Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight :)

But we must realise -
Our flaming want is meant to be!
We are the ocean and the sea;
The earth and moon; the sturdy tree:
All that makes the 'You and Me.'
And this is why I ache.
I wish to start again with thee,
In close and gripping
Synergy of love.

- Mark R Slaughter -

Waiting For the Sunrise

Time, or the passage of it, seemed to receive a new nature during the next couple of weeks. It both baffled and thrilled me, and I often found myself looking back on my human life, only now comprehending the comfort and convenience it had held. For several years, working, eating, reading and resting had set the pace for my days, and giving up that comfortable, fulfilling pattern was slightly overwhelming.

I'd miss work, and I suppose eating as well. Reading was something I would be able to do after I had learned to control my strength, so that was one thing I could keep. I came to realize, however, that even though I'd always been a poor sleeper, it felt strange now, not being able to lie down at night and let the sweet oblivion of slumber whisk me away. I found myself craving a way to reset my mind, and sometimes I would go to Jasper for that; he quickly learned what I was after and sent a powerful wave of calm towards me before I even had to ask. The feeling almost resembled the one you had when you opened your eyes in the morning after hours of restful sleep.

The feeling was pleasant, but it was nothing compared to the sensation of awakening and renewal every time I was in Carlisle's company.

At times, I felt like it was almost wrong to be this happy. Surely there had to be a limit to this? Was a person allowed to have so much joy and bliss in their life? There didn't seem to be enough hours in a day to learn about Carlisle, and the endless nights I spent in his arms weren't enough to sate my desire for him. It was overwhelming and wonderful, that constant need to be near him. I sometimes wondered if it was my sensitive newborn state that made all these things so intense, but I often saw my own wonderment being reflected back from his eyes as he looked at me, and I also felt in his every touch, that constant desire to stay close. I knew it, then, that he shared this endless feeling of astonishment with me.

But like everything else in this world, this endlessly-seeming happiness had a darker side, too. Maybe there was some natural law that demanded equal shares of happiness and misery in the world. If there was light, there also had to be shadows – they couldn't exist without each other. And every now and then, those shadows were hovering over me, reminding me of the way the sun moved across the sky and occasionally shone from behind a tree. You could still see the light filtering through the branches, but part of the sun was momentarily hidden, concealed. At times I imagined that some of those branches represented the challenges and changes this new life brought to me.

One of those branches belonged to the thirst. It was still relentless, and it brought many other troubles with it. Even though Carlisle took me hunting regularly, it was slightly unsettling to discover that the thirst wouldn't let up. It was always there, ready to remind me of itself unless I had something to distract myself from it. It made me surprisingly short-tempered and occasionally I found myself getting irritated over the smallest of things, especially if I hadn't hunted in a few days. Everyone kept telling me that it was completely normal – apparently it was expected that newborns had mood swings for no apparent reason.

I also broke things, which supported my decision not to read until I had learned to curb my strength – I valued my books too much. One time I destroyed part of the wooden banister of the staircase as I placed my hand on it out of habit. Carlisle only laughed it off, whereas Alice pursed her lips and looked like she was soundlessly counting to ten to gather patience. It made me wonder if the banister was antiques. I was glad that Esme wasn't home when that happened since she had a soft spot for this particular house. She was still working at the bookstore with Miguel. They were currently training a promising-looking young woman who had started working at the store the previous week. Esme had told me that I'd like her – apparently the possible future employee was an incurable bookworm like me. The knowledge pleased me immensely.

For some reason, Alice assumed that my fashion sense had somehow magically improved now that I was a vampire. I might have disappointed her greatly when she kept hauling me extravagant outfits and I always declined them. She got over it surprisingly well, though. Apparently she had accepted the fact that I might never get interested in expensive luxury brands. Instead, she actually got me normal clothes I had gotten used to wearing, like jeans, sweaters and T-shirts. I sometimes ventured to use some of my old clothes she and Rosalie had brought from my apartment, but the light human smell clinging to them was uncomfortable, and I couldn't wear them for long periods of time. I knew that I didn't have to wear them at all – God knew how many spare clothes Alice had in her fathomless closet, after all – but even so, I insisted on wearing my old clothes every now and then, regardless of the scent that made the scorching flames of thirst punch through my throat. Maybe I was secretly hoping that by stretching my limits, I would eventually improve my self-control faster.

Besides the thirst and other restrictions this life brought, there were other branches in that tree that occasionally darkened the sun. There were other shadows that sometimes clouded the joy this new life had given me. Because the thirst wasn't the only thing causing me pain; there was another source of agony as well.

The difference was that this pain wasn't physical, and the only thing that could temper it was time.

About three weeks or so after my change, Carlisle had retrieved my cell phone at my request and dialed both of my parents' numbers one by one. He had held the phone to my ear since I might have crushed it by accident, and he had sat patiently beside me as I had first told Renée and then Charlie that I had left Buffalo. I could have used the speaker, I suppose, but I hadn't wanted the poor sound quality to distort their voices. I had wanted to hear them with perfect clarity without any distractions. It was all I had of them, now. Their voices. And these few, short phone calls that were full of lies.

