37

Kel awoke to the sound of gentle rain pattering on the shutters of the window. From the look of the grey light that was seeping through the panels, it was just after dawn.

She yawned and rubbed her face with her hands, wondering for a moment why she didn't actually remember going to bed. Soft snoring drew her attention to a nearby chair, where Neal sprawled awkwardly, fast asleep.

Sitting up, Kel realised she was still in her clothes from the day before and the memory hit her of crying herself to sleep on Neal's shoulder. Following that memory came another one – the one that was reason why she had been crying.

It seemed she hadn't used up all her tears the night before. Kel let them run silently down her face, before pulling herself together and digging some fresh clothes out of her travel packs. Making sure Neal really was asleep; she changed quickly and quietly, before looking round at the mess she had left her room in the night before. That needed sorting, but her stomach reminded her it could wait until after breakfast.

Tiptoeing around the items strewn over the floor, Kel grabbed the blanket off her bed and tenderly draped it over Neal. He shifted and muttered something, before resuming his snoring. Smiling, Kel gave him a gentle kiss on the forehead, before quietly exiting the room.

She paused in front of Ella's room and knocked softly on the door. "Ella?" she called quietly. There was no answer. Carefully turning the handle, Kel eased the door open and poked her head through the gap. In the dim light of the room, she saw her squire and gods-daughter curled up together on the bed, sound asleep, Ella's head resting on Ro's shoulder.

Kel gave another smile at the sight and shut the door soundlessly. The last day or so had been rough on everyone. They deserved as much sleep as possible.

She made her way to the mess hall of headquarters. Several guards were coming off the night shift and nodded to her as she went to the hatch. After receiving some juice, a large bowl of porridge and begging an extra slice of toast and jam to go with it, Kel spotted Merric and Owen sitting at the farthest table.

"Morning," she said, setting her tray down.

Owen merely yawned and waved a response, but Merric looked at her warily. "Morning. How…did you sleep ok?"

In all truth Kel felt like she could sleep for a week and still be tired, but she merely shrugged and replied, "As well as could be expected, I suppose."

There was an uncomfortable silence as each of them tried to work out the best thing to say to make the others feel all right.

"Did – "

"Where – "

"Have – "

"Sorry," said Kel, holding her hands up. She nodded at Merric. "You first."

"Sorry," he blushed. "I was just wondering if you've seen Neal? I had one of the new healers asking after him this morning already and I can't seem to find him."

Kel drained her juice. "He's asleep on a chair in my room. Or he was about ten minutes ago."

"Oh. Right." Merric didn't press the matter; he obviously realised the reason Neal had gone to see Kel in the first place.

"What about Ro?" enquired Owen. "I didn't hear her come back last night."

"She's in Ella's room. I think the two of them were up talking 'til late last night, so I let them sleep in. If you don't have to leave straight away Owen, then I'd leave her for a bit. It's been a tough couple of days."

"That's putting it mildly," muttered Merric.

Kel didn't answer that; instead she concentrated hard on her porridge. If either Merric or Owen noticed her dabbing her eyes with her sleeve, they didn't say.

xxx

"Oh, I nearly forgot. Here. Don't open it until your actual birthday, mind you."

Ella took the wrapped box from Ro and smiled. "Thanks. I'd nearly forgotten it's next week, to be honest. I keep losing track of the days."

"Well, good job one of us is on the ball then." Ro returned her grin, before suddenly flinging her arms around Ella in a huge hug. "Papa said there were plans of us all meeting up again in Corus for Midwinter. Don't do anything stupid until then, will you, like get yourself kidnapped or anything?"

Returning her friend's hug, Ella laughed while blinking back sudden tears. "I won't," she whispered. "I'm going to miss you."

"Oh shut up, you sap," Ro broke away and punched Ella on the shoulder. She sniffed and wiped her nose on the back of her hand. "And remember I…" she trailed off and frowned. "Oh gods. What's he doing here?"

Ella glanced to where Ro was looking. Sir Merric had come out to the courtyard to join Lady Keladry and Sir Nealan in seeing Sir Owen and Ro off. Trailing his knight master, was Gerry.

"Ugh, right I'm going to say goodbye to Papa and get in the saddle before I do something I regret," grumbled Ro.

As she made to walk off, Ella caught her sleeve. "Ro, wait." As Ro turned back, Ella held her gaze, seriously. "Go and say goodbye to him. There's no point holding a grudge over this."

