Happy Monday to you all!
I just have to share with you that I am so excited. About what you wanna know? Well next Monday at this time I will be hanging out with the one and only Hope4more. Yep that's right she is coming here to St. Louis and I can't wait!
Speaking of Hope4more, did I mention that she rocks!
My Bella thanks for always being there when I need that little extra bit of help.
Oh, just in case you forgot, Stephenie Meyer owns it all.
Enjoy!
BPOV
Getting through the night had been quite a challenge. If all I had to deal with was just waking up to feed my new son, it wouldn't have been as bad. But I also had to deal with the nurse coming in every couple of hours to check my vital signs and my girly parts to make sure everything was as it should be.
Edward stayed with me in my room overnight sleeping in the extra wide recliner that laid flat to form a makeshift bed. We were both having a hard enough time sleeping in separate beds without the added disturbance of being woken up by the nurse.
At one point, I think somewhere around four in the morning, when Edward and I had both just fallen back to sleep after I had fed Zachary, Edward made the comment, "I really don't understand how they can come in here and ask you if you are resting comfortably and offer you something to help you sleep. Especially when they are the ones waking you up for what as far as I can see, is no apparent reason. I'd like to tell them that I don't need a pill to help me sleep; I'd just like for them to stay out and actually let us sleep. What a fucking concept. An Edward with no sleep, was not a happy Edward.
Sometime later I was roused from my sleep, when Zachary's hungry cries carried through the room. I sat up and was about to scoot to the edge of the bed so I could get him, when I saw Edward up and walking to the bassinet and lifting our son into his arms. Even though Zac had weighed in at a hefty eight pounds and eleven ounces, he still appeared so incredibly tiny in his daddy's arms.
I smiled as Edward walked the short distance from where the bassinet sat to my bed. As he leaned down to place our hungry son in my arms, he said, "Don't even think about getting out of that bed to get him right now, that's what I'm here for."
I let out a half snort, half laugh sound at his attempt to be stern, as he kissed the top on my head and made his comment. Once I had the baby latched on and situated so he could eat, I looked at the clock and noticed it was near seven in the morning.
"What time did you say your mom and dad are supposed to get in?" I asked as he flipped through the limited selection of TV stations the hospital offered.
"Their flight is due to land around eight thirty. Emmett is going to pick them up at the airport and bring them here. They would like to stay with us if that's ok with you?" he said as he looked to me for my answer.
"Of course it's ok, why wouldn't it be?" I asked incredulously.
"Well your mom is staying with us as well and I just didn't want you to feel overwhelmed with so many extra people at home, on top of having a new baby to care for. You do realize we aren't going to have the house to ourselves again until after Thanksgiving?"
"I didn't think about that, but it's only a couple of weeks, and this way both our parents will get to spend more time with their new grandbaby."
He had moved to sit next to me on my bed and had his arms wrapped around the both of us as Zac continued to eat heartedly. I closed my eyes and rested my head on his chest and just enjoyed the moment. Feeling me relax against him, Edward arms tightened around the both of us as he whispered in my ear, "I could stay like this forever with the two of you. Everything I need to be happy is right here."
I turned my face up to his and whispered back to him, "I know, me too."
Edward was leaning forward and just as our lips were about to meet, we were suddenly interrupted by what we heard on the local news broadcast.
"In other sports news around the St. Louis area, we have a heartwarming story to share with you this Saturday morning. It seems that our very own Edward Cullen, ex-center fielder for the St. Louis Cardinals may no longer be delivering home runs on the field, but it appears he is doing a new kind of delivering at home. Turns out the 34 year old former center fielder has added a new job description to his resume. News channel five has learned from a reliable source that Edward Cullen was responsible for delivering his own baby late yesterday evening. Our source said that apparently Mrs. Cullen's labor came about rather suddenly and the newest Cullen couldn't wait to make his arrival at the hospital, thus requiring Edward to deliver his son in their suburban St. Louis home. While our sources tell us that mother and baby are both healthy and recovering at a local hospital, we have no word on if the newest member of the Cullen clan was a boy or a girl."
