w w w . l i t e r a l l y m a d . c o m

Here from the world I win release, Nor scorn of men, nor footstep rude.

Music played in the room, but it was too far to distinguish exactly what. I willed my eyelids to open, but they were so heavy. My throat burned. Dry. I attempted to swallow.

"Marry me," I rasped, quietly, finally getting my eyes to open just a crack. I wanted to say, "I love you," but my brain to mouth programming wasn't working yet.

As the room came into focus, I saw Bella listening to a nurse in the doorway. My entire right arm was immobilized. I blinked, trying to remember what had happened.

James.

A thick tube ran from an IV pole toward my arm. It was attached to a big blue box, almost like a cabinet. There were numbers on it, flashing. All of it was connected to an IV in the side of my left wrist.

"Bella?" I croaked, my voice not sounding like my own.

I had been sitting at the hospital with Edward for two days. His surgery had gone very well. He was expected to make a full recovery, but would need physical therapy.

His normal clean spicy scent was now masked by all the chemical medications coursing through his veins. I could tell when they would wear off, his blood smelled richer for a while, and then back to medicinal. It was probably going to be a while before he smelled like Edward again.

I had been in touch with Jasper. He was such a nice man. He told me he would stock the house with everything we would need so that Edward could rest and recover without worry.

Charlie brought me my ring.

He didn't say anything. Didn't ask questions. I know he wanted to. It wasn't his style to interfere with what I wanted. I would tell him everything later.

The ring was in the left front pocket of my jeans. I wasn't quite sure how Edward was going to react to me when he woke up. I couldn't blame him if he wanted to bail. If it was too much. It was never my intention for him to get hurt.

Edward had cashed that check on your selfishness.

I was standing in the door of the private hospital room. The nurse was talking to me about medications and therapy and all these other things that sounded so, big.

I would take your place if I could.

I heard my name. I whipped my head around and had to mentally scream at myself not to move too fast to his bed.

I ran though.

I stopped at his side, his eyes were very heavy, but open. His voice was dry and cracked.

I whispered, "Edward?" Every hope I had inside of me surged until I thought I would fall over backward.

My dry lips pulled back when she came into focus, smiling at the anticipation on her face.

Her hand went to the side of my face and I leaned into it, unable to move much else. I closed my eyes, breathing her in, then whispered again, "Marry me."

This time I meant it. I didn't want to wait any longer. I wanted everyone to know she was mine. Forever.

"Soon."

"You were so young; And I guess I'm old

Open your eyes; I'll keep mine closed

I prefer standing; And you take your seat

I'll be wide awake; And you'll be asleep

And you'll fall down a hole

That's the one place we both know

You take me with you if you could"*

Soon.

I nodded.

"Whenever you want. I promise." I leaned in and rested my lips over his softly.

His heart monitor beeped faster. A small smile touched my lips for the first time in days. I wasn't the only one who could hear his song since being here. Everyone was in on that secret. Though, their version was electronic.

Mine was warm and vibrant.

The next few days blurred together, morphine fog blending into heavy sleep. I would drift off mid-sentence at times, from what Bella said, and occasionally mutter nonsensical statements.

Eternally grateful for having a fiance who didn't need sleep, I had no memory of her leaving my side. Though, apparently she slipped out on occasion to hunt. Something about the hospital, all the heart monitors, the history of bloodshed in the rooms... it was too much.

She was always there when I woke up again, watching me with concerned eyes. I was discharged on a Wednesday and could not have been happier to go home.

Bella drove.

The nurses gave me a crazy amount of meds to get me through the commute and I slept the entire time. Something tells me she didn't obey speed limit laws, but I knew I was in capable hands.

And I missed her capable hands.

The guilt ate at her, I could see it on her face. No matter how many times I assured her that I was okay, she still treated me with kid gloves. It was almost like she was afraid to touch me, out of fear that I'd break.

When I woke up in bed at home, she was sitting on my couch, surrounded by a pile of magazines and books.

"What are you reading," I asked drowsily, trying to stretch my neck without moving my shoulder.

Being able to leave that hospital with Edward was the best feeling. Hands down.

The staff was beyond, I mean, no words. They were great. But I wanted him home. I wanted him comfortable and I wanted to be me. I couldn't do the fidgeting human bit anymore. Faking sleep was such a pain in the ass. Especially in a tiny room. In a tiny chair. I have no idea how normal people do it.

The day that I brought Edward back to his house, was wet and cold. The rain was alternating between misty gusts and downpour. I think I made it from the hospital to his living room in record time. I just couldn't wait to have him all to myself.

It was my fault he got hurt. I would work overtime to make it up to him.

I had gotten him settled into his bed, which even for me, was a bit of a debacle.

How do you move someone.. who can't move an entire arm and shoulder?

Very carefully, that's how.

