A/N: Includes flashbacks.
36. Not a Nuclear Family
Beth POV
Everybody Wants To Rule The World by Lorde
I'm currently on top of the roof of my house, looking out toward the west, toward the city. Toward the giant crater which now makes up the CIT ruins. What was the Institute. It's been almost eleven weeks—how time flies.
Although everything tends to happen quickly as it's happening, looking back to those memories makes it seem as if everything happened slowly. The memories have a slowed down quality to them—as if I'm watching them again on film instead of in my mind.
"Please, Mom… Don't leave me here! I want to go with you!" I hear Shaun cry in my distance thoughts. He was so distraught, so upset… nothing like now. I can hear him and Duncan playing in his room now—safe, happy. Even though he knows who he really is, I haven't seen it drag him down. He's taken it in stride—not having to pretend he's Duncan's brother, my son, or even Robert's son. No, he doesn't have to pretend, I think. He just is.
"Behind you!" I heard one of the Brotherhood soldiers call out. I glanced behind me to see one of the synthetic gorillas the Institute scientists had been working on. I noticed it was coming right toward me, so I moved out of the way quickly, spinning around and shooting it in the chest before it could come any closer with its sharp teeth.
Robert was right beside me, wielding his own gun, and taking out as many of the Institute's population as the soldiers around us. He may be young, but he's a great shot, I had thought with pride. As I moved my way toward the door, I noticed most of my military brothers and sisters had already left. I was about to ask Robert why he stayed behind instead of going with the front line, but realized I already knew the answer: he wouldn't dare leave me behind.
Once we were out in the center of the facility, he and I dodged our way to the elevator—the giant glass casing, which turned out to actually be bullet-proof. We took a breather on the short journey, found our way to the Director's quarters, and I came across more than just the terminal I had in mind.
"Hello, Mother."
I turned to see my son, my real son, lying in the medical bed not twenty feet from me. He looked worse than the last time I saw him. "Hello, Shaun."
I could see the disappointment in his eyes, the lust for my death along with his own. "I wanted, so much, for us to have a normal life together, Mother," he told me. "The Institute could have given us just that. But you are so hell-bent on destroying the only good thing in the Commonwealth—the only good thing in my life. I fail to see why you long for our fall so much."
"The only good thing…" I mused, nearly chuckling with a dark tone. "This is not what a normal life is, Shaun. A normal life is what we could have had two centuries ago. A normal life is not living underground, afraid of living on the planet we were given as a superior species. A normal life is not tampering with other people's lives, playing God like some kind of sociopath. Shaun." I took a deep breath. "This is not—would not have been—a normal life. And I fail to see how you view it that way." I went to his terminal and turned off the security lockdown. As I was about to walk out the door, he stopped me.
"Mother." I gazed upon his face, which was no longer hiding his anger. "I will not be alive for much longer—I understand this. But just know that in my last few minutes of life, you will be dead to me." He turned his face away. "For destroying humanity's only hope of a future—this is what has, and what will, condemn you." He glanced in my direction, but refused to meet my eyees. "Now, leave me—and do what you think you must."
I walked out of the Director's quarters and saw Robert where he stood outside the door, keeping watch. He looked at me with a touch of concern colouring his expression. I just walked past him, heading toward the reactor room. "He's dead to me, too," I uttered too quietly for him to hear me.
"What are you doing up here?" I hear Robert ask behind me. "I've been looking all over for you." He sits down on the side of the lounger next to my legs, a couple Nuka-Colas in his hands.
As he hands one to me, I ask him, "You ever do something that you know you should regret, but you don't?" He looks at me confusedly, so I nod my head toward the CIT rubble. He sets his bottle down as I take a drink from mine.
He twists to look me head-on. "You did what you had to, so you shouldn't regret it. You've saved countless lives, Beth." As he says this, I feel baby MacCready kick—and even though it didn't really hurt, I can't help a grimace.
"It's fine. He can probably tell I'm upset."
"Yeah, she probably can." His concerned face switches to one of smugness.
I just roll my eyes, and say, "Nineteen weeks. He can hear things now, including my voice—and maybe even yours." Robert's face perks up.
Moving closer, he sticks his ear against my bulge, smiling slightly. As he looks up at me, he says, "Hey, there. How's Daddy's little girl doing?"
"You're gonna confuse him," I tell him, earning an exhausted sidelong glance and a hush.
"All warm and cozy in there?" He lifts his head up and rubs my stomach, smiling down at our growing child. This apparently excited him, as he kicks again—or rather moves, far less violent than his last movement. Robert and I look to each other, a smile lighting up both of our faces.
"What happened in there?" Robert asked me as we walked to the reactor room.
"Nothing. I disabled the lockdown and left," I told him, despite the probability of his knowing my lie.
"You were in there an awful long time just to disable a lockdown." He looked at me with an eyebrow raised. He knows, I thought, but found I didn't care.
"Darn thing wouldn't work with me." I looked around and was happy to see Maxson ten or so feet from me—able to be a subject change. "Elder," I said. "The lockdown has been deactivated. We're able to get to the core now."
"Excellent. Get that charge to it, Paladin. We'll stay here and fend off any remaining threats. Get moving!"
I ran into the reactor room, and was again glad to see that all synths and coursers alike had been dealt with already. After opening the door to the core itself, I walked inside and planted the charge—big enough to blow the entire city to smithereens if used incorrectly. According to Ingram anyway.
"We have to get back to Ingram," I said, speaking of which. "She can get us out of here with the teleporter. Ready to be dematerialized?" I asked Robert with a small grin.
"Uh, yeah. Not really—but it's fine. It worked for you, so why not?" I could tell he was nervous, so I chuckled at him.
