A/N: Sorry this chapter is 2 weeks late, but I've been a little sad lately and my muse went away. This chapter is dedicated to my silver Persian kitty, Nymph, who died in the early hours of Sept. 23rd at the age of 18. At one point as she lay dying in my arms despite her weakened state she lifted her head to look into my eyes one more time-it was a look of love and I knew she didn't want to go anymore than I wanted her to, she inspired a part of this chapter. Saying goodbye to pets is never easy. She was a beautiful, sweet girl, both inside and out, and I will miss her. A special thanks to melindaleo and rosiegirl for their concern.

I'm a bit self indulgent as you will see when you read this chapter but I find that when you are a writer life's woes can be made more bearable when one works them out through one's muse. Because of this the chapter had to be divided into two parts.

Thank you all – and welcome to new reader, injuredworm, who has conquered Solstice as well as the sequel…

Thanks all…ER Burner Of Cookies, DarthRoden, Danaan, theLastBLACK17, Melindaleo, starangel2106, rosiegirl, Catmint, SBR, Cheelalaucha, Daniel Radcliffe's Angel 10689, Rosaleen, padfoot, inu-youkai 911, Leanne, Blonde Dragon, nicole, Serenity Melody, supernova8610, excessively perky, Melissa, DNA strand, Pasht, Rotem, Nikelodean, Linker27, Shadow DarknessDragon (giggles –loved that review), Delaine, angel74, baby sweet, midnightwanderer01, Aduro, Chance, Modanubikum, LilyMalfoy, injuredworm, starlightsuprise, Droxy, lucidity, Lavena, Icy Panther, Sever13

This chapter is named after a lyric from Evanescence's song "My Immortal."

Big thanks to my beta Staporize…

Disclaimer: None of it is mine; it all belongs to the extremely talented JKR

Chapter 37: I'll wipe away all of your tears (part one)

Shortly after Draco had fallen asleep, the knock that Minerva had been expecting came at the door.

Snape stood there, his dark eyes looking frantic. "I need to talk to him."

"Calm down, Severus, the boy is sleeping. I gave him a calming draught; he was hysterical when he came here. What happened?"

The agony on the usually stern, controlled face of the Potions Master tore through Minerva. She reached out and patted his arm. "Come, sit by the fire."

"Can I see him?"

Minerva hesitated. "No, I'm sorry Severus, if he woke up and saw you … he needs to rest."

Snape looked at her pleadingly. "Please, Minerva," he said hoarsely.

She sighed then nodded. "Just for a moment."

Snape softly opened the door and help his wand up. "Lumos".

Draco lay curled on his side, his blond hair shining in the light of the wand. He seemed to be sleeping peacefully.

Snape softly closed the door again and, as if in trance, sat down by the fire. He related to Minerva everything that had happened. By the time he had finished, Minerva's hand had come over her mouth. Once she calmed a bit she attempted to reassure him.

"He's going to be okay."

Snape shook his head morosely.

"Everyone makes mistakes. You meant well. Draco is too traumatized to think clearly right now to see that. You have to give him time."

"I'm not fit to be his guardian."

"Nonsense! Get a hold of yourself Severus! He's a sixteen-year-old boy who has been through a terrible experience. You have to be strong for him; you have to let him know that he can lean on you when he needs to. You have to be the adult."

He pulled himself together and got up, his face composed, his eyes black and bleak.

He looked at her coldly. "Take care of him."

She shook her head at him. "Severus!"

But he didn't respond, he strode out the door instead.

Ron, with his throat feeling tight, entered the hospital ward. He had some very bad news to tell Harry and wasn't sure how to do so. He had desperately tried to find Hermione to help him deliver this news, but he didn't know where she was.

Harry was walking around the room slowly and his head snapped up when he heard footsteps.

"Ron?" he asked, staring almost right at him.

"Yeah, it's me," he replied, trying to keep his voice light.

Harry smiled. "I'm starting to get quite good at this."

Ron nodded and then, remembering that Harry couldn't see, responded, "Yeah, you are."

"Is something wrong? Your voice sounds strange."

"Err, Harry could you come sit on the bed? I've, err, I've got something to tell you."

Harry froze. "Has Voldemort sprung another attack?"

"No, just come and sit," Ron said quietly.

Harry did as Ron asked, but his heart was racing and a sick feeling entered his stomach.

"Well, what is it, Ron?" Harry asked softly.

"I don't know how to tell you. Err, Harry I went to the Owlery to get Pigwidgeon to send a message to Fred and George – I wanted to get them to send me some stuff and..." He stopped to take a deep breath.

