So here we are: the penultimate chapter!
This one focuses on Sam more than anything else, because I wanted a chance to give her some personal introspection and development before My List of Firsts comes to a close. I hope you enjoy it!
Chapter 35: My First Almost Loss
The worst part of the summer is when it starts to come to an end. I have no problem with the concept of August as a month, but I totally hate how it seems like a warning that September and the start of the school year are right around the corner.
Just like always, Carly had ordered her books and begun reviewing them for some reason. Though I didn't make fun of her for it as much by now, I definitely had no plans to join in the activity, either.
Fortunately, since I actually liked Freddie as a person now, I no longer needed to spend Carly's "proactive study time," as she called it, groaning about how we could be at Build-A-Bra or literally anywhere else while flopped upside down on a beanbag chair. Instead, I could just walk across the hall and remind Freddie he couldn't set up his tech stuff for Nerd Club until they opened the doors to our school, and that staring at it wasn't going to make anything happen.
Since Carly seemed more determined than ever with our last year of high school approaching, I took that as my cue to do the decent friend thing and let her study, instead convincing Freddie we needed to go to the Groovy Smoothie for the sixth time that week.
Then again, who can say no to one of their delicious concoctions? No one - that's who.
In complete contrast to our past horror at accidentally taking each other's drinks, we now always got two different flavors, since Freddie always offered to let me try his if we didn't have the same thing. In return for his kindness, I did my best to hold back and only take a few sips instead of gulping down the whole smoothie.
Deciding to go with the one that had all sorts of berries in it, I went to pick a table, knowing Freddie would be there just after he grabbed napkins and straws. I may think his mom is a total kook, but at least she taught him to come prepared to all situations.
We finally started talking when both of our smoothies were about half gone. Freddie was telling me about the newest PearPhone model that was going to be released that weekend, and I thought it sounded just like the old one except with a new name. He took it upon himself to explain the many differences.
"So the camera's better? That's the main thing that makes it special?"
"Well, yes, that's the most noticeable difference for most consumers. But the key is how the updated operating system will mesh with the improved technology, allowing-"
My phone started to ring, and I looked down at where it sat on the table in confusion. "It's not Carly. Even my super outdated PearPhone can tell me that."
Freddie rolled his eyes, but had the decency to look amused.
Another second passed, and he nodded toward the phone. "Are you gonna answer that?"
"It's a random number not in my contacts. Why would I want to talk to a stranger?"
"What if someone's borrowing a phone to call you?"
I frowned. While that was possible, it seemed super unlikely. "If anyone would do that, it'd probably be my mom, and I don't want her advice on how to win a rodeo or find the guy who sells the best fridges in the state right now."
He just shrugged in response, accepting this answer. Though by the way he didn't strike up a conversation right away, Freddie clearly wanted me to see who was calling before the ringing ended. Maybe he was curious, himself.
The possibility of him wanting to know made me want to know, and with an overdramatic sigh I felt was completely warranted, I scooped the phone off the table and pressed the "accept" button.
"Who is this?"
Freddie shook his head, smiling and not in the least surprised by my impolite greeting.
"Hello, yes, I'm looking for Samantha Puckett."
"I'm Sam. Who are you?"
"Ah, hello Samantha- sorry, Sam. My name is Miss Pinkton, and I'm the head nurse at Northrop Academy. I'm calling because you're listed as Melanie Puckett's emergency contact, listed as her sister. Unfortunately, Melanie's become very sick, and we felt it best to alert you."
"Can't you just give her some medicine or whatever?" My question and annoyed expression made Freddie's curious look turn into something slightly more concerned.
Miss Pinkton cleared her throat softly, making it seem like she didn't want to continue this story. "We've tried many medications, but I'm afraid Melanie's illness progressed far enough before we were aware she was unwell that nothing's working. She's in critical condition, Miss Puckett. I'm calling you from my office at the academy, but Melanie is currently being monitored at the hospital."
"The hospital?!" At that, I stood right up, smoothie forgotten. Freddie followed without a pause, trailing me out of the Groovy Smoothie as I rushed toward the bus.
When the call was finally over, I plopped into one of the seats and scrubbed my face with my hand for a minute.
"Sam… are you okay?" He touched my arm gently, and I looked over at him in a daze.
"I have to go to Northrop."
"The fancy academy near the Oregon border?"
I nodded.
