Five Years Later

Chapter 37

Mike did a thorough walk through of Grace's apartment. He changed locks, makes sure windows would shut and lock properly and that the screens were secured, the dry wall was fixed and scrubbed a large amount of blood off the floor. He couldn't get it out of the grout despite bleaching it, so he went a got an area rug to cover it. He had noticed the blood on the day Grace gave her full statement. It was like a scar. Hopefully Grace would never notice it, but he would see the blood every time he visited. After finishing everything, he went down and sit down for a cup of iced tea with Maggie and Ryan.

"I changed the locks, made sure the screens are secured, windows are locked, drywall fixed and repainted. I also tried to clean the floor again. There is a huge stain in the grout that I can't get it out. Tile is okay but the grout is stained."

"What stained it, sir?" Ryan just couldn't drop the sir.

"Blood. I would guess from her head wound. She had lost a lot of blood when I got here."

"Ryan, a group of the dispatchers and jailers got the apartment cleaned up afterwards. There was blood and glass everywhere. Grace put up quite a fight and what she didn't do, your dad finished. His knuckles were pretty bloody that night." Maggie was pretty familiar with everything that had happened that night but they had tried to protect Ryan from the majority of the details.

"I didn't notice his knuckles but then again I was pretty much fixated on Grace."

"Grace doesn't like talking about it. I think she's trying to put it behind her. I'm not sure how anyone could. It must have been horrible for her."

"It was, honey. But she is talking to your Aunt Polly a lot. I think that's helping her. As soon as Dad gets done investigating all of this, I think Grace will do a lot better." A surge of business people walked in and so Maggie got busy really quickly. Mike didn't mind because it gave him a chance to talk to Ryan.

"You doin' okay since you got back?"

"Yes, sir."

"How are the nightmares?"

"Did Mom and Dad tell you I was having nightmares? I didn't want it to get back to the CNO or Master Chief."

"They didn't have to. And it's to be expected considering what you went through."

"Is there something I can do to stop them?"

"Talk."

"I don't have an appointment with that counselor for a month. I could have gotten an appointment sooner but I didn't want it to be reflected on my record, that I needed help. That kind of thing could be bad for career advancement and this knee may screw that up enough."

"There is nothing wrong with needing help. I've had to get it a few times in my career. And the thing about the CNO is, and I've known him since pretty much day one in our careers, he's had to get help at times too. There will be no judgement there."

"He and Master Chief have both called me a couple different times. I think they want me to talk. Just doesn't seem right to unload on them. What's bothering me isn't actually what happened and the fact that I got my men home, but they want to pin medals on my chest for what happened. Doesn't seem quite right. I had to kill four men to get us out of there. I shouldn't get awards and medals for that."

"You got your men out of there; you got home to marry my daughter. Yeah, they want to pin those medals on you. Give you those commendations, which I might add, are well deserved. Let them. You don't have to make any comments to the reporters. You can come home, and put the medals in a drawer and forget about them if you want. But focus on the fact that you got to come home, your men got to come in good shape. Because I promise you, there are a lot of soldiers and sailors that will never be awarded for what they've done. Accept it for them because they can't. Vietnam veterans for instance?"

"You sound like you're speaking from experience, sir?"

"I am. In my case, it wasn't because I had killed, although that is a good reason. At that point, I didn't know that Christine had died, didn't know where my girls were, and didn't know Matty existed. It felt horrible because I was accepting a Medal of Honor, and yet I had lost everything to the mission. I had left them. And now my name is known around the world because I was the second in command when we brought the cure home. It's why I retired and moved here. The CNO will tell you that he was expecting the next call he got regarding me, would be to tell him I'd ate a bullet or drank myself to death. I came here to do just that, and instead I found my kids, and I guess my purpose."

"Yeah, I get it, but sir? You have multiple Medals of Honor. No one else has that I know of has that. Not even the CNO."

"After the Arctic and I couldn't find my family? I suppose I was on a bit of a suicide mission. The world sees it as heroism. Those Medals? They're in a drawer. They've cost me too much. Maybe not my entire family like I originally thought, but they cost me Christine and Lucas. They cost Grace her childhood. They cost Hannah her innocence. And Matty, well, we're still bonding. That should have happened when he was born, not when he is five or six years old. I have a huge fear that missing out on those years and that time with him, will come back to bite me in the future. The popularity, the Medals? It doesn't mean squat when you look at the cost."

"I can understand that. But you're not proud of your service? Without you, the cure may never have come home. All those people in Vietnam and Japan would have died? The world's food supply?"

