NOTE: OMG you guys have no idea how happy I am to have finished this chapter. Tomorrow, I go on vacation and while I will be working on the next chapter (I swear I will be - I promise!) I won't be typing anything nor updating again for at least a week. So I'm super happy to not only be giving you a chapter before I leave, but a rather long one and a pretty critical one. Just please keep in mind when you reach the end that I am working on the next one. So please please please don't hurt me! ENJOY!

Chapter 36

The talk with the Trevelyans – her family - went better than she had expected. First, when she had approached them in their rooms rather than calling them to her and attempted to apologize for her abrupt exit, Waylon wouldn't allow her to apologize and had expressed his guilt at how he had acted and said that it should've been them coming to her since they were the offending party, not she. Shadow had a sneaky feeling that Cullen might've had something to do with Waylon's words as he had continued to explain that it had been brought to their attention after she had left that they didn't know anything about her life and the dangers she has faced and continued to do so, thus they – he – had no right to act as if they knew what was best for her. Byron had then asked her to help them understand the danger she faced, Waylon echo the request.

So Shadow had told them everything she had told her advisors and inner circle the night she accepted the position of Inquisitor. She shared the years of terror while she was a slave, the nights where reality and dreams were difficult to separate, her method of escaping the prison of her mind and her eventual escape from Tevinter. Their reactions were centered around anger with Byron and Nigel both expressing their desire to smite the Tevinter mages that had harmed her and Waylon muttering dark promises of war upon the man responsible for her enslavement and those that had called themselves her masters. When Shadow expressed her surprise at their lack of disgust and shock at her scars, Byron had pulled down the collar of his shirt and showed her the long scar that passed over his collarbone and disappeared beneath his shirt, explaining how his late father had attacked him one day due to some rebellious act on his part that he could no longer recall. He showed her a few others that he had gathered over the years, many due to his Templar duties. Nigel showed her a few of his own and she was surprised when Waylon also showed her burn scars on his arms and torso, mumbling about the Bann being in an "especially bad mood that day". Shadow knew it was their way to show that they didn't find the scars themselves offensive but she couldn't understand why they weren't disgusted with how she acquired them.

"Scars, no matter how they are received, are testimonies to our strength rather than our weakness. The circumstances that lead to the wounds, whether they be applied by others or ourselves, were dire ones that should never be taken lightly nor seen as trivial." Byron had laid a hand on her arm. "You've seen this course of action as your only release from a darkness you've struggled with for years. While a dangerous option, it is not something to be ashamed of." Shadow had begun to cry silently when she saw the tears in her uncle's eyes. "You have fought a hard and long battle, Shadow, and may still have a long fight ahead of you. But you are no longer alone in that fight." That day, Shadow learned the safety and love found in the arms of family.

While her family had shown their displeasure at her insistence not to share the names of those she knew in Tevinter, they agreed that it would be best not to reveal her birthright until circumstances were better all around. In the meantime, Waylon and Byron would gather more evidence of the Bann's sinister actions and also collect more allies for the Inquisition. Shadow was concerned for their safety in this endeavor and had approached Leliana about sending some of her agents with them back to the Free Marches to help them in their mission and also keep them safe.

Over the next few days, she spent as much time as she could with her new found family outside of her duties as Inquisitor. She learned more about her other brother and sister but the subject of their mother was generally avoided by Waylon and Nigel, however Byron would provide some stories about his sister-in-law. She couldn't explain why it was so important but when she saw how well her uncle and Commander were getting along, she felt relieved. The two men spent a great deal of time together, integrating the new Templars into the Inquisition's forces which went rather smoothly despite the relaxed rules regarding the mages. Shadow noticed there was a tension between Cullen and Waylon but whenever she would ask either man about it, they would claim that there was no problem. Josephine assured her that it was normal for the eldest sibling to have… issue with any close man in their sister's life not related by blood. When Shadow said that was ridiculous, the Ambassador had laughed and said that when it came to overprotective males, sense was rarely applied.

