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If you read the AN and knew I'd post ILY ~Sofia
Chapter Thirty-Seven
Lena POV-
I'm sitting on the couch at 7 pm and it occurs to me that I could be doing something else. All the other initiates are out partying or flirting with other Dauntless members while I sit on my boyfriends couch staring at a plain white wall thinking. I should be out with everyone else my age but no, I'm not. Maybe I'm just a heartless bitch who doesn't appreciate being loved by someone I love equally back but….. I'm not sure why it's bothering me now, I mean I've been living here since a week after becoming a Dauntless member and never once has it bothered me to not be like everyone else but for some reason I have this nagging feeling in the back of my mind that I should be somewhere else, anywhere else but here. Maybe I'm just being stupid, in fact I have a history of being stupid and screwing up everything good. Or maybe it's just because I had a shitty childhood.
Ugh. I know I'm overreacting now, whenever I try and use my childhood as an excuse against myself I know I'm just bored and I need a break. I do that a lot. I don't know why but whenever I'm alone in silence for too long I start thinking dumb things that never really bothered me.
I force myself to get up. I change into a black tank top and faded blue jean shorts and leave the apartment. It's always tragically lonely while Zayn is at work. I walk around the Pit for a while until I get bored again and force myself to do something productive besides walking in circles.
I make my way to the tattoo parlor, Tori told me that I've been working too much and I need a break but no matter what she says I always find myself ending up there somehow. I know I work too much but it's because Zayn picks up extra shifts for Four in the control room so he can be with Tris since she's sick.
When I get inside I see the trainer for the Dauntless born; Christina and some boy with brown hair and wide green eyes that I can't help but stare at. Bud is in the back with some girl with tattoos basically everywhere and Tori's talking to the boy and Christina. No one notices me but I can't bring myself to say or do anything then look at the boy. Something about him perplexes me and looking at him makes me want to smile but also makes me want to cry.
I'm not sure why but it feels uncomfortable to even be in the same room as him. I look around to see the three of them, Bud and that one girl are the only people here. Without hesitation, I leave.
I'm home and showering yet I can't shake this feeling that I should've said something to the boy, something to comfort him.
Will POV-
"You're not getting another tattoo!" I shout a little too coldly at Christina.
When I'd gotten home she hugged me and said she was worried sick since I hadn't come home. As the conversation developed she told me she had an appointment with Tori to get my name tattooed on the inside of her left wrist. This was basically the worst thing I could think about now. What if once I told her she leaves me? She'll be even more upset that I hadn't told her not to get the tattoo. And if she couldn't get it removed for whatever reason it'd just be a reminder that I cheated and I didn't want to do that to her. I didn't want to do any of this to her! How was I going to talk her out of it without telling her the truth? I really don't want to tell her just yet, she deserves some happiness just for a little while even if it's all a lie.
"I don't need your permission to get a tattoo." Christina said wearing a look that told me I should've been a little nicer. She grabs her bag with her wallet and keys in it and slams the door in my face. Where's Tris when you need her? Tris could've talked her out of anything with her sad little cancer eyes.
I run out of the apartment and catch up with Christina and she groans when she sees me.
"I can get a tattoo whenever I want, it's not your choice." She says, stops walking and looks at me. "Why shouldn't I? Just out of curiosity…"
"I think you should get it after we're married." I say tentatively.
"Why?" She asks again. I stand silently for a moment as I choose the right words.
"What if when we get married I decide I want your name on my ankle? I'm positive you'd wish you'd waited so we could match." I say awkwardly. Christina knows as well as everyone else that I hate tattoos and I'd rather die than get a tattoo of anything.
"What's the real reason?" She asks and starts walking at a faster pace to get to the tattoo parlor.
"I just really don't like tattoos and I know they hurt and I don't want to cause you any pain." I blurt out. All of those fragments were true, just not together.
"Fine, but you're coming with me to cancel the appointment." Christina says and we walk silently to the tattoo parlor. She looks disappointed but all I can feel is the knot in my stomach from not telling her the truth.
Uriah POV-
I can't believe it. I knew Tris pretty well. We were initiates the same year and whenever she was upset all I wanted was to cheer her up. I was with her at a party just last night and now we're here. I'm not sure what I should be feeling.
