It's pretty obvious you love Sam in all his guises and that Brooke's one lucky woman…she's about to get twice as lucky and live out a fantasy that most of us have had at some point. Grrrrrr!

This is a funny chap but don't be lulled into a false sense of security…it's an angsty one too.

So, the question is…what do you do in Alaska when there's nothing to do? You talk I guess. It's one of those Seinfeld chaps. Nothing happens but at the same time everything does. I spend most of my time on my own but when I am with friends or family we just make one another laugh, until we get drunk and start hurling accusations at one another. Sorry, is that just Christmas in my house?

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Dean knocked on his brother's door.

"Who is it?" Came the muffled male voice.

He didn't bother to answer and just walked in.

"Dude! What the hell are you doing?" Sam shouted as he rolled off Brooke and pulled the sheet over her.

Dean held Lily up. "I'm with her and she's on the guest list, chill." He smiled and perched on the bed next to Brooke swinging his feet up casually.

"Dean!" She yelled wondering what had gotten into him as she grabbed some slack from the sheet and held it to her breast. Her hair was wild and her lips bruised as she stared at him.

He smirked at her playfully. "You want some relish with your Winchester sandwich, you lucky wench?"

She smiled back at him and Sam hit her on the arm. "Hey!"

"What? It's not like I dream about this or anything." She said to her husband.

"I'm so glad Dylan's not here right now, his poor head would explode." Sam chastized. "Dean, what do you want?"

He shrugged and curled his lip sulkily. "There are people everywhere in this house."

"So you just figured you'd come get in bed with us?"

"Don't worry Sammy, I won't steal any of your moves."

"You could do worse." Brooke replied running a hand through her long hair.

"Who d'ya think taught him everything he knows?"

"No you didn't!"

"Whatever. I can imagine me being here is pretty uncomfortable for you two, ya know with you bein' naked and all."

Sam huffed. "Funnily enough, yeah."

"Almost as uncomfortable as spendin' the night in the backseat of a car with a pregnant woman maybe?"

"Is that a hint?"

"Subtle right?"

"Like a sledgehammer."

He coughed and backtracked. "Don't worry Sam, I'm not kickin' you out. The gayboys can do a swap. But I am starvin' so just pull yourself away from your woman and come huntin' with us."

"You're even more of a Neanderthal than usual. What are you hunting, Woolly Mammoth?"

"I dunno...polar bears, seal cubs…tap dancin' penguins."

Brooke laughed. "It's not enough you annihilate our Thanksgiving turkeys, now you want us to eat baby seals for Christmas?"

"If we could all live off breast milk then we'd be laughing Dolly but we can't, so..."

She pulled the sheet tighter around herself defensively. "More nutritious than what you normally eat." She grumbled.

"More fun too I bet."

"Dean, would you stop hitting on my wife?!"

"She loves it!"

"I know what this is." Sam smiled.

"What?" Brooke turned to him.

He laughed. "If Dean gets sensitive for more than five seconds at a time then he has to counteract it with some stupid macho behaviour. What's the deal man? You actually gave Bonnie an orgasm and now you want to pound on something?"

"You don't know me!"

"Busted!" Brooke laughed in sheer joy. She prodded his waist. "You were cute and now you can't handle it."

"Screw you."

"So not happening Dean!" Sam reached across his wife and slapped him.

"Just leave me alone ok?"

"You're the one in bed with us in case you hadn't noticed."

"Yeah and you only get a four for technique Sam."

"And I bet you're a ten right?" Brooke smiled.

"Baby you ain't seen my dismount."

"Enough!" Sam said waving his arms.

"Touchy."

"Jerk."

Dean made a face. "Well, I'm still starvin' so can you please hurry up?"

"We could always break the habit of a lifetime and try going to the store." Sam suggested, ignoring him.

"You got any cash?"

"No, but Steve could sort something out."

"Where's the fun in that?"

"You're such a child sometimes Dean."

He shrugged. "It's Christmas, we're all together again, I thought it might be nice to do something as a family."

"That's nice man but having sex as a family is not one of those bonding experiences I wanna have so do ya mind?"

He shrugged. "No, not really."

"Dean, get out!" Brooke had finally lost all patience with him. She took Lily as gently as she could and kicked him until he hit the floor making Sam laugh.

