Chapter 35
Rachel's head pounded as if it was going to explode. Actually explode. She heard voices at the door and she wasn't sure who could possibly stop by this early. She closed her eyes and sank further into the tiles. Suddenly she heard and felt footsteps enter the bathroom. She let out a moan. Never drinking again.
"Here drink this." Rachel opened her eyes and stared at the bottle of water. She refocused her eyes and looked past the bottle. Santana looked like someone hit her with a truck. Rachel noticed that there was something else in her eye. She was upset about something. Rachel shifted and saw Quinn standing behind her. Rachel frowned and licked her bottom lip. She pushed herself up so that she was leaning against the wall behind her. The room was still spinning slightly and her head hurt, but she had a feeling she needed to be present for what Santana was about to ask her.
"What are you doing here?" Rachel asked trying her best to play it cool.
"For some reason, I think you know the answer to that, Rachel," Santana replied with a flare.
Rachel shifted her gaze angrily to Quinn. "You really told her?"
"She didn't tell me anything, Rachel!" Santana practically screamed. Ugh, don't yell, Rachel thought. Santana leaned down and was at Rachel's eye level looking apologetically at her. "Let's get you up."
Rachel didn't resist as Quinn and Santana helped to practically carry her into the next room. She settled into the couch and nursed her water. The room was silent for a moment. Rachel didn't know what to say. Suddenly the tv flipped on. She looked over at Santana questioningly. Santana was also nursing a bottle of water. She just shrugged back at her. "I'm not having this discussion with you hungover." Rachel looked confused and glanced at Quinn. With her eyes still on the television as she flipped through the channels, Santana replied. "She's staying until you're ready to talk. Drink your water."
Rachel could see that Santana was pissed. However, she was more than pissed. Rachel could see that on her face. She was heartbroken. She was mad that Rachel didn't tell her first. She could tell that it killed Santana to know that Quinn knew something she didn't. Rachel was sure that she must have felt close with her even through drunken bonding. She couldn't help but feel guilty. And she couldn't help but glare at Quinn.
About an hour later, a plate of toast slammed down in front of her on the coffee table and a bottle of water was shoved in her face. She frowned up at Santana. She wouldn't look at her. The doorbell interrupted their thoughts. Santana opened the door with an annoyed huff.
"What are you doing here?"
"Rachel and I need to rehearse for the scrimmage tomorrow. She hasn't called me," Puck said as he walked past Santana. He saw the munchkin sitting on the couch. She looked up at him.
"I've been rehearsing with Jesse, Puck." She was very matter-of-fact about it.
Puck gave an unimpressed laugh. "Well, you're not singing it with him, you're singing it with me."
"Hey!" Quinn interjected.
"Knock it off, Puckerman!" Santana scolded.
"I was going to call you last night, but I got," she looked at Santana and went on "distracted." Rachel took a drink of her water. "Can we rehearse later?"
Puck was taking in the living room. He was used to lying on the couch making out with Santana. He certainly was unfamiliar with the tension that surrounded the room. Quinn was throwing him looks that he couldn't read.
"Puck, go away," Santana said as she pushed him down toward the door.
"What's going on?" Puck asked.
Santana couldn't help but turn to Rachel for an answer. Rachel took another drink of water and realized that everyone in the room was looking at her. She was now fairly sober and less hungover besides the pounding headache that she had. However, the headache was the least of her worries. She felt a surge of panic in her chest. She looked down at her hands. She didn't want to be here. She felt a hand on her knee and she flinched.
"Rach," Santana said gently. She didn't wait for Rachel to look up. "What's going on? Why is Quinn here?" Rachel continued to study the cuticles of her hands. She felt the couch shift as someone sat on her other side.
"You have to tell her, Rach," Quinn said quietly, but loud enough that Santana could hear.
Santana felt her stomach fall. She tried to catch Quinn's eye but she couldn't. What was going on? Rachel was clearly hiding something.
"Rachel," Santana said gently as she brushed Rachel's hair back. "Talk to me," she whispered.
One of her hands was still in Rachel's lap. She felt something wet drip onto it. Tears. Rachel's head was still down but Santana could see the tears steaming from her eyes.