"What Ron, come on spit it out," Harry prompted anxiously.

"Well, Hedwig didn't seem well, she kept falling off her perch, so I went and got Hagrid. He's trying to make her better but, well Harry, it doesn't look good."

Harry had grown pale. "I want to go to see her."

"I don't think that's a good idea. Hagrid promised to let us know what is wrong with her."

"I have to go." He got up.

"Mr. Weasley, what are doing out of your dorm?" came Snape's sneering voice.

"I had to see Harry."

Snape raised an eyebrow.

"Hedwig is sick," Harry explained. "She's with Hagrid and I want to go to her."

"You are not going anywhere. I will check, and if she needs potions, I will help Hagrid. Mr. Weasley, back to your room now," Snape ordered as he turned and briskly left the hospital wing.

"Sorry, Harry."

"She's just not feeling well, she's not dead or anything?"

"No, no of course not." Ron didn't elaborate on how worried Hagrid seemed to be. "I better go. I don't fancy a detention with Snape."

He reached out and put his hand on Harry's shoulder. "Er, she'll be okay."

Harry nodded.

A little while later he heard Snape's footsteps and Hagrid's lumbering steps.

"Is she okay?"

In response he heard a sniff from Hagrid. His heart clenched.

"She's right here, Harry. She's still alive, but I'm afraid there is nothing more we can do for her," Snape said gently.

"What happened to her?" Harry asked in a faint voice.

A gulping sob from Hagrid. "'Arry, I'm so sorry. She wos older than I thought when I bought her for yeh."

"Snowy owls have a lifespan of about 25 years when in a wizard's care. I estimate she was around 19 when she was given to you. She's old and just hasn't shown it since she's been in remarkably good health."

"So she's dying?" Harry asked, his voice barely audible.

Hagrid gulped loudly.

"I'm afraid so. We've brought her to you so you can say goodbye. She's quite weak." Snape put the blanket with the owl wrapped in it on Harry's lap.

His throat closed as his mind reeled. No, this couldn't be happening on top of everything that had happened this year. His hand came down softly on the downy feathers. She weakly nipped his finger. He leaned down and dropped a kiss on the soft, feathery head. "I love you, Hedwig," he whispered.

Snape stood frozen watching the blind boy with his dying pet. Beside him, Hagrid sobbed noisily into a large handkerchief.

"I want to be alone with her," Harry requested his voice sounding choked.

They reluctantly left the room.

Harry sat with her for over an hour reliving the moment when he first laid eyes on her and was awestruck by her silvery snowy beauty. It had been hard to believe this gorgeous creature belonged to him. He told her how grateful he was to have had her for company during those horrible summers with the Dursleys. Hedwig gave a soft hoot in acknowledgement and a slight flutter of her wings. Harry softly petted her, whispering to her, "I don't want to lose you." He buried his face in her soft feathers. "Thank you for being my loyalpet all those years, delivering all those messages to Sirius. He'll take care of you when…" His voice choked with tears as he took a shaky breath.

While he struggled to gain control, Hedwig sighed and went limp in his arms. Tears welled in his eyes. "No…please, no."

When Snape and Hagrid returned they found him hunched over her protectively.

"'Arry," Hagrid said as he patted him on the back, "let me take 'er."

Harry clenched the limp body tightly. Snape stepped closer and quietly said to Hagrid, "Give him a little while. I'll take care of her later."

"If yeh think that's for the best." Hagrid sniffed.

Snape nodded. After Hagrid left, Snape sat down on the edge of the bed.

He sighed deeply. He had never lost a pet, but he tried to imagine how he would feel if something happened to Loki. The thought made his heart clench. He said quietly, "I know it's hard Harry, and I'm sorry you have to deal with another loss."

The boy didn't respond. He sat bent over his dead pet, taking a raspy breath every so often.

Very gently Snape took Hedwig out of his arms.

Harry took another shaky breath. He didn't want to cry in front of Snape. He squeezed his eyes shut, wiping at his eyes. He wished he could have seen her one last time, he wished he could have looked into her eyes to let her know he loved her.

"She knew how much you loved her," Snape said suddenly.

Harry realized that he had performed Legilimens on him and he hadn't even noticed. He had failed completely. Snape would be disappointed.

He felt Snape sit on the edge of the bed again and was startled as he was enveloped in his arms. It had been a long time since Snape had reached out to him like this. He fought the instinct to pull away. Instead, he sank against the Potions Master's shoulder. A strong hand softly patted his back. Snape didn't say anything, just provided a sympathetic presence. Harry managed to stay in control. After awhile, he pulled back and, in a hoarse voice, said, "I'm all right."