"Apples and Oranges. I may have saved lives, but like you, I also had to kill to do it. As far as being proud, it's hard to be when I see the costs on a daily basis."

"Without it though, you wouldn't have found Aunt Polly and the kids?"

"True. And I do love them. But my son might also have survived and despite the issues Christine and I had, I did still love her and I definitely would not wish her dead even if we ended up divorced. My point is, if you can't accept those awards for yourself, accept it for the men and women who will never get one. It'll make it easier to stomach."

"I really don't want to be interviewed about what happened."

"Then let the CNO handle that. It's okay to not want to. I never handled that part well either. And they didn't let me talk to the media. I tend to put egg on higher up's faces."

"That doesn't surprise me. I have stayed in touch with men to make sure they're okay."

"That's important. They also need to know you're okay too."

"Wasn't sure if it was proper."

"Nothing improper about it. It shows that you're a leader. One of the things that you can show your men is that it's okay to get help. I know you got the brunt of it, but they also saw and dealt with a lot. They need to know its okay to get help. Call for an earlier appointment. If you can't get one, call the CNO and tell him you need an earlier appointment. You're a leader, lead."

"Thank you, sir."

"And if you don't within the next couple days, I will call and make the appointment myself or I will call the CNO. If you need a ride there, I'll take you. If you ever need to talk, call me. Don't hesitate."

"Yes, sir, thank you, sir."

Mike got out of his seat, waved at Maggie, squeezed Ryan's shoulder and went on his way. He needed to pick Hannah up and check on Grace. He also wanted to do another walk through on the apartment. He figured Alec would tie up the investigation quickly and Grace would want to move back. Maggie had given him a to go order for Grace and him so he headed to her office.

He had become a familiar face at the sheriff's office and was generally buzzed in as soon as he walked in the door. There was a different dispatcher working and she apparently didn't know him. When he told her that he was Grace's dad and was there to see her, he could see a rather dark look on her face.

"I will have her come out. She doesn't need to be distracted from her work, not like she does that much." Mike heard one of the deputies holler at her to just buzz him in and to stop being so rude to the public. As Mike walked in, he noted it was the deputy that had visited Grace at the house. He had worked with her a lot when Grace was dispatching and they were as close as a brother and sister. Kirk had a look of annoyance on his face. Kirk apparently also didn't like the dispatcher, whose name was Tamara.

"Thanks, Kirk. Is Grace in her office? I have lunch for her."

"Yep, she's in there. Working her butt off. Tamara should take a cue from her. You know the way, given that you're commissioned."

Mike realized that the deputy was instigating Tamara. It had obviously made her mad but he didn't care because he was headed back to see his daughter. Alec had told Mike that both Tamara and her husband were officers but Alec wouldn't give them a commission. She was probably mad because Mike hadn't even been in town a month and had already cracked a massive case, been given a commission and offered a job. Grace had her head down working on something, so he knocked softly so not to scare her.

"Hey, sweetie. Ready for some lunch?"

"Oh, I could eat. Let me grab a couple bottle waters. Did you get something?"

"Yeah. Maggie sent me something, I have no idea what, she just handed it to me."

"Probably whatever you ordered last. Be right back."

A minute later, Grace was back with two bottles but was shaking her head. He had heard a raised voice from the kitchen but decided to just let it go. She had shut the door on her way in.

"What's wrong?"

"Oh, Tamara. It's my lunch break but she's acting like I haven't done anything today and shouldn't have one."

"What's Alec say about it."

"He told her to mind her own business. Kirk just left, he's going to run every plate in the grocery store parking lot just to be ornery."

"Him, ornery? No, way?"

"Yeah, exactly."

"So you're apartment is fixed up. Meets the dad inspection anyways. I also got you a new area rug."

"Daddy, you and I discussed this…"

"Yeah, we did. It was for my peace of mind. There's a bit of a stain on the grout that I couldn't get out so I covered it. Couldn't look at it."

"Oh. I guess I didn't notice it when you and I were there."

"It may not be obvious, but it stuck out like a sore thumb to me."

"Must have been from my head injury."

"You lost a lot of blood that night."

"Yeah, most of it has gone back to being foggy. I think Ryan is having some trouble. He's not sleeping well. That night that he stayed at our house, when you were with Hannah, I heard him wake up a couple different times."

"He and I spoke about it. I encouraged him getting an earlier appointment with the counselor. Offered to take him if need be."