Eventually though, the young Lord Waylon and Knight-Commander Trevelyan had to return to Ostwick. Shadow found herself dreading their leaving and when an opportunity arose that would allow her to travel part of the way through Ferelden with them, she took it. Back when they had returned from the Hinterlands, Sera had come to Shadow and her advisors during one of their meetings and requested their aid in dealing with some nobles that were making life difficult for the common folk. Since this was near Crestwood where they now had a stronghold, Cullen had agreed to marching the soldiers through the village, making known to these nobles that the Inquisition was watching. Now Sera had come to her with the news that her "friend" that had informed her of the trouble was ready to give her their reward for the help. And since this meet took place in the Crestwood area, Shadow decided that they would travel with Waylon and Byron there and they would continue on toward the coast. However, while Shadow was pleased to spend a little more time with her brother and uncle, she couldn't help but feel guilty that she still couldn't travel to the Emerald Graves, as a travel band had been placed on the region until the giants in the area migrated back across the river.

Nigel also joined Shadow's team to Crestwood which was made up of Sera, Blackwall, Merrill, and Isabela. Sera wasn't happy that yet another Dalish mage was traveling with them and learned she couldn't annoy the constantly cheerful elf, so she attempted to avoid her throughout their journey. When they reached Caer Bronach, their stronghold in Crestwood, Waylon and Byron declined to stay the night, anxious to return home quickly. Shadow and Nigel had stood together as they watched the two men ride out of the region, the former happy that they didn't have to worry about that one dragon.

Since the meet hadn't taken place until the next day after nightfall, Shadow had decided to take care of any Inquisition business in the area. There was still plenty of clean up needed after the draining of the lake and ending the rising of the dead. And while the dragon was gone, there were still some dangerous creatures in the area, such as a wyvern and her young, and there were bandits that were attempting to move into the area. Shadow and her companions dealt with most of these until it was time for the meet and then traveled to the east side of the area where they were – surprise, surprise – ambushed. Sera had let out a cry of rage when her "friend" was killed and didn't complain once when Merrill used her earth centered magic to fight the mercenaries that attacked them.

When the fighting had ended with all the mercenaries dead, Shadow had to hold Sera back from killing the nobleman that appeared out of the shadows calling for a truce. Shadow hated the man and his superior attitude, but she also could see an opportunity for the Inquisition here. The others had to continue keeping Sera back while the Inquisitor spoke with Lord Pel Harmond and when Shadow began to speak of the man working for the Inquisition in exchange for his life, the rogue elf had cursed loudly and ran off. After sending the man off – with some of Leliana's agents watching him – Shadow had attempted to find her but it soon became apparent that the elf was not yet ready to talk. When they left Crestwood to return home, Shadow saw signs that Sera was following them but she never appeared to them once on the journey.

When they returned to Skyhold, the Commander was waiting for them at the stables. Shadow smiled at him as she dismounted.

"Welcome back Inquisitor." When Shadow grimaced, still uncomfortable with the title, Cullen corrected himself. "Shadow."

Her smile returned. "For a moment there I was worried you were about to pile a ton of work on me."

Cullen returned her smile. "I believe you have a couple of hours before that begins."

Shadow sighed. "Maker bless you Cullen." She turned to unsaddle her horse and thus missed Cullen's eyes darken at her words and his breath catch. He shook his head and the wildly inappropriate thoughts running through his mind and when she had turned back, he was in control of his reactions. Both missed the wicked grin a certain witnessing pirate shot their way.

"We -" Cullen's voice came out a little rough and he cleared it before continuing. "We received a bird from Knight-Commander Trevelyan. He and your brother safely boarded the Dawn Treader and begun their journey across the Waking Sea. He promised to send word when they reached the Marches."

"Thank you. I'll inform Nigel." Shadow glanced to her other brother who was speaking with Blackwall as they both dealt with their mounts.

Cullen was watching her and noticed that she appeared a little tired. "Something wrong?" he asked.

She looked up at him. "What? No, no, just… Is it weird that I miss them?"

Cullen shook his head. "No." He helped her with her mount by putting away her tack and saddle while she led White Autumn back to her stall. When they had finished, he spoke, "Josephine and Leliana were pleased to hear you've… recruited a new agent for the Inquisition. Especially since he comes with the promises of more to follow."

