Diaries of Hogwarts Past

I don't own Harry Potter the book or the movie (WHICH IS THE MOST AMAZING MOVIE EVER IN THE WHOLE OF THE UNIVERSE (including Pigfarts))

Chapter 37 – 2nd Year at Hogwarts

James' Diary 10:10am 19st February1973

I can't believe it.

I never would have guessed.

Ever.

Well, maybe, but I still can't believe it.

The only thing that could possibly even remotely be as 'wow' as this would've been that Evans agreed to go out with me (which I have been asking her every day since Valentines Day. Partly just to prove to 'Snivellus' that I can and partly because, well, I actually want her to go out with me)

But it's got to be the only solution.

But I suppose I should start from the beginning.

So, on the night of the 17th of February, Sirius, Peter and I had another 'meeting' (our third) on why Remus wasn't here.

Peter (he is actually extremely clever at times) had written down all the dates he was away, and they seemed random.

But we all worked at trying to find out how they connected.

Well, Peter and I worked hard; Sirius was relaxing back in his chair.

Then suddenly we heard Sirius shout as his chair tipped backwards.

We jumped up and ran to help him up but he sat on the floor and stared out the window.

'Sirius?' Peter asked, but Sirius didn't answer.

'Sirius? Mate, you ok?' I asked but he only raised and arm and pointed out the window.

Peter and I looked but we couldn't see anything out of place.

'Sirius? What is it?' I persisted and after a while we heard Sirius' voice, but faint and a lot different to his usual boisterous attitude.

'O-on the other two nights, I-I didn't notice... But it was there. It was there and it's there now...' He muttered.

'Sirius, what's there?' Peter asked.

Sirius moved his hand slightly to show us and exact position of where we were looking

'The moon? Sirius what does that have to do-' I started, but realized what he meant.

'The-the full moon? Why would he go at the...' I started again, but again realizing before finishing. 'Peter.' I said, by voice clear and calm, unlike how I was feeling. 'Check the other dates.'

I heard a rustle of papers as I started out the window at the round, silver moon, not realising that its beauty could mean something so different to someone else.

'They-they are.' Peter said, his voice wavering. 'They're all full moons...'

We all sat there for a while before I said, 'But- but it couldn't be true, could it? I mean, what if he is going to see his Grandmother or his mother or whoever he said and it just happened to be over the full moon...?'

No one said anything – they didn't have to.

We all knew that what I said wasn't true.

We all knew that we had found out his secret – and it hadn't been what we expected.

After another long silence, Peter spoke. 'But this doesn't make a difference, right? I mean, he's still Remus... isn't he?'

There was another long silence as we thought about what Peter said.

Our whole lives we had grown up despising werewolves, thinking they were evil and cruel.

Werewolves were one of those creatures that we were taught to fear and hate, and learning that our best friend was one really stumped us.

Remus wasn't cruel or evil and all through school (so far) I had had this nagging feeling the Remus... that Remus feared us.

Or at least feared the school.

And now we knew why.

If it got out that he was what he was – a werewolf – he would be ruined.

Probably expelled from Hogwarts; no one would want their kids around a werewolf.

Before now we were all annoyed that he wouldn't tell us his secret – now we understood.

But he's still Remus.

The Remus that is kind and accepting and thoughtful and so sensitive that we (or at least Sirius) joked that he must be gay.

The Remus that we never would've thought could be a werewolf.

Surprisingly, Sirius spoke first.

'Yes, he is still Remus. I don't care that once a month he's a werewolf, for the rest of the time he's Remus. Our Remus. He can't help being a werewolf, can he? If he could I would bet you everything I owned that he would get rid of it somehow, but he can't. The way I see it is that once a month he's a monster... and the rest of the time he's trying to make up for it. And I'm not going to desert him.'

There was a fierce sort of loyalty in Sirius' eyes – the type I sometimes saw in my dad's eyes just before he went out on a dangerous mission to protect other people, or to protect us.

Family loyalty.

Sirius never had a proper family – we were the closest he had.

