Previously on A New Friendship
-Santana and Brittany get back from their date
-Brittany's mom confesses Brit's father has to go away to rehab for a year after showing up to court drunk
-Brittany talks to Quinn who asks if the girls are official, prompting Brittany to ask Santana out
-She sets up a date a Breadstix and gives Santana a necklace with forever inscribed on the back
-Santana gets the sudden urge to tell her mom about them
-When they get to Santana's house, a new man is there with Mrs. Lopez
-After he leaves, the girls sit down to talk with Mrs. Lopez
Mrs. Lopez chuckles a little at Santana's suggestion but walks into the living room and sinks into the sofa.
"Did you girls kill someone tonight?" She laughs. "I don't understand why I have to sit down." Mrs. Lopez's dry humor reminds me of Santana's and it definitely helps loosen Santana up. She lets out a choked laugh and quickly stammers, "No, no."
Santana and I sit on the couch directly across from Mrs. Lopez. There's a considerable distance separating us. It almost makes me uncomfortable. I feel like her mom can see everything. Our body language. The way we look at each other. The awkward distance between us neither of us want there.
"So," Mrs. Lopez says softly.
Santana takes a deep breath and I swear I can hear her heart beating in the air she releases. I look over at her and she's fiddling with her fingers as she tries to figure out how to start.
At least a minute passes before Santana speaks again.
"Mom," she starts. "There's something I never told you." The pain in Santana's voice is so evident. It seems like every word she says is punching her in the stomach before it escapes from her lips.
Santana's mom pauses just as dramatically as Santana had moments before. Their resemblances are endless. It almost makes me understand why they hadn't always been close. They're so similar they probably clashed pretty easily.
"What is it, honey?" She finally says.
"It goes all the way back to Anne," Santana explains. Mrs. Lopez nods and her curls bounce with the motion of her head.
"There's a reason I was so upset, I mean, besides the fact that she slept with my father," Santana says dryly with a small chuckle. "And then now, there's a reason I told you what I did. About love after love," Santana says so quietly and slowly. If you knew what Santana was trying to tell you, this would all make sense. But for someone who is blindsided by the news, Santana must seem like she's jumping all over the place.
Santana's mom doesn't say anything. Or change her facial expression at all. She just gazes at her daughter, I think trying to decipher exactly what she's saying.
Santana readjusts her body uncomfortably in the seat next to me as she nervously tinkers with the cushion below her.
"I-do you- get it?" Santana finally says. It's not until then that I look over and realize Santana's crying. She's silent but there's still tears. Instinctively my hand extends over onto her lap and I take her hand in mine. At first, Santana flinches and pulls her hand away slightly. But then, as I begin to pull my hand back towards my lap, Santana reaches back for it and grips my hand tighter than I can ever remember her holding me before. It's like she's literally gripping my hand to stay afloat. Santana looks over at me, offers small smile, and confidently intertwines our fingers before looking back at her mom.
Again, Mrs. Lopez seems unfazed by our actions.
"Do I get what?" Mrs. Lopez finally answers.
Santana sighs, clearly frustrated.
"Mom," she starts again. "The way I felt about Anne, the reason it hurt me so much, it's because-" Santana stops. "I- I liked her, mom. I really did."
"I know you did, honey," Mrs. Lopez says in a calm tone.
"No, mom. I liked her liked her. That way. And Brittany," Santana fast-forwards as she looks up at me. I squeeze her hand to let her know I'm here. "I like her."
"San-"
"No, I love her," Santana says with an incredulous sob/laugh/smile. My heart swells at hearing the word love again. Then it swells twice as much because someone else is hearing it too.
"Santana," Mrs. Lopez jumps in. "I know." Mrs. Lopez's eyes focus in on Santana's as she tries to show her daughter that she understands.
Santana gulps down as she stares wide-eyed at her mother.
"You- what?" She stutters. I can feel Santana's pulse in her wrist pressed against my arm.
"I know, honey. I mean, I didn't know you loved Brittany or anything, but Anne, I always sort of figured. After the whole thing happened, I mean, you were so distraught, and it was like a breakup. At first, I didn't think anything of it. You lost your best friend in one of the worst ways possible. But then, some of the things you would say, I don't know, I thought maybe you actually did indeed have feelings for her."
Santana looks over to me and I can see the shock on her face. Yesterday, though, Santana had admitted that she thought her mom had maybe some sort of idea. But I don't think she truly believed it until now.
"And then, the way you talked about Brittany. Even before I met her. I knew she was special to you. You have a very harsh personality towards a lot of people, you know," Mrs. Lopez smiles. "But Brittany really does bring out the lightness inside of you, even when she isn't around."