Shadow laughed at the term "recruited". "And how do you feel about our new 'recruit'?"

Cullen allowed a chuckle to escape. "I was pleased to know there should never be a reason for me to deal with the man."

"Here's to hoping I never have to deal with him personally again." They both turned when the heard thundering hooves and watched as Sera came charging in. She ran her mount into the stables, jumping at the last possible moment to grab ahold of the roof's edge. She jumped to the ground and glared at Shadow before running off, leaving her mount to be dealt with by a stable hand.

Cullen watched the scene and was concerned that that particular elf was upset. "Um…"

"She's angry with me," explained Shadow. "She didn't care for how I handled things with the nobleman." She sighed. "I should go talk to her. Explain things."

Cullen arched a brow. "You're going to explain yourself to her?"

"The woman has a thing for bees."

Cullen shuddered at the reminder. "Right. Until later In- Shadow." She nodded and turned to leave when he nervously called her again. She turned back and he rubbed the back of his neck. "Would you – perhaps – care to join me for another game of chess this evening?"

Shadow smiled, feeling less tired at the idea. "Only if you promise not to throw me the game."

Cullen placed a fist over his chest and bowed with a smirk on his face. "On my honor."

Shadow laughed and agreed to meet him later. She continued to smile all the way to the tavern but it fell away when she entered. When she didn't immediately see Sera, she made her way to the stairs, nodding to Bull and the Chargers as she passed. She made her way to the room she knew Sera had set herself up in and was about to knock when an arrowhead suddenly jutted out. Shadow stared wide eyed at the sharp metal and heard cursing behind the door. Sighing and praying that her head wouldn't meet door's fate, she knocked. "Sera." Silence feel immediately in the room. "Sera, I'm coming in. Please don't shoot me." She opened the door and entered, finding a still upset and pacing elf.

"What?" she snapped, glaring at Shadow. "What do you want? Because I'm still angry. Angry face."

"Sera, why exactly are you mad at me?"

"You know! You wouldn't stop talking, asking questions! And then you just let him go!"

"Let him go?" Shadow had had a feeling that Sera hadn't understood what had happened that night. "I didn't just let him go!"

"He's alive, ain't he? Breathing and chatting with his friends though he hurt mine!"

Shadow attempted to explain. "Sera, just because I didn't kill him doesn't mean I just let him go. And he's 'chatting' with his friends because that's his job now. To recruit for the Inquisition."

Sera sat on the window seat, crossing her arms and glaring out the window. "Inquisition supposed to be better people," she muttered.

Shadow joined her on the window seat. "Sera, think about who he reports to. Who is watching his every move and who will deal out their own punishment should he even think about stepping out of line. Including hurting any more of your friends."

Sera angrily stared out the window in silence for a moment before a smile eventually crept onto her face. "His kind really hate a leash. I mean, he deserves worse for turning it all bad and I'm still a little angry you let him live, but we made out just fine." She looked over at Shadow, her anger gone and smirked. "Good one you."

Shadow wasn't sure how she didn't get whiplash from the rapid change in emotion. Not that she was complaining. She smiled and shook her head. "You are one of a kind." She became serious again. "I know what that man said about you and your friends had to have hurt and my 'talk' with him probably appeared like I didn't care. I want you to know that I do care and that I support what you and your friends do." Sera's eyes widened with surprise. "You help those that many overlook and you humble those that need it. No matter how risky, no matter how often you worry my advisors, the Inquisition will support you."

"Even though this one puckered around us?" Sera asked in disbelief.

Shadow nodded. "Even so."

Sera leaned back. "Well, good then." She shook her head and leaned forward again. "Right what do you mean because I am really not used to that… acceptance thing you're doing right there."

You and me both. "You best get used to it then," Shadow said. "Because my understanding is that is what friends do. No matter the differences, they accept each other. And I'd like to think we're friends."

Sera tilted her head. "You're pretty big to be one of my contacts. Important, I mean. Not fat. And maybe a different meaning of friend… But all right, Inquisitor. Or is it Shadow? If we're that type of friend it would be Shadow. You're on my good side." She said suddenly, standing up. "We'll see if it lasts."