They had been surprised to hear that I had decided to begin to travel so soon after selling the bookstore. After all, I had given them the impression that I would work alongside with the new owner at least for a while. I had fabricated a story about an irresistible traveling fever, and they had seemed to buy it. They both, of course, had noticed the change in my voice. It was clearer and slightly higher, and there was a ring to it that hadn't been there before. I had quickly lied that I might be coming down with the flu or something, idly thinking that I'd have to learn to sound like the old Bella before I called them again.

The phone call to my parents left me feeling oddly empty, and I found myself thinking about them often. I also found myself glad that Renée had Phil and Charlie had Sue. Maybe losing me would be harder if they didn't have anyone to support them when the day came when I'd have to depart from their lives completely. I was also sort of glad – if one could put it this way – that I had been living on my own for years and therefore hadn't been part of my parents' everyday lives for a long time now. I had seen them only once or twice a year, and I suppose a part of me hoped that the distance the years had brought would eventually make it easier for them to move on.

No one had brought up the topic of staging my death yet, but I knew it had to be done at some point in the months or years to come. But for now, even though I couldn't see them, I was glad that I got to keep my parents in some way, at least for a while more.

At least we're under the same sky. The quiet thought slipping into my mind brought both comfort and sadness as I stared at the horizon one late afternoon. There was a crack in the clouds – I hoped that the sun would emerge before descending into the west and bringing dusk with it. I realized I was looking forward to summer. March had turned to April about two weeks ago, bringing warmer weather and rain with it. The snow was melting rapidly – it'd be gone in a few days if it continued this way.

The arriving spring befuddled my senses with fresh, new smells. I had always loved the earthy smell of spring, and thanks to my sharpened senses, now all those wonderful aromas were intensified. After I had moved to Buffalo all those years ago, Renée had never understood my enthusiasm when it came to the smell of melting snow. I suppose that short period of time she had lived in Forks with Charlie had made her despise all things that were wet and cold. About two years ago she had visited me with Phil. That year, the spring in Buffalo had been particularly wet and it had been sleeting almost every day during their visit. An involuntary smile made its way to my lips as I remembered how Phil had slipped a handful of melting snow down Renée's collar one night when they had been taking a walk; I could still remember her loud shrieks and Phil's laughter.

I heard movement behind me, someone climbing the gently sloping hilltop. I had been waiting up there, settling myself on a large boulder while Carlisle was feeding on a deer he had tracked down a minute ago. There was a gentle breeze against the side of my neck as he lowered himself next to me. He leaned forward to rest his elbows to his knees.

We sat in silence for a while, watching as the sky at the horizon turned slowly to copper.

I could feel Carlisle watching me, taking in the sad smile on my lips.

"You are thinking about them," he murmured softly. "Your parents."

I gave him a surprised glance, at the same time knowing that I shouldn't be surprised. Of course he would know what was on my mind.

"How did you know?" I asked.

His topaz eyes searched my face. "You've seemed... preoccupied for these past couple of weeks. Ever since you called them."

I nodded absently. "They have been in my thoughts a lot."

Carlisle shifted closer, wrapping his arm around my shoulders and bringing me closer to him. I felt his chin press against the top of my head. "Do you wish you had seen them more before your change?"

I frowned, shaking my head. "It's not that, exactly. I don't think I'm dwelling on what I could have chosen to do differently. I don't think it's the past that troubles me."

"The future, then?" he asked quietly. "What lies ahead?"

"Maybe." I closed my eyes, drawing in a deep breath and letting his unique, calming scent fill me. "I guess I'm getting ahead of myself, thinking about the time when my death has to be faked. I know it's really no use to obsess about it beforehand. Dwelling on the future is as pointless as dwelling on the past."

He was silent for a moment. "I don't know," he murmured eventually. "Sometimes it might be good to dwell. To prepare yourself beforehand."

"I don't think it's me who needs preparing. I've had time to process these things for months – I know what's to come. It's my parents who are blissfully unaware." I let out a quiet sigh. "But these things happen all the time, right? People – children – perish every day. Some are claimed by illnesses or accidents. Some go missing and they are never found. But parents pull through, despite their losses. They move on. They survive. Right?"

Carlisle was very silent for a long while. His arm tightened around my shoulders. "Some pull through," he murmured eventually. "Others move on but never forget, never stop mourning... like Esme. Some survive, but just barely. And then there are parents who never recover. Losing one's child... I do not know if a parent can face a greater grief." His arm tightened around me again. The touch was apologetic.

I pressed my face against his chest, giving a sad, quiet laugh. "Why do you have to be so honest? Can't you lie to me just this once?"

He placed a kiss in my hair. "Would you have preferred that?"

I drew in a deep breath and let it out slowly; his shirt smelled like fresh air and rain. "No." I stared at the orange sky far away in the horizon, and the sea of trees beneath it. The sky reminded me of Florida, of Renée, of the rays of the setting sun as they danced on the waves of the ocean. The trees reminded me of Forks, of the forest growing behind Charlie's house. It was a blessing really, to see two such precious things in the same scenery, to see them coexist in perfect harmony. I didn't want to blink; it was a fortune that particular human reflex was gone.

I drew back to see Carlisle's face, hesitating. "Do you ever... think of your father?"

His eyes grew reflective. "It's a rare day that he doesn't pass through my mind. Even though I recall very little of him... the things I do remember, I try to value. It brings me peace, to be able to remember the good things about him. His wisdom, his endless quest to please his God... Even though the two of us did not see eye to eye or share all aspects of our convictions... despite our apparent differences, I often found myself missing him, his guidance, during my first decades of this life. There are days when I still do."

