A/N: So I'm BAAAACCCCKKKK! Thanks for toughing out my finals, I survived and I'm more excited than ever to get back to this story, Enjoy!
Cassidy's POV
Melanie and I walked into the bar and immediately went to the counter to order some drinks.
"Ah, Cassidy, what can I get ya?" Doc asked as we sat down on the bar stools.
"Water for me" I said and looked to Melanie waiting for her to order.
"Water, ya feelin' okay?" Doc asked as he grabbed a glass and the nozzle from below the counter.
"Well, I got a shiny new bandage, probably shouldn't be drinking" I lifted my shirt to show him that bandage covering my gunshot.
"Oh, no, Connor dint do dat did 'e?" Doc frowned and I couldn't help but laugh to myself.
"Connor wishes he could have done that" I smiled as I took the glass from Doc and he moved on to take Melanie's order.
"What do I wish I could 'ave done?" I heard a familiar voice coming from behind me and two arms wrapped around my waist as Connor leaned forward bringing his face into view.
"Oh, nothing" I smirked and he was clearly not amused. Connor took his seat next to me and ordered a beer.
"I'm so glad you are ok, I was so worried you would get caught" I over heard Melanie talking to Murphy and when I glanced in their direction they were in a very elaborate make-out session fueled by Melanie's anxiety. When I glanced back at Connor he had a very strange expression on his face and I couldn't help but laugh at the awkward moment.
"What 're ya laughin' bout?" Connor side glanced at me as he took a drink of his beer. I immediately lost my smile as everything hit me, my crew was getting closer to the Saints and it would be bad for me to be seen with them, I was suddenly very aware of my surroundings and everyone looked suspicious.
"Sadie?" Connor broke my paranoid concentration and I finally looked at him and relaxed a little bit.
"How did you get out without Bruce seeing you?" I asked curious as to how they had managed to get out and down to the bar.
"Race up da stairs and down da fire escape" Connor shrugged and smirked at his genius plan.
"I'm just glad you got my message when I looked at you" I took a sip of my water and wrinkled up my nose, this was not really what I wanted to drink, "Hey Doc, I'll take a beer instead" I smirked and he immediately brought me one.
"'re ya sure dats a good idea?" Connor asked and I glared at him before taking a drink.
"Don't go too soft on me MacManus" I laughed lightly, it was becoming easier to manage the pain so I could actually laugh and live instead of wincing every time I spoke. Connor turned back to his beer and got a very serious look on his face, I could tell everything was really difficult for Connor, but he tried his best to not let it show. He allowed me tiny glimpses of the inner Connor, the normal human being Connor, and as much as I liked that Connor, that wasn't the Connor I fell in love with. I halted my thoughts at that moment as I retraced what I had just said, it wasn't true, I didn't love Connor, sure I liked him and he was great in bed, but it wasn't love. I turned to face Melanie to try and get my mind off of things, but the sight of her and Murphy was not helping my confused thoughts.
"I'll be right back, bathroom" I smiled and excused myself from the counter and headed towards the bathroom. As soon as I knew I was out of sight I made a left turn and headed for the door to the back alley, I needed some fresh air and an environment that didn't involve Connor. I paced back and forth trying to clear my head, it had to be the painkillers, or the left over hormones, or something, this wasn't love it couldn't be, I wouldn't allow it. I had better things to focus on besides my personal life, I had a Russian mob that was leaderless and they were very pissed at me, plus I had my own mob to run and the Saints to hunt down, even though I had already found them. I laughed to myself at that thought, the Saints had technically found me and ever since that night my life had been a grand adventure that I wanted to take a vacation from. I heaved an audible sigh and knew that there was only one way to stop the horror movie I had found myself in, I would have to yell fire in a crowded theatre.
Connor's POV
I watched Cassidy walk back to the bathroom and immediately focused my attention on Melanie and Murphy, they were so close to each other and they seemed so comfortable with it. I inwardly wished that things could be like that with Cassidy, but I knew I not she was that type of person, we liked our private lives to be private.
"Would ya two give it up already" I groaned and Murphy looked up at me and his cheeks immediately turned a shade of pink.
"Sorry" Melanie blushed as well and turned her attention back to the counter.
"So Cassidy tells me you took the news pretty well today, thanks for being such a good sport" Melanie stated and finally made eye contact with me and I was slightly shocked by her forwardness.
"I don' know why everyone tinks I woulda 'andled it differently" I shrugged not really getting the fact that everyone was shocked I was accepting of the news.
"Well Connor, you are a pretty unreadable man, hard to see just how you would react" This time it was Melanie's turn to shrug. I turned my attention back to my beer not really comfortable with the direction the conversation was going, to tell the truth I was more comfortable with them being all into each other. I glanced up towards the bathroom and didn't see Cassidy coming back and I was afraid something had happened.
"Hey Mel, can ya go check on Cassidy?" I asked and Melanie nodded before she got up and walked back to the bathrooms.