"But you only have one year of high school left. And you haven't applied." Freddie looked at me, more confused than ever. "Have you?"
"Not to attend, you nub," I shook my head and sighed again, distracted by the thought of Melanie in the hospital. "To visit my sister."
For a few seconds, Freddie started to laugh. But then he seemed to remember I wasn't this good at acting and so something must be wrong. "Wait… Melanie's real? You actually do have a twin?"
"Duh."
Moving his face into his hands, Freddie made a sound of disbelief. "I always thought you and Carly were just trying to play a joke on me. Does Carly know her?"
"Yeah, of course. They used to bond over dresses at the mall together before Melanie started taking educational trips during her vacations and taking summer classes just to have extra credits for college." The extra courses were why she was already at school now, and also why she was never home and therefore why Freddie had never seen her in person.
He looked completely amazed by this news, and we went by another bus stop before he managed to say anything. "Wait, so… is she the one in the hospital?"
Swallowing, I nodded.
Sitting back in his seat on the bus, Freddie moved his arm around my shoulders and put his chin on top of my head. It probably looked dumb, but it was what I needed, especially since Carly wasn't there to comfort me like she always did when something went wrong. "I'm sorry, Sam. I hope she'll be alright. Where are we headed right now? You know this bus won't take us down to her school, right?"
"We need to get Carly."
"We could just call her. I'm sure she'd understand if you wanted to hurry to be with your sister."
"She's not going to answer her phone. It's Proactive Study Time."
He got the message and went quiet again. Before I really knew what was happening, Carly was with us, and the three of us were headed down to the hospital near Northrop Academy.
If I thought waiting rooms were stupid when my arm was broken, then they were downright offensive when my sister was stuck somewhere super sick and I was left to look at the paint chipping on the walls and the kids smearing their boogers on table legs.
Carly and Freddie sat together, talking quietly while I paced laps around the room.
A while later, I heard someone say my name, and I turned around to see Carly standing right next to me. "I got us some lunch. Why don't you come sit down and eat something?"
My stomach was not my first thought for once, but I had to admit I was hungry. Even if I wasn't, food was at least a distraction, especially when I put in effort to eat it slowly to drag out the time.
Once our wrappers and napkins were in the trash, Carly sat back down beside me and offered a little smile. The kind of hope and encouragement that girl had in her was crazy. For the first time in forever, I felt like maybe I had actually earned some of it at that moment.
Brushing my hair from my face, she moved her hand down to give mine a quick squeeze. "She's going to be okay, Sam," was all she said, before switching gears to a less serious topic. "Freddie told me he didn't actually believe Melanie was real until today."
I let out a snort. "Yeah, he thought we were just playing a trick on him that happened to last for years and years and years."
"Hey, in my defense, I've only ever seen pictures, and you two look really similar. I thought maybe Carly had even gotten you into skirt and stuff just to keep the prank going."
"That does sort of sound like something we'd do," I acknowledged, looking at him with whatever expression was as close to a smile as I could make while still stuck waiting on news.
Though I didn't feel upset, that seemed to be more because my body was frozen enough not to let me cry or freak out yet. Instead, it was like my insides were stuck waiting just like our outsides were forced to stay in these chairs - or at least somewhere near this room - until someone in scrubs came to tell us we could go anywhere else. Usually that grated on my already low patience, but today is just kept me frozen in place.
Picking at the hem of my shorts, I started kicking my feet along the floor so the toes of my sneakers scuffed and then unscuffed the super ugly tile. "I should've brought something for her," I realized, thinking aloud. "I should've stopped at the house to get something Melanie would want."
"Isn't all of her important stuff at school with her already?"
"Yeah, but I could've given her something of mine."
Carly gave me another soft smile, and I tried to push down the annoyance that was building at my lack of planning. "I'm sure she'll be happiest of all to have you here. You barely get to see each other anymore, so this will mean a lot to her."
All I did was nod, but I think Carly could see I appreciated she was at least trying. Me being here definitely didn't feel like enough. But when I thought about it, maybe it would be. Melanie making the effort to come visit if I was in the same situation would've meant a lot more than I wanted to admit. Other than her, the only faces I really ever needed to see to know things were okay were Carly and Freddie's.
