(A/N: I'm really sorry this is two days late. I don't have any great excuses, except that on Sunday and Monday I really wasn't feeling like doing anything. I was also binge-watching the Umbrella Academy - please watch it if you have Netflix. I hate superhero movies and shows but this is the single best TV show I've ever seen. Full of mystery and any of the six main characters could easily have such interesting stories and lives. Anyways, onto the chapter. This one is very deep and important to me, as many of you know. I'm very, very happy to announce that after my impromptu break, sorry about that, I'm well rested after I had a really bad week and life happened, I'm much better. Anyways, onto the chapter!)

Tris' POV

"So, uh, there's this trip at school in a while," I don't even know why I'm so nervous. These are my parents, for goodness sakes, but I know that going on this trip is not a 100% guarantee. We aren't unable to afford it, but I'm just not sure if they'll be totally on board with the idea of me travelling to London and Spain for two weeks. Especially since the Dauntless are known for getting wild and rowdy on this trip. The problem is that I've already invested myself in it, planning what I'm going to do, where we're going to eat and what I'm going to wear, and I have my heart so set on it I've probably set myself up for disappointment.

"I'm well aware, sweetie. I understand you'd like to go, and that's perfectly okay with me, but it is a lot of money to pay. Andrew, Tris would like to go on the two week trip to Europe," she says as she folds the ironing into neat piles. I have no idea how she does it so well, when I try to fold or do laundry I just end up burning myself or making a mess of it. My Dad looks up from a pile of documents he's sitting around. I already have Mom on my side, I just need to get Dad on my side and I'm on the trip!

"I don't think so...I haven't heard great things about the supervision for Dauntless on this trip, and your mother's right, Beatrice, it is a lot of money to pay," his words are sympathetic, but it doesn't mean my heart sinks. Well, now every conversation regarding this trip is going to be awkward as hell because all my friends are going to have to play it down because I can't go. Not to mention Tobias won't go because I'm not. I sigh, trying to get over it because I'm not a five-year-old throwing a tantrum, but just as I'm about to leave the room, Caleb comes in and asks the exact question I just asked.

"You too? I didn't think you'd want to go on the trip, Caleb," Dad seems pretty shocked that Caleb wants to go on the trip. Erudite don't normally. I'm confused too, actually.

"Well, my girlfriend's going, so I'd like to. If that's okay with you guys," he gestures to Mom and Dad. I squeal a little because oh my God Christina and Caleb are official and now she's like my sister-in-law and they're so cute together-

"You and Christina are official?" I squeal, my excitement and happiness are terribly hidden.

"Uh, yeah, we started dating officially yesterday. She didn't tell you?"

"No, we were too busy talking about the trip. I'm so happy for you two!" I actually am really, really happy for them. This solves so many problems, it means Caleb won't be with a snobby, rude girl from an Erudite class, not that they're all like that, but most of them are. It means Christina is over Will and has moved on, and it means that they've decided to try and make it work even though they're really different people.

"So, about the trip..." I trail off, both Caleb and I side by side giving begging smiles of innocence. We're not bad kids, at least I don't think we are.

"Fine, fine, you can go, but I want you both to text or ring us every morning and night to let us know that you're safe, okay?" We both break out into huge grins, completely ecstatic. I immediately get on the group chat.

Tris: IM GOING ON THE TRIPPPPP

C: I'M SEEING YOUR BROTHER OFFICIALLY

T: I know! he told me

U: hold up ur seeing an Erudite

C: Yes

U: Okay, no questions asked but he better not be an ass

C: he isn't he's sweet and cute and really nice

T: TMI this is my brother we're talking about

C: What I said he was cute? Lmao

T: Still my brother I think he's kinda gross but whatevs

Z: WHO CARES WE'RE GOING TO EUROPE FOR 2 WEEKS

S: it is gonna be pretty mint.

U: Can't wait we're gonna do so much crazy shit lmao

"Who is she kidding with that bra?" I heard the whisper come from directly behind me. They could've been talking about anyone, so I didn't acknowledge it, but the part of me that detests the way that I look and gets very anxious when anyone even looks at me in a criticizing way, like they're silently, or not so silently, judging my appearance, kicks in.

"Yeah, I know. Look at her hips too, she's a rectangle!" I heard the group behind me giggle at this. I turned around this time and saw they all were whispering about me. A big group of Dauntless and Candor girls, changing around each other and looking straight at me, laughing their heads off. Now the anxiety really kicked in. God, you really are a rectangle. You have no curves! Your chest is so flat! Who are you kidding?

It's like every word they say gets changed into my own mind saying it, so harshly I think I'm going to cry. I hurriedly shove on my clothes and gather my things, Christina and Marlene noticing pretty quickly that something had bothered me. I waited for them to get their things so we could meet the guys for lunch, but before I could hurry out the door to the bathroom so I could take some deep breaths and calm down, one of the girls tapped me on the shoulder.

"Look, I just wanted to let you know that your bra doesn't fit," she says it as if she's doing me a favour, not making my self-esteem plummet.

"W-what are you talking about?" I'm trying to make my voice sound strong and firm, but it's wavering and showing how self-conscious I'm feeling.

"Well, it's too big. I mean, you don't actually have boobs, so just wear a vest or something," I see Marlene's jaw drop and Christina's eyes blaze with anger. For once, I desperately want them to just stay out of it because the last thing I need is for everyone to think that I'm both ugly, incompetent and unable to fight for herself.

"Are you kidding me?" I manage to choke out. She just laughs, high pitched in my face, and then the rest of her group cackle, all nodding in agreement. Almost the entire group is looking at me, most snickering or looking at me sympathetically. I want so badly to slap her, shout in her face, but instead, I throw my bag over my shoulder and walk right out of the room. I don't stop when the girls hurry past me, or when the guys see my coming. I walk straight past them, once I'm down the corridor I run out of the building and don't stop.

Tears are stinging my eyes but I bat them away. I cannot cry, I cannot show them I'm weak. I know what they said isn't true, enough people have told me that I'm pretty and beautiful, but when I look at myself I see absolutely nothing, just a plain figure with nothing special, and they've only encouraged those thoughts. I hear what I presume is Tobias' steady footsteps chasing after me, confirmed when he grabs my arm and slows me down.

"Tris, Tris wait! What happened?" he asks, his voice worried. I stop, spinning around to see him and I can't look him in the eye. Instead, I just cry, letting myself cry and break down and collapse into his leather jacket shoulder. His arms immediately go around me, rubbing my back and burying his face into my hair. I'm entirely aware of how many people are watching right now, but I don't care because I'm so hurt, so ridiculously hurt by meaningless comments.

I don't even know why I let them hurt me, they mean nothing and I don't hate myself, but I just feel like I'm entire...nothing. I hate feeling so useless and ordinary and powerless to do anything about it, so I just cry harder, then harder, until I'm all cried out after a minute or so and wipe my eyes. I want to tell Tobias everything, but I give him a look that tells him I'm just not ready to talk about it yet. He nods in understanding, but I hate seeing him feel useless too like he can do nothing to help me, even though he just did by letting me cry.

I hate the thoughts in my head because now all they're shouting is that I'm pathetic and useless and boring. I want to scream to shut them out, I want to bang my head against a wall to shut them out, but I don't. I just take a deep breath and calm down. It's okay, I'm stronger than this. Then I hear the slap.