"Oh baby, what's wrong?" Santana whispered leaning closer.
Rachel looked up. However, she looked at Santana defeated. "Um…. I... I…." Santana watched eagerly as Rachel tried to form the words. Rachel suddenly shifted her weight and looked over her shoulder. "I can't do it. Please." Santana felt emotion inflate her chest, but she shifted to attention to Quinn.
Quinn tried to form words. How was she going to say this?
Santana's look hardened. "Get it together, Fabray," she snapped.
"San," Rachel warned quietly.
"Yesterday," Quinn began, "I was ….I think that….."
Rachel straightened realizing that she needed to be brave. "It's not over, San." Her words were simple. She wiped her tears and looked straight into Santana's eyes.
"What? How?" Puck screamed.
Quinn held up a hand. "Shut it, Puck!"
Rachel couldn't take her eyes off of Santana. It was breaking her heart. Santana's eyes were pooling. She pushed her lips together.
"How long?"
Rachel just looked more into Santana's eyes. They told her. It had never stopped. Santana pulled Rachel too her. "I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry."
Puck was furious. He was yelling. However, Santana couldn't hear him. She was too stuck in her own mind. She simply held on to Rachel as tightly as she could as if she held on long enough, she could make it all go away.
All Quinn could do was watch. She wasn't sure if she had made the right decision. She wasn't sure if she had done right by Rachel. She suddenly felt a hand grab hers. She looked up. From her sister's embrace, one of Rachel's hands had reached behind her to take Quinn's hand. Quinn gave a tearful smile. She had finally done something right.
"I should really go rehearse with Noah," Rachel whispered into Santana's ear. Santana didn't let go. "San, let go."
Those words meant more to Santana than she wished they did. She finally gave in. She held her hand to the side of Rachel's face and kissed the opposite temple. When she pulled back, Rachel immediately brought her hands up to both of Santana's cheeks and wiped away the tears. She gave a brief smile and led Puck into the other room.
Santana sat there gazing into space forgetting that a blonde was sitting on the other side of the couch. Quinn couldn't understand all that was going through Santana's head. She knew there must be guilt. She knew there must be defeat. She didn't understand it all. She turned to Quinn
"Thanks," she said quietly.
"Of course."
And then went back to sitting in silence lost in the loudness of their own thoughts.
Rachel avoided Puck's eyes as she went over to the keys of the piano to give them their starting notes. She was about to press her fingers into the keys but Puck interrupted her.
"Why didn't you say anything, monkey?" Puck asked; his growl masked his hurt.
Rachel stared at the black and white keys. "It's hard to explain, Noah. I don't' expect you to understand."
Puck walked over to her and sat on the piano bench.
"Explain it to me." His words were simple almost child-like.
Rachel took a deep breath and sat next to him still not looking at him. "You have a sister, Puck," she stated. "Everything that you've seen and felt," She looked up. "After your dad left," Noah winced. "After your mom started dating all those other guys." Noah looked away. "When you started dating San, and why you started dating her." Rachel sighed. "Didn't you want to protect her from that?"
"It's not the same thing, Rachel," Puck said almost frustrated. "What happened to you…. What's still happening to you . . . I would die if that happened to Sarah."
"Exactly," Rachel replied almost immediately. "San's been through so much, Noah…."
"You're trying to protect her," Puck whispered realizing why Rachel had kept this a secret. He looked up at her with a slight flare in his eye. "Why would you do that when you know we could have helped you? That's really dumb, Rach."
"What would you have done, Puck? Beat him up? Smashed your car into his. You would have ended up in juvenile detention again." Rachel took a deep breath. Looking down t her hands. "I'm scared, Noah. And I hurt. But for some reason, that's so much easier to cope with than having to tell people that I care about why I still feel that way. It hurts worse to see you all like this."
Puck suddenly stood up. "I adore you, Rachel, but that's the dumbest thing I ever heard."
"Noah!" Rachel's voice broke. "I told you that I didn't expect you to understand."
Puck looked down at her shaking his head. "You're fourteen fucking years old, Rachel. You need to ask for help."