I absently caressed the side of his neck, my fingers tracing the outline of the scar Afton had left behind. "Was there... a distinct point, a moment, when you suddenly found yourself missing him less? When you suddenly realized that the grief you felt about losing him wasn't as bad as it used to be?"

Carlisle didn't answer right away. At first I thought it was because he was considering my question, but from his eyes I saw that he was trying to choose the right words to answer me.

"In a way, it got easier after enough time had passed; after I returned to my home to retrieve my father's cross and knew that I would not find him there. Back then, people didn't live to a very old age, and when I returned to London, I knew what awaited me there – or what would not, to be precise. I knew that my father would not be standing behind the pulpit, giving the day's sermon. When I went back, I went with the knowledge that he must have passed away by then. I had accepted it." He paused. "And that acceptance... though it caused me grief, it also gave me relief, knowing that he would no longer spend his nights lying awake and wondering what had become of me. The knowledge of his passing... it made breathing somehow... easier."

I tucked my head against his chest again, trying to wrap my mind around the things he had said. I could sort of understand what he meant by that, why he would find the knowledge of his father's death relieving. It made me wonder if it took equally long for me to find relief and peace. If my parents lived to a ripe old age... Forty or fifty years from now, would I feel relief, too, knowing that they would no longer mourn my loss? The thought made me shudder.

Carlisle tightened his hold around me. "I'm so sorry, Bella. That was a terrible thing of me to say," he whispered.

I shook my head. "You were just being honest. I appreciate that."

I felt him press a kiss on my temple before he tucked my head into the crook of his neck. Another quiet sigh left my lips. The sound held more peace and less sadness this time.

"I'm glad they're not alone," I murmured. "I'm glad my mom has Phil. I'm glad Charlie has Sue."

Carlisle stroked my arm tenderly. "You are not alone, either. Remember that."

I smiled despite myself, and drew away from him to see his face. "Like you'd let me forget."

He smiled as well, and reached out with his other hand to brush a strand of hair from my cheek. Then he leaned in to capture my lips with his. I closed my eyes. The kiss was slow and featherlight; it left behind a quiet yearning, a gentle ache only his touch could soothe. I would have pursued quenching the longing that was seething inside me, but something caught my attention and disrupted my focus. That was a miracle in itself, unheard of – rare things could capture my attention when Carlisle's lips were on mine.

It was the sensation of something warm against my skin; the temperature around us had risen, only slightly, but still. My sensitive skin noticed the difference immediately. Perplexed, I opened my eyes and broke away from the kiss, looking for the source of that warmth.

The rays of the setting sun had pierced the veil of clouds, shooting beams of copper and gold down to the ground. I looked at my hands that were on Carlisle's chest, watching how the sunlight made my skin sparkle and glisten like diamonds. I was dazed by the sight, but only momentarily. There was something else I needed to see, something I knew would mesmerize me more than anything.

As I looked up to see Carlisle's face, the sight of him would have stunned me to silence if I hadn't already been mute. I reached out to touch his cheek. It was all I could make myself do, because there were no words. The golden beams of the sun dancing on his skin rivaled with the brightness of his eyes. It was hard to tell which would prevail. It was a moment before I realized that he was looking at me the same way I was looking at him.

I could have sat there until the end of time and just watch him. But the earth was turning; it was heedless of my wishes. Eventually the sun dropped behind the skyline, leaving us waiting for the twilight.

Or perhaps it was the sunrise we were waiting for.

As we later made our way through the dimmening woods, I found myself thinking about that tree again – the tree that occasionally darkened the sun. I thought about its branches, the hardships they represented. And I thought that perhaps in time, some of those branches would eventually wither and fall away.

And if not... the truth remained that the earth would keep turning. The sun would move across the sky, and eventually it would emerge again from behind that tree. If there were shadows, there was also light; one couldn't exist without the other. The thought gave me strength. Peace.

I tightened my hold around Carlisle's hand as we walked at a slow pace. He turned to look at me, his eyes suddenly curious.

"So," he said, breaking the companionable silence. "I'm expecting your assessment."

I raised my eyebrows. "On?"

He smiled. "You have been a vampire for a couple of weeks now. What are you thoughts about this life so far?"

"You want feedback?" I asked, grinning. "Is there a warranty if it turns out that I'm not completely satisfied with this existence?"

He gave me another smile before pulling me to him and kissing me briefly. I shivered as his nose nuzzled my neck. "Well," he breathed against my skin. "There are ways of compensation if you find that your expectations have not been completely fulfilled."

His tone made my spine prickle. I sucked in a shallow breath as his mouth moved along the angle of my jaw. Then his warm lips were suddenly assaulting my neck. The sensation of his lips against my skin... it made my stomach flutter, and forming thoughts was suddenly very hard.

"I'd like to hear more about these... ways of compensation before I decide," I managed to moan. "I need to have all info if I am to make that assessement."

"That sounds perfectly fair," he murmured against my neck.

I hadn't realized how close to the house we were; it was Emmett's voice that pulled me from the haze of desire that had clouded my mind in that instant when Carlisle's lips had touched my skin.

"Oh, for God's sake," Emmett murmured. "I need to pour bleach into my ears."