I feel Mrs. Lopez eye's on me as I stare down at our intertwined fingers. My face heats up and a smile creeps up on my lips.
"Even Anne couldn't do that," She smiles. My heart almost bursts through my chest. I believed Santana when she told me she felt stronger about me than she had ever felt about Anne, but hearing confirmation from someone this close to Santana is unreal. Someone whose seen the way Santana acted around both of us.
"So you- you don't care? You don't care that I have a girlfriend?" Santana asks as though it's the most impossible thing in the world for someone to not care.
Mrs. Lopez scoffs a little. "Are you happy?" She asks.
Santana eyes me for a moment before replying, "More than ever."
"Than why shouldn't I be?" Mrs. Lopez says.
Santana jumps off the couch and runs for her mom's arms. I can hear the muffled cries evading Santana's mouth into the crook of her mother's neck. The two women hug for a moment and I almost feel like I'm intruding on this amazing moment.
"Get over here, Brittany," Mrs. Lopez smiles after they pull away. I shyly stand up and walk towards them, where they envelop me in a group hug.
"The truth is, I wouldn't have approved of you and Anne having a relationship," Mrs. Lopez starts. "Not because she's a girl, but because I knew she couldn't be trusted. Couldn't have her hurting my baby. You deserved better than her. But Brittany," she says to me, "I could tell you're a great person from the moment I met you."
I smile bashfully as Santana pulls me into a tight hug.
"Thank you," she whispers. "For doing this. Being here with me."
"Anytime," I smile into her shoulder.
"You were right, by the way," Mrs. Lopez chimes, "about love after love."
Santana and I look over to her as she smirks at us.
"I'm glad Brittany taught you that, because you were really right. I- I have a date with Mike tomorrow," she blushes.
"Mom!" Santana squeals.
"I don't know if it's love or anything. But it's a date. And it's a start," she smiles. "So thank you, girls."
Santana and I both wrap our arms around Mrs. Lopez's shorter frame.
It feels amazing, being accepted. Not only are we being accepted, but we're being used as a model. A model for a straight, adult relationship.
I didn't think I cared if people knew about us or not, and I still don't think I care too much, but having Mrs. Lopez know, and being accepted, it's one of the most incredible feelings ever. I didn't need my love validated, but knowing that it's respected, even just by one person-a very special person-makes me hopeful. Hopeful for our forever together.
"You haven't stopped smiling once the entire ride home," Santana smirks as we pull onto my street.
"I'm really happy," I tell her, the smile not fading.
"Clearly," she laughs.
I put the car in park and look over to her.
"Thank you," I tell her. She looks a little unsure so I add, "for telling her. I know it was hard for you. It just means a lot."
Santana smiles softly as I place my hand on her cheek and pull her closer to my lips. I impress my lips to hers as gently as I can with as much emotion as possible. Halfway though the kiss I feel Santana's lips curl into a smile.
"Thank you," she says. "I don't know if I would have ever been able to tell her without you."
"You would have," I assure her. "You don't know how brave you are."
"I think you overestimate me," she confesses. I quickly shake my head no.
"I don't overestimate you one bit," I promise. "You underestimate yourself. I'm just here to help you realize how amazing you really are."
Santana leans back in and kisses me, swallowing my bottom lip between her larger two.
I pull away with a smirk.
"No one's home," I whisper against her mouth. Santana's smirk meets mine as she quickly unbuckles her seatbelt and hops out of the car. I stare at her through the windshield, wide-eyed.
"Are you coming?" She yells from outside the car. I quickly undo my seatbelt and follow her as quickly as possible up my doorstep.
Santana and I decided to go back to my house when we realized we had school in the morning and all my school stuff was at home. She brought a bag to my house so we can leave in the morning together. But halfway home I realized tonights my mom's late night. She won't be home till 11 at the earliest. And because I told my mom I had plans, she sent Chris to spend the night at my grandparents. It's only 8 right now. We have plenty of time until my mom walks through the door.
Feeling aggressive, I slam Santana against the door the second it closes. My arms rest over her head as I kiss her hard against the wall. My pulse grows and picks up its pace. Santana lets out a small moan when I push harder against her.
Santana uses all her strength to push me backwards towards the stairs. If she didn't make me feel all weak in the knees I would be strong enough to fight her. My heel hits the back of the stair and she catches my by my waist, preventing my fall. She lets out a giggle at my frightened expression and stands up on her tippy toes to kiss me again.
"Go," She mumbles. When I try to deepen our kiss she pushes my chest away and breaths, "go," again.
