37

One afternoon, his surgeon came in with a nurse, another doctor Ianto had not seen before and a woman who was not dressed in medical garb. They sat down and his doctor said, "Ianto, it's time for us to take off the bandages and start the next phase of your physical therapy. But, before we do, we want to prepare you. You might want your family to step out of the room."

"No. I want them to hear this. I don't know that I want them to see it when you take the bandages off, but I want them to hear what you have to say." Ianto replied "The kids are not here … the adults need to know as much as I do. No secrets."

"Okay. We have not discussed your injuries with you before this because we wanted you to focus on regaining your strength. Your progress, like your survival in the first place, has been little short of miraculous. First, I have to tell you about your injury itself. The bullet hit your sternum at a slight angle. If it had gone in straight, it would have penetrated the heart and you'd have died instantly. Instead, it hit at a slight angle. The sternum did its job protecting the heart, and the bullet shattered. The pieces of the bullet flew out in a spray that essentially caused your entire chest and part of your abdomen to literally explode. By the time they got you into surgery, there was a gaping hole where the front of your torso should have been."

Tosh reached out and took Ianto's hand. Ianto thought he might be sick, but he started breathing very deeply and very slowly. Based on the video he had seen and how it felt when someone touched the bandages over his chest, he had a vague idea where this was headed. He wanted to hear the doctor out before he reacted.

"That probably saved your life. There were very few bullet fragments inside your body, and we managed to get them all out in the first surgery. Following that, there were some frantic telephone consultations with specialists around the country. You needed massive skin grafts, but the Navy ship did not have a plastic surgeon on board. The Navy had some inert material that they were able to use as a temporary measure in the first surgery on the ship. They covered your wound as best they could and infused you with massive amounts of blood and antibiotics." The doctor paused so Ianto could process them motion for him to continue "By the time you got to Miami we had assembled a team of reconstructive surgeons and we had consulted with experts around the world. We took you back into surgery immediately. We took skin from your buttocks, the backs of your legs and your lower back. Basically we took as much skin as we could from everywhere on your body that could spare it. We left your arms and your upper back intact. The scars from where we took the skin will fade eventually and you may even consider someday having a few abrasion treatments if you want to even out the colour and smooth the wrinkles."

Ianto was looking at Jack who seemed engrossed in the conversation, his face showing nothing but affection even as Ianto felt slightly sick.

"The skin grafts on the front of your body all took very well and there has been no sign of infection. We didn't even try to use skin from a donor, because we were afraid that, because you were so weak and had lost so much blood with your own antibodies in it, any hint of tissue rejection would have killed you." The doctor again paused, then continued "The grafts cover the entire area from your sternum to just below your waist. It's good healthy skin. With some physical therapy you'll soon be able to raise your arms and get back to your exercise routine. Most of your pectoral muscles are gone, so you won't have the upper body strength you once had, nor do you have the muscular padding on your chest you used to have. I recommend that you not shoot anything bigger than a hand gun. Do you do archery, too?"

"No. Swords and fighting sticks are my thing."

He laughed, "Oh, Lord, what I wouldn't give to see you with a sword in your hand! Actually swords and sticks you can probably do, eventually after you regain your arm strength. You won't be able to do anything that will put any significant pressure on your chest, such as rifles – at least not without using a padded vest."

Ianto nodded and said, "Let's cut to the chase. What you're telling me is that my pecks are gone."

silence.

Right?"

"Correct. As well as your navel."

Shelton asked, "Could he have reconstructive surgery?"

The doctor turned to the other physician and said, "I'm going to let Dr. Montana discuss that."

The woman doctor said, "We have consulted many plastic surgeons. About three quarters of them believe that you are not a good candidate for reconstruction because you've lost too much muscle. Some have ideas about what we might be able to do to rebuild breasts. The problem with that is that you don't have enough skin left for us to do the grafting that would be necessary and, at this point, we still don't recommend running the risk of rejection by using donor tissue. We may eventually come up with something to offer, but right now you don't have a lot of options that we feel comfortable recommending. There is a lot of research going on into artificial skin, which would be the perfect option for you if it becomes commercially available. For now, however, I have to tell you, I recommend against even attempting reconstruction in the immediate future. You are a healthy young man apart from the loss of chest muscle … with the right clothing no one would know your chest is almost completely flat and devoid of pecks or nipples."

The room was quiet. Dr. Montana said, "I brought Mrs. Saunders with me. She assists my patients who want to – or have to – use prosthetic devices. She has some very good options to discuss with you. We'll totally understand if you don't want to discuss that right now, but she's here if you want to know more about those options."

Ianto nodded. He could barely breathe. The emotional pain scorching his soul was so awful he thought he would pass out. For one horrible moment he wished with all his heart he had not lived. He felt a flood of rage that Jack had coaxed him to come back from the dead, only to live with a mutilated body. He had taken care of his body carefully and was very proud of it. Now it was maimed and scarred, and it would never be right again.

he closed his eyes and took three very slow deep breaths, forcing the pain to drain away, leaving him calm and ready for what he feared would be the horror of the next few minutes. When he opened his eyes, he didn't dare look at anyone but Dr. Montana. "I want to see my body."

The surgeon, whose unpronounceable name Ianto could never remember, said, "Perhaps your family should step outside."

Ianto thought about that. "No. If Jack and I are going to live together at least for the summer, he'll need to see it, too, if he wants to. They can all stay if they want to. This is mine to share and … we are all family"

Ianto looked at Tosh and then he looked deeply into Jack's eyes and said, "Although I'll totally understand if either of you would rather not stay."

Tosh said, "Darling, I'm sure that you and I will have the opportunity to share in private. I am still too tortured by the way I felt when I first looked at you to tolerate this."

Ianto looked at her with tears in his eyes. "I understand, Tosh. You don't' want to think of me as … Frankenstein's monster."

Tosh couldn't manage a return smile, but she did manage not to cry. She kissed Ianto and left the room. He somehow – God alone knows how! – Ianto regained his composure, and looked at Jack. "What is your choice?"

He leaned over him and whispered into his ear, his warm breath caressing his neck, "An atomic bomb couldn't get me out of this room. We got here together. I'm with you for the next phase, too."

Ianto nearly collapsed with relief.