I giggled. It was kind of amusing that Emmett couldn't stomach our conversation, given the fact that he had spent a fair amount of his time for these past weeks throwing allusions and innuendos that grew more vulgar by the day.

I heard Jasper give an uneasy cough. "Want to go for a hunt?"

"Yes!" Emmett exclaimed, clinging to Jasper's suggestion like a drowning man to a life buoy. "Hunting – an excellent idea. Anything to get as far away from here as possible..."

Carlisle chuckled as we heard them make their way out of the house, their steps taking them to the opposite direction from us. The house was uncommonly quiet, then; Alice had dragged Esme and Rosalie for a shopping trip in New York, and Edward and Miguel had left hunting a couple of hours ago with Eleazar. I had heard them talk about heading all the way to Ontario.

This meant that the house was completely empty.

Interesting.

Carlisle's lips distracted me from my thoughts; they began to explore mine in an unhurried, sensual manner. Suddenly he deepened the kiss, his tongue exploring the seam of my lips almost demandingly. I literally melted against his body as if all my bones had vanished, and his arms came around me, pulling me flush against him. I moaned at the sensation of having him so close to me.

And then, suddenly, his lips were gone, and I actually reeled from the loss of contact, feeling oddly out of balance. Carlisle smoothed the hair away from my face, a glimmer in his darkened eyes.

"Well?" he asked, his voice low and hushed. "Are you going to answer my question?"

I swallowed, having a strange urge to shake my head to clear my thought processes. "Uh... what question?"

He chuckled, his voice utterly nonchalant and almost formal as he spoke. "I earlier asked your thoughts and views on being an immortal. How is this life treating you so far?"

He wanted to talk about that now? He expected me to form a rational answer after a kiss like that?

I blinked and pulled in a calming breath, spending a few more moments to compose myself. This was all fine with me. Two could play this game.

"Well," I answered, caressing the sides of his neck with the tips of my fingers, keeping my touch featherlight. "There are perks and downsides. Shall I start with the downsides?"

"If you so desire."

I smiled innocently. "Well, there are obviously many things I miss, like my bookstore and my apartment. I also miss coffee," I admitted, making him chuckle softly.

"Really?" he asked. "Coffee?"

I nodded. "Yes. Do you find it hard to believe?"

He frowned in a thoughtful manner. "I've always found the smell of it rather pleasant, but I'm afraid I cannot say the same about the taste."

I quirked my eyebrow at that. "You've tasted coffee?"

"Coffehouses began to emerge when I was young. There were several of them in London by the time I became of age."

I quirked my brow in surprise. "Huh. I've always thought of England as a tea country."

He smiled. "You, and everyone else."

"Have you ever tasted coffee as a vampire?"

His smile became dry now. "Well, when I've been working at hospitals, there have been times when, for some reason or another, I have been unable to talk my way out of taking a coffee break."

I chuckled, leaning into him and locking my hands behind his neck. "So, the great Carlisle Cullen isn't able to dazzle or sweet talk his way out of every situation, after all."

He looked like he wanted to roll his eyes at my teasing. "Sometimes it takes small sacrifices and flexibility to interact with humans. A momentary discomfort is easier to deal with than unwanted attention." Smiling, he tapped my chin with his finger in a scolding manner. "But now we are talking about you. Do not attempt to change the subject."

"Right. What else is on my list of downsides?" I pretended to ponder. "The constant thirst is kind of lousy, but that's a given. It also stinks that I can't do anything simple or normal, like open a window without breaking it to shatters. Hmm." I tapped my lip with my forefinger, pursing my lips in a pondering manner. "And then there's this one thing..."

"Oh? What's that?"

I gave him an innocent smile. "Well, it kind of saddens me that I can't go to a beach on a hot, sweltering, sunny day... and wear a two-piece."

Carlisle's expression went completely blank. Suppressing my smile, I went on as if nothing had passed. "Would you like to hear what's on my pro list?" Biting my lip, I observed his unfocused eyes for a moment before waving my hand in front of his face. "Hello? Did you hear what I said?"

His eyes snapped back into focus. He let out a slow breath. "Of course. Your pro list?"

I grinned. "That's right. I'm sure you're happy to hear that it's longer than my con list."

"I am beyond delighted to hear that."

"Good. Well, where should I start? I must say that I enjoy it immensely that I can no longer trip or fall down the stairs. It's also cool to be able to see in the dark. In addition to the sharp eyesight, my accurate hearing is also nice bonus, not to mention the enhanced sense of touch... Also, I can hardly wait to start reading. I'm pretty sure that I'll go through all those books you have in your study in less than a day."

He gave a soft laugh and cupped my cheek. "You are free to do so, sweetheart." He leaned in to place a brief, soft kiss on my mouth. "Anything else?"

I bit my lip thoughtfully. "Well, I think it's kind of nice that, thanks to my sharper senses, I'm more unlikely to be taken by surprise by anything."

He raised his other eyebrow. "More unlikely?"

I shrugged. "Yeah. It's nice to know that I'm always so aware of everything, and therefore nothing can catch me off guard anymo – holy mother of – !"

I had never seen Carlisle move so fast. My eyes could barely register his sudden, lithe movement as his body bent forward and his arms caught my waist. All I knew was that the ground under my feet was there one moment and gone the next, and then the world turned upside down. The loud cry escaping my lips sent a flock of ravens soaring into the darkening sky some distance away. I was torn between shrieking and laughing, eventually ending up doing both, as Carlisle swept me up and hoisted me over his shoulder in a fireman's carry.