She nods towards my door and I turn around and sprint up the stairs, taking the hint. I make it all the way to my room without turning back. I open the door and wait in the doorway for Santana to catch up. She only makes me wait a few seconds. Her lips crash into mine the moment she makes it in the room and I lift my leg behind her to kick the door closed. I hadn't realized she was pushing me backwards until the back of my thigh bumps against the edge of my bed. I use all the strength my legs can muster not to fall backwards.
My hands slide down Santana's side until I find the bottom of her tank-top she changed into.
I rip the shirt over her head and Santana complies, throwing her arms above her head as I yank it over. The second it's over her head, I take advantage of her weak stance and push Santana down onto her back on my bed. She bounces up a little as I hop on top of her, straddling her down with my legs.
"Ow," Santana mutters as my mouth lands on her neck.
I immediately pull my leg off her, worried I'm hurting her.
Santana's hand grabs onto my leg and tries to pull it back down. "No," she tries to explain, but I'm strong enough to get my leg free.
Santana moves her body a little to the left, exposing a white envelop below her.
"Just a paper cut," she smiles as she points to the piece of paper. We both let out a relieved laugh, but both become curious just as quickly as we eye the white envelope.
Brittany is scribbled across the front and Santana immediately sits up when she sees my expression.
"Dad," I mutter under my breath as my fingers trace the edge of the paper. I'd recognize his scribbled, barely legible handwriting anywhere.
Santana doesn't say anything, she just places her hand on my back. It's small, but it's enough to make me feel a little better.
"I-" I try to talk, but I don't even know what I want to say.
"Do you want to be alone?" Santana asks in a whisper. She isn't really asking, though. She's already starting to stand up. I quickly turn around and snatch her hand in mine.
"No," I croak, worried I'll have to be here alone. "Stay," I cry. "Please."
Santana nods and sits back down on my bed, back against the headboard. She spreads her legs a little and pats her lap. I slide up a little so I'm lying in between her legs and I rest my head on her chest. Santana's arms fall over me and I feel her lips rest on the back of my head.
I flip the letter over a few times, examining every detail and taking in what could be my last few minutes at peace. I don't know what the letter says but I know just holding it in my hands is making me nervous. I swear I can almost feel it burning through my hands.
"Okay," I breath as I let my finger slide under the crease, slowly opening the slit. I let out a shaky breath as I pull the folded up letter out of the envelope. I hold the paper in my hand a moment longer before unfolding it.
"I'm right here," Santana says, lips still pressed to my head. I nod.
I start to read his scribbled handwriting. I hold the letter high enough for Santana to see, but I'm not sure if she'll be able to decipher his writing.
Dear Brittany,
Words can never express how sorry I truly am for everything. I know you've heard this a thousand times. I know you've heard everything I'm about to say a thousand times. And I know you've heard me say 'I really mean it this time' just as many times. I've meant it all every time. I just haven't been strong enough to follow through. I've never been as strong as you.
Brittany, I love you more than you'll ever understand. Your brother and mother, too. I can't even fathom what I've put you through. I understand if you never want to see me again but I hope more than anything that is not the case.
I stop reading for a moment when Santana's grip tightens around my arms and I realize I'm choking on air. My tears are silently flowing but my breathing is rough.
"You okay?" She whispers. I nod and continue reading.
It's best if I go away. I want to get better for you and Chris and your mother. I want to do it so badly. And I pray I find the strength to do so. This disease is sick and I've lost everything to it.
You're the strongest girl I've ever known. You've grown into the most beautiful woman ever and I wish more than anything that I had been around more to see your transformation. Never stop dancing and performing. I swear, you are the most beautiful thing on that stage and god gave you that gift for a reason. I couldn't be more proud of you. The character you show is unlike that of any person I've ever met and I don't know anyone who would argue otherwise.
I'm so sorry I made you grow up so quickly. I'm sorry I've destroyed everything. I'm sorry I left you to take care of my son. I'm sorry I hurt your mother and I'm sorry I hurt you. The list of things I'm sorry for could go on forever.
Brit, if this is the last thing you ever hear from me-
A loud sob escapes my body and I flip over, burying my face into Santana's barely clothed chest.
"Shh," she hushes as her hand brushes down my hair. My body shakes against her and she tightens her grip.
"H-how- h-how c-could he say th-that?" I stutter in a strained voice.
Santana hushes me again as her hand slides up and down my back. The warmth from her breath, her touch on my back, and her bare stomach are the only things that feels good in this moment.
