Supernatural High

I don't own Supernatural.

Chapter 37

Dean was not in a good place. Days came. Days went. He didn't know the difference. He kept the blinds in his room at Bobby's house closed, blocking out all natural light. More often than not, he didn't know if it was night or day outside. He didn't leave his room; the only one he saw was Bobby when the old hunter came up and gave him food, sometimes yelling at him until Dean ate. Cas visited throughout the week, or at least that was what Bobby had said. Bobby was the only one allowed in Dean's room – even Sam was forbidden to enter. Dean didn't want Sammy to see him like this . . . and he sure as hell didn't want Cas to.

In truth, Dean Winchester wanted nothing more than to tell Bobby to send Cas up to his room. He wanted to pull his angel into a hug and never let him go. He wanted to break down and sob into Cas's chest as the angel held him tightly and sang their song. I can't help falling in love with you. The words repeated in Dean's head – the night of Homecoming, the dance, the kiss in the Impala. It was all so surreal – like a dream. He had a hard time believing it had even happened. How could something so perfect and pure take place in a world as cruel and demented as this? John was dead. His father was dead. How could he think about being happy with Cas? He didn't deserve to feel the happiness and the relief that struck him whenever he looked into Cas's crystalline eyes.

Even though Dean knew that it wasn't his fault – that deep down it was going to happen anyway – he still felt like he should have stopped it. If I had gotten my shit together and killed Lilith at Homecoming.

If I had been a better hunter . . .

If I had protected my family like dad always told me . . .

If . . . If . . .

These thoughts swarmed his head, torturing him all week. However, on Friday, Dean decided it was time to do something other than sit in his room and feel sorry for himself. Stop being a bitch, Winchester, Dean thought darkly. That morning, he ventured out of his bedroom. He went downstairs to find Bobby sitting at the kitchen table. He looked tired; there were bags under his eyes and his beard getting scraggly and unruly. Dean watched from the doorway as Bobby poured whiskey into his coffee. He gulped it down then, not pausing once to take a breath.

"Bobby?" Dean called, clearing his throat.

The old under put down his cup swiftly, coughing. "Dean," he stated, looking at the boy. Dean thought he saw Bobby's eyes glisten with tears for a moment Bobby got up and embraced him, wrapping Dean up in a tight bear-hug. "Good to have you back, boy."

Dean didn't reply to that. "Where's Sam?"

Bobby nodded toward the stairs. "Up in his room, I think. He doesn't come down until noon, usually."

"Well, I'm gonna go weak his ass up," Dean said, forcing a smile.

He swore he saw tears in Bobby's eyes again, but didn't dwell on it. Dean went upstairs to Sam's room and knocked on the closed door. When there was no response from within, Dean threw open the door with a bang. "Rise and shine, Sammy!"

The younger Winchester leapt up in his bed. His fists were wildly swinging and his chest was heaving. Sam looked around, alarmed, before his eyes settled on his brother. "Dean?" His hazel eyes were wide with confusion. "What? Is something wrong?"

"No," Dean answered. "Just wanted to wake you up." He went over and sat on the bed beside him. His smile that had been plastered on his face died. Dean sighed and looked at Sam seriously. "How are you?"

Sam sighed, shrugging. "I'm . . . okay. I . . . I guess it just hasn't really hit me yet. It . . . just . . . sucks."

"Yeah, it does," Dean agreed. "I've been . . . wrecked. Still am."

"Gabriel has helped me a lot," Sam murmured. "I think that he's . . . been what is making me okay. Maybe . . . Maybe you should let Cas in and let him help."

Dean nodded, knowing he was right. "I plan to today," he admitted. "I figured . . . maybe I'd take him on a walk through the junkyard, romantic, right?"

Sam smiled a little. "Yeah, Dean . . . I'm sure Cas will love it."

The older Winchester forced another small smile. He placed his hand on Sam's shoulder and gave it a gentle squeeze. "It'll be alright, Sammy."

Sam smiled back weakly. There was a look in his eye, as if he knew that Dean was saying it more for his own sake than Sam's. "I know, Dean."

Before Sam knew what was happening, Dean had reached up and was mussing his hair. "Dean!" he hissed, batting his older brother away. "Leave my hair alone!" Dean chuckled, but obeyed, removing his hand from Sam's luscious locks. Sam pouted as he struggled to smooth his now messy hair. "Jerk," he grumbled.