"What was it you were about to say, now?" he asked innocently as he began to walk forward. "Something about how nothing can catch you unawares...?"

I tried to sound indignant as I answered, but the laughter bubbling from my lips every now and then made it kind of hard. "Alright, you proved your point! Put – me – down! Carlisle! You're supposed to be a gentleman!

He only chuckled and tightened his hold. I bit down another laugh, and I kind of had to admit that I liked this playful, unpredictable side of him – Carlisle rarely let loose in anything. I continued to fire half-hearted protests as he carried me to the house, only receiving quiet, amused chuckles as a reponse. After a few seconds, I heard a door opening somewhere ahead of me, and I twisted in his grip, only to have him readjust my position and tighten his hold again. Walls and stairs whizzed by, and I almost expected to feel dizzy for being upside down so long. If I'd had blood in my veins, most of them would have been in my head by now.

But as Carlisle opened yet another door, a moment later shifting my position and lowering me on something soft, I didn't get a headrush from the sudden change of position. The curious feeling of dizziness was caused by something else. His lips crashed against mine with fervor that could have burned through solid steel.

"You do realize," he said in between his passionate kisses, "that you are still a lot stronger than me? You could have easily freed yourself from my hold just now had you wanted to do so."

I was too busy drawing oxygen into my aching lungs to answer him right away – for some reason I felt like my body needed air, as impossible as it was. "Maybe I didn't want to," I managed to answer, unable to come up with anything clever. His urgent kisses, his body that was pressing me to the bed... all that made my rational thought processes cease. He placed another searing kiss on my mouth before beginning to trail his lips along the line of my neck.

"Is that so?" he asked, his voice pitched low. "And why would that be?"

As his teeth suddenly raked gently against the spot where my pulse should have been pounding, I might have had my first visual disturbance as a vampire, then. Or could vampires have hallucinations? Was it possible? It had to be, because my vision went oddly bright and colorful, and I tried to cling to my last strands of sanity, but at the same time, all I wanted to do was let go. Why would I need my senses and faculties, anyway? Coherence was overrated.

"There's something else on my list of pros as well," I managed to gasp before Carlisle's hands slipped under my blouse. "I didn't get the chance to say what it is because you interrupted me."

"Did I?" His lips returned to mine again. I could feel the air hit my bare skin as he dragged my blouse upwards. He broke away from my lips for a moment to maneuver the garment off of me, sending my thoughts to a halt again as his warm lips began to trail kisses along my collar bones.

"You did, and you're doing it again," I accused.

"I am terribly sorry." His voice didn't sound at all apologetic, though. I could feel his warm breaths on my shoulders as he dragged down the straps of my bra with his teeth. Man, that was hot. Throbbing heat began to pool in my abdomen, making my toes curl and my body tingle.

Even in heated situations like this, Carlisle was such a gentleman; as he peeled off the rest of my clothing, he never tore anything. I wouldn't have minded if he had, though. As he moments later crawled up my bare body, I was painfully aware that he was still fully clothed. What a sin. His breaths tickled my skin as he gently kissed the valley of my breasts up to my neck.

"So, about that list," I managed to say as his lips continued their exploration.

"Which one?" he murmured against the skin of my throat. My eyes rolled back in my head as his hand trailed down my bare body and palmed my hip.

"The pro list," I heaved, trying to focus. "Not having to sleep is definitely a pro. It leaves so much more time for... other things."

"You think so?" He placed a soft kiss on the corner of my mouth before his lips moved to the sensitive area beneath my ear. A violent tremble went through me at the sensation.

"Uhuh," I managed in a breathy voice. I almost got distracted by his kisses and touches again. His hand was slowly trailing the length of my thigh, and I had to force myself to concentrate. Taking hold of his shoulders, I gazed at him. "And you know, since you brought it up a moment ago... my superior strength goes to that list as well. It has its perks."

With one fluid movement, I flipped him over and reversed our positions. It took less than a second. The look in Carlisle's eyes was slightly dazed as I pinned him to the bed and sealed his lips with mine. My hands went to work on his clothes; there were too many of them. He was wearing a cardigan over his button-down today – what had he been thinking, dressing like that? And for goodness' sake, was that a tie? Was he trying to slow me down on purpose? Putting on so many clothes should have been illegal.

I didn't have patience for this. As I took the easy way and simply ripped a few seams here and there to make the task of undressing him more quick, I absently wondered what Alice would think, ruining his clothes like that. Oh well, she always seemed to treat clothes as if they were disposable and meant for one-time usage, so she wouldn't mind this. After unceremoniously discarding what left of his clothes, I crawled up his bare body and straddled him, pinning his elbows to the bed so he couldn't move. The look in his eyes was slightly stunned as I leaned over him, my long hair pooling down on his throat and on the sides of his head as I pressed a soft, slow kiss on his mouth. Then I leaned back and just watched him, idly taking notice that he was trying to move his arms, but my tight grip on his elbows still prevented that. For the first time in several weeks, I was kind of glad about my insane newborn strength.

I grinned at him from above. "Feeling emasculated?"