Shadow finally left the war room after hours of meeting with her advisors, the last being Josephine, and breathed in as if she were a prisoner finally taking in free air. And in a way she was, wasn't she? She began to make her way toward the Inquisition's gardens where she was to meet Cullen and she couldn't help but smile. The two of them hadn't really spent much time together outside of Inquisition duties and she found that while she enjoyed spending time with the Commander, she missed just talking with Cullen. So into her thoughts of the ex-Templar, she almost didn't hear her name being called. She turned to see Nigel walking toward her.

"Off duty?" he asked.

"Can the leader of the Inquisition be off duty?" Shadow wondered aloud.

Nigel shrugged. "I don't see why not. You are the leader. Can't you declare yourself off duty?"

"You know, you'd think so but no." Shadow smiled and looked over his Templar armor. "On duty?"

He nodded. "Just snagged me a piece of pie from the kitchens before heading up to the main library." When she narrowed her eyes. "What? You're my -" He looked around and whispered, "sister and the Inquisitor. I can admit that stuff to you and you'll cover for me."

She may be new to the whole family thing, but she could tell when she was being had. "Not if Cullen – the Commander caught you red handed."

Nigel smirked. "Naturally. Though if you were to speak on my behalf, I bet he'd be lenient." He bent down and whispered, "After all, I've heard how close you two are."

Shadow stepped back, blushing. "What do you mean?"

Nigel raised a brow. "Is he not waiting for you now for a game of chess?"

"Well, yeah, but it's just a game between friends…" Shadow trailed off as Nigel shook his head.

"Are you sure, little sister?"

Shadow shook her head, refusing to acknowledge his implication. "As you said, the Commander is waiting for me. I can't be late." She turned and ran off to her destination. Nigel watched her go.

"Damn, I should've listened to the dwarf and bet on a later date."

Shadow entered the undercroft for the first time and taking in the large space, wondered why she hadn't before. The space was much larger than she had anticipated and the view was breathtaking. She spotted Harritt working on a sword and a few of his apprentices were helping, keeping the fire going and the water ready. When Shadow approached, the blacksmith looked up and had one of the boys take over.

"Inquisitor," he greeted.

"Hello Harritt. Is this space working well for you?"

He nodded, wiping his hands on a rag. "Plenty of room, good air flow, and not crowded with refugees telling me how to do my job."

Shadow smiled at the last bit. "I'm glad to hear it."

"I have something for you, Inquisitor. Was going to send one of the lads to collect you in a day or two, but since you're here and it is finished…" He looked to one of the boys. "Sarvin! Fetch the Inquisitor's sword!"

While the apprentice collected the item, Shadow looked to the blacksmith. "Sword?"

The boy returned and carried with him a weapon covered by a cloth. Harritt took it from him and removed the cloth, revealing a beautifully crafted short sword. The blade appeared blue in color and almost appeared not to be made of metal, certainly nothing Shadow recognized. The blade was the length of her elbow to the tip of her middle finger and the grip was just enough for her hand. The handle was similar to the Inquisition's ceremonial sword in that it had a roaring dragon wrapped around it and she saw there was a fire rune forged into the body of the beast. She gently picked it up and was amazed at how light and comfortable it felt. She ran her fingers over the blade, finding it smooth to the touch but not cold like metal.

"The lad is Dalish and the only survivor of his clan that was attacked by those Red Templars." Shadow looked to the boy watching her closely while Harritt spoke. "He was apprenticing to be his clan's blacksmith and I agreed to take him on. Learned a thing or two from him. He forged the blade."

"You did?" The boy nodded. "It's beautiful. I don't recognize the metal."

The elf smiled. "Not metal. Ironbark. Dalish secret." Harritt harrumphed and Sarvin's smile grew. "Stronger than any steel and will not burn or break. Spirits of the forest reside inside and make it strong." He pointed at the rune. "The rune activates by touch and remains so until touched again." Shadow rubbed a thumb over it and a flame rose as if from the dragon and covered the blade. She could feel the heat but the fire never came close to her sword hand. And sure enough, the wood did not burn. She touched the rune again and the flame vanished.