"What's got into you?"

"Not your brother that's for damn sure, but if you give us five minutes…"

"Five minutes huh?" He got up and dusted himself off. "Maybe I shoulda taught him a little stamina too."

Dean made a run for it and dodged around the bedroom door as a boot hit it with a thud.

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It took them a while but eventually Sam, Dean, Cole, Luc and Dylan made it out of the house and began the walk into town. Dean wanted to take the Impala but the snow was deep and the fresh air would do them good. Nitro tagged alongside excitedly sniffing at lamp posts as they walked down the middle of the deserted road. They had no idea if there was even a store open on Christmas Eve but they would figure something out.

Steve had come through with the readies somehow and they were eternally grateful that they would be able to eat something halfway decent. Sam took the money knowing if he left it up to his brother he would spend it on beer and chips. It wouldn't go too far and they had to make sure they would get more than one meal out of it.

Nitro suddenly bounded up and knocked Dylan clean off his feet in excitement. The little boy laughed and Sam frowned at them.

"I'm going to have to train that dog."

"I betcha Bobby could do it." Dean replied. "Rumsfeld was pretty good."

"He was an attack dog."

"And?"

"I got kids man, get a clue. The whole idea was that he look out for Lily."

"What?" Luc asked as Dylan got up and squealed as he ran after the dog.

"Watch out for cars Dyl!" Sam shouted after him. He shrugged at the men. "I don't want my little girl growing up with a whistle around her neck. He'd be like a guide dog I guess."

Dean nodded. "I guess that could work. You don't wanna turn the thing into a total pussy though…"

"I don't want it to eat her either Dean."

"How old do you think it is? How do you tell with a dog?" They had never had pets and Dean had no idea.

"Their teeth I think."

"Well, the sooner he gets used to her the better I guess. I can train him."

Sam smiled at him waiting for his brother's next genius plan. "You the dog whisperer now?"

Dean chuckled. "I know what it's like to live on my instincts and be able to smell when there's a bitch on heat around."

"You're sick."

"How hard can it be? Show him a few pictures of demons and whack him with a rolled up newspaper. It's called aversion therapy Sammy."

"Yeah, it's that easy."

"You could always get her a monkey…they can sign and everythin'."

Sam loved his brother so much sometimes. "Because that would make her fit right in with the other kids Dean."

"You don't have such a good track record with apes." Luc reminded him.

"Yeah that's a good point." Dean rubbed at his chin. "I'm sure it'll work out I mean look at Dylan, he's happy."

Sam watched him. He was a few hundred yards away making snow angels on the verge as Nitro barked and bounced around him. "Yeah, he is isn't he?"

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"Bobby, what did people do before they had TV's?" Johnny asked as he massaged Bonnie's feet.

"Huh?"

Johnny spoke slowly and deliberately. "Moving pictures."

"Someone slap him for me."

Bonnie, Hope, Brooke, Steve, Bobby and Johnny were all sat in front of the fire and the conversation had stalled. They had no special plans to celebrate Bonnie's fortieth and she didn't look like she cared as she was surrounded by her family.

"This is so dull. How can the population in this town be so low when all there is to do is have sex?" Johnny grumbled again.

"Because there's about eight men to every woman." Brooke offered.

"My kinda town!"

"Somethin' tells me they ain't workin' on the pipelines wearin' leather wifebeaters and handlebar moustaches though."

"More's the pity." Johnny said to the old man.

"Pictionary?" Steve suggested.

"Draw this!" Hope said flipping him the bird.

"Hope Mary Winchester!" Bonnie said. "What has this world come to when people can't just sit around and enjoy each other's company without a TV?"

"So you spent the whole night talking philosophy with Deano in the car huh?" Johnny asked with a frown. She blushed. "Didn't think so Hoochie Momma."

"I think Bonnie has a point." Brooke shot in. "We're reasonably intelligent people, we should be able to pass the time without a TV or music."

"I can play the spoons?" Bobby said.

They all looked at one another begging someone to say something.

"I think we're all out of spoons." Johnny tried.

"Bite me."

They all sat in silence for a moment.

"I'd kill for some Moonshine right now." Hope mumbled.

"What?" Bonnie asked.

"It passes the time."

"Ok, so we don't have any Moonshine but we can play a drinking game anyway." Johnny offered.

