Chapter 37: Reconnecting

I quietly took a deep breath before opening the door.

I knew I couldn't avoid talking to Zak, so I just did the best I could to make my voice sound the best I could.

"Hey…" I said softly.

Speaking softly didn't help much.

I saw the concern in Zak's eyes, even though he smiled slightly.

"Hey," Zak replied softly.

I noticed he was holding a plastic bag in his hands. It looked like it contained a fairly large, round, plastic container.

"Ashley filled me in on how your visit to the hospital in Italy went. She said the doctor recommended you stick to soft foods for a few days," Zak said.

I nodded.

"She did," I said softly.

"Well, I thought maybe we could have lunch," Zak said, lifting the plastic bag slightly. "It's homemade chicken soup, my mom's recipe…although I probably did a horrible job of making it," Zak said, somewhat shyly.

He made me soup?

I couldn't help but smile.

"I'd like that…" I said softly.

Zak smiled slightly.

I stepped aside so Zak could come in.

"Come on in," I said softly.

Zak smiled a bit more and walked inside, handing me the plastic bag with the soup.

"I made it last night, so it's not frozen. Just needs to be heated up," Zak said.

I nodded.

"No problem," I said.

I turned and walked out into the kitchen as Zak shut the front door behind him.

I set the bag down on the counter near the stove, and took out a large pot from one of the cupboards.

I took the container out of the bag and was just about to open it, when I felt Zak's hand lightly brush my arm.

I looked back at him.

He was looking at the scarf around my neck.

"How bad is it…?" He asked quietly.

I frowned slightly.

"It won't help you any if you see it…" I replied softly.

"I need to see it…" Zak said quietly.

I frowned.

I figured there was no point trying to argue with him.

I reached up with my hands and unwrapped the scarf from around my neck, and slowly pulled it away to reveal the bruises.

I saw Zak's eyes widen in shock, and then they narrowed in pain.

He slowly reached up with one hand and very lightly, touched one side of my neck with the tips of his fingers.

His touch was so light, that it didn't cause any pain, but it did cause a shiver to run down my spine.

He pulled his hand back, and I could tell by the look on his face that he realized the bruises were identical the shape and size of his hands.

I saw his eyes watering slightly.

"I'm so sorry…" Zak whispered. "Maybe I shouldn't be here…" he added, taking a step back from me.

I turned so I was fully facing him and reached out with one hand, gently grabbing his arm.

"No, it's okay," I said softly. "I know you wouldn't hurt me on purpose," I added.

Zak looked torn.

"I still hurt you…" Zak replied quietly.

"It wasn't you. It was a demon who used you," I said softly.

Zak seemed to look a bit relieved to hear me say that.

"You're not afraid of me…?" Zak asked quietly.

I looked at him in shock.

"Of course I'm not afraid of you," I said softly. "You may be weird, but I'm not scared of you," I added teasingly, hoping to lighten the moment.

It worked.

Zak laughed quietly.

I smiled.

It felt so good to hear him laugh again.

I went to put the scarf back around my neck, but he gently stopped me.

"You don't have to wear that. Not if you're more comfortable without it," Zak said softly.

To be honest, it did feel better not wearing the scarf.

Despite not fearing or blaming Zak, I wasn't fully comfortable with anything around my neck yet.

"Are you sure? I don't want to upset you…" I said softly.

"I'll manage," Zak said, giving me a reassuring smile.

I smiled slightly in return.

"Alright," I replied softly, setting the scarf aside.

After pouring the soup into the pot and turning on the burner to heat it up, I took out two large bowls and soup spoons and set up two place settings on the island, so we could watch tv while we ate if we decided.

I also got some bread and crackers and set them on the island's countertop, unsure if Zak would want either, while he stirred the soup.

After a minute or so, he turned and looked at me.

"I want to apologize for something else," Zak said.

I felt confused, unsure of what else he had to apologize for.

"For what?" I questioned softly.

"The day we fought...I said some things I didn't mean, and that aren't anywhere near true…I was just upset, and afraid…" Zak said softly.

I stood there in shock.

He was apologizing, when I was the one who had screwed up.

He was afraid…? I thought.

"You don't have to apologize for anything…I screwed up, and I'm sorry…" I said, looking down at my hands.

Don't cry…don't cry…

"I understand a bit more about why you did what you did…I don't know if she told you, but Cheryl came over a few days after-" Zak started.

I nodded.

"I know, she told me," I said softly.

"So…you know…that I still can't-" Zak started, but I cut him off.

I didn't want to hear him say it out loud.

I understood that he couldn't get involved with me romantically if I couldn't open up, but I knew I wouldn't of been able to handle hearing him say it.

Crying right now would have been very bad for my throat.

"I know, I understand," I said, and forced myself to look at him. "I…I'm trying to find someway to get the strength to tell you…" I said.

Zak smiled slightly.

"I'm glad to hear that, but…if you find you can't, I just want you to know that I'm still here for you...I won't let you get hurt again," Zak said, entirely serious.

I couldn't stop my eyes from watering now.

I don't deserve you…

"Zak…" I said quietly, trailing off.

He gave me another small smile, and then reached up and gently brushed some hair back out of my face.

"So, unless things change, how about us being friends again?" Zak asked.

I wanted to throw my arms around him and never let go.

I smiled, despite my eyes still watering.

"I'd like that…" I replied quietly.

Zak smiled.

"Me too," he said, before he turned back to check the soup.

I smiled and hesitated slightly, but I had to know.

"Zak..?" I asked softly.

"Yeah?" He replied, looking back at me.

"You said that you were afraid…afraid of what…?" I asked.

Zak paused for a few seconds, looking back at the soup before answering.

"I was afraid I was losing you forever…" Zak replied quietly.

Oh god…