His bare chest shook with quiet, slightly breathless laughter. "Quite the opposite. I am nothing but enchanted."

Smiling, I maneuvered myself down his body, peppering his neck and chest with soft kisses. Easing myself off of him, I moved my hands from his elbows to his wrists, my lips beginning to explore the muscular planes of his stomach. He shivered visibly as my hair tumbled down on his hips and stomach, and I heard him suck in a sharp breath as my mouth eventually wandered to his hipbone. He stopped breathing, then. Under my grip, I could feel the muscles of his arms tense and flex; I realized his hands were fisted around the duvet of the bed as my mouth continued its intimate exploration. I dragged my teeth gently along his upper thigh, just out of curiosity. He still wasn't breathing, but a noticeable tremble went through his body at my touch.

Biting down a smile, I shifted myself, leaning down to press a soft kiss on his lower stomach. Something between a sigh and a low groan left Carlisle's chest. After dropping another soft kiss on his silky skin, my lips began to follow the light trail of hair down his abdomen, and I heard him make a sound that could have been the beginnings of my name. My lips continued their search, and I tightened my hold around his wrists before placing a gentle, tentative kiss on the tip of his hard length.

The breath rushed out of his mouth in a sharp exhale through his teeth; it sounded like he was making an effort to lock his jaw to keep a loud sound from escaping. Encouraged by his reaction, I continued the sensual task. I kept the touch of my lips and tongue light before I suddenly increased the pressure without a warning. I heard how Carlisle's hands twisted around the duvet again, his tendons and muscles tensing under his marble skin as he tried to free himself from my grip. Suddenly there was a loud sound of ripping as the fabric of the duvet began to tear in his tight grip.

"Good God, Bella," he moaned. I took a quick peek at him without stopping my intimate caress. His eyes were squeezed shut, and his mouth was slightly open. His lips were moving, trying to form words, but he seemed too overwhelmed by the sensations running through him to manage that. It made me feel a little smug that this normally wise and very articulate vampire was reduced to desperate moans and sighs by my intimate caress.

"Bella, for the love of – " he began, but he was unable to finish his sentence as a strangled groan welled up from deep inside his chest. The muscles of his stomach tensed and released as he gasped for each breath. "Bella, please. Don't... please... Please, stop. Bella, please, please, please..." There was a tremor in his voice as the words slipped from his lips in an urgent whisper.

I was no longer sure what exactly he was asking, and I spent a while more adoring his sensitive skin with my lips. Reluctantly, I pulled away after a moment and released my hold of his wrists, beginning to crawl up his body again. His arms went instantly around me, pulling me close. He sat up and brought me with him, shifting me so that I was sitting astride him. He leaned his forehead to mine, his arms loosening around me as he reached up to cup my cheek. His breaths were still coming in heavy gasps, his muscles still taut like a wire pulled too tight. "Dear heavens, Bella..." he whispered, his eyes closed. "You are going to be the death of me, I swear."

I chuckled, locking my hands behind his neck and placing a soft kiss on his lips. He moaned quietly; the sound did strange, wonderful things to my insides. "Killing you wasn't my goal, believe me."

He shook his head and pulled back, opening his eyes. "You already give me so much pleasure than I can barely withstand it, sweetheart. You didn't have to do... well, that."

I chuckled again; his old-fashioned manners were sweet. "I wanted to," I whispered, capturing his lips in a brief kiss again. "There's no part of you that I don't want to touch, Carlisle." I felt him shiver at my words, and I pulled back, smiling. "I think it's endearing, though, that you're so, well... how should I put it? Proper? Virtuous?"

"Are you trying to say that I am behind the times?" he asked, his voice amused but pitched lower than normally.

"I wouldn't dare say something like that." I claimed his lips again with my own. His hand had left my cheek and his arms wrapped around me. I shifted, momentarily supporting my weight on my bent knees as Carlisle's hands took my waist, pulling and guiding me back on his body.

I gasped against his lips as our bodies joined, our intimate position bringing us closer to each other than ever before. I felt Carlisle's hands running up and down my back before they trailed lower and gripped the outsides of my thighs. He moaned into my mouth as I rocked against him, the hold of his hands becoming more urgent. His mouth against mine was gentle but insistent, nearly demanding. Moving against him again, I broke away from his lips to heave in an unsteady breath. I threw my head back, lost in the sensation of having him so close to me. Carlisle's warm breaths were rapid and shaky as I cradled his head against my bare chest. We were barely moving, but this nearness, this intimate embrace, the way we were wrapped around each other was almost enough to make me come apart.

I had that strange sensation of dizziness again as Carlisle's mouth found the bud of my other breast. I was only vaguely aware of the moans and sighs leaving my chest as his mouth continued its gentle caress. I ground against him again, the motion nearly involuntary and uncontrollable, and the knot that had been pulsing hot and tight in the pit of my stomach suddenly snapped without a warning. It was bewildering, nearly unfathomable, how quickly my desire peaked. One might expect that it would dwindle away as fast as it had arrived, but no. A series of incoherent moans tumbled from my lips as the white-hot pleasure began to course through my bloodless veins, the strength of it catching me off guard and making me tremble all over. I felt Carlisle's hands leaving my thighs and then his warm, strong arms wrapped around me, gathering me close as I broke to pieces. I heard him murmur quiet words of affection into my ear as my insides coiled and clenched, and I let my head drop on his shoulder as I slowly began to come down from my high. It took a while. I tried to regulate my breathing as I clung to him, but it was hard. It seemed like gasping for air was the only outlet for the waves of release running through me.