I let myself cry until my chest isn't shaking and my breath isn't choppy. I slowly flip back over, staying in between Santana's legs, and lift the letter from the bed. Santana kisses my head one last time before I finish reading.
Brit, if this is the last thing you ever hear from me, I want you to know how much I love you. Always remember that. I love you more than life itself and just because I couldn't be who I wanted to be doesn't mean I ever loved you any less. I'll always love you, baby angel.
Love,
Daddy
My tears are still there as I stare at the scrawled letter- possibly the last memory from my father- but they aren't the kind of tears that hurt. Sure, my chest is still kind of tight and my stomach is still kind of uneasy and my heart still kind of hurts, but it's all less. Less pain than before. Less tightness, less uneasiness, less pain.
My relationship with my dad is so complex. I think the only people who will ever really grasp how I feel are kids that went through what I went through, losing a father to a mental illness. Still, even for those kids, it's different for every single one of them. And for me, I know the pain my father has caused me, it wasn't him doing it. I mean, it was, but it was his disease. It made him a different person. It's like a suit he wore. But at some point, the suit got blurred with his normal clothes. I never doubted that he loved me. I know that. But sometimes it's nice to have a reminder.
Santana's head nuzzles closer to me, reminding me that she's still here. I snuggle closer to her bare skin and her arms tighten a little more. She brings her fingers to my cheek and wipes away some of my tears.
"Brit?" She breaths. I think that's all she says because she doesn't know what to say. I wouldn't know what to say either. But it means so much that she's here.
I turn onto my side just enough to be able to see Santana's face. I muster up the best smile I can but I know it's pretty weak. My lips don't part and although I feel like I'm smiling I'm pretty positive my lips are just in a straight line.
"I'm okay," I try to assure her, but the small noise that does escape my throat cracks.
Santana kisses my forehead and I swear I feel the pain ease even more.
"You're kisses help," I mumble. Santana lets out a soft laugh and kisses my temple.
She doesn't kiss me again though until I talk. I think she doesn't want to turn this into something else until she knows I'm actually okay. It makes me like her even more.
"It just sucks," I say. "It always will. But I always say, it could be worse. There are other things out there-"
"Brittany," she whispers in a gentle voice. "Don't try to lessen how you feel. Everyone has their own problems, but you have a right to feel exactly what you feel. I know girls whose mom won't let them go to one party and they act like they have the shittiest lives in the world. You go through so much and your Dad's right," she says softer, "you're the strongest girl I've ever met."
For the first time since I've read his letter, a genuine smile crosses my face. Santana kisses my hairline and my teeth become even more visible.
"And when you dance, like he said, you're the most beautiful thing."
I lean up a little and kiss Santana's cheek. I sit quietly for a few seconds as I try to gather my thoughts.
"This easily could have been one of the worst moments of my life," I whisper to her sincerely, "but you somehow managed to make me smile." It's Santana's turn to smile now.
"I love you, Santana," I say as I take her hand in mine. "I love you. So much."
I lean up and softly take Santana's lips in mine.
"I love you too," she says back before deepening our kiss. Her words chill my entire body and I swear I fall deeper in love every time she says it.
I fall onto my stomach and take her face in my hand. Our stomachs press against each other and I can feel both our hearts beating.
Santana's tongue glides against mine and butterflies jolt through me. Her hands trace down my back and the light touch is enough to send chills down my spine.
The warmth from Santana's bare stomach radiates and I want it all over me. I wiggle at my hips until Santana helps untuck my tank top and pulls it over my head. Our lips break as she pulls it over my head just long enough for me to whisper, "I love you," one more time.
It's like the feeling she gives me keeps building inside of me and it's pushing and pushing it's way out until it literally spills out of my mouth.
My eyes stay shut but I feel Santana grinning before our lips meet again.
I fall back onto her and immediately melt into her. Our kiss picks up as my hips rock against her. My center pushes against hers and I feel a small spasm take over my muscles. I think I must have shook because Santana grips me a little tighter.
She flips me onto my back and hops on top, straddling my hips. I swear, it's surprising and hot every time she does that. She slows down, planting kisses along my jawline. She finds the spot on my neck right below my ear I love so much and settles there. As her tongue pushes against my skin a rush of warmth fills my body.
"Y-you," I stutter, "you. make. me. feel. incredible," I tell her between breaths. Santana kisses harder against my neck and slowly trails back up to my lips. She kisses my lips and pulls back to smile at me. "You're so beautiful," she says softly as my body gives out. I lose control of all my muscles as Santana's words take over my body. As our lips connect, Santana's hand trails down my bare stomach. She slowly lifts the waistband of my skirt and my muscles below my waist all tighten. She slips her fingers under my underwear and I manage enough strength to move my hand onto Santana's neck, pulling her lips closer to my skin.
