Cold Summer Heat Chapter 38
I don't own R and I.
A/N: This is the final chapter of what has been a special story to me and hopefully others as well. I appreciate the comments and reviews and can only hope that happily ever after was achieved. Let me know what you thought...good, bad or otherwise. Sincerely, Whitebordeaux
Jane stopped just short of entering the morgue when she caught a glimpse of Maura hunched over one of several bodies layed out awaiting her attention. Korsak wasn't kidding when he said she had plenty to keep her busy. Jane doubted this was the time to talk to Maura, but she worried and doubted that she would say what she needed to if she had to wait much longer. Jane couldn't help but stare as she watched, not seeing anything or anyone else except for Maura.
There were a few other medical examiners working along with Maura, causing her to change her position often to address them. Jane decided not to interrupt, opting instead to take a few minutes to watch Maura. She looked exhausted and Jane couldn't help but feel a bit guilty for feeling good and ready to go. Jane wondered how Maura was really feeling. If she was really one hundred percent recovered from her gunshot wound. If she would tell anybody anything different.
Jane let her thoughts take her back, back to Bradley's gun against Maura's temple. Maura stood so strong against Bradley's hold and the look she gave Jane showed how much she trusted her. How much she believed Jane could and would save her from what had been a nightmare up to that point. Jane swallowed hard in an effort to pull herself from her memory. She could almost feel Maura's body flinching with the sound of each gunshot as she tried in vain to shield her with her own body. Jane's eyes burned when her mind took her back to when she realized Maura had been shot despite her best efforts to protect her; to save her.
"Excuse me, Detective." Jane was startled from her thoughts as yet another assistant brushed by her to enter the morgue with a couple different files in her hands. "Did you need something?"
"Uh, no. No, thank you." Jane heard her own voice and was surprised by how weak and soft she sounded. She continued to watch, noticing how Maura never looked up as she spoke to her colleagues. How she worked with a purpose, nothing more important than the subject in front of her. Complete professional. So intelligent, so full of knowledge. Too much as far as Jane was concerned, but then that was what made Maura...Maura.
Jane noticed how Maura shifted her weight from one leg to the other, never moving her feet. She had come to learn this to be a habit of Maura's and had to smile at the familiarity. Jane could feel her smile fade as once again her thoughts took her back to the restaurant and the feel of Terry Whileman's gun against her temple this time. Jane forced herself to breathe deeply as the panic from that day was suddenly forefront and very real. The fear and hope that mixed in those few moments had to be what Maura was feeling herself when it was Bradley's gun threatening her life. Jane watched Maura in front of the table now in the morgue much like she watched her that day as she stood just a few feet from her in that restaurant. Maura had shifted her weight then causing Jane to wonder where her aim was, instead of recognizing Maura's movement to be her way of concentrating. Yeah, she looked good standing there, prepared to shoot. She had never fired a gun before, but Terry Whileman hadn't known that. Neither had Jane, at that point.
Maura had refused to see Jane, but wouldn't refuse her calls. Jane thought she understood why, but by doing that Jane wasn't sure if what Maura was telling her was completely accurate. Maura wouldn't lie, Jane knew this, but was she being completely honest when Jane would ask how she was dealing with Whileman's death. Jane was trained to read body language and expressions. So many times, while interrogating, she would have to listen past the words to get to the truth. She was in no way interested in interrogating Maura, she just wanted to know how she was dealing with all that had happened.
Maura stood straight, slowly removing her glasses. Jane was convinced now; Maura looked exhausted because she was. Jane involuntarily took a step back as Maura looked up immediately making eye contact through the window. Jane watched as Maura's eyes softened and smiled despite no other facial movements. Jane let out a deep breath realizing Maura had needed to see her just as much as she needed to see Maura. The conversation was deep and involved despite no words and no attempt to move closer to one another. There would be time for them to talk, both realizing now was no good.
"Jane." Jane reluctantly pulled her gaze from Maura, to see Frost approaching. "We gotta roll. Ready?"
"Yeah." Jane directed her attention back to Maura who immediately understood. Jane cringed at the disappointed look that crossed Maura's face. "What do we got?"
"Another day, another body." Frost was quick with his response which only added to the urgency of what was ahead of them all. "Cavenaugh's ready to call serial."
Jane could feel her stomach drop. Homicides were bad enough. Serial killers just meant more bodies and more paperwork. More heartache, more grief. Jane pulled strength from Maura's exhausted eyes hoping she could and would give her the same with her own gaze. She couldn't know for sure, not until she could see her, talk to her, touch her.
"Jane!"
"I'm coming!" Jane tapped the window with two fingers before rushing off after her partner.
Frost flashed his badge as did Jane as they entered the back of the small real estate office where their latest homicide was waiting. Jane let Frost take point as she hung back taking in the scene. It was good to be back to work but the nervous energy threatened to pull Jane off balance. "I'm gonna call Korsak out. I think we need a few more eyes on this."