Eventually the surges of warmth and pleasure began to slowly dissipate, but they refused to leave me completely. Carlisle tightened his hold around me, and I felt the tips of his fingers pressing against the skin of my back as he shifted, holding me tightly to him as he turned us over, never breaking the connection of our bodies.

The bed was soft against my back as he laid me down on it, his other hand coming to cup my cheek as he pressed a soft kiss on my lips. When he pulled back, there was an endless moment when he didn't move, only gazed into my eyes. My fingers dove into his hair as I wrapped my arms around his neck, wordlessly inviting him to kiss me. When he did, his other hand skimmed down my body, trailing over my hip and thigh until reaching the bend of my knee.

And finally, he moved, deepening the kiss and setting a torturously slow rhythm. Every gentle motion of his hips sent a blast of heat through my body. Every sigh of pleasure that left my lips was his name. And every tremble that ran through his frame, every kiss he pressed on my lips, every moan that gathered in his chest belonged to me. Just like every breath, every shiver, every roll of heat rippling through me was his.

The sensations tearing through me were suddenly too great, too intense and fierce, and I was suddenly afraid of hurting him. Normally, touching Carlisle without causing him pain was effortless, natural, but I wasn't in control of myself now. My self-possession was overruled by the violent, torrid need that was coiling inside of me, making my back arch and my eyes slam shut as Carlisle's movements eventually changed from sensual and slow to uneven and desperate.

As his breathing grew unsteady and his arms wrapped around me tightly, my name tumbled from his lips in a breathless, hoarse moan. I untangled my fingers from his hair and reached up above my head, trying to find something solid to hang on to. My searching hands found the wooden bars of the headboard just as the world shattered and the ball of heat inside me fragmented into flares and sparks for the second time. I heard, felt, something break, and my nostrils filled with the distinct smell of varnished oakwood. The small splinters of wood tickled my palms, but the faint sensation was drowned under stronger ones. The pleasure rolling through me was intensified by the feeling of Carlisle shuddering against me. I felt how his muscles jolted and twitched before he stilled completely. Forcing my eyes open, I watched, mesmerized, as his mouth fell open and his gaze lost focus before his eyes clenched shut. The sound leaving his lips wasn't a moan or a gasp; it was something deeper, a low guttural groan I had never heard before. Then the tension in his muscles melted away, and he all but collapsed on top of me, quivers still running through his frame.

I cradled his head against my chest, wrapping my arms around him. I actually felt winded and oddly spent, like all my limbs were suddenly heavier than before. Resting my chin against the top of his head, I kept dragging air into my lungs and wondered if it was even possible for vampires to feel exhausted.

Maybe it was. I certainly didn't seem to be the only one suffering from this pleasant weariness. Carlisle's breathing was now slightly slower than before, almost like he was trying to regulate it. I felt him stir, and then the weight of his head disappeared from my chest as he shifted, as if he was worried that he was crushing me under him. He turned us on our sides, our bodies still intertwined, and he kept me close, pressing his forehead to mine. His eyes were closed as if in slumber.

"Goodness gracious, Bella," he whispered, his voice astonished. He opened his eyes and pulled back to look at me. The usual golden brilliance was slowly returning; I saw my own face being mirrored from his eyes. I was almost surprised that my reflection didn't have flushed cheeks. The only evidence of our passion was my slightly disheveled hair and the color of my eyes. The haunting, newborn redness was momentarily gone, replaced by deep, dark blackness.

Chuckling at his words, I brought my hand to his cheek and sighed. A frown furrowed my brow as a dry, woodsy aroma suddenly filled my nostrils. I tilted my head to look how badly I had damaged the bed. The sight made me cringe; some of the wooden bars of the headboard were no longer there. What remained of them were spread around the pillows in shards and splinters.

Carlisle followed my gaze and tried to suppress a smile. He failed.

I dropped my head back on the bed. "Alice is going to have my throat for this."

He chuckled. "I doubt that."

"With my luck, that headboard was antiques or ridiculously expensive."

"She knows you didn't break it on purpose." Carlisle gave another chuckle as I bit my lip sheepishly. "And besides, I find it extremely flattering that you were unable to... control your strength."

"My, my, aren't we smug?" I said, receiving a soft laugh as a response. Grinning, I leaned in to kiss him quickly. "Well, I guess we have to give Emmett something to talk about. I can claim the honor of ruining the headboard, but you, and only you, are responsible for destroying the duvet."

Carlisle looked perplexed as he craned his head and glanced down at the bedspread he had fisted in his hands earlier. It now sported two large tears. The look in his eyes was oddly bewildered as he shook his head. "That is the first time in over three hundred years that I have broken something by accident."

His words made me grin like an idiot. "Hmm. That's interesting."

Carlisle met my gaze. "My, my," he parroted me. "Aren't we smug?"

I laughed and brought my face closer to his. I felt him beginning to trace idle patterns on the skin of my back. His warm breath brushed against my face as he sighed, closing his eyes.

"Good Lord, Bella," he murmured quietly, and I guessed from his tone that he was reliving the past moments. "In all honesty, that was..." He shook his head.

