground and died from his burns.
"Put Teleporter here!" Commanded Haruhi.
Nagato ignored her.
"Need a Teleporter here!" Yelled Kyon.
Nagato put the Teleporter right next to Kyon.
"Yeah!" Kyon cheered while Haruhi revved her minigun and aimed at him...
The fighting in 2fort stopped when everyone saw the BLU Spy Crab cross the bridge.
Koizumi was bored as heck so nobody could blame him. On his face was a derpy expression, and Taniguchi laughed.
However, an evilly giggling Tsuyura was approaching.
Everyone else then began laughing at what they were going to see soon enough.