"Yeah, sure." Frost recognized Jane's nervousness and he also recognized Korsak was a steadying force for her. "Pike's been coming out to pronounce, should we call Dr. Isles instead?"
"No, Pike is fine." Jane was distracted as she continued toward the back exit. Frost recognized the look and the walk and drew his gun, following her lead. Jane drew hers as she gently pushed the door open leading the detectives into the alleyway. Jane's vision may have been in doubt, but her hearing had never been better as they both caught a glimpse of a suspect as he ran from the alley.
"Go!" Jane's voice was strong and full of authority as Frost brushed past her. She hollered their location and need for assistance into her radio and sprinted to catch up with her partner and their suspect. She was instantly sorry for the hell she gave her physical therapist for she recognized now how lucky she was that he pushed her the way he did.
Frost was only surprised for a second when Jane had caught up to him as they both focused on the man that was carefully eluding them. Despite their best efforts the chase ended when they lost sight of the man that quite possibly was behind many of the murders that was keeping Boston Homicide so busy.
"Damn!" Frost kicked the ground, fighting himself not to punch anything in sight.
"Shh." Jane gently grabbed hold of Frost's arm to stop him. She pointed toward a fenced off area that held what appeared to be abandoned, damaged cars. "He's in the junkyard."
The detectives approached as quietly as possible, both turning off their radios. They came up to a gate that was chained locked, both looking at the height of the fence to scale. Jane looked down hoping for entrance lower. She noticed Frost doing the same as she couldn't help but remember how they managed to work around the fences when en route to the train yard.
"We've got to get in." Frost looked to Jane for approval, having no problem with her seniority.
"Yeah." Jane motioned to move toward yet another entrance, expecting that to be locked as well. "Frost." Her tone was whispered but strong as she pointed to a car not far from them on the other side of the fence. Frost continued on his route, leaving Jane prepared should their suspect run.
Jane could feel her heart thumping against her chest. She held her gun tight, feeling Benjamin's bullet as her shoulder suddenly burned. She rested the barrel of the gun in between the links of the fence, keeping her stance low and ready. She felt totally isolated as she lost sight of Frost, hoping he would flush him out; worried she would have to take the shot.
Her finger tightened around the trigger as Frost had indeed flushed out the man that may very well be responsible for the increased work load Boston Homicide and the Boston Police Department was dealing with. The increased work load Maura was having to deal with. Jane moved slightly to her left, closing her left eye to aim. The blurry scene instantly frustrated Jane as she then closed her right eye. She saw the suspect nearly fifty yards away and pulled the trigger. She had aimed for his leg and watching by the way he slammed to the ground she was confident she hit him. She opened both eyes then to see Frost immediately cuffing the suspect. Frost jerked the larger man to his feet, both staring at Jane who had yet to lower her weapon.
It was nearly quitting time when Jane had been released from her routine IA investigation. She was cleared in the shooting as expected and set about fielding the good natured ribbing about having the lucky shot. First day back and it was because of her that so many would now have a day off. She was a hero in the eyes of her colleagues and it felt good. Damn good.
"Looks like we'll have a strong case. He's our guy, Jane." Frost sat on the corner of her desk, trying to read her expression. "There's no doubt you're back."
"Yeah." Jane's smile said just that. "Maybe things will slow down a bit."
Jane stood causing Barry to do the same. "I need to talk to Maura."
Frost stepped aside knowing just as much as the approaching Korsak how much Jane wanted to see Maura. "Jane, I was thinking maybe we celebrate tonight at the Robber. You in?" Korsak was hopeful but expected her to decline his invite.
"Yeah, that'd be great. There's something I have to do first." Jane knew Korsak understood how important this conversation with Maura would be as he smiled when she did.
Jane made her way down to the morgue pleased to see it empty and dark. Maura was finishing up for the night and was probably in her office. Jane's instincts proved correct as she turned the corner catching a glimpse of Maura shifting through mounds of paperwork. Her computer was off telling Jane she had made it just in time. It was a sudden thought and a bit of a risk, but Jane had turned off the lights in the hallway before hitting the switch to Maura's office. With no windows, the darkness was a bit unsettling at first, but Jane found it easy to acclimate. She entered the office, hearing Maura pushing back from her desk.
"On my honor, I will never betray my badge, my integrity, my character, or the public trust."
"Jane?" Maura knew it was Jane, although she was confused nonetheless.
"I will always have the courage to hold myself and others accountable for our actions. I will always uphold the constitution, my community and the agency I serve."
The silence in the room matched the darkness as Jane wondered if Maura would have any idea what she was talking about. So she continued. "Yours is simply to do no harm. Yes?"