I sat on his couch with stacks of magazines and books all dedicated to 'Your Special Day'. I had a giant three ring binder and two notebooks.

One for phone numbers, websites and email addresses and the other for guest lists, seating ideas, flowers, etc. I mean, wow, you name it, I was doing it, learning it, attempting to understand it.

I laughed out loud at piles of note cards that took over the space at my feet.

Overkill?

I was busy writing another phone number down and fanning through a magazine when he spoke.

I looked up with a note card in my mouth and smiled.

"Hey you." I pulled the card from my mouth, dropped it and made my way to the bed in a split second. I came up on his left side. Careful not to touch the bed, I rested on my knees on the floor, my cheek on a pillow watching him.

"Well, you said you wanted to do this whole wedding thing soon, so I thought I would get a head start on that." I smiled softly.

"You okay? Need more meds?" I breathed deeply, he smelled loopy. I chuckled quietly.

Bella being the first thing I saw when my eyes opened? Yeah, I could get used to that. I stretched out my left arm across the bed. "C'mere." She looked hesitant and my brows lowered in a plead. "I miss you."

She reluctantly agreed, moving onto the bed with such grace and precision that if I had a glass of wine at the end it would have stayed upright like on a commercial. Her hair spilled out against my arm and I raised it slightly to urge her closer. "I'm not going to break," I reassured her. "And, no, no more meds right now." I wanted just a moment of clarity, a few minutes without the fog to take her in. To smell her hair. To kiss her lips.

When she was finally against my good shoulder, I was able to wrap my arm around her. With a content sigh, I kissed her forehead.

"So, you're really in planning mode?" I ran my fingers along her hair. Having her skin against mine felt like home.

"I'm glad," I admitted, tightening my hold on her. "Anything you want, Bella. I mean it. If you want to get married on a beach somewhere, just the two of us. We can. Or here, with everyone. Or in Forks. Whatever makes you happy."

I was curled up next to him. Listening to his voice telling me that he just wanted me to be happy. He had this all wrong.

"Look, Edward, it would be a whole lot easier if you just, were a little angry about what happened. You're too concerned about my happiness, and look at you. Drugged out of your mind and with a broken shoulder thing going on." I waved a hand over him.

"And you're worried about my happiness? What about you? What do you want?" I kept my voice soft and low. "And don't say you want me to be happy." I fought a smile.

"You're the one who had to cash the check for my selfish behavior. It's my fault you're here, like this. Not yours." I stopped for a moment and just took in his face.

The thick scruff that had grown in, covered his jaw, chin and upper lip. His hooded eyes, the green sparkling even through the drugged induced nonsense. His hair looked like I had taken his finger and stuck it in a socket. And he was pale. And it was all my fault.

Woah. Pity party much, Bella?

"Just, you know, be mean to me or something. Or yell at me for the pain. I dunno." I smiled weakly. "Something?"

"I want you to be happy." I looked into her eyes, her perfect face resting beside mine. "When you are happy, I am happy. That's the truth."

There was nothing I wanted more than to show her. My girl, always needing to be shown. Amusing, considering her ability.

"How is this your fault? James is an asshole. You're not responsible for his actions," I pressed my lips to her forehead, hoping she could feel how much I loved her. Wanted her. Needed her.

One kiss. That's all it ever takes. Talented little shit.

My eyes closed briefly, enjoying him.

"Edward, how, loopy are you?" He didn't smell clean, but he wasn't as out of it as he had been.

I wanted to be sure he remembered everything I was getting ready to tell him.

"I'm fine, why?" I pulled back a little to search her eyes for what was going on. "Bella... don't... this isn't your fault."

I shifted to stare at the ceiling. Allowing foggy memories to run through my head.

"Edward, just, let me do this, but you have to understand, I wasn't very happy when my life ended. I was young and things were, different, back then."

Like a band aid, Bella. Just rip it off. Just say it.

"The night that, everything happened, that we were attacked. James was there." That kick started his heart.

"James was twenty three and my parents liked him. Renee thought he was, the bees knees." I shook my head at the ridiculous saying.

"Charlie thought he was good guy and it was assumed that James and I would, you know, be together. Forever." I listened to Edward's heart leap around for a while. His breathing had changed.

"I wasn't happy. As you can see, he isn't the nicest, thing, to be around. He was out with us that night, celebrating my eighteenth birthday."

I paused torn between brutal honesty and wanting to be careful. But he deserved to know everything.

"I wanted to die that night. I laid there, it felt like fire racing through my entire body and I prayed for death. I prayed for a place without James. And the only one I lost that night was my mom." I rushed on. "So, James followed Charlie and I. And he has always done so. Charlie doesn't know anything that happened between James and I. Nobody knows. Charlie feels guilt for what happened to him, so he always opens the door to him."

I stopped talking. I just laid there, staring at the white ceiling above me.

*The All-American Rejects, The Poison