Four hasn't left the apartment since we left him there, he just sits on the edge of the bed. Zeke goes to see him every hour and every time he comes back to my apartment where we're all camped out he says the same thing. When Zeke opens the apartment door I know what he's about to tell us.
"He's just sitting there." He says.
"Is he crying? Is he talking?" Marlene asks lightheartedly and Zeke shakes his head.
"He just sits there. Something feels wrong." Zeke responds.
"Well of course something's wrong! I don't know if you've heard but Tris-," Zeke cuts Lynn off.
"No, something's in this room smart ass. Tris doesn't only have three friends. I mean I know Stiff's aren't particularly popular but she has more friends then this." Zeke says giving a pointed look at me since I was the one who'd told everyone.
"Shit! I forgot Will and Christina!" I say.
"Well you better go find them before someone else tells them or they'll kill us for not saying something." He says and I glance at the time and see its 7:30. Oh god, we're screwed.
Lynn, Marlene and I rush out of my apartment to go to Christina's apartment. I am so dead. I pull open the apartment door and as we pile in I feel even guiltier because no one ever told them Tris had died. Christina rises to her feet and Marlene looks as happy as she was when we'd been told the news by some nurse named Addison.
"Tris isn't dead! Sorry we didn't tell you earlier, I mean we just left the hospital an hour ago. We thought she was dead but after taking her to the hospital she got better. I mean she's asleep and she still has cancer but she's still alive." Marlene says and Christina and Will look lost and shocked. I run my fingers through my hair.
"Marlene," I say and she turns to me, "No one told them what happened this morning."
"Shit."
Tris POV-
I open my eyes and see nothing but white light. It takes a moment but then I remember. I close my eyes in confusion. How can this be happening? I died. I really, truthfully died. I remember every second of lying there dying, all alone. How could I possibly be alive? Maybe I'm in whatever comes next.
I decide that that's the only thing that makes sense so I sit up and immediately double over in pain. Okay, not dead. If I was dead why would I still be in pain? I take a moment to just think before opening my eyes again and trying to sit up again. I hurt everywhere. My head feels like someone smashed a boulder on it. The rest of me felt like fire was coursing through my veins but it was nothing close to what I had felt when I thought I was dying.
I try to run my hand through my hair and my forearm pinches and it burns. My eyes fly open to see the cause of the pain to see I have an IV in my arm. I double-take and see I'm in a faded grey room in a white hospital gown with flowers on it. I'm hooked up to about every machine you could ever imagine. I hear the synchronized beeping of the heart monitor and I know I'm still alive. I let the beeping lull my back into a deep sleep.
Christina POV-
After three cups of tea and an hour of conversation I'm up to date with what's been happening with everyone else. Here I was worried about getting a tattoo and my best friend died.
So basically this is what happened; at like 11 am Tris' neighbor heard her screaming and she found her in her bed with her eyes shut but she could tell she was conscious because she was writhing in pain and tearing at her face and clothes and she was crying. Not to mention she was all alone. Uriah and Zeke just so happened to be stopping by to see Tris and they showed up to see Tris dead and the girl-, Uriah called her Alexa. While Uriah was trying to see if she'd wake up she stopped screaming and just went still. After failing to find a pulse Uriah ran to go get a doctor while Zeke and Alexa went to get Four. Tris was rushed to the infirmary where after about 30 minutes they managed to get her heart to start again. The doctors explained that she wasn't getting enough oxygen and after about an hour with little to no oxygen it was too much for her heart and she'd given in. There was fluid surrounding her lungs and that's what had caused it all. They have a tube in her chest that's draining her lungs but other than that her condition was the same. In this whole tragedy the doctors were very pleased to announce that there were no more METs-, which is what they call her cancer, and the old ones haven't grown but neither have they shrunk. They believe she'll wake up tomorrow or the next day but she'll be alright all in all.
But that wasn't all. Four hadn't said anything or moved since they took her to the hospital. He just sat on the corner of the bed and stared at the wall which was as talkative as him. When Zeke had told him Tris was alright he didn't even blink, he just sat there. This made me wonder if he just didn't care about her at all and he was just trying to play a part as he tried to find a way out. But now wasn't time to think about that. All that mattered was that Tris was alright.