"Thank you Sarvin." The apprentice's smile grew larger and he bowed before returning to his duties. Harritt handed her a sheath and showed her how to strap it to her back so that is laid comfortable when she wore her quiver and bow strap and was easily drawn.

"I know that the bow is your preferred weapon and you are more familiar with daggers, but this will aid you well in close combat," he said.

Shadow ran a hand over the blade again. "Thank you Harritt." She sheathed it and looked around. "I also came down looking for the Arcanist."

He sighed. "Speaking of people telling me how to do my job." He waved toward the opening where Shadow saw a multitude of worktables set up. "She's over there. Messing with that damn crystal."

Shadow thanked him again and made her way down the stairs, searching the area. She saw that the tables were covered in strange devices, potions, and lots of books. She paused for a moment when she saw a female dwarf bent over one of the tables. "Hello?" The dwarf looked over, pushing some of her red hair out of her face. "Are you Dagna, the Arcanist?"

The dwarf removed her gloves. "Yes I am and -" She gasped and dropped her gloves. "Oooh, you're her! The Inquisitor!" She gave a bow before coming closer. "It's an honor, Your Worship." Before Shadow could speak Dagna noticed the mark, giving a soft green glow. "Is that it? The hand-anchor-mark? It's pretty." Shadow lifted the marked hand and glanced at it. She guessed it was in a way. "The Breach was pretty too. In a… 'destroy everything' sort of way." She let out a laugh and Shadow decided right then that she liked the dwarf.

"Leliana mentioned you were interested in the anchor." She held out the hand. "Any thoughts you'd like to share?"

Dagna took a closer look at the mark, struggling not to just grab the hand. "I've heard what everyone says what you heard Corypheus say. That's a long chain of 'who said whats'. To me, it seems to be a key. But keys do lots of things. Open, lock, switch. Some open one thing, some open everything. It sounds like Corypheus made it to open, while you've used it to close." She shrugs. "It may be that simple. It sure is pretty though. Wish I could see through it." She stepped back. "I've tried speaking with your friend Solas but he keeps disappearing on me."

Shadow found that a little odd since the mage normally welcomed questions about magic and the Fade. Or at least, he did with her. She made a mental note to speak with him about it later. "Well, I wanted to officially welcome you to the Inquisition and apologize for not having done so when you first arrived."

Dagna waved a hand. "You've been busy. So have I." Harritt's harrumphed traveled through the undercroft.

Shadow glanced at the blacksmith. "I've heard many good things and I look forward to your contributions." She looked over at the table Dagna had been working at and saw the strange crystal Leliana had told her about.

Dagna smiled, excitement in her eyes. "Me too! I've heard some impossible things. I love impossible things. Those are the best to make, well, possible." She moved over to the table holding the crystal. "Like this crystal. I still haven't quite figured it out but I've found some text that reference similar objects and I'm confident I'll figure out its secrets soon."

Shadow smiled, "I'm confident you can too."

Later that day, Shadow and Dorian were both hiding out in her room, reading from her library. Earlier, Shadow had broken up a rather loud argument between the mage and Mother Giselle, who had once again attempted to pressure Dorian to leave the Inquisition, this time touching a nerve by claiming that he was tarnishing her reputation. Shadow had angrily order the Chantry woman to end these attempts, threatening to find a more permanent solution that wouldn't necessarily be agreeable to her should she continue. Then Shadow had dragged Dorian away, making sure he knew that even if there was a level of truth to Mother Giselle's words, she didn't give a damn. They decided to hide in her room for the rest of the day since she still didn't have any patience to hear any form of apology from the Chantry woman.

While Shadow read one of Varric's books, Dorian had found a book of essays on rare magicks and was ranting about the theories of some Enchanter. "The man is a complete idiot! Who in their right mind would claim that mages gifted in shifting magic are actually very talented illusionists?" He threw the book unto Shadow's desk, which she was sitting on, and let out a frustrated breath. "He doesn't even explain how such mages are then able to fly when 'pretending' to be a bird. Bloody moron!"