Snape didn't respond verbally just reached out for a moment and put his hand on the side of his head.

He got up, picking up Hedwig, who he had wrapped in a blanket, and left the room.

Harry got out of bed. He felt drained. As he walked towards the washroom it felt as if his heart dragged behind him, like a skydiver with a deflated parachute. He splashed cold water on his face then turned and went back to his bed. He lay on his back feeling shocked and empty.

"NO!" He screamed as he was forced up against the tree. He fought wildly against the hands holding him. His hands were tied around the tree and his clothes removed. "Don't worry, Draco, it will all be over soon," a voice said silkily into his ear. "No, Severus, PLEASE!" he shouted desperately, then pleaded, "Don't force me, please."

Draco awakened, still fighting off the hands that were reaching out to him. It was then he realized the lights were on, there was no tree, and it was only Professor McGonagall trying to calm and reassure him. His chest felt as if it would explode and he found himself coughing, gasping for air and pressing his hands against the pain in his chest. The memory was so strong he found himself retching over the side of the bed.

He hazily realized McGonagall jumped up and hurried towards the fireplace. He closed his eyes, wheezing for air. A few moments later when strong hands attempted to remove his hands from his chest, he protested. The hands immediately stopped. "Shhhh, my dear boy, I'm just trying to help you breathe." He opened his eyes to find Dumbledore.

"May I?"

Draco nodded wearily and moved his hands away from his chest so Dumbledore could perform a healing spell. The warmth flowed through his chest as he sagged against the headmaster. Very gently Dumbledore put an arm around Draco's shoulders. The boy trembled but continued to lean against the steady shoulder.

Draco closed his eyes, surprised to feel safe in the frail old man's light embrace. He still had a hard time tolerating anyone touching him for long, but at the moment he found himself relaxing. Despite the headmaster's appearance, he had heard that he was the most powerful wizard alive, stronger even than the Dark Lord. He had never believed it, but at this moment he was grateful to be where he was. Dumbledore's beard tickled his nose as he heard him softly whisper in his ear. "Rest, Dragon, you are safe."

McGonagall's eyes were full of sympathy as she regarded the damaged teen slumped against the headmaster.

"Albus, how are we going to help him?"

Draco had gone limp and the headmaster realized that exhaustion had claimed him and he was asleep.

"Time, Minerva. Time is what he needs." He shifted the boy in his arms and very slowly lowered him to the bed.

Minerva covered him with the blankets and smoothed back the tousled blond hair.

"Severus is very upset. I haven't told him that Draco has asked that I be his main guardian."

"How did you respond?"

"He was hysterical when he made the request. I told him we'd discuss it again tomorrow when he has calmed."

"He's stubborn, as is Severus. He's going to have to work hard to get through to him that he meant him no harm. The boy is traumatized; he isn't being rational."

They both regarded the blond teen as he lay in an exhausted sleep on the bed.

This time he was on a battlefield. It was pitch black and he heard screams and groans around him. He frantically rubbed his eyes, trying to see. He lifted his wand and shouted Lumos over and over again, but nothing happened, nothing but the hair-raising laugh of a voice he recognized. Voldemort. "Poor Harry, no one left to help you, the poor fools all sacrificed themselves for their blind saviour." He laughed again.

Harry woke up with a sharp cry. A soft hand brushed the hair off his brow.

"Harry dear, it's okay," came Mrs. Weasley's soft voice. "Ron told me what happened, and I ran into Hagrid later. I'm so sorry about Hedwig, but you have to know she had 6 wonderful years with you."

He shook his head. "No, she didn't. All the summers at the Dursleys' she was locked in the cage and I couldn't let her out. She would have been better off with someone else."

"Shhh dear, that simply not true." Her arms wrapped around him tightly.

The tightness in his throat grew as he fought fruitlessly to keep his tears from spilling over. "Why does everyone keep dying on me."

Her eyes filled with tears over the pain in the young wizard's voice.

"I'm still here and so are Ron and Hermione and Ginny. In fact, so are the rest of the Weasley clan. You know that we are from pretty tough stock," she said reassuringly.

"I keep dreaming that you all die," he choked out, fighting desperately to keep from losing it.

"We won't," she said firmly.

"Voldemort, Voldemort showed me a vision," he whispered hoarsely.

Molly's ears perked. This must be one of the things Harry had been hiding. "What did you see?" She asked quietly, hoping he would share the burden.

"One by one everyone was killed, everyone but me. I don't want to do this, I don't want to fight anymore. I'm tired, I can't see, and Hedwig just died." He took a heart wrenching breath.