"Like what?"

"Truth or dare?"

Bobby raised his hands and groaned. "Not in this family you don't. Truth or dare with the Winchesters? We'll all be insane or dead within the hour."

"Well that's a cheerful thought." Hope sighed.

"If we haven't got films why not make our own?" Steve suggested. "We can act out Bonnie's favourite movie scenes for her."

"Oh I like that!" She clapped happily.

"We haven't got a decent love interest. Now if Sam were here…" Johnny continued.

"I wish I'd never said anything." Brooke's hands went to her head.

"Every night when I go to sleep, I'm glad that you did."

"Name a movie." Hope asked her mother.

Bonnie thought for a moment. "An Officer and a Gentleman."

Johnny rolled his eyes. "So predictable. I call Zack!"

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The guys eventually made it into town and found it to be quiet. The mainstreet was tiny and Dylan had run ahead. As they turned a corner they saw him talking to someone dressed as Santa.

Sam raised his eyebrows and they all made their way forwards recognizing Bart behind the costume.

"Hey Santa." Dean nodded.

"That's Bart Uncle Dean!"

"Really?" He shrugged. "Had me totally fooled."

"You made it back." Bart said to him.

Dean coughed and shoved his ice cold hands in his pockets. "Yeah, last night." He gestured at Cole. "This is my son. Cole."

The old man shook his hand and frowned at him. His expression was dead and he wondered if he was on drugs.

"This is Luc."

Luc leaned forwards to shake. "Friend of the family."

"You Canadian?"

"No from France."

"Long way from home son."

"So you're Santa huh?" Sam asked trying to bring an upbeat tone into the group.

"Every year." He smiled. "What did you ask Santa for Dylan?" He asked the little boy.

Dean glanced at Sam who hunched his shoulders awkwardly knowing he had nothing to give his son and was feeling bad about it.

"I got my present already."

"Yeah?"

"Cole's home."

"Woah." Dean whispered under his breath as he looked at his feet.

Bart didn't pay attention to the nervous glances or the fact that Cole wandered off. "Family's the most important thing, you're right."

Dylan smiled and whispered to him. "I got a dog too though."

"Well it looks like you got all your bases covered." Bart looked back at Dean. "Your wife ok? You'll wish her a happy birthday from us?"

"Thanks, I will. She's fine." Dean couldn't believe he was getting a case of the warm and fuzzies and decided that he needed a beer.

Sam cleared his throat. "Is the store open today?"

"Yeah but they don't have much left. Last flight came in couple of days ago, all the Turkeys must be gone by now."

"We don't have to have Turkey. We'll make do."

"Whaler's will be open tomorrow. Why don't you come by for dinner?"

Sam looked at Dean. "Thanks but we're good. " The older brother told him. There was always some trauma on the holidays and the last thing they needed was for the whole town to be witness to their soap opera of a life. "This guy can make a three course meal out of six eggs." Dean indicated Luc.

"You'll have to show me that trick. Are you going to be in church tonight?"

Dean frowned and wondered why anyone would go to church on Christmas Eve.

"Yeah, I think I'll come with Brooke and the kids if that's ok." Sam said with a smile.

Dean stared at him with raised eyebrows as Bart turned to him. "Er…Bonnie's still not well so we'll have to give it a miss. Sorry."

"Well, we'll pray for her and the baby."

Dean wasn't getting any more comfortable. "Thanks."

"Well, the presents won't hand themselves out. I'll see you tonight Sam."

"Bye." He turned and watched the old man carry the sack of presents to the small church hall as Dean slapped his shoulder. "What?" He turned to him.

"Midnight Mass. Seriously?"

"They decorated our house for us Dean. They helped us when we had nothing."

"I hear ya." He responded with a roll of his eyes as he marched off down the street.

"Why don't you come too Uncle Dean? They sing Carols and I know you like those." Dylan asked as he ran alongside him.

"Leave it Dyl." Sam told him. "Religion's a personal thing."

"No, it's ok. I can answer him." Dean said as he carried on walking. "Religion's not bad at all it's just….I don't much like gettin' struck down by lightning."

"Dean!" Sam warned.

"God would forgive your sins, especially today." Dylan told him in all innocence.