Her fingers slip through my folds as I let out a moan and I immediately feel how wet and hot I am.
"I- I love you," escapes me again as her finger slides inside of me. "Ugh," I moan.
Her finger slides in and out of me, twisting my stomach into the best kinds of knots.
I guess being in love really intensifies feelings because it's only a few seconds before the feelings so big in my stomach and I know I'm going to burst.
Santana's teeth dig into my neck for a split second as my back arches. Her finger slides up one last time and the knots untwist as my legs twitch.
"Sh-shit," I breath. Santana giggles as I try my hardest to catch my breath. She nuzzles her face into my neck as I try to bring down my heart rate.
"I love you," she says first this time.
"I-I luh you," I try to say back.
"Oh! Sorry," Santana says with a small laugh. I sit up a little to see what she's saying. Her fingers trace over my neck. "Love bite," she smiles. I smile back because she called it a 'love' bite.
Santana has touched me before, exactly the way she just did, but it's never felt like that. Everything about that was so... right. I can't even describe it with words. The butterflies multiply when Santana sits up to smile at me. But the genuine smile- the one with her eyes.
My head snaps up to meet Santana's mouth and I wrap my arms around her neck to pull her closer. I roll over, the way she had, so I'm on top of her while she lays flat on her back. My lips attack her neck and the second I taste her skin I'm invigorated. I frantically take in the rest of her skin, the way I always do. I make it down to her chest as my hands trace her sides. She wraps her arms around my back as I dare to kiss a little lower. Suddenly, I hear a small snap and my chest isn't restricted anymore. Santana giggles as my bra falls down my arms. I quickly lift my arms to remove the straps, indulging Santana. Her hands fly up to my chest as my lips find their way back to her skin. I slip my hands behind her and fiddle with her hooks until I'm able to unlatch her bra. She doesn't struggle much as I pull the bra completely off of her. My tongue glides over her nipple and I suck all around her chest.
Santana lets out a small moan as I let my hand slide down her shorts, the way she did to me. Santana arches her lower back, encouraging me to pull her shorts off. I oblige.
I'm required to take my lips off her skin for a moment to pull her shorts low. In the few seconds her taste isn't controlling my brain, I realize how out of my control my body is getting. My heart is racing at an incredible rate, my inside is pulsing, my breath is choppy, my hands are shaky, and my forehead is glistening.
Santana breaths my name and I quickly fall back to her stomach, putting my hand back in its rightful spot. I slip my fingers down her red underwear and Santana writhes beneath me.
"Br-brit," she stammers. I slip my fingers lower, drowning in her wetness. "B-brit," she moans again.
"I- I'm ready," she says so quietly I'm not positive I heard her right. My lips peel from her stomach as I look up at her beautiful visage.
"I'm ready," she says more clearly this time. My heart stops completely as I realize what she means.
"Brit," she urges, almost annoyed.
"A-are you sure?" I ask. Santana nods quickly as she lays her head back down, waiting for me to go.
"As long as you are," she says softly when I don't take action.
I take a deep breath and ignore the butterflies banging against my stomach as my fingers slide under the sides of Santana's underwear.
I lay my head back down on her stomach and kiss right above her band.
"W-wait," she squeals. I jump off of her, worried she changed her mind. "I-I love you," She says again, in her weakest voice yet, causing my heart to flutter.
I climb up to meet her lips for one last kiss. "I love you, too."
I slide back down her body and in one swift motion I pull her underwear off, completely exposing her. I kiss down her center as I grip her thighs with my hands. Tasting her skin reminds me of why I wanted to do this so badly to begin with. I want to taste all of her and she's allowing me to. I slowly kiss her thighs, preparing Santana. I feel her muscles tense with every kiss.
"Brit," she breaths.
Something comes over me and I can't control myself any longer. I plant kisses, soft at first, to Santana's exposed area. We shudder at the same time.
My lips part as I kiss all over through her folds. The exact places I'm kissing on Santana are pulsing on me as if she were touching me there. I slide down until I find her clit and surround it with my mouth.
"Fuck," Santana says not so softly. I continue sucking and taking in her taste. She's so sweet. And I thought she tasted good before, shit.
Santana shakes below me and I feel her leg muscles clench. My tongue circles around her hole a few times before I let it slip inside.
"B-brr-i-t" She trembles as I let my tongue jab in and out. I start going faster as my head begins slightly rocking Santana.
