Disclaimer: Guess what, I don't own this.
Note: Abstract angst. Hurray! And also, Living Dogs is now one of my favourite chapters so far.
Title: One of my favourite quotes. "For a living dog is better than a dead lion". Matsuda may not be as important or as brave or as smart as L/the Chief etc., but he's still alive, and that has to count for something. Quote is from the Bible, btw.
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Dead Lions
Prompt: 05. Miserable
What were you thinking when you shot Mr X?
Because Matsuda can't tell the state counsellor he was assigned all the facts, 'therapy' is difficult.
He wishes Aizawa wouldn't make him go, because he doesn't think it would help. He wants to talk about it, but not to this man, with his crossed legs and bald head, and eyes that sweep over Matsuda and tell him all his preconceptions are wrong.
The man is used to dealing with cops and in the end has decided they are all the same. Matsuda thinks he is the one who should reconsider his preconceptions.
I was thinking that he killed his father. I was thinking that he killed Ryuzaki. That he killed Ukita. That he tried to kill me, that he tried to kill Ide…
I was thinking that I was stupid and he was smart.
I was thinking that maybe if I shot him I could make up for being so damned blind and letting him get away with everything he did right in front of me.
I was thinking if I killed him I could bring them back.
But Matsuda doesn't say this, because he's not so stupid anymore, and if he gives this man any cause he will make a case study out of him. So he bows his head and mutters that he wasn't thinking straight, and he probably felt angry about what Mr X had done.
Which he can't tell him, because of how delicate the situation still is.
Which makes 'therapy' difficult.