That made me wonder if any of Melanie's friends from school or her various programs had seen her yet. Part of me hated that they would've beaten me to it, while another part was glad Melanie had so many people who cared about her. It was kind of impossible not to like Melanie. But, just like Carly, even though my sister was super nice to everyone, she made sure to only really let in a handful of people. That way she had many friends, but she also knew who to turn to first when something went wrong.
Though she and I didn't constantly talk on the phone and hang out all of the time, Melanie and I always knew what was happening in each other's lives. We just texted on and off, but somehow she always knew to reach out when our mom was being extra tough on me, just as I got the urge to call her even though I couldn't actually know she was feeling homesick.
In some ways, that made me feel like maybe this was just what Melanie needed whenever we finally got to go see her.
But it also sparked a sort of panic inside me, because it was a reminder of just how important certain people were to me. The fact that there were so few of them emphasized how whacked my world would be if any of them were gone. Three of them were in this building, with only Spencer out of reach.
That out of reach concept took root in my mind, and I was up and moving before I could think about it.
As I expected, Carly and Freddie both hurried down the hall behind me, and I took a quick term into what looked like an empty consultation room. Once all three of us were in there, I shut the door and stood in front of it.
Carly still looked calm, though it didn't do much to help me relax. "What's up? Why are we in here?"
"You can't go anywhere."
Now it was Freddie's turn to narrow his eyes like he was trying to read my mind. "Okaaaaayyyy… But, uh, why is that, exactly?"
My panic was probably way more obvious than I realized, because they were both standing in place and waiting for me to do or say something rather than getting close or trying to leave the room.
"Because!" I threw my hands into the air like that explained everything. "What if something happens to you? Melanie's already sick. You're much safer in here."
That logic made no sense, judging by Carly and Freddie's varied reactions. But while my mind was spinning and I was worried about my sister but not allowed to see proof she was going to make it, common sense didn't mean much to me. Not that it ever did.
In the way only Carly has ever managed, she walked over to me slowly, placing her hands on her shoulders and meeting my eyes with a look that seemed to hold all of the answers in the world. "Sam. Look at me, Sam." I did what she said. "I know you're probably scared and worried. At least, I know that's how I'd feel if Spencer was the one in there and I got a call from some lady who wouldn't give me any details. The fact that you haven't tried to break into her room yet just underlines how much Melanie's wellbeing means to you." She sighed. "But it's not going to help anyone if you try to keep all of us in a little room forever and ever. You'll get to see Melanie before long, but you're not going to be any calmer if you're stuck thinking about all of the things that could go wrong to Freddie and me while we're cooped up in here. Also, it's a fire hazard to barricade the door."
"I didn't do that."
"But you were thinking about it."
"True." She knew me too well.
While I didn't say anything to confirm her words got through to me, I also didn't disagree with them, which was probably what prompted Freddie to walk over and join us. "Look, I appreciate that you want to keep us safe. If locking everyone I cared about in a room together would protect them, then I'd totally do it. I get where you're coming from with that one. But I think you also realize it's not the most realistic or even the safest solution."
My shoulders dropped and Carly squeezed them. Finally, I let out a reluctant, "I know." From there, I shoved my head into Carly's shoulder, and suddenly she was hugging me, and then Freddie had his arms around both of us, and we were all squeezing each other like it would magically fix everything.
It did make me feel a little bit less miserable.
When we returned to the waiting area, I was squashed between both of them, and that didn't change when we sat down together. Almost an hour later, I finally broke the silence with a small, "thanks." I didn't usually thank people for anything, but I meant it that time, and based on their faces when they looked at me, they knew it, too.
After what felt like an eternity had passed, someone called out "Samantha Puckett?"
Looking across the room, I saw a nurse with a clipboard searching for the person in question. I hopped right up, glancing back only to see my friends' encouraging smiles, before heading over to the lady.
"Wow, you look just like her," she said, before guiding me to the right set of doors.
"I've heard that once or twice," I replied, trying to make a joke when all I wanted to do was sprint down the whitewashed hallways to see Melanie.
It didn't take very long, and the second the nurse opened the door to her room, I rushed in, grabbing onto the rail at the side of my sister's bed.
"You came, Dorkchop." She looked absolutely exhausted and her smile was faint, but it was still there.
"Wouldn't miss it, Nubjuice."