Dean stopped and stared down at him and then at Sam. He laid a hand on his nephews head. "You're an amazing kid Dylan with a beautiful soul. Just make sure you keep it that way."

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When they made it back to the house with the bags of groceries they heard raucous laughter coming from within.

"Doesn't look like they missed us much." Dean shrugged.

They walked in to find Johnny standing in the den lifting Hope high in the air with her arms spread out. The furniture was all against the walls and everyone was clapping. The men paused on the threshold staring.

"Dirty Dancing." Luc said.

Dean stared at him like he had suddenly grown a pair of tits. "Dude!"

He shrugged moving into the kitchen. "I'm safe in my sexualité."

Johnny lowered Hope and everyone got up. "That was amazing!" Brooke said.

"It was all I could come up with on short notice." Johnny shrugged.

"Tell me someone brought alcohol! I freakin' need it." Bobby shouted.

Dean walked in a moment later with a beer. He opened it with his teeth and handed it to him. "First thing on the list."

"Thank God for you Dean, I swear there's more hormones in this house than a Harem at full moon. Ain't natural." Nitro automatically took his seat at Bobby's feet and the old man gave him a guzzle of beer which he lapped up happily from the bottle.

Dean squatted down by the couch and looked at his wife. "You havin' fun?"

"Oh yeah."

He'd taken enough heat for one day so he checked no one was looking before he kissed her. "You stay there, we got all the food and everthin' this is gonna be a good Christmas."

"It already is. Did you talk to him yet?"

His face went hard. "He hasn't said anything to anyone."

"You're the Dad, you have to make the move."

"It's just not my thing, I'll screw it up." He whispered.

"You won't." She smiled.

He exhaled and his eyes closed for a second. "Ok. You want anything?"

"Go."

He rolled his eyes and stood up.

xxxxxx

Sam and Luc were in the small kitchen unpacking groceries whilst the others buzzed around them yanking things out of their hands before they could reach the cupboard or fridge. Dean grabbed a six pack of beer and nodded at Cole. "C'mon."

Sam watched as they went through to the garage and prayed they could come to some understanding.

Dean opened the driver's side door and stood back. Cole raised his eyebrows.

"Get in."

He did as he was told as Dean opened the garage door. Once that was done he went back and got in the passenger side. Cole stared at him.

"Well she's not gonna drive herself."

He shrugged and started the engine. It was like Dean's own heart restarted as she growled happily like a lioness protecting her cubs.

"Snow's too thick in town, just pull her up at the end of the road."

Cole steered the Impala out of the drive with one hand and drove the five hundred yards to the end of the road and stopped. He stared at the steering column like it was about to come alive.

Dean sighed and opened two beers handing one to his son. He turned on the stereo and of all the songs to come on it was Hurt by Johnny Cash. What were the odds?

Cole took the beer and had a swig. "I don't hate you Dad but I have nothing to say to you either."

Dean shrugged. "I don't know whether to be relieved or to feel like I just got hit in the nads."

Cole said nothing and Dean suddenly realized why his father and Sam hadn't seen eye to eye.

"Ok, this is the deal. What happened is done. There's no going back. That doesn't mean I'm a heartless bastard, everyone can see that you're in pain. It was my job to take that away and I failed. I'm sorry." Dean drank his beer and waited.

"I appreciate what you're doing but I'm not ready."

"For what?"

"I don't want to talk about it. I don't want to analyze it and I certainly don't want to remember it." Cole looked him in the eye. "Just drop it and leave me be."

Dean could feel him slipping away and was frantically trying to clutch at him. "I get that, cos you're like me. Shit happens right? Who needs to go over it again? But your mom, she's worried about you."

"I know. Doesn't change anything."

"What do you need? Just tell me."

"Space. Time."

Dean felt like he'd been winded. "Ok, we can deal with this. Just get through Christmas, for your mom?"

Cole stared out of the window. "That it?"

"What d'ya mean?"

"That's my probation?"

"Are you shittin' me?"

"I want out. I don't wanna hurt anyone, certainly not Mom. But I need to breathe."

"Who's stoppin' you?" Dean was at a loss.

Cole stared at him like it was obvious, opened the car door and got out.