Rachel gave a small nod. "I'll be fifteen next week."
Puck sat back down and leaned his head back. "Promise me something?" Rachel looked up at him. "You tell me if there is something wrong. Ever."
"I can't promise that, Noah."
"Suck it up," Puck bit back.
"The way you're feeling now," Rachel said timidly. "That's why I didn't want to tell you."
"You can't protect me or anyone from their feelings, Rach," Puck said looking back at her. "Life doesn't work that way."
Rachel looked at the keys again. "Let's just rehearse okay?"
Santana was leaning over the sink staring out the back window. She didn't hear that the music had finally stopped upstairs. She was stuck. She couldn't really process any of this.
"Santana?"
She looked up.
"You're still here."
"Yeah," Quinn replied with a shrug.
"I really appreciate you doing all of this," Santana said leaning on the island in the middle of the kitchen.
"It's the least I could do," Quinn replied.
"I'm sorry about what I did to you at the hospital," Santana said looking away.
"Don't be," Quinn said honestly. "I deserved it."
"No, you didn't," Santana replied folding her arms.
"Well, it felt like it." Quinn sighed. "You were upset. And you had every right to be."
"We were all upset." Santana said sadly thinking back to that day. "But it doesn't mean I should have done that."
"Done what?" Santana looked over her shoulder to see Rachel on the back stairwell that led into the kitchen.
"Nothing," Quinn replied avoiding Santana's stare. She could see that Santana still felt guilty about it all.
"I'll walk you out, Puck," Santana said giving Puck a look that he understood.
She walked him to the front door and onto the front step. She closed the door behind her.
"Do you have any dirt on him?"
"What?" Puck asked confused.
"I can't hit him. I can't get him arrested. I need to get him out of the school. I need dirt." Santana had her determined face on.
"I'll see what I can do," Puck sighed but happy for a new focus.
"Tell me what you have in mind," Santana demanded.
Puck sighed. "He's been missing blocks on purpose on the field. Not for everyone, but a few people. If I play it right, I can really show that he's missing it."
"What will that do?"
"He's already on Coach Beiste's bad side. It can get him kicked off the football team."
"I want him expelled, Puck," Santana said urgently.
"Okay," Puck thought. "He's a bully right?" Santana nodded. "So let's get his victims to step up."
"You're going to bully people into confessing that they were bullied?" Santana asked confused.
"All we need is one."
…..
Kurt settled in the living room watching Lifeime's Golden Girls Marathon. The doorbell rang. Didn't anyone care that he needed the comedic relief right now? He opened the door and rolled his eyes.
"Finn! You're boyfriend's here!" Kurt yelled.
"Calm down, Pixie, I'm here to see you."
"What?" Kurt asked confused.
"Are you going to let us in or not?" Kurt looked behind Puck noticing Santana and Blaine standing there.
"Well this is an unlikely trio," Kurt said as he opened the door. They all sat down. "What are you doing here?" Kurt finally asked.
"I need you do tell your dad what's happened to you and then tell Figgins," Santana said sternly.
Kurt looked at her aghast. "No way!"
"Kurt, you need to do it," Blaine said reassuringly.
"Excuse me, but you three of all people cannot show up on my doorstep and expect me to follow orders!" Kurt yelled.
"What's going on?" Finn asked walking into the room.
"They're just leaving," Kurt said standing up, but the three didn't budge. Kurt huffed. "I'm not doing this." His voice was firm. "Leave. Now."
"Doing what?" Finn asked tennising his eyes between the threesome and Kurt.
"Nothing," Kurt said again.
Santana's headshot up. "You haven't told him?"
"Haven't told me what?" Finn said with his typical confused look.
Santana took a deep breath. "Kurt." He was shocked she used his actual name. "It hasn't stopped. I can't catch him, but you have the power to get him expelled." She looked at him in a way that Kurt had never scene. She looked vulnerable. Her eyes were pleading. "If you won't do this for you, please do it for Rachel."
As if on queue his father came in the back door. "Hey guys," he greeted. He felt the tension.
Kurt took a deep breath. He couldn't breathe, but Santana was right. He had to do this for Rachel. He had to be brave. He could feel the tears pooling. "Dad, there's something I have to tell you."