"Seem like ya 'nd Mel 'ave gotten awful close" I side glanced at my brother and he answered with a slight nod, "I'm 'appy for ya Murph'" I smiled and my brother looked at me like I was a complete stranger.
"Thanks Conn, dat means a lot" He smirked slightly and our brotherly moment was interrupted by Melanie returning to the counter.
"Cassidy isn't in the bathroom, are you sure that's where she said she was going?" Melanie asked and I looked at her puzzled, there wasn't really anywhere else for her to go, and then it dawned on me and I excused myself from the bar and headed for the alleyway.
Melanie's POV
I was so glad that Murphy had gotten out of the apartment complex ok, I was so worried about Bruce catching the boys and blowing everything we had worked so hard to get. I couldn't help but smile as I watched Murphy relax as he took a drink of his beer, never in my life did I ever think that I would find someone to be with, let alone someone like Murphy. We were two very different people, but we seemed to compliment each other perfectly.
"I am glad you are ok" I looked to Murphy and he nodded his head.
"Me too" He smirked and I leaned over and planted a soft kiss on his lips. It seemed like it had been months since we had actually been alone with each other, but in actuality it had only been a few days, but every second away from Murphy felt like days.
"Sorry I wasn't able to be around the past week" I dropped my head and Murphy immediately grabbed my chin and made me look at him.
"Don' apologize, I woulda done da same ting for my brudder, Cassidy is lucky to 'ave someone like ya watchin' over 'er" Murphy complimented, but I still felt bad for not being there for him when he was injured as well. I was also not very thrilled at the fact that he hadn't gone to a hospital because Connor's surgical job was going to leave a nasty scar on Murphy's leg, not to mention the pain he must have been in when he could have easily gotten painkillers.
"Yea" I smiled slightly, everything was so perfect and I wanted it to continue this way forever, but I knew that all good things had to come to an end and with Cassidy's people getting closer and closer to catching the Saints, we were treading into dangerous waters.
Cassidy's POV
I leaned up against the brick wall and closed my eyes trying to take deep breaths and get a hold of myself.
"Nice out 'ere" Connor's voice broke my concentration and all I wanted was to crawl into a hole and never emerge, I was so conflicted, but I knew what I needed to do in order to protect everyone before we got in too deep.
"Yea, stars are out" I looked up at the sky trying not to break down, I needed to be strong in order to move on with everything, I needed to shut down whatever force in my mind that thought I loved Connor and push on with business as usual. When I finally looked down Connor was staring at me concerned.
"What?" I asked trying my best to sound like my normal self, but even I could tell there was something wrong by the tone of my voice.
"Sadie, what's goin' on, why ya out 'ere in da first place?" Connor finally asked and I sighed to myself, he was making this so much harder than it needed to be. I was kicking myself for going to see him today, I should have listened to the doctor and stayed in the hospital, I should have never gone to him all those time I was drawn to him, I should have never slept with him out of rage, and I should have never begged for my life that night he put a gun to my head, things could be so different now, and I wished they were.
"Connor, what is this?" I asked gesturing between him and I. Connor looked at me and tilted his head not really getting my question, "What are we, what are we doing, what is this?" I asked trying to make my question better understood while not making eye contact with him.
"Dis is two people who 'ave feelin's for each udder" Connor took a step towards me and this made me meet his gaze. I could see the confusion in his eyes and I was at a loss for words.
"We aren't like Mel and Murph, we don't know how to do this, we can't do this, we aren't going to do this" I was thinking out loud and as I spoke I realized that everything was true, but I so badly wanted it not to be true, but my mind was overriding my heart.
"What 'appened to da girl dat was in my apartment dis mornin', because dis isn't 'er" Connor spoke and his voice and words were breaking my heart, I knew this was the right thing to do at the moment, but it didn't mean it was easy to do.
"She woke up from whatever dream she was living in where you and I are actually together, the scare I faced this morning when I read my chart was a wake up call Connor, we could have been in big trouble, we dodged a bullet there" I nodded to myself trying to make everything make sense in my head.
"Ya might 'ave dodged a bullet, but ya dint warn me bout da aftershock" Connor growled and I saw his jaw clench, he was beginning to get frustrated and I was slightly shocked that this was the way he was reacting.
"Connor listen" I started and Connor just shook his head.
"Ta tink I had forgiven ya for what ya did before, ya can bet on me not bein' so nice next time" Connor ended our conversation and headed for the door, before he opened the door he glanced back at me and I saw the pain behind the fire in his eyes and I immediately regretted everything, I did love Connor and now he was out of my grasp once again. A tear fell from my eye before he turned back around and walked back into the bar, I had a sick feeling that I wasn't going to be able to bring him back from whatever dark place he was going to this time, I had lost him forever.
A/N: So here it is, Chapter 37, took me long enough. Finals are all done and I am back to writing, granted I was a little lost when I started this chapter, but I think I have it figured out now. Hope you enjoy! Song for this chapter is Baggage Claim by Miranda Lambert. Thanks McBrideReedusLover and Sissymac for the reviews, thanks for not giving up on the story! Wanna be mentioned R&R Please!