I feel her inside tighten around my tonugue as I push it forward only seconds after I enter her.
"F-fuhh," she mutters as I pull out and let my tongue glide across her clit before sliding it back inside of her. "Fuck!" She screams as her body lets out a big shake. I feel her relax beneath me and I pull out, catching my breath.
I lay still for a few moments before I crawl back up Santana's body and rest my head in the crook of her neck. It's silent for another minute, only the sound of our breathing filling the room.
My breath eventually returns to normal, but my heartbeat stays at its rapid pace. I don't mind. Not if Santana is the reason for it.
The heat from her skin feels amazing on my chilled skin.
Santana kisses the top of my head as her hand slowly sweeps down my hair.
"I- I can't believe I just did that," Santana breaths with a small laugh. "Or you did that."
It's strange. She says the words just as I think them.
"I know," I breath. "Are you- you okay?" I ask as I lift my head from her neck.
She smiles softly. "Better than okay," she blushes. "It was- that was- I- I really liked it," she finally manages. A giant smile takes over my face.
I lean up to kiss her but Santana stops me.
"I love you," she says again. "Like, I really love you. I never thought I'd ever be saying that," she laughs a little. "But when I'm with you, it's all I want to say. I- I need to say it. It feels so good. And I want you to know that. I do. I really, really love you," she smiles before trying to lean in to kiss me. But I stop her this time.
"I love you too, Santana. So much. I never even imagined being able to feel this way. It's unbelievable. You make my heart race so fast. My face always hurts from smiling so much when I'm with you. And you make me so happy. I can't even describe it. I- I just. I love you," I smile as Santana's lips crash into mine.
I swear the passion I feel in that moment is unbeatable. It electrifies my body and it's like we become one person.
I cuddle up to Santana when we pull away and take in the most incredible moment of my life.
"I like that," Santana says. I look up a little, asking what she means. "Making love to you," she says so softly, clearly a little embarrassed.
Our bodies jolt when we hear the front door slam. Since it's right below my room, my floor shakes a little.
"Shit," I breath, jumping off Santana and tossing her shirt to her. She slides it over her head and slips her shorts back on as I run to my closet to find a T-shirt for bed. It takes about a minute for me to realize my mom isn't coming upstairs. There's no need to freak out.
Then I get mad at myself.
"I-I'm sorry," I tell her.
"Why?" She asks, genuinely confused.
"I shouldn't have to hide this from her. You were so honest and-"
"Brit, even if she knew, I'd still be rushing to put my clothes on. We're teenagers," she smiles.
"I- I guess," I shrug. "Come on," I decide as I pull her by the hand towards my door.
"What are you doing?"
"You told your mom. Time to tell mine."
"Brit, it's like 11 o'clock!"
"I can't wait," I tell her as I pull her even further forward.
Santana doesn't say anything more. She just lets me tug her down the steps.
We make it to the kitchen and I let go of her hand almost instinctively. I regret it almost immediately.
"Ah!" My mom jumps as she closes the fridge. "Oh, hi girls!" She smiles. "You scared me."
"Sorry," I say sheepishly.
"It's fine. How was your night?"
"Good," I tell her. "How was work?"
"Busy," she shrugs. "Don't you girls have school tomorrow? Shouldn't you be winding down?"
"I wanted to talk to you," I say stronger than I thought I would have.
"Oh," she says indifferently. "Okay."
Santana and I sit at the counter while my mom puts some old pasta in a bowl and places it in the microwave. Leaning with her back against the counter, she turns to face us with a soft smile.
"I, um, I don't really know where to start," I say, suddenly feeling a little more nervous than I'd expected.
Santana's hand lands on my knee under the counter and she gives me an encouraging squeeze.
"How about at the beginning?" My mom suggests.
"Um, well, I-" I try, but I still don't know where to start.
"Screw it," I mutter. "Mom, you know that feeling you get when you really like someone?"
"Do you have a new crush!" She says super excited.
"No- well yes, sort of," I say, confused. It's not new. I mean, I guess to her it is.
"Honey, that's amazing," she smiles. "Whose the lucky guy?"
I swallow the lump in my throat as Santana's hand tightens its grip.
"Mom, I- I feel that way about-" I freeze up. I have a whole new respect for Santana right now. This is hard. So hard. I know my mom's going to accept me, too. And it's still so hard. I feel awful for all those kids who don't know how their parents are going to react. I feel even worse for the kids who know their parents aren't going to be supportive at all.
My mom's eyebrows lift a little as she waits for me to finish. I close my eyes and try to calm myself down. My hearts racing almost as fast as Santana had made it race minutes ago, but now it's a scary kind of beating.