"Wow, I bet he never expected that after his retirement," news anchor Jennifer Bloomingdale humorously stated to her co-anchor Art Hollingston.
"No Jennifer, I'm sure he never imagined that. I actually don't think many new fathers think they will be responsible for delivering their child."
Any word on whether or not we will get a statement from Mr. Cullen about the birth of his child?" Jennifer inquired.
"No, we don't have any information on that at this time, but we do have a news crew on standby at the hospital we believe Mrs. Cullen was admitted to." Art replied.
"Well we certainly send our best wishes to the new family and if we get any additional information we will be sure to pass it on to all our viewers." Jennifer cheerfully replied to the camera.
"Damn it," Edward muttered as he pinched the bridge of his nose in frustration.
"How did they find out?" I asked him worriedly. The last thing either one of us wanted was to be hounded by the press right now. This was supposed to be a happy wonderful occasion for us. We had managed to keep them away from our wedding and had hoped to do the same when it came time for Zachary's birth.
"I'm not sure but—"
Edward was cut off by the door to my room opening. Carlisle, Esme, and the rest of the gang had arrived. I noticed right away that Rose and Max were not with them. I was about to ask Emmett where they were, but Alice came bouncing into the room with Jasper right behind her carrying little Katelyn.
"Hi Bella," Alice chimed with a sparking smile on her face, showing her seemingly never ending supply of energy.
"Hi Ali, how's Katelyn?"
"She's perfect of course," Alice trilled and I couldn't help laughing at her response. Motherhood definitely agreed with her.
"Hey Em, where's Rose and Max?" I asked.
"Rose isn't feeling well and has a stomach bug or something and Max was napping, so they're at home." Emmett told us and then quickly changed the subject to tell us, "You know there's a swarm of media reporters outside wanting to get the scoop on the little guy's arrival."
"Yeah we just saw them reporting it on the news." Edward huffed, his annoyance clear in the tone of his voice.
"Son, can I make a suggestion?" Carlisle asked as he and Esme made their way over to my bed to see their newest grandchild. They both beamed with pride as I held him out for them to hold. Esme took him first and sat on the foot of my bed with Carlisle hovering overhead. Esme looked at me with the most loving and amazing smile on her face as she peeled back his little blue knitted hat and saw that Zachary's hair color matched Edward's perfectly, which was nearly the same color as hers. Her smile told me everything about her feelings towards the newest Cullen.
"Sure," Edward said as he looked curiously in his dad's direction and waited for his advice.
Carlisle turned his attention to his son as he spoke, "We've had this situation a few times in Forks. A few of the Seattle Mariners and the Seahawks live in the area since it provides them the ability to be near their families, but not be in the city. Every once in a while the local as well as the Seattle news media will get wind of someone being admitted to Forks General for whatever reason. So to avoid a media circus, we simply have a member of the family give a statement and then ask them to leave the property."
Running his hand through his hair and contemplating what his father had just said, Edward looked at me. I knew from the news coverage we had gotten on several of the big charity events I had done with Angela and Ben that the press could be vicious and relentless. As a former professional athlete, Edward was well aware of this too.
I placed my hand on his and said, "Could it really hurt that much to tell them what they want to know? Yeah I know it's not what we wanted, but it's not like we have anything to hide. They already know most of the details anyways."
"Sweetheart I'll shout it from the rooftops if you want me to. I just don't want them hounding us endlessly."
"Bro what's there to hound ya about? There is only so much you can tell them at this point. Unless they wanna know how many times a day you have to change his shitty diaper," Emmett retorted, teasing his older brother.
Squeezing his hand in effort to try and calm him, I said to him, "Edward, I think your brother and father are right, let's just tell them what they want to know within reason and I think they'll go away."