Ro raised her eyebrows. "No point…Ella, come on. Think about how he treated you!"

"I know, but…" Ella took a deep breath. "After what happened to…I don't want to be the reason you fall out with your cousin and don't say a proper goodbye to him. After all…we just don't know what will happen between now and Midwinter, do we?"

Ro looked at her for a long time, before nodding silently and walking over to Gerry. Ella watched her friend approach her cousin and the start of their awkward conversation, before turning away and giving them some privacy.

"That was a very good thing you just did there, Ella."

She jumped slightly, not realising Lady Keladry had come up behind her. "What? Oh…well…it's probably time at least one of us stopped giving him the silent treatment." Ella thought for a moment. "Actually, maybe both of us should. I'll speak to him myself later."

Lady Kel smiled at her, putting a hand on Ella's shoulder. "And that's a very mature way to act. I'm proud of you."

Ella felt herself blushing. "I didn't really do anything," she muttered.

Feeling that searching hazel gaze on her face, Ella looked up to see Lady Kel was regarding her thoughtfully. "You've done a lot. And…I didn't say it before and I meant to…thank you."

"For what?"

"Saving my life. You and Ro. With that spidren. I don't know what would have happened if the two of you hadn't acted as fast as you did."

Feeling uncomfortable, Ella shrugged. "Well…you saved me before. Shall we say we're even now? At least as far as spidren are concerned."

Lady Kel gave her shoulder a squeeze before letting go. "Deal. And pray to the gods that we don't have to face any more of them too soon."

"So mote it be," murmured Ella.

xxx

Waving to her friend and gods-daughter as they left through the gates of New Hope, Kel turned to a forlorn looking Neal and said, "Don't worry. Owen will look after her."

"I know," he sighed. "I'm just worried about who's going to be looking after him."

Kel laughed. "He's not the same crazy little boy any more Neal. He's been a good knight for almost as long as us, after all."

"Yes, yes," Neal said, waving a hand dismissively. "And Ro's fourteen years old and a squire in training. That doesn't mean I'm going to stop worrying about her."

"You'll see her soon." Kel squeezed Neal's elbow.

Realising Ella was looking at them, Kel smiled at the little squire. "And what were you and Ro whispering so frantically about just before they rode off?"

To her surprise, Ella turned a little red. "Nothing. I just remembered I had to tell her something at the last minute."

"Hmm, I see." Kel felt like there was something she should be suspicious about, but for now decided not to push the issue. "Well, if you're still planning on talking to Gerry then you need to do it this afternoon. We're going to ride out tomorrow."

"We are?" Ella looked surprised. "I thought we were staying for a few more days."

That had been the plan. But everywhere Kel went in New Hope, everyone she spoke to and everything she did here, reminded her of Tobe. It was too raw and painful at the moment. She needed to get away, until she was able to come back once more and remember him once the wounds of grief had healed slightly.

"Sir Nealan here has one more healer to escort to a village west of here. I thought we'd accompany him and then stop in at Mindelan for a while."

"We're going with Sir Nealan?" Ella sounded eager and Kel was touched at how much the girl seemed to genuinely like her friend.

"For a while anyway. So we need to be ready to go as soon as possible in the morning. You need to get your stuff sorted and make sure the horses are all right to travel. And speak to Gerry."

"Yes My Lady!" Ella bowed and raced off to do as she was bid.

"She's keen," commented Neal.

"The keenest I've seen her for a long time." Kel couldn't put her finger on it. "Maybe the events of the last few days have thrown things into perspective for her slightly. Goddess knows they have for me," she added quietly.

Neal smiled sadly at her. "It will get easier Kel. I promise."

"I hope you're right."

xxx

Swearing under her breath as she scrabbled under her bed for her spare pair of boots, Ella didn't stop to ask who had knocked at the door. "Come in!"

"Need a hand?"

The familiar voice made her jump and she cracked her head on the underside of the bed. "Damn it! Of all the pox-ridden, gods-cursed, stupid…"

A pair of hands helped her slide out from under the bed a little more carefully. "Are you all right?" asked Gerry, his blue eyes concerned.

"No," muttered Ella, her eyes watering. She rubbed the bruised spot on the back of her head with a wince. Straightening, she looked at Gerry. "I was going to come and speak to you later."

