Disclaimer: Not mine as always.

AN: Apologies for the delay...one of my puppies decided that my laptop charger would make a great snack! We are nearing the end of this fic now...it might have taken 2 years but the end is in sight. Thank you to all those who have reviewed or sent me a PM, they are greatly appreciated and do motivate me to keep writing. I hope to finish this during my half term break. Anyway, enough rambling...Enjoy :o)

Chapter 35

Emily sat at her desk reading a case file, her pen tapping gently against her hand as she unconsciously fidgeted while her mind drifted. She knew the blonde agent was in the building for her psych evaluation. Emily also knew that the outcome of that evaluation would decide the course her future would take.

"Emily Prentiss." Emily spun around at the sound of Garcia's voice echoing around the bullpen. She watched as the technical analyst marched over to her desk, a piece of paper clenched in her hand. The brunette agent was vaguely aware of the way the room had become a bit quieter. "Just what..." Garcia's voice trailed off as she realised the other agents in the room had halted in their own actions to watch the scene unfolding before their eyes. Garcia grabbed Emily's arm and unceremoniously dragged her out of her seat. Emily dropped the file she had been reading back onto her desk as Garcia led her away from her desk and out of the room. Emily knew from the way that her friend was acting that her resignation had been placed onto the system, which meant JJ had been cleared for duty. The knowledge of this fact creating a jumble of emotions inside the brunette's mind. Emily cast a glance around the room that Garcia had led them into once the door had closed.

"Garcia, this is a janitor's closet."

The blonde dropped her hand from Emily's arm and turned to glare at the agent. "I am well aware of that fact but there are no cameras and very little chance of interruption while you explain this to me." Her voice held a tone that bordered between angry and hurt. The paper that was still grasped in her hand was thrust towards the brunette agent.

Emily took the paper and glanced at it. No sooner had she read the heading of 'request for termination of contract' she looked back to meet her friends gaze as she passed the sheet of paper back to her. As their eyes met, Emily could clearly see the betrayal that her friend felt at her actions. "I meant to tell you Pen but I didn't know how." Emily's voice held none of the confidence that usually accompanied the normal dulcet tone.

"Gee Em there are a whole load of ways you could have told me. Yet I had to read it in one of my alerts. Not so much as a word from you. I'd have preferred an e-mail or a text to this!" The tone of the blonde's voice left no doubt as to the level of pain she had felt at the discovery. Emily dropped her gaze from her friend's face, the emotion of the past couple of months weighing heavily on her heart as she let herself feel the impact of her actions on those people she was closest to. "I thought we were friends Em." Garcia's voice had dropped to a much quieter tone, the anger fading to reveal the hurt that lay beneath.

Emily's brown eyes snapped back to the analysts face as those words registered. "We are Pen. You are one of my best friends." Emily hoped that the quirky blonde standing before her could read the sincerity of her words in both her tone and expression.

The two women looked at each other for a moment, the silence stretching between them as they both grasped for the words to say. "Then why are you going?" Garcia's voice finally broke the silence as she asked the question she needed to know the answer to in an attempt to understand the actions of the woman before her. The words were quiet and filled with the hint of confusion she felt at the news her freind was leaving.

Emily sighed at the question. She knew her friend deserved a proper explanation if she had any hope of maintaining the friendship that had come to mean so much to her. Finding the words to explain everything that led to this moment was the hard part. "It's just too hard Pen."

"I don't understand. What is so hard?" Emily wanted to explain all her fears and doubts but the words failed to come. "Why do you have to hide behind those damn walls? Why can't you just drop them and talk to one of us?" The anger had seeped back into Garcia's voice as she found herself fighting against the silent walls the brunette used.

"I did." The quiet words hung in the air between the two women as the fight went out of the brunette. Her shoulders dropped as she felt the energy drain from her body with her admission. "I dropped all my walls. I stopped using my compartments and I laid myself bare for the first time in as long as I can remember." Emily swallowed thickly to clear the lump that had begun to form in the throat, making it harder to say the words that so desperately needed to be said. "Now I can't put it all back. I can't lock those feelings away again. I have tried Pen. I have really tried but it's just too hard. I can't see her every day, be so close to her and yet have this gaping void between us." Emily could see the tears seeping from Garcia's eyes as she spoke. It was only when the blonde pulled her into a hug that she realised she was crying too. All the emotions that had been kept hidden behind her facade of work finally spilling out. The feeling of utter despair that everything she had dreamed would one day come to pass had slipped out of her reach for good.

Garcia held Emily while she cried silently. The analyst could feel her own tenuous hold on her emotions wavering as she began to doubt that her two best friends would be able to find their way back. As she felt the brunette calm in her arms, she pulled back to look at her. The analyst carefully thought about the way to phrase her next question, not wanting to cause the brunette any more anguish. "How can you be so sure that in time, things won't improve?"

Emily smiled sadly at her friend. "It's been two months and she's not said a word to me since I left her at the hospital."

The analyst watched as Emily wrapped her arms around herself, effectively shutting herself off from any further conversation on the topic. Garcia gave Emily one last look before turning to walk the two steps back towards the door. As her hand rested on the handle she turned her head to face the brunette once more over her shoulder, her eyes soft and sad. "I know you have all these walls and compartments that you hide everything behind and you hope that you'll put them all back in place again in time but it won't work Em. I have seen how you look at her and even you can't put all those feelings into a little box."

Emily opened her mouth to protest but was stopped as Garcia continued. "This resignation is you trying to put a distance between you but even if you were hundreds of miles away, you'd still have those feelings. You can't just turn them off and that is going to eat away at you."