"Ok, if you're sure." He asked.
"I am, like you said, I'd yell it from the rooftops."
Rubbing the heels of his hands against his eyes, and letting out a deep breath, Edward looked over at his brother and asked, "Well since you're so eager, you want to do this with me Em?"
"Sure, sure," Emmett replied as he hopped up and clapped his hands loudly and rubbed them together in anticipation.
Edward grabbed the bag that we had packed for the two of us since we knew he'd be staying here at the hospital with me. It was nice that my room had its own shower that he could use. Telling his brother that he wouldn't be long, Edward hurried to get into the shower.
When he emerged from the bathroom looking rather sexy, I knew that it was going to be a long frustrating six weeks for us both. I probably shouldn't even be entertaining thoughts of sex, given the fact I had just given birth less than twenty four hours ago. But when you had a man like Edward at your disposal and you knew what kind of a sex god he was in the bedroom, it was nearly impossible not to. He had on his favorite pair of faded jeans with a dark green button down shirt that he had rolled up to his elbows. With the top of his shirt unbuttoned just enough to see a bit of his chest hair and the two days' worth of scruff on his face, he oozed sex appeal.
He looked in my direction and must have immediately known what I was thinking. He strolled over to me and after giving me a chaste kiss on the lips, he whispered in my ear, "Stop that, it's going to be hard enough for us without you looking at me like that."
I snorted in an effort to hide, him being right and said, "I have no idea what you're talking about."
He smirked and gave me another quick kiss and moved across the room smacking Emmett on the back and saying, "Let's get this done so I can get back up here with my wife and son where I belong."
"Lead the way bro," Emmett said as he grabbed the door and pulled it open and followed Edward out of the room.
Later that afternoon, my mom arrived just in time to watch the broadcast of what Edward had said to the news station about Zachary's birth with the rest of us in my hospital room. However I doubt she paid much attention at all to the TV since she was completely enamored with her grandson. She held him the entire time rocking him in the rocking chair the hospital provided in all the maternity rooms.
With everyone so focused on the TV and Zachary completely content and sleeping in his grandma's arms, I found myself suddenly drained of all my energy. Maybe it was the comforting sounds of Edward's voice coming from the television combined with everything that had occurred since yesterday or the fact that I hadn't gotten much sleep last night, but as I listened to Edward talk proudly about his son and how exciting, yet scary it was to have been the one to deliver him, I was soon drifting off into oblivion.
It wasn't until I heard Zac start to whimper sometime later that I was pulled from my slumber. Peeking up at the clock on the wall, I saw that a couple of hours had passed and that the room was empty except for the three of us. Having to go to the bathroom I was about to ask Edward if he would hand me my robe when I heard him begin to talk to our son.
"Shhh, little guy, mommy is sleeping, can you wait just a little bit longer to eat. Daddy would help ya out if he could. But right now only mommy can do that. She worked so hard to bring you into this world. You know your daddy was a big idiot yesterday. I upset your mommy and made her mad at me. I love her so much and I hate it when we argue."
I heard Edward being to hum a tune I had recently heard him play on the piano, followed by a few squeaks of the rocking chair. There was no way I could resist looking over at them. He had Zachary cradled in his arms and was kissing his forehead as he hummed away, gazing in wonder at the little bundle he held.
Edward then said, "You know what though, I promise to figure out what the heck it was I did to make her angry and make it up to her."
Zachary started to fuss a bit more and as much as I loved the scene playing out before me I knew that he was ready to eat and would soon be wailing full force if he had to wait much longer. We had found that out real quick last night when the nurse was in for one of her visits and Edward tried to soothe him until she was finished checking me over. I yawned and stretched, feigning the appearance that I had just woken up.
Slowly I rolled over and reached out to gently stroke my hand across the top of my baby's little head and ran my fingers through his hair. It was so soft and warm. I couldn't get over the full head of hair he had, and that it matched the color of Edward's perfectly. Edward smiled and looked down at our son and cooed to him, "Look at that, your mommy is awake now. You ready to eat little guy?"