Santana watched him struggle. It was the first time that she really understood that even though Rachel had endured so many horrific things, she wasn't the only one. She stood and eyed Puck and Blaine to follow. "Call us later, Kurt. Okay?" she instructed. Kurt gave a nod but didn't look away from his father.
…..
Rachel stood outside Principal Figgins office clutching her books to her chest. The glass office made it easy for her to see that a heated argument was going on. Burt was yelling at Figgins. Santana, Puck, Blaine, Quinn, and Brittany were standing talking with them. Karofsky was in there with his dad. Coach Beiste and Coach Sylvester were in there also interjecting periodically. They hadn't told her what they were going to do, but Rachel didn't need to be told.
Figgins gave a nod and some of them began to exit. Rachel saw that Santana saw her and she started to turn to walk in the other drection. She didn't want to deal with this.
"Monkey, what are you doing here?" Santana said as she opened the door and came into the hallway. Santana could see the confusion and worry in her brow, but she could also see that Rachel's mind was full and spinning. Rachel just shook her head and started down the hallway. Mumbling something under her breath about how she couldn't deal with this. Santana looked back over her shoulder into the room. She caught Kurt's eye and gave him a thankful nod. And went in Rachel's direction.
Kurt turned back to the conversation.
"What kind of school are you running here? This kid has hurt my son!" Burt was furious. He turned to Mr. Karofsky. "Expect a call from my lawyer. I'm pressing charges!" Burt turned back to Figgins. "I plan to go to the papers and to the news stations if you do not clean up your school. I'm one hell of a man to have as an enemy. Fix this!"
"You're right, Mr. Hummel.. David, we have put up with your behavior too much. It's unacceptable. You're suspended for the next three weeks. In that time I expect you to see someone about your violent anger issues."
Karofsky gawked at Principal Figgins in disbelief.
"You can't be serious! They are lying! Scouts are coming next week you can't do this to me!"
"Stop talking, son," Mr. Karofsky bellowed.
"It is done," Mr. Figgins said.
…..
Rachel sat in the choir room staring aimlessly at the keys. This was a sacred place. IT hadn't been defiled like the auditorium. This was her sanctuary, but still here she couldn't escape all that she was feeling like she had hoped. Santana stopped fro a moment at the door before she approached her. She looked more lost than she had seen her before.
"This can't be it, Tig," Rachel said suddenly.
"Rachel –'' Santana started.
Rachel couldn't articulate what she was feeling. He had hurt her so badly. He had permanently changed the way that everyone around her looked at her. He changed how she thought. How she hoped. He took it all from her. "It's never going to be over," Rachel whispered. Santana leaned down and took Rachel's hand.
"It's over," Santana whispered squeezing her hand. "I promise."
Rachel was quiet. She finally whispered. "You can't promise that."
"Rachel," Santana said sternly bringing Rachel's chin up to meet her eyes in the way that she had always done. "I will do everything to make sure nothing happens to you. Talk to me."
Rachel took a deep breath. "I have a feeling, San."
"I don't think those will go away, baby," Santana said gently. "He's taken that from you." Rachel didn't respond. "Come on. We have to meet the bus to go over the Carmel. Are you ready for this? You can say no if you want."
Rachel gave a small smile. "I'll be fine, San."
Rachel took a seat next to Kurt on the bus. She could still feel Santana's eyes on her. She took his hand but didn't look at him as they bus started to move. "I heard you were brave today." Kurt shrugged and looked out his window. "I know you didn't do it for you," Rachel whispered. "Thanks." Kurt swallowed back tears, but continued to look away.
Santana watched the two from across the aisle. She glanced back and made eye contact with Brittany. God, she missed her. "Can I talk to you?" she turned her attention to the seat immediately behind her. Finn was behind her leaning his arms on the back of the seat. She rolled her eyes. "Yes, cabbagepatch?" Finn looked down at his hands.
"I want to tell you I'm sorry," he stumbled. "And thank you." Santana looked up at Finn. She saw emotion on his face. It was so foreign. She gave a nod.
"Don't mention it."