"Actually, the original version of the oath, as Hippocrates is believed to have written it, spells out several ethical bases of the medical profession; for example, it speaks of respecting one's instructors, using medical knowledge to help rather than harm, and safeguarding patients' privacy. Most important, it emphasizes that patients are to be treated not as cases or experimental subjects, but as human beings worthy of respect and compassion." Jane could only laugh at her attempt to go up against Maura's mind.
"Right, like I said, do no harm." Jane took a few steps closer to Maura, letting the darkness guide her as she had learned to do. Maura hadn't moved and Jane noticed she was still very confused as to Jane's agenda. "Whenever you take a life, whatever the reasons, its a choice. You made the choice, you own the result."
Jane took yet another step closer to Maura to where she could hear her breathing change with her words. Jane was right to believe Maura hadn't fully dealt with the aftermath of shooting Terry Whileman. "The circumstances justifies your actions, but never does it make it okay. I know this, Maura."
"Jane?"
"I know it bothers you. I know it's hard." Jane moved around Maura finding it easy to navigate in the darkened room. "I would shoot Bradley again. The same way, hoping for the same result if the circumstances were the same. He was nervous, anxious, maybe even scared. He would have killed you even if unintentional."
Maura startled as she realized Jane was now behind her. She turned her body to follow Jane as the detective slowly moved in a small circle. "I didn't want to shoot him, Maura. I surely didn't want to kill him. I took an oath to serve and protect. That's what I did."
"I didn't take that oath. I'm not an officer, Jane." Maura turned wondering where Jane had moved to.
"No, you're not. Tell me, Maura, would you do it again. Would you shoot again if the circumstances were exact?" Jane was now standing directly in front of Maura, close enough to hear her breathing.
"Yes, I would." Maura's voice cracked as she spoke. "You didn't shoot to kill today. I heard about what happened."
"Didn't need to." Jane's anwer was quick which startled Maura. "It was necessary with Bradley, not today."
"How do you know? How do you know when you need to shoot to kill?" Maura challenged Jane suddenly wanting to see her. She could only wonder how much worse that need was for Jane while she was blinded.
"How did you know?" Jane's rebuttal caught Maura off guard.
"I didn't. I just fired."
"No, Maura. There was only one place to put that bullet. The chances of you hitting me were far greater than hitting Whileman yet you did it. You knew." Jane was close now to Maura and Maura was tempted to reach out for her, instead letting her breath hit her face.
"You chose a hard life, Jane. You often travel a brutal road that leaves you wounded; sometimes in ways even you don't recognize." Maura was instantly sorry for her comment as she missed the closeness when Jane stepped back.
"It chose me, Maura." Jane's voice was a whisper. "I am who I am. This is what I do."
"It's not who I am. It's not what I do." Maura could feel the tears begin to fall.
"I know it's not. That's okay, Maura. I don't want you to be anybody that you're not." Jane was suddenly close again. Maura jumped when Jane placed her hands on either side of her face.
Maura was very aware of the how wounded Jane was. The uncertaintity of if she would ever see again; if this darkness would be her reality. It suddenly was very clear to Maura how important touch was to Jane during that time as Jane used her fingers to dry her tears. "I'm sorry, Jane. I shouldn't have refused to see you. I just thought that if..."
"If I couldn't see you again, I'd remember how much I wanted and needed to. How much I had felt for you during that time." Jane let her thumbs gently stroke Maura's cheeks. "I know how smart you are, but I must say I was indeed impressed."
Again the dark silence surrounded them, nearly suffocating as neither woman wanted to interrupt the others thoughts. Maura reached up to grab Jane's strong hands, hoping she wouldn't remove them from her face; not yet.
"Is it safe to assume it worked?" Maura's voice was shaking and that alone caused Jane to drop her hands.
"Would that be a form of guessing, Dr. Isles?" Jane needed and wanted to lighten the mood, but didn't want to give Maura any reason to turn away from her.
Maura's answer was her lips instantly on Jane's. Even in the total darkness it was easy to find her and Maura was more than relieved to find Jane more than receptive. Jane let Maura feel her kiss in the dark and experience what she had. There was no confusion and everything Jane was feeling told her it was Maura she was meant to be with.
Jane pulled away, noticing the instant reluctance on Maura's part. "Korsak wants us to meet them for drinks to celebrate. You in?"
Maura wanted to scream at Jane. Wanted to tell her how much she just wanted them to go home together and be together in every and any way that felt right. She didn't want Jane to be somebody she wasn't either. She was a Boston Homicide detective and she had managed to apprehend what was soon to be announced as a serial killer on her first day back to work. Plenty of reason to celebrate, plenty of time for them after. "Sure. Can we turn the lights back on now?"
"Do you want to?" Jane was close again, preventing Maura from answering. Yeah, they wouldn't stay long at the robber. That much was very clear.
"Jane, love is blind sometimes. Don't you think?" Maura's question threw Jane for a moment, but the finally healthy detective was quick to recover.
"Lust is blind."Jane's lips were close to Maura's ear as she spoke. "Love clears your vision. You see more because you feel more."