"Hey, Mom." I look to Shaun, who is on the floor of the living room, playing with Duncan. "Again, thanks for making that cake yesterday. It was really good." He smiles at me as I place some brahmin meat on a plate, prepared to be grilled on the back patio.
"It was no problem, dear. I'm glad you enjoyed it."
It was Shaun's birthday yesterday, and even though everybody just had cake for Robert's birthday not even a month ago, I thought he needed one, too. And with Duncan's birthday coming up next month, I see a trend starting: cake every month throughout the summer—June 30th, July 24th, and August 24th.
I take the plate out to the back, and am almost jumpscared by Robert greeting me. "Jeez, Beth. It's just me—calm down." He laughs at me—apparently the face I'm wearing is funny looking.
"Not my fault," I tell him. "You shouldn't try to scare me like that."
"I didn't have to try." He chuckles again, but is trying his best to keep a straight face.
Randomly, I ask, "You know what? I've been thinking." I lay the slab of meat onto the old grill Danse surprised us with as a wedding gift a little while back. "You're so dead set on this baby being a girl. So," I turn to him. "I've been thinking, like I said, that if this baby is a girl, you can name her. But," I pause for dramatic effect. "If this baby is a boy—and I know he is—I get to name him." He stares at me with a smug sort of look. "Does that sound fair?"
"Oh, it sounds fair," he retorts. "But, do you actually trust me to name her something nice? Because I know I'm right, I'll get to name her. Do you trust me not to name her something stupid?" He grins, challenging me.
I sigh. "It's a part of the deal, right? If it's a girl—and it's not—then that's all a part of it. If it is a girl, and you decide to name her… oh, I don't know—Jackhammer, or… Chair Leg, then that's just going to be her name, huh?" I take a deep breath. "Sure, I won't like it, but hey. I was the one that proposed this offer. So, I'll just have to live with it. And so will she, so nothing too extreme, if I can ask that much."
He stands and comes over to the grill, coming close to me. "What about Coffee Mug? Is that too extreme?"
"I think so."
"And what about Vanilla Ice Cream?"
"Well, there's nothing wrong with the food. But whatever." I shrug.
"Uh-huh." With his smug, challenging grin still in position, he kisses me on the cheek and goes in the house. As I'm turning my attention back to dinner cooking, he yells, "What about Roberta Jr.?!"
"Oh, hush!" I call back, chuckling.
"That lever will activate the charge," Maxson told me, as he indicated a box sitting atop a crate—a few switches, a couple lights, and one button on the top, just waiting to be pressed.
I glanced over to my side—to Robert and the synth version of my ten-year-old son. Is this what I want? I asked myself for the thousandth time. Yes. Shaun's dead to me, I reminded myself—thinking back to what he had said to me not a half hour earlier. I placed my hand upon the button, hesitating only a second before pressing it down, pressing down the finality of my decision.
The explosion was so massive, so great, I couldn't help but to be reminded of October 23, 2077. This bomb was—of course—nowhere near as big, but with it having been much closer, it still sort of terrified me to witness.
It was probably the first big nuke both Robert and Shaun had seen—and their expressions seemed to have correlated with my assumption. Their faces were both shocked and scared, yet mesmerized by the way the mushroom cloud formed, the way the smoke and dust swirled around each other in an intricate dance of mass destruction. And although I'd seen a nuclear bomb fall in the past, I came to realize that their expressions mirrored my own—I was shocked, scared, and mesmerized all at the same time as well.
Once the dust settled, and the smoke dissipated, Ingram told me she would take Shaun—the synth boy—to the Prydwen and have his attire changed from evidence of the Institute to some actual clothing suited for the Commonwealth. This gave Robert and I some time away from the rest of the Brotherhood—some time for me to gather my thoughts and feelings before again having to speak with my superior officers. I'd told Ingram to send a Vertibird to Goodneighbor—or at least near it—to pick us up once we got there. She agreed and took off in her own, straight off the Mass Fusion Building roof itself—Maxson and a few other soldiers with her.
MacCready POV
"What about Ruby? We could call her Rue." Ever since dinner, Beth and I have been talking about names for the baby. She still—of course—thinks it's a boy, although I just have a feeling she's wrong. We'll find out in about twenty-one weeks, she told me.
I say "we" have been talking about names, but I know it's pretty much just been me doing the talking. All the while, she's just been looking at me with a look I can't fathom—a look of dreaminess is the best way I can describe it—but she's trying to hide it behind a face of annoyance. Although I know that's not really how she feels. "Beth, you've been looking at me like that all night," I tell her as she sets her book down on the nightstand. "Why?"
She faces me more on the bed. "Why have I been looking at you like I'm annoyed?" she asks.
"Sure." That's not what I'm aiming for, but let's hear it.
"Maybe cause you're thinking it's a girl so much—maybe I find it a tad annoying due to you being wrong."
"You don't think you insisting on it being a boy isn't?" I come back. "But that's not what I meant. I mean, why do you look happy everytime I talk about a different name idea?"
She sighs, knowing I know her through and through. "Because, I'm happy you're so into this. Like, you're wanting it to be a girl so bad, and I think that's kinda cute." She smiles despite the feigned annoyance still in her eyes. "Even Nate wasn't this excited when I was pregnant with Shaun. He was happy, sure. But nothing like you are now." She finally drops her act, and looks legitimately happy. She smiles at me with lack of all reservation—she's beaming.
I smile back at her, getting an idea. "How about you help me name her, then?"
"Uh, no. That's your job, Mr. We're-Having-A-Daughter. I still get to name our son, okay? You have at it." Her smile turns mock-like, prompting me to keep at it.
"Okay, then," I say, my grin just as arrogant. "What about Charlotte?"
She just pulls the comforter around her shoulders more, facing the other direction. "Goodnight, Robert." Although she sighs to show her "irritation," I can still hear the grin in her voice.