Shadow tried to pretend to be focused on her book but couldn't prevent a chuckle from escaping. They both stopped what they were doing when a knock sounded from the door and looked toward the stairs, silently waiting to hear who it was.

"A message for you Inquisitor! From one of your advisors!"

Shadow recognized the voice of one of the fortress's messengers and called him in, sighing at the idea of work finally finding her that day. She wondered if it was news about the Emerald Graves or perhaps finally Hawke. She took the message and began to read it, vaguely noting that the messenger left. When she saw that it was just a friendly note from Cullen, thanking her for their game the night before and sending his sympathies for her loss, she smiled. She also felt a warmth in her chest, a feeling becoming more familiar but one she still refused to put a name to.

"With a smile like that it can't possibly be more work," spoke Dorian.

Shadow returned to the desk and hopped on. "Just a friendly note."

"Oh? From who?"

Shadow wasn't sure why she blushed and tried to keep it hidden. "A friend."

This only served to increase Dorian's intrigue and he snatched the note from her before she could hide it in a pocket. Reading it, he smiled, "The Commander." He frowned, faking insult. "I should've known he would be more willing to play with you than I."

Shadow snatched the note back and stuffed it in a pocket. "That's because I don't cheat."

"I'm sure that is not the only reason." Shadow ignored him and went back to her reading. Or tried to. She could feel his stare on her and eventually, she peeked over at him and found him smiling at her.

"What?" she demanded.

"Oh nothing. Just something I find rather adorable about you."

"What are you on about?"

Dorian rested his chin in a hand. "You having a thing for strapping young Templars." He tilted his head as he thought that over. "Though I guess no longer all that young. Certainly not old."

Shadow put down her book in confusion. "A thing for… Templars? Dorian what -" The she understood his implication and her blush returned. "Cullen? B-but he's not a Templar anymore."

Dorian rolled his eyes. "Ex-Templar then." He smirked. "Interesting that that was what you protested."

Shadow felt a tightness in her chest as she insisted, "Cullen is a friend. Like you."

Dorian barked out a laugh and shook his head. "Nothing like me. Putting aside your 'thing' for him for a moment, the friendship you two have is far stronger than what we have. Stronger than any other friendship you have with anyone else really. You've shared things with him you haven't been able to share with others." Dorian thought about the night she told them all about Tevinter and how Cullen had taken her quickly out of the room. He also thought about the rumors of a night in Haven.

Shadow opened her mouth, as if to protest though she knew what he said was true. Dorian cut her off before she could. "I'm not complaining. I'm acknowledging a fact. Your friendship with the Commander goes deeper than any other you have." He crossed his arms and gazed at her intently. "So deep that it has gone beyond friendship now, yes?"

Shadow could feel herself beginning to panic as he forced her to acknowledge what she has kept tightly locked away and a blind eye to. "Dorian, I -" She shook her head. "There isn't -"

"Do you care for the Commander?"

"Of course. As a -"

"You care for him as more than friends and you know it," Dorian said.

Shadow looked away and began to wring her hands together. "No. No I don't – I – I can't -"

"Why can't you?" When Shadow feel silent and wouldn't look at him, he joined her on the desk and asked gently, "Shadow, do you care for Cullen?"

She closed her eyes, sighed as if in defeat, and finally admitted to him and herself, "Yes."

Now we're making progress, he thought. Dorian stretched out his legs so he was more leaning against the desk than sitting. He could see that the admission had been hard for her and that it appeared to have frightened her to say it. "Why do you believe you can't?"

She still wouldn't meet his gaze, instead looking down at her hands. "Because it is foolish. What right do I have?"

Dorian couldn't keep the surprise out of his voice if he had tried. "Right?"

"What can someone like me offer him?" She gestured at the room. "Sure, I now have a title, quite a few apparently, some power and plenty of possessions, more than I've ever had. But that is not what a man like Cullen wants from a woman. What he deserves." She glanced at him briefly but looked away before continuing, "Dorian, I'm broken. Even with the aid I've received, memories haunt me night and day. I still find myself doubting everything; my decisions, the people around me…" She whispered, "Reality." She touched at her scars. "I'm still so weak to these thoughts…" She violently pulled her sleeves down. "Cullen deserves someone stronger. Someone whole."