"So you guys just forgot to tell us that you thought she was dead?" Will asked still mad and astonished at the topic.
"But she's not dead." Uriah said trying to end the conversation.
"But you thought she was and you never said anything." Will spat at him. Gosh, what was with him lately? Ever since he got back he's been acting cold and I don't like it. What if he plans on leaving me? What if he no longer loves me? I'm not sure what to think, I wish Tris was here to help me.
Aaron POV-
I run with the other Dauntless fence guards after the train car. Running has always been an escape from everything that was happening for me. That's why I chose Dauntless. Running. Whenever I don't know what to do I run. But all too soon it's my turn to swing myself into the train car and ride into the compound. Riding towards my problem. Will doesn't remember what happened that night. I asked him what he remembered and he'd said nothing had happened and I didn't want to tell him so I kept my mouth shut. I felt awful. I feel awful. He's engaged for god's sake! And his fiancé is so sweet I would never wish this upon her. I'd spoken with her once over the phone when Will had called her. The typical in love, pretty Dauntless girl. She was just like everyone else except the fact that she seemed to care too much. That was one of her best and worst qualities. If she ever found out what Will and I had done…. I can't believe myself.
And yet here I stand. In a train car full of Dauntless riding in to see the people they love who live within the compound. I don't have anyone left. I don't have anything left. I can't bear to look at Will and yet without recognition I'd packed up my stuff to go see him. What did I expect from him? He'd just lost his best friend as I had lost the love of my life. I know Finick and I know he'd want me to go on this train and ride to Will. I know he's looking down and waiting for me to get to him. I know he would want me happy and he'd want me to be with someone he deemed worthy and if anyone was it was Will. But a little voice in the back of my mind tells me that despite the fact that I think I love him that no matter what I want or Finick wants I don't have the guts to go tell Will. I never will.
Tris POV-
I force myself to wake up. I can tell I've been sleeping for days. Maybe three or four. I can't keep being so weak and I need to wake up and see everyone I love. I pry open my eyes and the second they do the white eerie light of my hospital burns them and I shut them. I groan and I feel a dull aching in my ribs. I feel someone's hand clutching mine.
"Tris?" A familiar male voice says and I open my eyes. His eyes are big and shiny with tears and his face is streaked with tears. I smile with his and try to sit up, failing that he helps me prop myself up slightly so I'm not sitting but I'm not lying down.
"Did you tell her or something? You look awfully upset." I say smiling lightly at Will.
"No my best friend almost died you selfish bitch what were you thinking? Are you trying to ruin my life?" He jokes and I laugh weakly.
"My sole purpose in life is to ruin your life, isn't it obvious?" I say. I lift my hand to put it on my stomach and feel a tube and pain.
"They have a tube in your chest to drain fluid that's pressing against your lungs." Will explains as if he read my mind.
"Mind telling me what happened to me? I thought I was dead." I say.
"You were, for about an hour. There was so much fluid around you lungs you couldn't get enough oxygen. You would've been fine if you were awake because you would've known something was wrong but since you're apparently an extremely heavy sleeper you slept through your own death. Uriah and Zeke took you here and you've been asleep for three days. The doctors are taking out your tube in surgery tonight. Oh, but you're going to have to carry an oxygen tank everywhere and so you can breathe." My hand without the IV lifts to feel a cannula under my nose.
"Is there any good news?" I ask.
"Isn't being alive enough?" Will's eyebrows quirk up.
"You know what I mean."
"Your METs haven't grown and there aren't any new ones so in theory that means the treatment is doing what it should be. For now." Will adds the last part on quickly as if not to jinx me.
"Are you the only one who stayed with me?" I ask not really caring, I just want to keep talking.
"No, but for the first day Four refused to come. But he was by your side all yesterday. Christina was sitting with you until about an hour ago when we switched." Will explains.
"When are you going to tell her?" I ask and he looks surprised I brought it up for real.
"When should I?" He asks and I ponder this. He should've told her with me right after we'd talked. I could've helped Christina into understanding what he has to say without her getting too mad and then I wouldn't be in this damn hospital. If I had just stayed awake I would've been in and out in a day or two but now I'm going to have to wait at least until tomorrow night.