And he wasn't going to let a minor inconvenience stop him from having the family that we promised him we would be.

I stood up from the seat I hadn't even realised I was sitting in. 'Neither am I. Remus is more than my friend – he's my brother and I promised I would stick by him no matter what, so I'm going to stick by him.'

It wasn't a whole speech like Sirius, but I didn't think it mattered.

I was sticking by Remus no matter what.

Who cares if he was a werewolf!

'M-me too' said Peter, and it was one of the rare occasions that I thought he looked proud that he was sticking up for something.

'So... when are we going to tell him?' Sirius asked.

'Tell him what?' I replied.

Sirius rolled his eyes.

'That we know that he's a were... that he's what he is. We have to tell him that we know and that we're going to stick by him. That we don't care what he is. We can't just not tell him.'

'Sirius is right.' I told Peter. 'We have to tell him. How about... the first night he comes back. So that, and I hate to say it, but we can stop him if he tries to run away. He'll still be weak from his... transformation, so if possible we could stop him running.'

Peter was still clueless. 'But why would he run away?' he asked.

'Well, if you were a werewolf and we told you that we knew what you were, what would you want top do first? Run.' Sirius told him. 'And Remus needs to know as soon as possible. We'll do it the first night he comes back.'

I nodded. 'Should we take his wand?' I asked. 'So if we lock the door he can't get out?'

'Good idea.' Sirius praised, and we spent the rest of the night deciding how to tell Remus.

So we're going to tell him tonight.

Well, he isn't actually back yet, but McGonagall said that he'd be back around 7 tonight.

So when he comes back we'll tell him.

I wonder how he'll take it.

I guess we'll just have to wait and find out.

Wish me luck.

Later, James.

Remus' Diary 10:34pm 19st February1973

They... they know.

My friends know my secret.

They know I'm a werewolf.

But... they don't hate me.

They don't care that I'm a monster.

They said so.

Just tonight, they said so.

So I came back from the secret room in the Hospital Wing tonight and when I got to the common room they all ran down the stairs.

'Remus!' they yelled and they all surrounded me with hugs and pats on the back as they asked, 'How's your Grandmother?' and 'We're so glad your back!'

Then James said, 'Remus, come on, we've got something to show you!'

They all ran up the stairs and I followed, smiling, wondering what they could possibly show me that would get them so excited.

I walked through and they were all sitting on Sirius' bed, facing my one, and they motioned for me to sit on my own bed.

I walked over and sat cross-legged on the bed.

'Now close your eyes' Sirius said and I did, expecting to be given something or (you never know) have a bucket of frogs tipped on my head but instead I heard them mutter a few charms and I heard clicks as the doors (including the bathroom door) locked.

'What's going on?' I asked, my eyes still closed and I heard them sigh.

'Remus.' James said. 'We need to talk to you.' Slowly, I opened my eyes and found then sitting there unsmiling.

'Guys, what's going on?' I asked, my throat closing in. What if they know? I thought What if they know and now they're going to make me leave them forever?

'Remus.' James said gently, confirming my greatest fears. 'We know.'

I shook my head.

'No-no' I stammered. 'You can't know, you can't! There's nothing to know, nothing at all, you can't know anything!'

They all looked uncomfortably amongst each other.

'Remus.' Sirius said. 'We know that you're a werewolf. But-'

'No!' I shouted, feeling that horrible feeling of emptiness spread throughout my body.

I couldn't deal with this; I couldn't face them now that they knew.

I had to get away, I couldn't sit there and listen to them tell me they hate me and that I had to leave their group.

I jumped up and ran to the door, scrambling for my wand when I found it locked.

But it wasn't there.

I spun around to see Sirius holding my wand sheepishly – he must have taken it when he hugged me.

I looked from left to right – the bathroom door was obviously locked and there were no other ways out except for the windows.

I looked up in panic at James, Sirius and Peter who sitting on the bed watching me with pained expressions, and suddenly my eyes filled with tears.