"He hates asking Alec and Maggie for help. Maggie hates leaving the restaurant and Alec really can't leave the area. I don't think I'm quite up to driving long distances either."

"Well, once the appointment is made, I'll take him if need be. I have to take Hannah to the doctor tomorrow, and the next day is Matty's ballgame and then Hannah's Special Olympics event. I need to do some truck shopping for myself. Aside from that place that you got that car, is there anywhere local that sells vehicles?

"Oh, Dad, you need like a fifteen passenger van at the rate you are going with acquiring kids. Before too long, you and Polly will be having one." Mike threw his napkin at her but she did make a valid point. A truck may not be the best option and Polly only had a car.

"Car dealership? Local?"

"There's another one. Guy is fair. Alec knows him pretty well."

"Good."

"May have a people mover too. They can haul like twenty."

"I'll need room for grandkids at some point."

"Yeah, maybe. Or your own kids?"

"Cute. I thought it was you and Ryan that wanted a house full?"

"You're the one that has been talking about building a bedroom on. You need to build like three."

"Three? I only need another one for you."

"One for me and two for the kids you and Polly have. And that is only assuming you keep Max and Mattie in the same room."

"Who says we'll have any? Between us, there will be six of you guys. That's quite enough."

"Well, Lucas isn't here unfortunately and I won't be there most of the time."

"I still count Lucas even though he isn't here physically. As far as you're concerned, you may want a place to stay from time to time when Ryan is deployed. Hence the bedroom."

"So are you and Hannah getting a ring tomorrow?"

"That's the plan. Hannah is still a bit on the fence with everything. Polly thinks it'll help her if she's included."

"She's scared that you'll forget Mom."

"I know. I haven't really had a chance to talk to her about it either. I know I need to."

"I think deep down she knows none of us will forget Mom, but it is still a concern of hers. Especially where you're concerned. Not sure why."

"Hard to say. It is a legitimate concern."

"She remembers you guys fighting. She forgets that you weren't always fighting. Remember when you were trying to show me how to dance in the kitchen before my father/daughter dance? You and Mom started dancing in the kitchen, right after one of your louder fights. You were both laughing and smiling at each other. I choose to remember that. Not the fights."

"We really tried not to fight in front of you guys. To not be that loud."

"Well you have a booming voice and Mom's voice carried."

"I am sorry. I hate that that is what you remember about us. Not a good example of a relationship."

"I choose to remember you and Mom dancing in the kitchen. The way she would slap your hands away when she baked something and you'd laugh at each other. The good memories are there. And they outweigh the bad. Hannah just needs to be reminded of them."

"Yeah, but how?"

"She was there the day you guys were dancing. She saw it."

"She thinks I'm happier with Polly then I was with your mom."

"Are you?"

"Oh, boy."

"Just a question, there isn't a right or wrong answer."

"I loved your mom, still do."

"I don't doubt that."

"There were times that we were over the moon happy, or at least I was. Even at the end before I deployed."

"You didn't know it was the end, when you deployed. You didn't know that there was going to be a deadly virus, that Lucas would die, that Mom was pregnant and would die in childbirth. Or that you wouldn't find us until years after. The end wasn't the end when we were living it. It was just another day."

"I suppose."

"Daddy, you and Mom were happy. You had just hit a bad spot. I have no doubt that you would have gotten through it had the virus not happened. You didn't answer my question about being happier with Polly."

"Not sure if I am more or less happy. The connection I had with your mom is the same connection I have Polly. Maybe that is why I've moved so fast."

"I can see that. You and Mom always had almost a physic connection. It was weird. I see it with you and Polly. I would like to think I have it with Ryan."

"You do. I can see it. I do need to get going, pick Hannah up. You working until the end of the day?"

"Yeah. I can call that car dealer and see if he has any fifteen passenger vans?"

"You can call and see about a double cabbed truck or SUV. Preferably the truck. May end up getting Polly something bigger."

"Okay, I'd better get back to work. Thanks for bringing me lunch. I love you."

"I love you too, sweetie. And thank you for reminding me of the good times. It gave me something to give to Hannah." Mike reached down and kissed Grace on the cheek. He had thoroughly enjoyed his lunch with her and had already decided he would be showing up with lunch at least once a week. He had worried that when Grace moved out, he would lose some of the bond that he had with her but showing up with lunch would be one way to keep it. As he walked out the door, he could hear Kirk running a whole string of license plates and Tamara was visibly frazzled. It made him smile just a bit.