"As soon as I'm better so I can be there." I say.
"You don't have to be there. In fact I think you'd regret being there. It won't be pretty." He says and I sigh.
"But having someone else there to calm her down might make it a little easier and I might be able to stop her from clawing your eyes out. Might." I say and he avoids my eyes.
"But it might destroy your friendship. I mean you knew before her and didn't say anything." He says still avoiding my gaze.
"Yeah but you told me right before I died so we had to postpone telling her because you can't really calm down someone when you're dead." I say and Will laughs.
"That is the weirdest sentence I've ever heard in my life." He says and I sigh.
"Can you be serious for one second?" I ask.
"No."
Aaron POV-
I walk through the Pit and it brings back memories. My initiation was really shitty and I have no friends in the compound but for some reason it makes me happy. It's nice not having to check an Amity car every five minutes and actually have something to do. At the fence nothing big happened so I was alone missing Finick.
I'm not sure where Will lives but I find myself in front of an unfamiliar door and yet I knock even though I am oblivious to whose it is. A girl with olive skin and black hair opens the door. She smiles at me and that smile looks so sweet.
"Can I help you?" She asks and I recognize that voice. I've heard it once before.
"You're Christina? Gosh, Will told me you were pretty but you are bloody gorgeous." I blurt out and I'm not even sure why. She is pretty but where did 'bloody' come from?
"Bloody'?" She asks and I shrug.
"I don't even know. I'm Aaron, me and my boyfriend used to guard the fence. Well, I still do I just dropped by to visit. I'm friends with Will, we both are. Well for him I guess it's 'were'." I stutter and she looks at me like I'm crazy. I cover my eyes with my hand and sigh.
"What?"
"I'm sorry, I'm not good talking to new people, though we've spoken to each other once before. I believe we had a brief conversation one time over the phone?" I say finally regaining my speech. Her eyes light up in recognition and I feel better.
"Yeah, sorry I forgot. Come in." She says opening the door fully so I can walk in and it hits me. I'm in the apartment of the girl whose fiancé I slept with. How am I going to make small talk? Where is Will? Does she know? Probably not because she's being kind of nice.
"So is Will home?" I ask and she closes the door.
"No he's at the hospital." She says casually as if he's always there.
"Is he alright? Did he get hurt?" I ask and she looks at me like I'm stupid.
"No, one of our friends has cancer and almost died. Didn't he tell you about Tris? Everyone knows about the Stiff who ranked first who has cancer." She says and I have a nagging feeling she knows. But how would she? Will didn't even know!
"Yeah, I thought she was doing better though." I say and she spins around to look at me.
"Better? She was fucking dead and my fiancé is too busy with her to even think about the fact that I need comforting too! She has Four to comfort her! God he's an ass, he never went to see her! Will said he's going to tell her he was there the whole time and everyone came to visit but no one was there but him!" She says angrily.
"Sounds like you've hated him for a while now. I'm sensing you were holding it up in you for a while but you didn't say anything because you're paranoid she'll think your just jealous of her which you are but that's not why you hate him. You hate him because you liked him for a little bit too and Tris got him and then she cut you off and you're not sure if he loves her that much or is that careless with her relationship." I say and her jaw drops. I'm pretty good at reading emotions.
"How did you do that? Can you teach me?" She asks and I shrug.
"Later, sit down and tell me everything." I say.
"Well you've got the story line down but the details are important too." She says and we both sit down on her couch.
"I love Tris so much but she is so clueless when it comes to guys it makes you want to just wrap her up in a blanket and give her some tea, or slap her. Depends on who you are. She fell in love with her trainer during initiation and I guess over time he learned to love her back." She says and I interject.
"Is that what she said or what you think?" I ask.
"What I think." She confesses.
"Do you think I could talk to him? If I hear his voice in a time like this for even just a few moments I'll be able to tell you everything you know and everything you don't." I say and she nods.
"Good luck getting him to talk though. He won't talk to anyone, he won't even get up. Zeke's been bringing him water bottles and apples and he gets up to go to the bathroom but he never says anything." She says.
