CHAPTER THIRTY-SEVEN
Title: "Salvation: Forever and Always: Elusive Dreams – PART III"
Author: Michelle Heath
Rating: MA for adult situations and language
Summary: Story #9 in the Salvation series. The bonds of family bring the Five-0 ohana even closer.
Disclaimer: I so do not own Hawaii Five-0; unfortunately! All original characters are the property of the author!
Date Written: March 3, 2013
(At the same time Steve is sitting on his in-law's back deck talking to them, Sam is sitting in her office staring at her flat-screen computer monitor. Everyone else has left for the day and Sam has been sitting at her desk staring at the same thing on her monitor all by herself for over half an hour. Although she would rather cut off her right arm than admit it to her husband or anyone else, Sam has finally admitted to herself that she does, indeed, have a problem. She has been carrying around a boatload of guilt since she was seventeen years old, and she is finding it increasingly difficult to deal with what she did all those years ago. Thinking back, Sam realizes that it was probably the stress and worry she experienced on a daily basis while Caroline was so sick, as well as little Gabe's death, that brought her unforgivable actions back to the forefront of her mind. Lifting one hand to the computer monitor, Sam gingerly touches the screen on which is displayed the section of Arlington National Cemetery where her biological parents are buried. As her fingers come into contact with the screen, her mind drifts back to the bitterly cold December day when her parents were buried.
The sky is gray and filled with dark, heavy clouds, the wind blowing forlornly, and snow is lightly but steadily falling as the long procession of cars makes its way from the Washington National Cathedral to Arlington. Sam is sitting in the back of a black limousine, courtesy of the Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, between Libby and Mike Thrasher and Caroline is sitting across from them. Mike is in his dress uniform but Sam, Caroline, and Libby are all wearing black dresses beneath their dark coats. The funeral service at the church was a little lengthy, filled with military precision and several VIPs, including the Chairman of the Joint Chiefs, the Secretary of Defense, and the Vice-President of the United States, all personal friends of Anne and Jonathan Murdock, spoke during the service,. Her father's brilliant military career was discussed, the many numerous medals he had been awarded were mentioned, his loyalty and honor to his country cited, and his deep love for his wife and daughter expressed. Her mother's unwavering love and support for her husband was mentioned as well as what a caring and kind Officer's wife Anne Murdock was and how all the other SEAL wives strove to emulate her in word and deed. And then Mike had spoken so eloquently about how, in his humble opinion, Anne and Jonathan Murdock were more than a Navy SEAL and a Navy wife; they were loyal and caring friends who were always ready and willing to be there for others in bad times as well as good, and, perhaps most importantly, they were devoted parents who had raised their only child in a house filled with love and had instilled in their daughter a sense of duty, honor, and honesty. His voice had broken when he had talked about what good and close friends Anne and Jonathan had been to him and his Libby and how much they were going to be missed. Looking at Sam through tear-filled eyes, Mike had promised her, there in the National Cathedral in front of all those present, that he and Libby would love and care for her as if she were their own. It was then that Sam had been filled with guilt for the first time and she suddenly found that she was having a difficult time breathing.
The burial at Arlington was with full military honors and, although she was bundled warmly in a heavy coat and gloves, icy tendrils of shame wrapped around Sam's heart and invaded her soul as she was presented with the flag from her father's casket, the volley of gunshots filled the air, and Taps was played by the lone bugler. Back at the house, Sam stood between Libby and Mike for what seemed like hours while friends and acquaintances of her parents came to pay their respects. Somehow, she managed to respond appropriately to the comments that were addressed directly to her and, when everyone but the family was gone and she had changed out of the black dress she had worn to her parents' funeral and into a pair of comfortable jeans and her favorite sweater and gone downstairs to the kitchen where Libby was preparing their dinner, she had felt emotionally drained and like she was simply "going through the motions". Caroline and Mike were conspicuously absent from the kitchen and Sam had quietly seated herself on one of the stools at the breakfast bar separating the kitchen from the eating area and watched Libby as she sliced fresh vegetables and added them to the salad bowl.
"Where are Caroline and Uncle Mike?"
"I sent them to the bakery to get one of those strawberry cakes you like so much for dessert."
"Will the bakery have any strawberry cakes, Aunt Libby? I mean, it's December."
"I called Mrs. Magee and asked her if she would locate some hothouse strawberries and make you one, Sweetie."
"That's very thoughtful of you, Aunt Libby, but you didn't have to go to all that trouble."
"It wasn't any trouble, Sam. I know how much pain you're in right now, and I wanted to do something to help you feel better; even if it's only for a few moments."
And before Sam could respond, could tell Libby that she didn't deserve any kindness because of what she'd done, Caroline and Mike had come back with the strawberry cake and the moment had passed. For the next several days, Libby and Mike had made sure that Sam was never alone for any extended length of time and they did everything within their power to protect her from the media. Realizing that she couldn't stay in Washington any longer, Sam had begged Libby and Mike to allow her to return to the Naval Academy and her studies. Finally, after enlisting Caroline to join her in convincing Libby and Mike to allow them to return to school, the two girls found themselves back in their dorm in Annapolis. Sam threw herself in to her studies and excelled beyond her expectations. She graduated summa cum laude, immediately went to Flight School in Pensacola, FL, gradated from there at the top of her class, and went on with her life.
Hearing several people in the hallway outside her office saying goodnight to others, Sam gives herself a mental shake and sighs heavily as she shuts down her computer, grabs her briefcase and cover, and heads out to the parking lot. As she is driving home from the base, the thought that she has been living a lie since her parents died drums steadily through Sam's mind and, by the time she pulls into her driveway, she is almost physically sick to her stomach.)