He then stood so that he could hand him to me. I told him that I needed to use the restroom first and he tucked Zachary snuggly into one arm. The way he did it you would have sworn he had been a football player and not baseball. He then held the hand of his now free arm out to help me up out of bed. I wasn't really in a lot of pain, but I was sore and achy all over. Moving as fast as I could, I did what I needed and got back to him as fast as possible.
"Um, I'm really tired of sitting in that bed; can you help me get him situated while I sit in the rocker?"
He nodded and grabbed the small cushion that I had to sit on, which allowed me to be more comfortable due to the few stitches I had received due to a small tear that had occurred during the delivery. Once it was in place I sat down and then took one of the pillows from the bed to lay across my lap to help support Zachary while he nursed.
As Zac ate, I was torn between confessing what I had heard him say about our argument, and letting him come to me when he was ready to talk about it. I ultimately decided this really wasn't the time or place for such a discussion and left it for when we were home. He knew he was wrong and wanted to fix it and for right now that was enough.
The next morning we were woken up by my doctor making his rounds and coming in to check on me. Didn't doctors ever sleep; I wondered when I looked out the window and took note of the fact that the sun had barely risen.
After a thorough examination I was given my discharge instructions and told I could go home. The pediatric nurse came to take Zachary for his circumcision and final checkup before being released by the pediatrician. I used the opportunity to take the first shower I had had since my bath right before going into labor. While I showered Edward sat in the bathroom with me in case I needed him for any reason. It was funny that while I was washing, I noticed that I could see my feet again, and when Edward heard me giggle, he wanted to know why and laughed as well when I told him.
I got out and dressed in a pair of black yoga pants and my old comfy college sweatshirt. Since bending over was still difficult and a bit painful for me, Edward helped me put my shoes on and then tied them for me. Shortly afterwards, the nurse brought Zachary back to us along with his discharge instructions from the pediatrician.
EPOV
Parking the car in the garage, I got out quickly and hurried around to Bella's side of the car to help her climb down from the SUV.
As I opened the door for her she turned in the seat and when she scooted forward to get down I couldn't help notice she was at the perfect height for me to kiss her. Placing a few soft affectionate kisses on her warm lips, I told her I loved her and helped her down from the vehicle.
She waited for me as I removed the carseat from its base in the backseat and shut the back car door. Bella had been instructed that she was to lift nothing heavier than Zachary by himself for the next few weeks so I was carrying him in the seat into the house. He was fast asleep and we saw no reason to wake him.
Just before we reached the door that led from the garage into the house, there like a big neon sign, sat the box from the power wheels camaro I had purchased for Zac. I knew it was part of the argument that occurred between Bella and me, but for the life of me I still couldn't remember what promise it was that I broke. When her steps halted briefly at the box and her shoulders slumped as she looked at it, I knew I was going to have to talk to her and make things right very soon. I didn't want this special time in our lives to be over shadowed by the fight that we had.
No sooner we walked into the living room; we were bombarded by my parents and Bella's mom. Knowing they would only have a short time here with us, Bella relented and let our parents get Zac out of the carseat even though he was still sleeping. While the two grandmas gushed over him, my dad and I got the remainder of our things out of the car.
Lifting the tailgate on the back of the car, I turned to my dad and asked, "Hey dad, did you ever piss mom off and not know why?"
"More than I care to admit, why? You have Bella mad at you already? You just got home." He chuckled.
"Um, actually we had been in the middle of an argument right before she went into labor." I said as I grabbed the small suitcase we used for Bella's hospital stay.
"And you haven't had a chance to talk about it, and on top of that you're not sure why she's mad?" he inquired.
"That's it for the most part. I mean, I know partially why she is mad at me, but she said I broke a promise I made to her and I feel like the worst husband in the world because I have no idea what that promise is. So what do I do? How to I fix it?"