"Oh." He shuffled his feet and looked sheepish. "Well, if now's a bad time, I'll come back, I just…"

"No, it's ok." Ella sat on the edge of the bed and patted the cover. "Now's a good a time as any."

"Right." He sat as far away from her as possible and looked everywhere in the room but at her.

It seemed it was going to be Ella who had to start this conversation. "Gerry…I'm sorry I hit you the other day." The boy still bore the now yellowish bruise. "And I think we should move on and try and just be friends. What do you think?"

That startled him enough to finally look her in the eye. "What…really? Ella, I…" He shook his head and rubbed the back of his neck. "Ella, I'm really sorry. I wish that I hadn't been so stupid. I wish things had worked out differently…"

"But they didn't. So we just need to move on. You're a good friend Gerry, I don't want to lose you as that. But let's face it…as anything more, we just don't work."

He gave Ella an appraising look. "That's probably the most sensible thing I've ever heard you say, Brightleigh."

She smiled at him. "Thanks, Masbolle. I think. Well, we're leaving tomorrow as I'm sure you know. I didn't want us parting on bad terms. Especially after…"

"I know," he said quickly, saving her from finishing that uncomfortable sentence. "Well, I'll see you at supper?"

"You certainly will," she smiled again and started to resume her packing.

"Ella?"

She looked up at him. "Yes?"

He scooped her into a hug. "Thanks. And I am sorry." With that, he fled the room.

Ella just stood and looked at the space where he had just been standing, until her emotions had settled enough to continue sorting out her things.

xxx

The next day dawned cold and bright, the first frost of the season still sparkling on the ground. The horses stood restless and champing at the bits, breath showing in the air as their owners mounted.

"Keep safe and we'll probably see you back in Corus for Midwinter!" called Merric after them, as they rode out of the gates.

Kel couldn't prevent her eyes from roving over to where the graveyard of New Hope was as they passed it. She must have given her horse, Hana, a signal to halt without realising it, because the horse came to a sudden standstill.

A hand reached out and grasped hers as it gripped the reins. She turned to see Neal had brought his own horse up next to Hana. He was looking at her sympathetically. "Come on Kel. Let's keep moving."

She took a shaky breath and smiled at him. "Sorry Neal. You're right." As she nudged Hana into a walk once more, Kel looked round to where Ella was riding next to a sleepy looking healer. She was surprised to see a wry smile on the young squire's face. "Something amusing? I could use a joke this morning."

Ella blinked, as if surprised to be addressed, and the smile disappeared as quickly as it had been there. "Nothing's amusing, My Lady. Nothing at all."

"Then let's pick up the pace shall we?" snapped Kel, even though her rational brain knew it had been she who had slowed them momentarily. She urged Hana into a trot.

As they made their way down the road, Kel's sharp ears heard Neal behind her say quietly, "Don't wind her up this morning, Ella. She doesn't need that."

"Sorry Sir Nealan. I didn't mean any disrespect, honestly."

"I know," came Neal's tired reply. "But just…just be a little bit more thoughtful in the next few days, all right?"

"I will be," promised Ella. There was a moment of quiet and then Kel heard, "I'm glad you're with us, Sir Nealan. I think Lady Kel needs you at the moment."

Rolling her eyes at the sheer fussing that was going on behind her, Kel asked for a canter from Hana. The last thing she needed was both her best friend and her squire constantly fretting over her for the time they were together.

xxx

"I'd best catch up with her," commented Sir Nealan, watching a cross looking Lady Kel ride off ahead of them. He glanced at the healer, whose horse looked as asleep as the man was. "Keep an eye on him, won't you? Make sure he doesn't fall of his horse?"

As Ella nodded, Sir Nealan kicked his horse into a canter. Now both of them were not looking, she allowed herself another grin. Wait until she got a moment to write to Ro and tell her about this good turn of fortune! Having Sir Nealan riding with them for a while was going to make their matchmaking plans a lot easier.

"What are you smirking at anyway, youngster?" came the irritable voice of the man she was riding with.

Ella gave him a glance, her grin widening. "Nothing. Nothing at all. Come on, let's get a move on!" And she leant over and gave his sleepy horse a whack on the rump, sending it cantering off after the two knights. Laughing at the way the man flailed about in the saddle, Ella made to catch up herself.

The following days could prove to be very interesting indeed.