"Brit?" My mom's gentle voice makes me open my eyes.
"I feel that way about Santana."
The second the words leave my mouth, my mom's eyes widen for the quickest second before returning to normal. My heart beats louder than before but now that the words are out there the beating isn't as nerve-wracking.
Nobody says anything for a few seconds but it feels like an hour passes. Santana's staring down at her lap and I feel a pang of guilt hit me. I hadn't thought about how potentially awkward this could be for her. If my mom doesn't accept this, Santana is no doubt going to feel very uncomfortable. And hurt. I suddenly feel more nervous.
"Mom?" I say softly, trying to get her to say something. Anything.
"Yeah?" She answers, barely missing a beat.
Again, I'm speechless.
"I- I like Santana," I say again. My mom gives one slow nod in recognition.
"I heard you," she says, but she follows it with a small smile. "I-I'm sorry Brittany," she starts. "I- I'm just a little shocked. It's great though! I just- I didn't expect it I guess. I guess because of Artie, him being a boy and all, it just hadn't really crossed my mind," she explains.
I feel immediate relief from the tone in her voice. She's herself. No change in character. Still using her light voice. Still acting the same towards me.
"I- I don't know if I'm, you know, I just, I like Santana. A lot. I- I love her, mom. I know that," I say in a shaky but sincere voice.
My mom walks over to stand behind me and places her hands on my shoulder.
"It doesn't matter what you are," she smiles. "Honestly, I'm so happy you've fallen for someone," she says smiling at Santana. "After everything, with your father, and Artie, I was worried you were going to shut everyone out."
"So did I," I admit. "I- I think I did. But she, I don't know, stopped it."
My mom kisses the top of my head.
"I've always said I thought it would have been better if I was gay," my mom jokes. "Men have always caused me too many problems. Your father, for example," she rolls her eyes.
Santana and I both giggle a little.
"Thanks for taking care of my daughter," my mom whispers to Santana as she offers her a small hug. "I couldn't have picked someone better for her."
"Are you crying?" My mom asks when she turns to face me. My hand shoots up to my eyes and wipes away a single tear.
"I didn't know I was," I smile with a light laugh. "I think I'm just really happy."
My mom wraps her arm around me while keeping one draped over Santana.
"It's late," she says. "You two love birds should hit the sack."
The three of us share a laugh while we both get up to head upstairs.
"Thanks mom," I whisper as we hug goodnight. "I love you," I tell her.
"I love you, too, baby. Always will. I'm glad you're happy," she pulls away and smiles at me. "She's a beauty," my mom winks. "Goodnight Santana," she says, enveloping her in another hug.
As well as that went, and as amazing as it feels to be supported by my mom, I'm happiest about something else right now. I don't know if it's because my mom is really tired or she just hasn't thought about it yet, but she's letting Santana and I head up to bed together. I had been super worried she wouldn't let us sleep together, because she sure as hell wouldn't have let Artie and I. I guess those dumb gay and lesbian double standards aren't always completely awful.
"How did it go?" Quinn asks as she rushes up to my locker. I put my math book away as I face Quinn with freshly reddened cheeks.
"Why are you blushing!" Quinn squeals. "What happened? Tell me!" She slaps my arm.
"What's going on?" Santana asks as she walks up to us, clearly confused as to why Quinn is slapping me.
"Quinn," I smile as I playfully wrap my arm over Santana's shoulder. "Have you met my girlfriend?"
"Shut up!" Quinn screams as she throws her arms around us and pulls us into a group hug.
I know Santana isn't ready for this to be super public, but Quinn already knew, so technically it's okay, right?
After seeing Santana's bright smile I decide it's okay.
"Oh my goodness, congrats!" Quinn smiles again. "That's amazing!"
"I told my mom," I say. Quinn's jaw drops.
"Me too," Santana smiles. Her mouth opens even wider.
"You guys!"
We both giggle a little nervously.
"So are you guys, like, going to tell people?" She asks softly. I turn to Santana for the answer.
She shrugs. "I don't- I dunno. I don't think I'm completely ready. But at the same time, I just want it to be easier. I'm happy that way."
Quinn smiles and I can tell she understands.
We walk into glee club and take our seats in the back row, me in between Santana and Quinn.
Mr. Schue walks in with three big boxes from his spanish classroom.
"Can you guys help me carry some of this to my classroom before glee?"
Considering only Santana, Q, and I are the only ones in the room, the three of us stand up to help. Santana grabs the first box and Quinn grabs the second. I offer to take the last one but Mr. Schue has it tightly gripped in his arms.