"Son, the best advice I can give you is to go to her and just be honest. You said you know partially why she was upset, so explain that to her and settle that first and then be honest with her and tell her you don't remember the promise and talk to her," I nodded and listened as he continued to talk, "yes, she is going to be hurt and disappointed that you don't remember what it was. But she will respect the fact that you are being honest with her about the situation, instead of just hoping that she'll be overwhelmed with being a new mom and forget about it."
"Ok, that's what I'll do then." I said as we made our way to the door.
"Oh son."
"Yeah."
"The sooner the better, don't let it linger." He said as he clapped me on the back and made his way past me and into the house.
I acknowledged his suggestion and thanked him, while following behind him.
Much later when everyone had gone to bed, Bella and I were the only one's awake. I had just taken a shower and Bella had just finished feeding the baby. As I stood in the bathroom doorway, running a towel through my hair to dry it, I watched as Bella lay Zachary in the cradle that had been passed down to us by her family.
She stayed by his side, gently caressing the side of his face, soothing him into a deeper slumber. I pulled on my boxers and tossed the wet towel into the bathroom hamper.
Silently walking up behind her, I wrapped my arms around her waist and pulled her to me as I rested my chin on her shoulder and watched our son sleep.
"He's beautiful," she murmured.
"He is; just like his mommy," I softly replied as I placed a kiss on the side of her neck.
She turned and slid her arms around my waist and as she relaxed against my chest I knew that I needed to take this opportunity to clear the air between us.
"Hey," I said, causing her to look up at me, "come sit on the bed with me. There is something I want to talk to you about."
Giving me a somewhat puzzled expression, she slipped her hand in mine and led us over to the bed. She sat down, scooted back and leaned against her pillows which were propped up against the headboard of the bed. I sat down and pulled her legs on to my lap and took hold of her hand.
I stared down at our clasped hands and thought for a minute about how to say what I wanted. I exhaled and then looked up at her and began with, "I noticed you reaction today when we got home and you walked past the power wheels box. I already knew that we still needed to talk about the argument we had the other day, but seeing your reaction when you saw the box in the garage today, showed me how much you were still hurting over it and I wanted to make things right between us again as soon as possible. But I also have a confession to make and I am not sure how you are going to take it. You might be even more angry with me, than you were to begin with."
"What? A confession? What are you talking about Edward?" she asked squeezing my hand briefly, urging me to tell her.
"First I want to say that I am so, so sorry that I upset you. It was wrong of me to take off with Emmett the way I did. I should have been here with you finishing the nursery like we planned. In fact it should have already been done. It's my fault it wasn't. I should have finished it when I said I would and then it wouldn't have been a big deal for me to help Emmett."
"While all of that is true, and those things upset me, that's not what hurt me the most. You made me feel like getting the nursery finished wasn't that important to you and then when you yelled at me for being on the step-ladder, well…that hurt even more. I don't think you have ever used that tone of voice with me ever before. Not to mention it scared the crap out of me."
"I never meant to make you feel scared or hurt. And I certainly never wanted you to feel like finishing the nursery was not important to me. You and Zachary are my life and what's most important to me. When I saw you up on that ladder it scared me. I was afraid you would fall and hurt one or both of you." I let out a deep breath and watched her to see what her reaction would be.
"Why did you do it? Why did you put off finishing the nursery and why did you take off with Emmett the way you did?" she asked me.
"As far as why did I take off with Emmett? Well, that was just plain stupidity on my part. I simply acted without thinking. He asked for my help and I said yes just like I would any other time. What I should have done was just offer for him to use our vehicle."
"That would have been better I agree. But Edward, all you had to do was just ask me if I was ok with it. And I don't mean that in a way to sound like, I'm your parent or some nagging controlling wife that you have to run every little thing you do by me for approval. We were in the middle of finishing up what needed to be done in Zachary's room and you just up and left, without giving it a second thought. That's what hurt my feelings and made me feel like you didn't want to do it… and well… the fact that yeah, you should have had it already done."