"Bitch," Dean replied with a grin. This time, the smile he gave was genuine, not one he had to force for Sam's sake.

The brothers went downstairs to Bobby cooking breakfast. Pans were clattering as the old hunter cooked scrambled eggs. Dean smelled the faint aroma of burnt toast and smiled a little. He found that being around Sam and Bobby helped dull the pain in his chest. With Cas, maybe I can get through this, he thought as he sat down at the kitchen table. Both boys thanked Bobby profusely for feeding them, but Bobby waved them off. He looked like he was just happy that they were both up and out and about.

Later that afternoon, Dean was sitting in the living room watching cartoons. It wasn't his first choice, but it was better than the Hallmark channel. He was halfway through an episode of Looney Tunes when he heard the flutter of wings behind him. Dean turned to see Cas and Gabriel standing just behind the couch. He didn't miss how his angel's eyes lit up when he saw Dean sitting there. "Dean!" His deep voice seemed to purr with delight.

The joy on his angel's face was enough to make Dean crack another genuine smile. "Hey, Cas," greeted, standing up. Cas hurdled the couch and leaped into Dean's arms. Dean almost dropped him, not expecting him to suddenly jump at him. The human held his angel bridal style for a few moments, cherishing the closeness, before putting him down on the floor beside him. "I was thinking you and I could go for a walk," he murmured almost shyly. Why would Cas want to do anything with you after the way you've been this past week. You wouldn't even say hello to him when he came to visit you every single day. You ass.

If Cas remembered and was truly hurt by the way Dean had treated him, he didn't show it. His eyes lit up at the suggestion of a walk and took Dean's hand in his own. "That's sounds amazing. Where are we going?"

The angel and the hunter walked around Bobby's junkyard, their hands entwined. Cas prattled on about everything that had gone on at school that Dean missed. He mentioned that he had met Jo and Benny and saw Lucifer fall in love with a vampire. Cas, so eager and happy to be with Dean again, spoke very quickly, making it hard for the human to keep up with everything he said.

Dean led Cas too one the nicer cars that Bobby had lying around. It had been turned in recently and the interior was not terrible inside. It was an older car, but Dean couldn't tell what year. It was big and its backseat was large enough for both of them to comfortably lay down, even if they were pressed tightly against each other. The pair did just that, Cas lying on his back and Dean snuggling up against his side. In that moment, Dean wanted nothing more than for his angel to hold him. The cold hardness he had felt since his father's death melted at the angel's touch. He felt a small bead of warmth inside him, and the longer Cas held onto him, the larger it grew.

"Cas," he whispered in a soft voice. "I love you."

The angel held on even tighter then, his fingers running through Dean's hair. "I love you too, Dean."

His voice failed him for a few moments as he was struck with emotion. "Cas . . . I'm so sorry. I should have let you in . . . You didn't deserve to be shut out like that."

"Shh," Cas murmured, his lips pressing to Dean's forehead. "You were grieving, Dean. I understand. If I lost one of my older brothers – like Gabriel, who basically raised me – I would be devastated too. Don't ever apologize for your feelings, Dean."

Dean sniffed once, his vision blurring with tears. He shifted closer so his lips were pressed against Cas's neck, and his head was perfectly nestled in the crook of his angel's neck. "Cas, can you promise me something?"

"Anything, Dean."

Dean bit his lip. "Don't leave me."

Cas immediately shook his head. "Never, Dean. I'm your guardian angel. My entire life purpose is to watch over you and help you with whatever you need. You're my human, Dean Winchester. Even if you ever decide you've fallen out of love with me and would rather be with another human or just someone else in general, I will still love you. I will always be here if you need me, whether you need me to be your lover, your boyfriend, your friend, your partner in crime, your brother in battle, your partner, and if someday you wish, I will even be your husband. Nothing will ever change or alter my feelings for you. That you can be certain of."

The words caused the tears brimming in Dean's eyes to fall. He let out a small whimper before nuzzling Cas closer. What did I do to deserve him? Dean wondered. He found that he wondered that a lot lately. The closer he got to his angel, the more and more he loved him. I don't deserve him.

Cas let Dean cry. He rubbed his back and gave him soft, loving kisses occasionally. He whispered soft, sweet words to him, trying to soothe him. Slowly but surely, Cas stitched up the invisible wounds that John had left behind. Dean stopped crying and just lounged with Cas in the back of the car as his angel made him feel whole again.

A/N: Thanks for reading.