The nurse looked over in confusion at our weird names for one another, but all of my attention was on Melanie. It took me a moment to stop staring at her face in relief, yet I finally leaned back enough to take in the situation. She was most certainly alive, but she had all sorts of tubes and things around her, and I was pretty sure they had buried her under about six blankets, because her face and shoulders were just about the only parts of her body I could make out.
Carefully, I sat on the edge of her bed so we could talk more easily and I didn't feel like I was gazing at an exhibit somewhere.
"So, what happened? Did you finally go crazy and skinny dip in frozen waters?"
"It's August. The water's super warm." She seemed to like my suggestion, anyway. "The doctor says I should be fine."
"Should be?" I could tell she was phrasing things in a positive way because that's who she was and because she was trying to keep me from worrying. That was supposed to be my job right now.
Her body moved a tiny bit in what I think was an attempt to shrug. "Well, I'm not going to die. So there's that."
"Yeah, there's that." Even if I had been pretty sure my twin wasn't on death's doorstep, I still felt some tension leave I hadn't known I was holding onto since I got that phone call at the Groovy Smoothie.
"I just-" Melanie frowned a little, though her eyes didn't leave mine. It sort of felt like one of us would disappear if we looked away. "I'd been getting kind of sick a few months ago. Nothing serious. I figured it would just sort of go away over time like colds always do. I threw myself into the research I was doing for a couple of professors and sort of ignored how unwell I felt. Then… well, it all caught up to me."
She looked ashamed, but she had told me, anyway, and I thought of how easily Carly made people feel better and tried to pull on some of that since Melanie deserved it. "This isn't your fault, Mel. I mean, yeah, you should've gone to a doctor sooner so it never got to this point, but we Pucketts are very stubborn, so I'm not exactly surprised." At that, I half-grinned, still looking more serious than I wanted, but at least trying to lighten the mood.
Fortunately, Melanie worked to smile back.
"Plus, you're obviously on the road to recovery. Just the picture of health."
"Oh, I know, right? I might as well be lounging by the Caribbean I look so great."
"Did I not tell you? I was planning on taking you there in like an hour or two."
"Perfect! Though I'll need to swing back by my dorm to grab a swimsuit."
"Good point. I'll tell Carly about the detour."
"Is she here with you?"
"Yeah, we stopped to get her before coming down. I didn't mean to waste time, but… I didn't know if I could do this without her."
Melanie flicked her fingers upward, and I got the hint to reach down and take her hand. She wasn't strong enough to squeeze mine back at the moment, but the gesture meant a lot, anyway.
It was weird how well Melanie and I understood each other. She and I weren't close in the way Carly and I were, and sadly, twins didn't actually have telepathy. Even so, we always seemed to be able to pick up where we left off, no matter how much time had passed. That easiness was what kept this from being an awkward reunion. That and the absence of our mom.
A thought started to form in my mind, and I decided to say it out loud before I could shy away from it. "I know the doctor hasn't decided when you're leaving yet, but once you do, maybe you should go back to Seattle with me. Just for a little bit. Obviously there's school, and stuff, but you're already like three years ahead, so I don't think it'd be a big deal."
Surprisingly, for a girl who was always striving to get ahead in classes and spend her time helping and befriending as many people as possible and generally be social to a ridiculous degree, Melanie didn't hesitate to say, "yes."
"Yes?"
"I haven't seen you enough, and if this has taught me anything, it's that I need to pause for a little bit. Plus, it would be nice to be back in Seattle and get to see Carly again and go to Build-A-Bra with you two."
I started to smile again, and this time it felt more real. "Maybe you will finally get to eat some spaghetti tacos."
"I told some of my friends at school about them thanks to your photos and they really want the chef to make them. Obviously that hasn't been approved yet, but we keep trying."
"You know Carly's going to insist you stay with her, right?"
"I don't want to intrude…"
She didn't finish her thought, yet there was a 'but' hanging at the end of that sentence, and we both knew it. Melanie was much less hostile with our mother because she was a naturally less aggressive person, but going back to Seattle was for the two of us, and that meant taking any opportunity to stay out of our mother's way as possible.
The nurse chose that moment to barge right back into the room. "Visiting hours are about to end, honey."
I didn't appreciate being called honey, but I also didn't want to waste my last minute or two with Melanie that day duking it out with this lady, so I just nodded. If they hadn't told me Melanie was asleep until they came to get me, I would've been more annoyed I got to spend such a short time with her that day.
"I'll come back tomorrow, okay? I'll be back every day until they let you out of here and you never want to see me again."