She removed her legs from where they were laying across my lap and gingerly scooted closer to me until she was right next to me sitting with her legs folded Indian style.
"Again I am so sorry. I can't even begin to tell you how sorry I am. Bella the last thing I want to do is to hurt you. I never ever want to be the source of anything that causes you pain. And now with the way you went into labor it absolutely terrifies me to think what would have happened if you had gone into labor earlier in the day and couldn't get to a phone. The image of you lying on the bathroom floor alone and in labor… I just…it horrifies me. God I was so fucking stupid." I said as I held her hand and twisted her wedding rings in effort to try and calm my nerves and the anger I felt towards myself. I knew that I still hadn't admitted to not remembering the promise and the more we talked the closer it got to me having to do that. I hoped that she would understand what I had been feeling, once I explained it.
"First of all, you were here when I needed you the most and that is all that matters as far as I am concerned about how I went into labor. Second, I know that you didn't mean to hurt my feelings. The fact is sometimes we are going to fight and argue and probably say or do things that we hadn't meant to say that will hurt us, its human nature and going to happen from time to time. It doesn't mean we love each other any less. I get that you wanted to go help Emmett, he's your brother, and I can even understand that you simply agreed to help him without even thinking about it, and that it scared you to see me on the step ladder. I should have never been on it and that was stupid on my part. I was angry with you for leaving and without thinking I decided I was going to just finish it myself. So I understand all of that. It would seem we both did some stupid things that day. But…," she paused and I could see her chewing on her lip, hesitating with what she wanted to say.
"But what sweetheart?" I asked as I raised my thumb and pulled her plump bottom lip out from between her teeth.
"What I don't understand is why you put it off in the first place. That's so unlike you, and it's not like something else came up. You just didn't do it. There were a couple of instances last week where you acted distant, it was as if something was bothering you, and when I asked you about it you assured me nothing was wrong. Does that have to do with why you put off finishing the nursery; did I do or say something to upset you?"
I thought that I had done a better job of hiding what I was going through other than the couple of times she called me on it. But apparently that was far from the truth and I should have known she'd see right through me. She remained still and quiet, while waiting for me to explain. I was worried it was going to come out all wrong and I would hurt her even more.
Scratching the back of my head and sucking in a deep breath and forcing it back out, I started to talk. "You are right, something was bothering me and I was so wrong to keep it from you. I should have talked to you about it and everything would have been fine. I guess as a man it's hard to admit that you're scared. Scared of something that at the same time completely thrills you. I thought I had hidden it from you but I guess I didn't do such a great job with that, huh?" I shook my head amazed at just how well she really did know me.
Actually, how well we knew each other. I have always seen when something she would try and hide was bugging her. The last time had been before we bought this house and she was having issues over how much it cost. I had seen right way that it was bothering her. When I thought of this it made me realize just how stupid I had been to try and hide what I was dealing with from her.
"No, you didn't, neither one of us have ever been able to hide anything. We see right through one another. When you didn't appear to want to talk, I figured that you just needed more time and that when you were ready you would tell me."
"That was my intent. I was set on doing just that when I came home from helping Emmett and then I saw you on that damn ladder and well… you know the rest."
"Yes, I do know how it went. So what was it that scared you so much that you thought you needed to hide it from me?"
"Basically I was scared of becoming a father." She started to say something and I held my hand up and asked her to let me finish first. I knew she would be jumping to the wrong conclusion if I didn't.
"Maybe I said that wrong, and that's part of why I didn't say anything because I was afraid of how it would come across to you. I was afraid of what kind of father I would be. I can see that beautiful head of yours going a million miles an hour right now and I promise you, that I have no regrets. I am so thrilled to have this life we have together and to have our son." I paused for a minute to see her reaction and when she nodded for me to continue I did.