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Dean had sat in the car drinking beer and listening to Johnny Cash for a little while after he had left. He had always thought John was a legend but also a pretty bad father. Dean liked to think he had done a better job but now he wasn't so sure. Maybe the only difference had been the fact that his kids had had a mother that had been there for them. Without Bonnie maybe he would be the same kind of fuck up as his own Father.

In their family they had all had their fair share of torture and abuse. Dean had tried to protect his kids but there was little he could do in the long run. He'd been tied to a chair, beaten, impaled and even raped. He couldn't say that he had come through totally unscathed but at the same time it had made him stronger. Sam had been through his own tortures and Brooke still had the scars from hers.

Dean heard his Fathers voice in his head yelling at him that Winchester's didn't complain.

He put his hands to his temples and wondered where he had gone wrong. Cole was a warrior that had gone through a tough time but Dean had to admit that he couldn't understand his son. When Hope had been attacked by the Chimera she'd been upset, come for a hug and seemed to get over it pretty quick.

The thought that Cole wanted to leave terrified Dean more than anything else. He saw Sam and his Dad all over again and vowed that he wouldn't make the same mistakes John had made.

xxxxxxx

When Dean finally got the car back in the garage and walked into the kitchen dinner was in full swing.

Sam looked at him and knew something was wrong right away but it wasn't the time to go over it. He handed him another beer and patted him on the shoulder as people moved around getting things ready. Luc was the boss of the kitchen and Johnny was sous chef as they laid out dishes made of the most basic ingredients. There was no table to sit at and Dean suddenly felt really angry about that. He didn't want to eat a dinner on his knees or stood at a counter and he didn't want his family to have to. He felt like a total loser and wanted to get horrendously drunk because of it.

"Dean." He looked up through slitted eyes. "Come on." Bonnie moved slowly as she led him to the bathroom by the hand.

They walked in and she made him sit on the edge of the enamel bath. "You're drunk."

"Not yet but I'm gettin' there."

She wet a towel and pressed it to his neck. He didn't want it but he couldn't stand to piss her off too. "Look, I tried ok?"

"Calm down."

"I am freakin' calm." He growled.

She shook her head. "You don't think I know you after all these years? You can't control everything."

"I can try."

She looked at him. "How long did it take you with Sam?"

"What d'ya mean?"

"Until you finally admitted you couldn't pretend everything was normal after his accident?"

"What's that got to do with anything?"

"Six months? Not everyone bounces back like you. Don't lose faith in Cole, he'll come back. I know he will."

Dean sighed and wanted to lash out so badly it hurt. He stared at the belly in front of him and wrapped his arms around it instead.

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They all eventually sat down to eat. Luc had created some kind of buffet wonder in the kitchen and everyone was bouncing backwards and forwards to the kitchen to get food.

Dean thanked God for Johnny who kept the conversation going but even he couldn't work miracles. You could cut the tension with a knife and even Dean had lost his appetite. The place was far too crowded with people and issues.

Everyone was sat in front of the fire, either on the floor or in a chair and without music or TV it was getting painful.

Cole stood up from his seat by the door.

"Where are you going?" Hope asked.

"Out."

"It's like minus ten outside, c'mon. Stay." She was sitting near him and put down her plate to get up and talk to him.

"Leave me alone." He whispered but he could still see his Dad's ears prick up.

She frowned. "No."

He licked his bottom lip as he tried to control his anger. "Drop it."

"Cole?!" She grabbed his arm as he went for the door and he spun round suddenly and hit her. Hope's feet actually left the floor as she flew backwards and hit the floor with a whump.

The reaction time in the room was fast but Luc was the quickest as he leapt to his feet and grabbed Cole by the neck. He threw him back against the door and held his dinner knife to his throat. "I don't give a fuck who you are, you touch her again and I'll kill you!"

Cole whipped his hands up and broke Luc's hold on him, twisting him around so that he now had the Frenchman by the throat.

Dean was stood in front of him still trying to swallow a mouthful of food. "Cole, leave him alone."

Sam helped Hope up off the floor as she wiped blood from her mouth in shock.

"Leave him alone? Right!" Cole laughed.

"What are you doing?" Hope shouted.

He shrugged but his forearm tensed on Luc's neck. Dean knew the guy could get away but not without hurting Cole and so he was hanging in there until he knew there was no other option.