The brunette heard the words that fell from her friends lips and could feel the truth in them. "What can I do Garcia? She has made it clear that she doesn't feel the same way anymore. Whatever she once felt for me is gone now. I had my time and now it's passed. So what should I do? Stay here and be her friend, slowly ripping myself apart as I can do nothing but watch her live her life without me as a part of it. Having to listen to her tell me about everything that happens in her life but never being a real part of it and dreading the day that she says she met someone to share it all with her. Or do I go and try to forget everything that I thought we could once have? All those times I'd think of a future with her beside me, a future with a family...our family." Emily could feel her control slipping once more as her vision began to blur with unshed tears as she laid out all the thoughts that had been running through her mind for the past two months. It seemed that no matter what choice she made, she lost.

Garcia stepped closer and rested her hand on the brunettes arm once more. "You have this big heart that you try to keep hidden away but you have given a large part of it away. You'll never be able to forget someone who holds so much of it." Giving her friend's arm a gentle squeeze, Garcia turned and left the closet.

Emily stood and stared at the closed door for a while as she regained her composure once more, Garcia's words still running through her mind. Deep down, she knew that her friend was right. She knew that she'd never forget the blonde woman who had awakened so many parts of her that had lain dormant for years. Yet the thought of having to stand on the sidelines and just be a spectator in JJ's life required more strength than she had left. As much as it pained her, she would leave the BAU and the only true family she had ever had.

As Garcia walked back into her office she slumped back against the door as it closed, allowing her eyes to drift shut as the weight of conversation she'd just had sat heavily upon her mind. "Damn it Emily." She cursed into the empty air of her office.

"What's wrong? Is Emily OK?" The concern was evident in the voice.

Garcia's eyes snapped open as she spun to look over to where JJ was sitting in her office chair. Her hand flew up to her chest as she felt her heart rate pick up, whether due to the surprise at hearing another voice or that JJ was enquiring after the brunette. "JJ. What are you doing here?"

"I just came from my psych evaluation and knew you wouldn't forgive me if I didn't drop by." JJ watched her friend's actions carefully as Garcia dropped her hand from her chest and stepped towards her, waiting for a response to her earlier questions. She watched as Garcia came to rest on the desk beside the chair JJ sat in, her whole posture making it clear she was uncomfortable which made the young blonde frown slightly.

"So how did it go?" Garcia tried for a light tone while silently willing herself to relax and hoping JJ would forget her initial enquiry.

JJ regarded the older woman for a moment before speaking with a tone that left no doubt that she wanted an answer this time. "Garcia, what has happened with Emily?"

"You know how I have these alerts set up for each of you so that if anything out of the ordinary happens or people try accessing your files then I get a warning?" Seeing JJ nod her head, she continued. "Well, one of my alerts was activated this morning." Garcia's voice trailed off as she considered how to finish informing the woman before her about what the alert meant. Instead of trying to find the right words, she silently passed JJ the paper that was still held in her hand, the copy of the resignation request that had been submitted that morning.

JJ took the sheet of paper from her friend's out stretched hand and read it. Her frown deepened as she took in the information that the print out held. When she had seen the letter on Hotch's desk, she had figured that he or one of the others on the team would find a way to talk her out of this decision. The realisation that the brunette agent was really leaving sank in slowly. While she didn't want to risk allowing anyone to know how she truly felt for the other agent, in fear it may be used against them one day, she never wanted to lose her from her life entirely. JJ knew that if Emily left the BAU, there was nothing to keep her from leaving Washington or even the USA. That if that happened, she'd always be waiting on a phone call or e-mail to let her know how the other woman was doing. It was one thing to put a distance between them when she could still see and speak to the other woman but to not have that contact...JJ felt her heart constrict. "She can't go." JJ's voice was quiet as she spoke.

"Why Jayje?"

JJ looked up and met those of Garcia, the anguish she felt at the news clearly evident in her cerulean eyes. "She belongs here. This is her family." JJ knew she wasn't being completely forthcoming with her true feelings but she just couldn't bring herself to admit that she needed the older woman in her life.

Garcia felt the disappointment at the response she received. "Maybe you should tell her that."

JJ wanted to say something that would explain why she couldn't tell the brunette to stay. Yet every explanation that came to mind would result in a long conversation about her reasons for pushing the brunette away in the first place. That was a conversation that the blonde wished to avoid if at all possible as she doubted the analyst would agree with her reasoning.

Garcia watched the emotions that crossed her friends face before sighing quietly as she realised that the young blonde wasn't going to face the fact that only her words would be able to keep the brunette in the team. "When are you back Jayje?"

"Monday."

"What about Henry?" The thought of what would happen to the little boy now JJ was returning to work full time and Will was no longer on the scene occurring to the analyst.

"Despite everything that happened with Will, he did find a good nanny."

Garcia stared at the younger woman in shock for a moment. "Jayje...Are you sure? I mean I haven't even run my searches on her or anything." The analyst was talking as she pulled a chair up to her computers and began typing.

"Pen, its fine. The checks have been done."

Garcia spun her chair to face the other woman, raising one of her eyebrows as she did.

"A few days after I got home, I received an envelope with all the checks I could ever imagine and some I couldn't have imagined inside."

Garcia thought for a moment about who would have the connections and forethought to have carried out the searches on a potential nanny before JJ had even thought about returning to work. There was only one person who would have done such a thing, Emily.

JJ cast a glance down at her watch before standing from the seat. "Talking of Henry, I need to pick him up from the day care and get him home for some lunch. I'll see you on Monday." She leant over and gave her friend a hug.

As JJ reached the door, Garcia's voice made her pause. "Jayje, once Em goes then she won't come back. Just make sure you are certain about what you want."

JJ felt the words settle heavily in her heart as she wasn't certain of what she wanted anymore. "See you Monday." The young blonde's voice was quieter as she let herself consider her friends words. She turned the handle and left the office, her mind once more in turmoil about what path to take.