Dorian stared at for a moment in shocked silence before slowly saying, "You… are an idiot." Shadow's head whipped toward him in surprise. "You think you're weak? You are quite possibly one of the strongest people I've ever had the honor to know. How else can you describe someone that survived being a slave for half their life, lived through years of darkness, and doesn't hate everything and everyone associated with that past? You believe yourself broken? I guarantee you, you ask anyone whose had to go through some shit and they'll say the same about themselves. Even the Commander. Would you think them broken? You are a survivor, Shadow. And far, far from broken. These…" He took her arms and one at a time pushed the sleeves back up. "These stand for all you've struggled through and overcome. They don't make you less of a person, least of all in the Commander's eyes. Has he ever indicated that you aren't worth his time, his care?"

"No," she whispered, hearing her uncle's words echo in her mind with Dorian's. She shook her head and pushed away from the desk, standing. "None of that matters. He doesn't feel the same."

Dorian arched a brow, "Oh? You've asked him?"

"Shit no." Shadow whirled around to face him. "You just saw how I couldn't admit this to myself, how could I speak of it to him?"

"So you're making this assumption on… what?" He pointed at her sternly when she made to answer. "And don't you dare say anything remotely similar to what you just said." Shadow struggled to give some excuse but remained speechless when she couldn't come up with anything. Dorian nodded and leaned forward. "Shadow, I can say with upmost certainty that what you feel for Cullen, he feels for you."

Shadow felt hope begin to form but doubt and fear persisted, "But what if you're wrong?"

Dorian spread out his hands. "There's only one way for you to find out."

Cullen stood behind his desk, trying to listen to his lieutenants' reports but his thoughts kept wandering to a certain Inquisitor. Specifically their game the night before and how great it had been to spend a couple of uninterrupted hours from work and with her, talking about everything but Inquisition topics. They had discussed mostly trivial things, only briefly discussing his struggle with lyrium when she voiced her concern about the headache he had experienced earlier that day. When he had finally had no choice but to end the game with him taking her king, he had almost begged for another game but held off when he saw how late it had gotten. He thought about the note he had sent her and not for the first time, worried that perhaps he had overstepped sending it or maybe could've worded it differently. Maker, you sound like a boy still wet behind the ears.

He forced his attention back onto the meeting when he caught the look Rylen was giving him. He faced Lieutenant Mirielda as she reported on the situation in the Emerald Graves.

"Our soldiers say that the giants have begun to migrate back across the river and there have been fewer attacks. While the presence of Red Templars and the Freemen of the Dales will no doubt begin to increase as the giants leave the area, travel should become safe again in the next few days."

Or as safe as anything is now a days. "Tell them then to send us an update in a couple of days. We will discuss at that time if the Inquisitor can travel to the Emerald Graves." When there was a knock at the door leading to the rotunda, he thought it was the messenger Jim that he had sent to Leliana for an updated report on the situation with the Chantry. "Enter," he commanded. He hurriedly straightened when he saw that it was Shadow who entered, his soldiers following suit.

The Herald appear surprised and embarrassed to see that there was a meeting taking place. Cullen also thought he saw a hint of disappointment mixed in there. "Oh." She spoke quickly, her embarrassment clear in her voice, "I hadn't realized you were in a meeting. I-I'll come back later." She made to leave.

"Inquisitor!" Cullen quickly called, worried by her stuttered words. She stopped and turned back to him and he saw that she was nervous. He began to worry that something must've occurred. "Was there something you needed?" he asked.

"I was wondering if we could talk." She nervously glanced at the listening soldiers. "Alone?"

"Alone?" When Rylen cleared his throat loudly, Cullen immediately corrected his reaction. "I mean, of course. Rylen, if you can take over for me." He lead Shadow out the side door that led to the walkway that connected to the tavern and was pleased to see it relatively empty with only the on duty guard at the far end. He didn't know what Shadow wished to discussed but if her emotional state was anything to go by, it wasn't something she would want overheard. He glanced down at her and saw she still appeared nervous. She also wasn't speaking though they were now alone and her continued silence began to make him nervous. Say something. Break this tension. Put her at ease. "It's a… nice day." What the Void was that?