As new directions walked down the hallway toward the auditorium, Rachel immediately spotted Jesse waiting for. She wondering what this all meant. Karofsky wouldn't be at school tomorrow. She had an adoring boyfriend. Was this it? Was her happy ending beginning? She stopped and gave him a grin.
"Hey," he said reaching down and kissing her. Rachel broke from the kiss and saw her fellow teammates gawking at her. Rachel gave them a scornful look. And Santana pushed them along. She heard whispers like "She's dating the enemy?" "Isn't this a little rushed?" "This is a horrible idea." Santana glanced back at Rachel indicating that she would be waiting at the end of the hallway; she also glared at
Rachel shifted her attention back to him. He gave her a grin. "Don't listen to them. We're stars. They're just jealous." He leaned down and kissed her again. "You nervous?"
She shook her head. She wasn't nervous about singing. "Course not."
"That's my girl." He kissed her again pulling her closer this time. "You feel so good, Rachel." He kissed her deeper. "We should do it."
Rachel froze. "What?"
Jesse smiled and pulled her into another kiss but she didn't kiss back. "It?" she asked.
"Yeah, it." Jesse laughed.
"I … I have to go warm up." She got out of his grip. She looked over her shoulder. "See you after?
He grabbed her hand and pulled her back to her. He didn't notice her body stiffen. "Hold up," he said gently. "What's wrong?" Rachel didn't look up at him. "Oh," Jesse said with a knowing nod and stroking her cheek gently. "You're a virgin aren't you?" Rachel still didn't look up. "I guess that's to be expected. You're a fourteen year old freshman."
Rachel looked up finally. "I'll be fifteen next week."
Jesse laughed and pulled her into another kiss. "You can trust me, Rachel. I'll make it good for you. I promise."
"Jesse, I –''
"I promise." Jesse kissed her again. "Go rehearse. We'll talk afterward. You're beautiful to me, Rach."
Rachel squeezed her eyes and kissed him once more before leaving. She gave Jesse a weak smile and walked into the auditorium.
Santana waited impatiently at the entrance for Rachel. When Rachel rounded the corner, she spotted Shelby coming out of the sound booth looking down at them. She pulled Rachel to her and they started toward the group. She glanced over her shoulder and glared back at Shelby as the two of them made their way into the practice room off of the stage.
After Vocal Adrenaline's predictable high energy extravaganza, New Directions milled onto the stage. Rachel took a breath. Leave everything behind. This is their auditorium, she coached herself. This is a performance. Every good performer can leave behind everything and just perform. Look at all of the greats. Don't be a Whitney, be a Sandra or a Jennifer. Rise above it. Rachel took a deep breath as everyone took their places. She caught Santana's eye behind her and she gave her a nod. Simplicity and grace, she reminded herself.
The intro began.
Puck's voice rang through the auditorium. He played the guitar with such ease. He gave Rachel a reassuring wink.
I walked across an empty land Oh simple thing, where have you gone?
I knew the pathway like the back of my hand
I felt the earth beneath my feet
Sat by the river and it made me complete
I'm getting old and I need something to rely on
So tell me when you're gonna let me in
I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin
Rachel gave a small smile and opened her mouth and began her solo. She shut her eyes and let the words soar through her.
I came across a fallen tree Oh simple thing, where have you gone?
I felt the branches of it looking at me
Is this the place we used to love?
Is this the place that I've been dreaming of?
I'm getting old and I need something to rely on
So tell me when you're gonna let me in
I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin
The rest of the club joined in with layers of harmony as they poetically glided and surged with the music across the stage.
And if you have a minute, why don't we go
Talk about it somewhere only we know?
This could be the end of everything
So why don't we go somewhere only we know?
Somewhere only we know
The group met at the front of the stage. They wove together in lines as they sang the lyrics. Rachel took the descant and let it release through her.
Oh simple thing, where have you gone?
I'm getting old and I need something to rely on
So tell me when you're gonna let me in
I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin
And if you have a minute, why don't we go Oh, this could be the end of everything
Talk about it somewhere only we know?
This could be the end of everything
So why don't we go? So why don't we go?