"I guess it started when we went to your doctor's appointment last Monday and he said you could go into labor at any time. I was suddenly very aware that very soon I was going to be responsible for another person. For teaching him right from wrong, and morals and values and that he was going to be so totally dependent on us. Then I got freaked out over having those feelings. Not really freaked out, but the magnitude of it hit me. He will be completely dependent on us for everything. We will be shaping and molding him into the adult that he will be one day. Please don't think that I don't want or welcome everything that comes with being a father, because I do. I have seen what Emmett has with his family and I know the kind of upbringing I had when I was a kid. When Dr. Montgomery said any day, it was suddenly so very real. I have wanted a family of my own for so long and while it thrilled me to death to finally be getting that dream fulfilled I also worried about what happened if I failed. What if I wasn't a good father? And well…then I berated myself. I felt ashamed and like a bad father for feeling that way and I also was worried what you would think of me for having those thoughts. So I avoided the nursery, because it reminded me of the insecurities I was having."
"Oh, Edward," she said, her voice was quivering with emotion as she reached up and smoothed back the hair that had fallen against my forehead, "don't you know that I have those same fears and concerns about myself. It was just almost a year ago that we were at my parent's house for Thanksgiving and we were both freaking out over my mother basically telling me to get pregnant because Brook was and because she wanted grandchildren. When we talked about it I told you that I had never given kids much thought, but that since I had been around Lilly and Max I had begun to think about the possibility of having my own someday. More specifically a child with you. But in that moment I imagined that someday being a few years away, not a few months."
She paused for a minute and then asked, "Do you still have those fears?"
"Not so much anymore."
"What changed it?"
"Well when you wouldn't let me in our room to talk to you I went back to the nursery. I was going to finish everything up so that it was ready. While doing that I came across one of your pregnancy books and glancing through it I found a section for expectant fathers. I read over it and found that almost every new father has the same feelings and emotions that I had been experiencing and that it was perfectly normal. It also said that the expectant father should talk to their spouses, because chances are they are having the same feelings. So as soon as you were willing I was going to do that," I started laughing out loud causing Bella to question why, "if I had just come to you in the first place, we both could have talked about our fears and concerns and probably avoided the fight."
"Um, no not completely," she said.
"What do you mean?"
"You still broke a promise you made to me and while I may not have been as mad at you I still would have been upset."
"Uh, Bella."
"Yeah."
"That's the other thing I wanted to talk about."
"Ok," she relied somewhat reluctantly. I could see the confusion written across her sleep deprived face. "What?"
"I don't know any other way to say this so I am just going put it out there and hope that you forgive me." I could see her become worried and that was the last thing I wanted. "I don't remember what the promise is that I broke." I hung my head ashamed of myself that I had had forgotten what it is.
BPOV
I was unsure what to make of what he had just told me. On one hand I was relieved because it meant that he hadn't just blatantly ignored the promise, but on the other hand it upset me that he hadn't remembered. So instead of driving myself crazy trying to figure it out, I chose to tell him what I was thinking.
"Edward," I said to him drawing his gaze back up to my eyes. As he did I could see the remorse and regret in his eyes. It was then, that I knew that I couldn't be mad at him now. After what he had just explained to me that he had been going through, it really didn't surprise me that he had forgotten the promise, "what you forgot is that I asked you to promise to stop buying Christmas presents for Zachary. So when you came home with that camaro, I was pretty pissed. I thought that you had blatantly ignored the promise."
"Are you saying you don't feel that way anymore?"
"No, I don't. I can see that you were struggling with what you were going through and that the promise was probably the last thing on your mind. While it is a promise that you made and I don't like the fact that you forgot it, I can understand how it wasn't in the forefront of you mind."
"Does that mean you forgive me?" Hope and relief flowed off his body in powerful waves.
"Yes it does."