"I'm looking forward to it," she replied, her fingers brushing across my hand in what I think was her attempt to squeeze it.
"See you later, Smelly Mellie," I said at last when the nurse came back to tell me I really did have to leave at that moment.
"See you later, Clammy Sammy."
They were both nicknames we hated, so we figured we might as well keep calling each other by them for years and years. The insults at the front weren't even the annoying parts; she hated Mellie just as much as I hated Sammy. But our reactions were much different when someone else called us by them.
"How is she?" Carly asked as she and Freddie practically bolted over to reach me in the waiting room doorway.
I swayed for a moment, not knowing what to say. "She's… I mean, she looks pretty terrible. But she's talking and still making fun of me and says she wants to go to Build-A-Bra once they free her from this chizz hole, so I'm taking that as a good sign."
Carly looked both amused and relieved, and she pulled me into a quick hug.
"It turns out Socko has a cousin who lives just five minutes away, and he's offered to let us stay for the night. What do you say?"
I nodded without hesitation, eager for any way to easily see Melanie again the next day.
With that, the three of us headed back out to the car, and I filled them in on what my sister told me about her health.
The doctors still wouldn't let anyone but immediate family visit her, but my friends went with me to the hospital, anyway. I didn't know how to repay them for that, but Freddie insisted they wanted to be there and it was enough to see me relax when Melanie looked better each day.
And that was the great thing: she really was getting better. Socko's cousin ended up telling us we were pretty much required to stay until Melanie was discharged or we had somewhere else we had to go, so Spencer drove down with things for all of us, accompanied by Socko, and we relocated our usual shenanigans southward.
At last, the day of Melanie's freedom arrived. She was deemed well enough to go back into the world as long as she took her medication, drank like 100 gallons of water per day, and got tons of rest.
When we walked into the waiting room together, ready to head outside, Carly lit up, Freddie seemed confused but happy, and Spencer nearly passed out after gesturing between us rapidly way too many times. The only times he'd ever seen Melanie, she and I hadn't been next to one another. Apparently it was much weirder for him to see two Sams at once than two Sams within seconds of each other.
"You know, I wasn't really that worried," I informed Freddie as we set up a sort of camp ground in the Shay living room. Spencer was on spaghetti taco duty, Carly was arranging the items we'd picked up from school for Melanie in her closet, and Melanie had been told at least twelve times that she was to recline on the couch and was not permitted to help with any of the tasks.
Freddie made an mmmm-hmmm sound that emphasized how he clearly didn't believe me. I swatted his shoulder.
"I wasn't!"
"So you just tried to lock Carly and me in a room for eternity because you were… mildly concerned."
"Exactly," I gestured around, my denial blatantly obvious.
"Okay, sure, and I'm a weightlifting champion named Donna Ringwald."
"Now you're just being ridiculous," I rolled my eyes.
"You started it."
"I'd tell you two to get a room, but this is entertaining," Melanie interrupted us, and I turned pinker than I wish I had upon realizing our previous whisper conversation had raised to a normal speaking volume.
Before I could come up with a good retort, Spencer rushed in with a Christmas oven mitt on his right hand and Yom Kippur oven mitt on his left, a large tray of spaghetti tacos in front of him. "Here we go, children!" With a lot of drama and a tiny bit of tripping, he set the tray down on the coffee table just as Carly made her way down the stairs.
All of us squished messily onto the couch together, and Carly spoke up. "I know we're all hungry and some of you will tell me this is too mushy, but I just want to say how grateful I am we're all here together right now, and I think we should hug it out at least for a second before we have our tacos."
No one ended up protesting, and even if it was way too mushy, I went along with the flow of squishing as we all formed into one sloppy half-standing, half-sitting group hug. This really did work a lot better than locking my friends away in spare hospital rooms.
"I feel like my life's about to change!" Melanie said once we all pulled apart and she reached excitedly for one of the spaghetti tacos. "I've been waiting years for this!"
"A spaghetti taco never disappoints, kid," Spencer said proudly. Sure enough, when she took her first bite, Melanie was definitely a spaghetti taco convert.
Next time: the final chapter brings out some important confessions (likely ones you wanted before chapter 36), and the titular list reappears in an important way.
Thank you to everyone who's stuck with this story for so long! I hope the ending doesn't disappoint when I finally post it...