"Something else?" I supplied, making him open his eyes again. He reached up to smooth back my hair, his eyes tender and astounded.

"This is the first time in my nearly four hundred years that I have felt something close to physical exhaustion. I had completely forgotten what it felt like. If I did not know any better, I think I might drift off to sleep."

I smiled – so I wasn't the only one feeling weary, after all. "I remember you once telling me that sleeping and dreaming are things you miss about being a human." It seemed to belong to another lifetime, that conversation that had taken place that one night in my living room, weeks and weeks ago. And yet, it seemed like no time had passed.

Carlisle nodded. "I do. It was worse at the beginning, during the first few decades after my change. The sleepless nights only seemed to serve to emphasize my loneliness. Even though I filled my nights with studying and reading, I sometimes longed for the oblivion of sleep. I suppose it has a way of centering you, waking up in the morning after hours of spending in dreams. I remember the feeling was rather uplifting."

I smiled, realizing that his words echoed the thoughts and reflections I'd been dwelling on for these past couple of days.

"And you?" he asked, smiling softly. "A few moments ago you said that not having any need for sleep is rather... profitable."

I laughed quietly. "It is. But I suppose I agree with you. I've lately found myself longing for a way to reset my mind. It's actually hard when you can't lose yourself in dreams."

"So I take it that you miss sleeping, after all? Or is it the dreams you miss?"

I shivered as I thought about the nightmares that had plagued me during my last few weeks as a human. I definitely wouldn't miss those. But there had been pleasant dreams as well – wonderful dreams.

"Maybe," I answered. "Dreams can be quite intuitive. At least mine were."

Carlisle quirked his eyebrows in a curious manner. "Oh?"

I smiled as I remembered. The human memories were foggy, even more so since they were memories of dreams. "After you came to Buffalo to watch over me, I began to have these strange dreams about my mother. She kept telling me that I would have to choose, and I always answered that I didn't know what to choose. The first time I had that dream was way before I even considered becoming a vampire. But now, looking back on it... I'm wondering if I was unconsciously processing those things and preparing myself for what's to come. And also preparing myself for losing my parents. In the dreams, my mom always disappeared. She was there one moment and gone the next."

Carlisle stroked my cheek tenderly, the look in his eyes sad. "Did you dream of her often?"

"A few times. She wasn't the only person I was dreaming about, though," I told him. He looked curious again. "I was having dreams about you as well," I admitted, suddenly feeling almost shy.

He smiled. "Really? Would you tell me about them?"

I chuckled, suddenly glad that I couldn't blush. "Well, in one dream," I began, inching closer to him, "you did this." I pressed my lips softly to his and pulled back. There was a pleased glimmer in his eyes.

"I did?" he asked. "When did you have this dream, may I ask?"

Squirming, I bit my lip and avoided his eyes.

"Bella?" he pressed when I didn't answer. "How long ago?"

Smiling sheepishly, I lifted my hands to cover my face, only to have Carlisle remove them. He held them against my bare chest, shifting and rolling me to my back so that he was hovering over me.

"Bella?" he asked again, raising his other eyebrow. I suppose he tried to come off as strict, but the curious smile on his lips kind of negated the effect.

I chuckled. "It wasn't that long ago. I mean... maybe a couple of weeks before Christmas? It was before I came to see this house for the first time, anyway."

He shook his head. "All that time – " He paused and threw a glance towards the ceiling, as if to pray for patience. Then he sighed and looked down at me, smiling. "You should have said something. I would have made that dream come true."

"You did eventually," I pointed out. He rewarded me with another smile. "When I had that dream... Once again, maybe it was my subconscious trying to prepare me. Or trying to get me to wake the hell up," I chuckled. "I don't think I was really aware of my feelings for you back then. Or maybe I was, on some level, but I was afraid to delve deeper. Until the time came when I was forced to search myself. When I was forced to admit that I was in love with you, and I had been for a long time."

Carlisle leaned closer to kiss me again. "If only I'd had dreams to guide my way. Perhaps it would not have taken so long for me to realize my feelings for you."

"You had Alice and Jasper," I pointed out, feigning indignation. "I'm sure they were dropping hints all the time."

He shook his head. "Actually, they were surprisingly discreet about it. They made indirect allusions on occasion, but nothing more than that. I suppose they both wanted us to come to the conclusion on our own."

"Yeah, I guess." I brought my hands to his cheeks, then ran my fingers through his hair before clasping my hands behind his neck. "We wasted a lot of time, though. I don't want to do that anymore. Waste time."

Carlisle smiled. "Neither do I." He placed another soft kiss on my lips. "Time is something we both have, though. Plenty of it. How does that sound?"

"Wonderful." Quiet laughter bubbled from my lips as he rolled over to his back, at the same time taking my waist and bringing me with him. I sat astride him, leaning down to claim his lips and idly deciding that the headboard of the bed wasn't nearly broken enough.

AN: "Maybe there was some natural law that demanded equal shares of happiness and misery in the world." and "Oh well, she always seemed to treat clothes as if they were disposable and meant for one-time usage, so she wouldn't mind this." are references to Breaking Dawn. (These are the original lines: "Was there some natural law that demanded equal shares of happiness and misery in the world?" and "Well, Alice always seemed to treat clothes as if they were disposable and meant for one-time usage, so she shouldn't mind this.")

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