He leaned forward and kissed me. The kiss started to get a bit heated and we broke apart, both of us panting, but remembering that we couldn't get carried away. Resting his forehead against mine and he cupped my face in his hands and said to me, "I love you so much Bella, so much that sometimes it hurts. I could never imagine my life without you or our son. The two of you are truly everything to me. I will never keep anything from you again and I promise to do my best to never forget or break any promise I make to you in the future. I hope you believe me and know that I really mean it."
"I do, and I love you too, just as much. My world revolves around the two of you as well."
We kissed again and as held me tightly, he squeezed just a little too tightly and I winced causing him to pull away. When he saw me rubbing my boobs he asked, "What's wrong?"
"Well, the little guy is sleeping and my milk has come in and my boobs really hurt from being full. I am thinking about waking him up to see if he will nurse."
He glanced down at my chest and I instantly knew by the smirk on his face that he had noticed the increased size of them. They had grown during my pregnancy, which he of course was fond of, but they just felt huge now that they were full of milk. I felt like a walking coconut tree. I reached out and lifted his head up and pointed to my eyes and said to him, "Up here buddy, those are off limits for a while."
He chuckled and said, "Sorry, I couldn't help it, I am a man you know. A man who very much enjoys his wife's gorgeous body."
"I know you do, and believe me, any other time I would be extremely happy that you are ogling my boobs, but I swear if you tried to touch them right now, I might have to smack you like Rosalie does Emmett."
"Sweetheart if they hurt that bad, why don't you pump your milk and then we can get him started on using the bottle soon. That way I can start to help you with his feedings?"
"That's an idea. Maybe I should. Would you go down to the nursery and get the pump for me?"
"Sure baby, are the bottles for it downstairs from when you washed them?" he asked as he grabbed a pair of flannel pajama pants and slipped them on over his boxers.
"Yes. I think they are in the cabinet closest to the fridge."
"Okay, I'll be right back." He placed a quick kiss on the top of my head and went to retrieve the pump and bottles.
I turned on the TV to watch while I used the pump. Edward returned a few minutes later with the items and together we figured out how to use the contraption. Once I had expressed all the milk I could, Edward returned the pump to the nursery and put one of the bottles of milk in the fridge to use tomorrow and the rest of the milk in sealed bags made for freezing it.
As he climbed into bed with me, it felt so good to be back in our own bed and to have him next to me with his arms wrapped around me. I was immediately fast asleep.
When Zachary woke up a little bit later, I brought him to our bed to feed him before changing his diaper and putting him back in the cradle.
After that I must have fallen into an extremely deep sleep, because the next time I woke up it was beginning to get light outside. I was suddenly worried about why Zachary hadn't woken up to eat again and got out of bed as fast as I could to check on him. As I did, I noticed Edward wasn't in our bed and when I reached the cradle the baby wasn't there.
I grabbed my robe and made my way down to the nursery in search of them. When I got there the small lamp was on but they weren't in the room. I knew my mother was an early riser, but not usually this early. However, with the thought of spending time with her grandson, maybe she was awake and Edward and Zac were downstairs with her.
When I reached the living room, what I found was the most perfect image I could ever imagine. There was Edward asleep on the couch. He was turned sideways with his legs stretched out on the couch and was in a semi reclined position, with Zac sound asleep on his bare chest. They were both out cold. I noticed the empty bottle on the coffee table and knew instantly that Edward had gotten up with him and fed him.
As I moved to grab the throw blanket form the chair next to the couch, I a caught of glimpse of our camera sitting on the coffee table. Knowing this was a moment I might never get the opportunity to catch again, I quietly took a couple of pictures of my sleeping boys. After putting the camera back down, I picked up the throw blanket from the chair and carefully draped it over the two of them so I didn't wake them up.
Then not wanting to be away from either one of them I curled up on the other end of the couch and as I closed my eyes hoping to fall back asleep, I couldn't help but think that there aren't many perfect moments in life, but to me this sure was one of them.
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