His voice seemed to jolt Shadow out of wherever her thoughts had taken her. "What?"

"It's…" Why are you repeating it! He sighed. "There was something you wished to discuss?"

This only seemed to make her more nervous and Cullen wished he knew what he could do to calm her. She began wringing her hands and couldn't seem to meet his gaze, only increasing his concern. "Cullen I – I find myself thinking of you often. A lot really. Probably more than I sho- " She cut herself off and blushed while taking a step back. Cullen thought she was about to flee and began to reach out but dropped his hand when she stopped. "What I mean it that I care for you and…" She stopped again and sighed.

Cullen's thoughts began to race alongside his heart. Was she saying what he thought she was saying, what he had tried to prevent himself from hoping she might one day say? But why did she seem terrified? "Shadow…" he softly spoke.

Words suddenly began to pour from the Inquisitor. "I know that before all of this I was just a nobody, an escaped slave, and I still have a lot of problems I'm struggling with and while I'm still learning how relationships work, we've become close friends but…" She took a deep breath and finally met his eyes, insecure green meeting worried gold, "Could you think of me as more than just a friend?"

Cullen stood froze while his thoughts continued to race. She did feel the same. But she thought she wasn't worthy… but it was he that wasn't worthy… He tried to answer, but the words stumbled out, "I could, I mean I do… think of you as more." He winced and rubbed at the back of his neck, feeling his face warm. "And what I might say in this sort of situation."

"Really?" He looked back at her when he heard the note of surprise and disbelief in her voice. She hadn't believed he would share her confessed feelings! "W-what's stopping you?"

"You're the Inquisitor. We're at war." He watched as her face fell and the hint of hope began to vanish and he realized she thought he was pushing her away, rejecting her. Maker strike me for being a clumsy fool. He approached her slowly until he was directly in front of her, staring down at her. "And you… I didn't think it was possible," he confessed.

She gaze up at him, terrified of how vulnerable she felt. "Neither did I. Yet I'm here."

He smiled softly. "So you are…" He brushed a strand of her dark hair aside as he drew closer, and left his hand on the side of her face. "It seems too much to ask…" He looked at her lips. "But I want to -"

"Commander!" Shadow and Cullen startled, backing away from each other, Shadow more so than Cullen. He watched as doubt began to trickle back into her eyes and he cursed the interruption, thinking dark thoughts about whomever the man was behind them. "You wanted that update of Sister Leliana's report."

Cullen turned to face the man approaching, seeing it was the messenger Jim. He hadn't been so tempted to kill a man in a long time. The fact the man – boy! – was coming from the direction of his office only angered him further. "What?" he growled.

Jim had yet to look up. He really hated walking the top of the ramparts. "Sister Leliana's report. You wanted it delivered," he finally looked up and was startled to see an angry Commander staring him down, "'without… delay'…" When the Commander just glared down at him in silence, the messenger backed up. "Or to your office… right." He was about to take off when they both heard a door slam shut. They looked at the door to the Commander's office and Cullen whipped around to see that the Inquisitor was no longer behind him. His curses terrified the lowly messenger further and the man ran back to his office. Cullen ran a hand through his hair, trying to figure out what he should do. She ran! Did she doubt his words? Was that why she ran, because she doubted his feelings? He clenched his fists and turned his determined gaze to the tower that housed her rooms.

Then he just needed to give her a reason to no longer doubt.

NOTE: DON'T HURT ME! *hides beneath bed* I'm writing, I'm writing! I swear!

Also, did anyone catch the Narnia reference?
And not sure if I have any readers that are Achievement Hunter/Rooster Teeth fans but there is a brief moment during Dorian and Shadow's conversation where I accidentally channeled Gavin Free but decided to just keep it. :)

AnnonHeavy: I'm always willing to feed a healthy reading addiction. Here you go! :P

meggsiy1998: Thank you! And here is your order with the added bonus of being extra long. Haha. :D