"I don't wanna hurt you sis, I really don't. Right now all I want to do is go. Leave here and just forget."

Everyone looked at Dean to see what his reaction would be. He swallowed hard and raised his hands. "We all wanna forget certain things but runnin' away isn't the answer."

Cole shoved Luc away from him but kept the knife raised. "Oh I know I can't run. You know why? Because what I'm running from is already inside me."

Sam moved forward. "That's not true. You're one of us."

Cole laughed as his eyes watered. "A Winchester right? Let's do a little poll?" He looked around the room. "Who here has been tortured? Dad...more than a few times. Uncle Sam? You've almost made it a tradition to be bitchslapped because of who your brother is. Grandpa? I know the VC did a good deal on you….how did that work out for ya? How about you Brooke? You like those scars?" He smirked and rubbed his chin in a move so reminiscent of Dean. "They wanted me, I gave myself up. I thought 'Hell, I'm a Winchester, I can take it'. I got all this family history behind me!"

His face turned bitter. "Ya know what though Dad? All that training we did, pumping weights, hitting bags. It doesn't totally prepare you for having the flesh torn from your body piece by piece." He reached for his tee shirt and tore it off. "At one point I had no skin at all from here to here." The tears were free flowing by now as he stared at their blank faces.

"Cole?" Hope was crying too but Sam kept an arm around her.

"What sis? " He shrugged. "You think you'll ever know how this feels? You're the great white Hope. You had all these big warriors defending you and the irony is that you're stronger than all of us combined."

Cole looked at the knife and let it drop from his hands. "I grew up on stories of the Great John Winchester, Dad, Uncle Sam and my sister….and ya know I just came to the conclusion I'm not one of you."

"That's not true." Dean said.

He smiled. "Really? I heard those stories. You laughed and joked and I wish I had that in me but I don't. I can't wisecrack my way through pain. You know what I did Dad?!"

Dean clenched his jaw. He didn't want the answer but he owed it to his son. "What?"

He smiled again no longer caring. "I cried. Like a baby. I prayed for my Dad to come get me. The pain got so bad I couldn't even feel it any more and I just started praying."

Dean felt sick as he listened to him.

"You know who answered my prayers? It wasn't God, or you…it was a six year old." He looked at Dylan. "I'm really sorry Dyl but if it's any consolation you got me through it."

Brooke had a hold of him but Dylan shrugged her off. "It's ok."

"I can't be like you Dad."

Dean's chest felt like it was going to collapse. "I don't expect you to be."

"No one's like you."

"I'm sorry about everything…Talia…"

He wiped at his eyes. "You were never to blame for Talia."

"What?"

"As soon as they knew she could cure me it gave them free reign to do whatever they wanted. Everything they did to me they made her fix." He slapped his chest. "Til I was as good as new. Every time she did it she got weaker and weaker until she started getting my injuries." He sniffed.

"Oh God."

"I'm not a soldier Dad. I'm not a warrior. I'm just a seventeen year old who wants to play the guitar." Cole began to cry in earnest.

Dean looked at him like it was the first time and remembered the argument between his father and Sam. "Get out." Dean said quietly over his shoulder to the others. When no one moved he turned to them all and yelled. "Get out!"

They all left as Dean faced his son. "I'm so sorry."

Cole nodded and slid down the wall to sit with a thud on the floor. Dean sat down next to him.

Cole shrugged. "Like I said, I don't hate you, I just hate myself."

His father shook his head. "There's no one in this room that could have gotten through what you did. I'm proud of you."

"It doesn't change anything."

"No. But I don't want to lose you. You're my son, even if you are a musician."

Cole laughed through the tears. "I was so scared."

"Believe me, I shit myself all the time. I just don't admit to it." He put his arm around him. "People can be brave in a lot of different ways Cole. It's not just about kicking the shit out of people or withstanding a beating. It's about getting through life with a disability or a heart condition. Or just being Gay and proud. Jesus, we're all different and we've all suffered. And we're your family. Look at me." Dean took his face in his hands. "We're all screwed to hell and the only way you're gonna avoid demons and all that crap is staying away from us. You'll be missin' out on so much though."

"I know."

"I don't expect you to be me."

"Ok."

"Are we clear?"

Cole wrapped his arms around him and got it out of his system as Dean took a deep breath.

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OMG...sob