I slid to the floor and put my face into my knees as I hugged them tightly with my arms; holding myself together.

I started sobbing uncontrollably, spasms shaking my body as my chest heaved and tears running down my cheeks.

I felt them walk slowly over.

'If- if you don't want to talk to me I-I understand.' I whispered. 'You-you can leave and n-never talk to me again. I'll get it. Just please – please don't tell anyone. Please...' I sobbed again as I prepared myself for rejection and humiliation.

For their voices suddenly coming through cruel and harsh, telling me I didn't have the right to ask anything from them – I was a monster and didn't deserve anything.

Instead I felt a soft hand on my shoulder and heard James say,

'Remus... We're not going to leave you. We said we'll be here for you, and we will be. I said 'no matter what' and I meant it.'

I looked up slowly into my friends' kind eyes.

'You're my brother Remus. I'm not going to leave you, No one is. We're all here for you. You're still Remus, you just have... a furry little problem.' Sirius said.

Peter and James smiled at his name for my lycanthropy.

'Re-really?' I hiccupped. 'You... you don't hate me?'

They laughed.

They actually laughed.

No, silly.' Said Peter, and suddenly their arms were around me, holding me tight in a sort of silent promise.

I half expecting a trick – that they'd suddenly start laughing and hexing me but they didn't.

They pulled away gently and stood up.

Sirius held out his hand and when I took it he pulled me up.

I walked back to my bed and sat down.

'It was 3 days before my seventh birthday.' I told them, looking at the ground. 'When it happened.'

'Remus.' James said gently. 'You don't have to tell us. If you need some time we understand. Really we do.'

I ignored him and continued.

'I was playing outside and my mum had just called me to come in for dinner. I pretended to ignore her though.' I smiled slightly. 'I was being a medieval wizard on a hippogriff, rescuing a princess.'

The rest of them smiled too, just a little.

'The sun was just setting.' I continued. 'I saw a man in the shadows, over 100 meters away, but I didn't pay attention to him. Being a six year old and all. Then as I slay the dragon guarding my princess I saw the man jerk. He shuddered a little then started growing. His... his skins started turning grey and slightly furry. His nose grew. He bent over as if in pain. Now I know that he was.' I stopped, then took a breath. 'I'm never going to forget it. I stood there staring at him, wondering what had happened. He was curled in a ball, whimpering. I didn't know what was going on. I stook a tentative step towards the grey thing and suddenly its head shot up. Its black eyes focused on me and I did the only thing I could think to do. I ran.'

Suddenly I was there.

I was in the backyard of my old house, staring into the eyes of the thing that had changed my life.

Just like I had when I was six, I turned and ran.

'I called for my mum...' I said, still in my memory

I sprinted towards the house, screaming for my mum and feeling a horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach as I her face as she took in her six year old son sprinting across t he lawn with a werewolf catching up.

'Remus!' I still remember the panic in her voice 6 years later.

She ran outside, not caring that she had left her wand inside, and my dad came out a few seconds later with his.

'But they were two late...' I whispered, still staring out the window, remembering what it was like to be bitten.

It didn't hurt.

It was the exact opposite.

It felt like... nothing.

I felt the bite, but instead of pain it was nothing.

This feeling of nothing spread throughout my body.

I didn't even feel when I fell unconscious.

I didn't feel when my mother worked feverishly on me all night, even after the nurses from St Mungos came.

'Even the day after I didn't get why I couldn't feel by shoulder...' I murmured, coming out of my daydream to find that my friends were no longer on the bed opposite me.

They were sitting next to me instead, holding me close to them, as if knowing that it was the first time that I had ever looked back on that day.

And now, thanks to them, I can.

I can look back on that day and not think about how it made me a monster.

And now I'm even closer to them.

We sat there for over an hour, just sitting there in each others arms.

I think now I know what it's like to have a sibling.

And it's not bad.

Remus.

Sorry! I know it's taken a while and this chapter is really short, but I hope I make up for it. Reviews would be awesome! Cookies for everyone who reviews!

Love, Alysa