We both get up and she guides me through the compound until I get to an apartment. She opens the door which unlocked and leads me inside. A boy about a year or two younger than me sits at a counter eating cake while listening to earbuds.
"Oh sorry that's Zeke, he's been staying here to make sure Four's okay." Christina explains before leading me to a bed where a boy about my age sits. Zeke doesn't even notice our presence. He doesn't look up he just sits on the corner or the bed silently.
"I'm Aaron, Will's friend. Can you just say 'hi'? That's all I need from you." I say and he looks at me, dead in the eyes.
"Is Tris up?" He asks coldly and Christina looks stunned he spoke.
"I don't know." I respond and I look back at Christina and she shrugs.
"Then don't speak." He says bluntly and looks down. I hear a door open and close. Zeke probably noticed us and left thinking he was getting a break.
"Aren't you going to see her?" Christina asks him and he groans.
"Aren't you? I know you haven't. You think I'm such a jerk for not visiting her but you haven't either, you've been too busy questioning our relationship to give a shit that she's alive." He looks at her. "Your face reads like a book."
Christina stares at him stunned and someone walks into the room. I look up to see another boy who looks really young.
"She's awake." He says and Four stands up and leaves. As soon as the two boys are gone and it's just us Christina speaks.
"What an ass right?" She says and I sigh.
"I hate to break this to you but your friend has better taste then you." I say and I walk out of the apartment and keep walking. I run after Four and that boy and catch up so I can talk to him.
"Sorry for bothering you, I should've just let you be." I apologize and he looks as me as he walks.
"Who are you? I'm Uriah." The other boy, Uriah, asks.
"No one. No one important. Any ways I'm sorry." I say.
"Don't take this personally but I don't care. You didn't do anything but speak which isn't something you can be held accountable for." Four says and we near the hospital.
We walk in the front doors and they walk to the nurse's station but I just stop dead. Will's here. Will is in this building. I'm not ready to see him. His dying best friend just woke up and he's probably really upset and I have a bad reputation for comforting upset guys now. They talk to a Dauntless nurse whose ID says Addison and she sneaks them through. Uriah looks back and beckons me so I go follow them. Great.
They walk into a gray room with a bald girl lying on the bed. Despite the obviously huge tube coming from her chest and her bald head with a thick, healing on the side of it she looks happy. She's almost sitting up but not fully, so the tube doesn't hurt her I assume. I don't walk in I just look in the door. Will sits in the hair next to her bed holding her hand. The nurse smiles at Tris and she smiles back. I guess since she's here a lot she's made some friends with the staff. I stay back and pray Will doesn't spot me. What was I thinking coming here? I don't even know the girl! What will I do if he sees me?
"Can I talk to Four alone?" She asks and Will stands up but doesn't look over to me.
"We have to prep you to remove the tube soon so make it quick please. They aren't even supposed to be here." The nurse Addison says. Uriah starts towards the door with Will so I spin on my heel and walk quickly to the exit.
"Aaron?" Will asks and I sigh before turning to look at him. We're outside the entrance and Uriah keeps walking. I look to see Christina standing in the middle of the Pit waiting for the two of them, her arms folded over her chest.
"I'm sorry." I blurt out and cover my eyes with my hands. This really is not my day for speaking. "I'm going back to the fence in the morning don't worry. I'm sorry I came. I just… I don't know."
"It's okay, come with me." He says after a moment and he takes my hand and guides me past Christina and into the hallway I was moments ago and into Four's apartment. He leads me in and locks the door behind him.
"Four will be at the hospital all night waiting for her to get out of surgery so we can talk here for a while." He says and I nod.
"I shouldn't of come I just couldn't stop thinking about the night before you left, do you remember what really happened?" I ask.
"I thought you didn't know so I played dumb." He says.
"Same." I reply and he puts his hand on my cheek.
"I am so sorry I did that. I love you as my friend and I just ran away. I was a coward." He says quietly.
"You did that? It was my fault. I made you cheat on your girlfriend, now fiancé and I can't believe who I've become! I couldn't just end out friendship there. I needed to see you. I was a coward and I stayed back at the fence to avoid ever talking about it but a little part of me knew you remembered just as much as I did and I love you." I say and the last three words come out and I feel his lips touch mine and we're kissing.
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