Molly held him tighter. She realized what Professor Dumbledore had said about Harry being traumatized was true.

"You will feel better, Harry, I promise, just give it time. You need to rest," she assured him as she gently stroked his back.

He trembled, his hands tightly gripped the back of her robes. Her heart broke when she felt his tears on her shoulder. She wrapped her arms around him knowing that nothing she could say right now would ease the pain for him. He cried quietly as his body shook and every so often a heart wrenching sob would escape him.

Ginny stood in the doorway in shock. Just a little while ago Ron had told her what had happened and, despite his warnings that Snape would likely be with him, she snuck to the hospital wing. Seeing Harry break down when he had been so strong through everything that had happened to him was almost too much for her to bear. She longed to be with him, to comfort him, but she had to grudgingly admit that perhaps in this case her mother could help him more. Her heart aching she turned away. With tears welling in her eyes she made her way back to the Gryffindor dorm.

Molly held him for a long time after he had grown silent. He was obviously exhausted. She kissed his forehead. "Severus will cremate Hedwig and you can scatter her ashes wherever you like. Her spirit will always be with you. Sleep now, dear."

He was so tired. He knew he should pull back and lie down, but Mrs. Weasley rubbing his back and whispering reassurances in his ear made his heart hurt a little less. He didn't want to leave the comforting circle of her arms just yet. He closed his eyes for a minute.

As Harry went limp in her arms she realized that he had fallen asleep. She sat for awhile longer holding him, wishing she could take his pain away. Now that her children were almost all grown, they didn't need her so much and she missed being needed. She knew normally Harry didn't need her either. Being an orphan had obviously taught him early on how to be independent, but this terrible slew of traumatic events had shattered his strength temporarily. He needed family, he needed people who loved him to help him heal.

Snape took the limp body of the owl into his potions lab. He laid her down on a table, unfolding the blanket. He lightly brushed his fingers across the soft feathers. He knew the owl meant a lot to Harry. One by one, everyone the boy cared about died on him. He hadn't needed this to happen, not now when he already had so much to face. He felt tears forming in his eyes then shook his head in disgust over his weakness. His chest felt tight and he found himself sinking onto the chair and putting his hands up over his face. The desolate pain on Harry's face and the terror in Draco's eyes tore at his soul.

"Severus?" came the soft whisper from a voice he recognized as belonging to Tonks.

His head snapped up and he quickly stood up. He tried to glare at her for interrupting his quiet moment.

"Is Draco okay?"

He shook his head. "He was hysterical when he got to Minerva. She's taking care of him."

She looked at him sympathetically. "He needs you, too."

Again Snape shook his head. Tonks made a move towards him but then spotted Hedwig on the table. "Oh Merlin, what happened to Harry's owl?"

"Old age I'm afraid. He's taking it pretty hard."

"Not another loss for him. I don't know how he stays so strong."

"He stays strong because he has to," Snape responded quietly.

She stood back as he went over to Hedwig. His tall black clad form looked so forlorn, as if someone had sucked all the life out of him. Not that he usually oozed life, but at least his cold defensive veneer was there. Now there was nothing. His eyes looked hollow, his movements were mechanical. Normally he stood tall and straight but tonight his shoulders were actually slumped.

"Do you need help?"

He shook his head. "I just have to perform the Concremo spell, then when Harry is ready he can scatter her ashes." He stood there with his wand raised but seemed unable to move.

She frowned then went over beside him. She pulled out her wand, but before saying the spell she gently stroked Hedwig's feathers. "Goodbye, beautiful girl, I'm going to set you free so your spirit can fly once again." Her voice choked on the final words. She took a deep breath then "Concremo." In a puff of smoke, Hedwig's body became a small pile of ash.

Snape silently brought over a small box and, with his wand, whisked all that remained of Harry's pet into it.

"Will you be all right?" Tonks asked.

His dark eyes met hers. "I'm fine," he stated.

She nodded. There was an air about him that forbade any contact and she respected it. "Good night, then."

He stared almost transfixed at the small box in his hands as he replied. "Good night."

After putting the box into his desk drawer, he walked to his rooms as if in a trance. As he climbed into bed, Loki came up along the side of his body and lay down half way across his chest purring loudly. Snape pulled him close and buried his face in the soft, black fur. "Don't ever die," he whispered.

Next chapter: "Wipe away all of your Tears" part two, Draco finally tells what he experienced. Harry sinks deeper, Ginny, Ron and Hermione try to cheer him. Draco finally has a peaceful sleep. Snape comes undone.

A/N #2: please review