So why don't we go somewhere only we know?
Somewhere only we know
Rachel stepped forward and sang softly .
Somewhere only we know
The group ended with a surge of emotion that was clearly absent in the other groups performance. Rachel opened her eyes waiting for applause. Nothing. Every one of the members looked at them confused or angry. She found Jesse's eyes. He gave her a small nod and he began to clap. He looked at his other teammates; they enthusiastically followed suit.
Shelby watched as Rachel and the rest of the club milled off of the stage. She couldn't take her eyes off of her.
"I'm serious Shelby," Santana's voice suddenly interrupted her. "Knock it off."
"I haven't said a word to her," Shelby scoffed leading Santana away from the groups. "Calm down."
Santana took her arm back.
"Let go of me." Seeing Shelby so frequently reminded Santana of all those empty promises. "I'm serious, Shelby, suck those meddlesome eyes back into your heartless shell and back off!"
Santana stormed off.
Rachel leaned against the side wall outside of Carmel waiting for everyone to get on the bus.
"Hey starlet," she heard Jesse behind her. He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her into a small alcove. "I'm sorry if I freaked you out before. You just tell me when you're ready, and I'll make sure I'm fastidiously groomed." He kissed her once more and started to head into the school.
Rachel felt a shove when Jesse was almost out of sight.
….
"Santana? Are you okay?"
"I'm fine, Fabray!" Santana practically screamed.
"Clearly." Quinn rolled her eyes.
"Where's Rachel?" Santana said looking around. Suddenly, a shout filled her ears.
….
"You ruined everything!"
Karofsky. Rachel stopped breaking. He pushed her small shoulder back until she was up against the side of the building.
"Hey, dude! What the hell are you doing?"
"This is none of your business fairy-pants!" Karofsk said not turning around. His eyes were too focused on Rachel. Rachel was lost in his furious eyes. Unexpectedly, his eyes changed from raged to pained as Jesse brought his foot into his groin from behind. Karofsky fell to the floor as Jesse pulled Rachel into his arms. He was breathing just as rapidly as Rachel was.
"I've never done that before," he murmured. "Are you okay?"
Before Rachel could answer, Santana came running around the corned. "What happened? Are you okay?" She looked down at Karofsky. "What's going on?" she practically screamed. She knelled down to him and pulled him up. She delivered a one-two punch breaking his nose, hitting his jaw. "Get the fuck out of here before your sleaze of a father is peeling you off the pavement." Her threat was reinforced when the rest of the Glee Club started to approach. He realized that this wasn't how he wanted to achieve his revenge. He needed to plan.
She turned her attention to Rachel as he started to walk away. She was frustrated that Rachel was clinging to Jesse. She could barely see Rachel's face.
"Rachel?"
"I'm fine, San,"
"Let me take her home," Jesse offered.
"Hell no," Santana snapped trying to get Rachel's eyes to focus on her. Rachel straightened.
"Santana, I'm fine. Nothing happened. You have practice anyway. Let Jesse take me home."
"I don't know Rachel…."
"It's just a ride, Santana," Rachel reassured as she got out of Jesse's arms and looked at Santana. "Let go, Santana. Go to practice. I'll see you at home."
She could see the pleading in Rachel's eyes. "Okay. Lock the doors and set the alarm." Rachel rolled her eyes. "I'm serious."
"Why doesn't Jesse stay with me?" Rachel asked. She looked in his direction with a small smirk. "He can protect me."
Damn it. She didn't want Rachel alone but she didn't want her alone with him.
Santana glared at Jesse. "Sit on the front step. Don't' even try anything with her or I'll -"
"Cut off my balls with a jagged piece of glass," Jesse interjected. "I know."
Santana flared. "Don't push me." She took a deep breath. "I'll be home in a couple hours."
Rachel knew that she was trusting him, not a lot, but a miniscule amount. The frontstep was better than nothing. Rachel looked up at him as they walked to his car. Her boyfriend had saved her. He had stuck up for her. She put her hand in his. Maybe the past didn't matter. Maybe this was what moving on looking like. She looked up at him. "I think I'm ready."
Please review. Thank you for reading. Please let me know what you think.