"It's okay, Brittany. I got it. Thanks though. Thank you girls."
I shrug and take my seat again while I wait for them to return.
As soon as I take my seat I hear the familiar sound of Artie's chair rolling into the room.
"Hey," he says.
"Hi Artie," I smile. After his party I've been a lot more comfortable around him. He just wants me to be happy and he isn't mad at me or super hurt anymore. It's amazing that we're starting to build up our friendship again.
"Where is everyone?" He asks.
"I dunno. Q and Santana went to help Mr. Schue carry some boxes to his classroom."
"Oh," he says before we fall silent.
"So, how've you been? Did you have fun at my party?" He asks.
"Oh yeah!" I tell him. "It was awesome. Thanks again for having that. We all needed that."
"Yeah, I agree," he says. "Hey Brit, can I tell you something?"
"Mhm."
"I know you've heard this, but I wanted to say it again. I- I'm glad you're happy. I just want you to know that. I really just want you to be happy. Even if it's not because of me. You're a great girl and you deserve it," he says quietly and genuinely.
"Thank you," I smile. "It means a lot. You deserve it too, happiness," I tell him.
"I know," he laughs.
We sit quietly for another minute before Puck, Sam, and Finn walk in, followed closely by Mercedes and Rachel. Soon enough, everyone's seated, including Santana and Quinn.
Mr. Schue talks for awhile about some funny story that didn't turn out to be as funny as he thought.
Then Tina sings a song from some broadway show I didn't know. But her voice was really beautiful. She doesn't get to sing that much alone, so I forget how good she is. Her voice gave me chills.
Then Mr. Schue stands up to write on the blackboard. It's where he normally writes his famous lesson of the week. Usually something about music. But today he doesn't.
Happiness
That's all he writes.
"What?" Rachel blurts out.
"What does this have to do with music?" Mercedes asks.
Mr. Schue laughs.
"Are you telling me that there are no songs out there that have to do with being happy?"
Everyone stays quiet because they know he's right.
"But you're right. This isn't really about the music this week. I've had some stuff happen in the past few weeks and I've let happiness get away from me," he admits. "Life moves fast," he says softly. "And it's hard. But you have to let yourself be happy," Mr. Schue says firmly.
He almost looks like he's going to tear up, but then he quickly smiles.
"Life is too short to not let yourself be happy," he repeats himself.
The bell rings but nobody stands up or makes any attempt to move. We all stare at him waiting for more. It's like we all understand how important this lesson is. Not just to him, but to us.
"Just a life lesson for you guys," he chuckles. "Just please listen. Who cares what other people think. Who cares what other people do. Do what you want and what you love and be yourself. Remember the little things. Let yourself be happy," he says one last time before turning around towards the board.
Santana's fingers graze my hand hanging by my side. I eye her out of the corner of my eye as she slowly wraps her fingers around mine. My heart swells.
Finn stands up first and walks towards the exit, followed by Rachel.
"Thanks, Mr. Schue," they both say sincerely.
The front row clears out completely before I even stand up. I don't want to let go of Santana's hand and I know leaving the room will prompt her to let go.
Quinn stands and Santana and I follow her lead.
We walk towards the door behind everyone, Santana's hand still gripping mine. Every few steps I look down to our intertwined hands to make sure I'm not imagining it.
We make it all the way to the doorway before I realize there's a possibility she's not letting go. My stomach starts turning- in a good way. A smile starts growing on my face and I have to bite down on my lip to keep it under control.
Santana Lopez came into my life for a reason: to make me happy.
She saved me. In every way possible. I don't need her to hold my hand in public. I would settle for a private relationship forever if that's all I could have. But the fact that she's even holding my hand in front of one other person is a step in the right direction. And it makes me happier than anything in the whole world. It's one step in the right direction towards our forever together.
We step into the doorway and Santana gives my hand a tight squeeze. I look over to her and neither of us can help the smile growing on our lips. I can tell how nervous she is by looking in her eyes. But I can also see the love in them.
"Come on," she smiles softly as she pulls me a step forward. "Let's be happy," she tells me as she tightens her grip on my hand.
Together, Santana and I walk out of the choir room, hearts beating fast, hand-in-hand.
The end!
I hope you guys liked it. Please let me know what you guys think! Thank you so much for all the reviews and kind words and just for reading it. It's crazy people even read something I wrote.
I'll be starting a new story sometime within the next week probably. Stay tuned :)
I don't know about a sequel for those of you asking. Maybe after I finish the next story, if people really want one, I can try to write a sequel. We'll see.
Thanks again!
Xoxox
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