Hey guys, thanks for waiting. I had a hen party this weekend and have been occupied. Btw, if I make some mistakes with words or terms here – I think some of you have noted a couple of popular sayings that I've put down that you might be unfamiliar with – it's because I am actually Scottish I have family in Indiana so I know some American terms but that's why I might be a little inconsistent.
On with the story
Chapter 36 TNB
Damon held him for hours, unwilling to leave him for even a second as the minutes ticked past and Stefan remained unconscious. He appeared to simply be asleep but Damon could tell from the rapid eye movement behind his eyelids that his brain was in overdrive, trying to process what was happening. The guilt was crippling. Had it been his freak out over the song that had forced Stefan to take such drastic action? Maybe. It was ironic to recall that it had been he who had been the most afraid of what would happen if he remembered, when Stefan had always vowed that he would still love him. Now they seemed to have swapped roles.
Bonnie had left with the other witch in tow. He'd find out where she lived later and eat her family. That'd serve the bitch right for giving Stefan a lobotomy. Even Bonnie had looked capable of bringing down some harsh joo joo on the woman. He'd always thought Bonnie was an annoying OCD witch – bent on always doing everything right and over exaggerating her responsibility to magic, but now he saw her for what she was – a true good witch. Even in her hate for him she'd never used magic maliciously for her own gain. She'd burst a few brain cells and set him on fire a few times, but she'd never have screwed with his brain, his mind – the thing that made him who he was. She would never. He was so grateful for that now. Magic really was the big responsibility that she'd preached.
As the hours passed he gave in to sleep himself, resting with his arm around Stefan's body, holding them close together. Stefan stirred in his arms, rousing him and he leant up on his elbow, his heart racing, as he stroked the side of his face. Stefan leaned into the touch and he leaned down and placed a gentle kiss on his mouth. Stefan kissed back and opened his eyes sleepily.
"Hey." Damon said softly, still stroking through his hair as Stefan searched his face as though he was trying to place him.
Damon's stomach clenched in anticipation.
"Hey." Stefan's tone was strange and his pupils widened as he searched Damon's face.
"Stefan, please tell me you know who I am." Damon begged.
Stefan pulled away from him slightly and Damon removed his hold on him as he tried not to panic. Stefan didn't take his eyes from his as he licked his lips, remaining silent.
"Stefan?" Damon was losing control of his vocal chords as fear filled him. "Do you know me?"
"I'm not sure." Stefan admitted and Damon exhaled in pain and bit into his bottom lip. "I'm not sure I do know you."
Damon closed his eyes and clenched his fists into the blanket beneath them.
"Who are you?" Stefan whispered, shaking his head and Damon exhaled again and swallowed bile. "Are you my brother, my enemy or the love of my life Damon?"
Damon opened his eyes and looked at him in surprise at the use of his name. Stefan searched his face, still acting strangely despite the fact that he obviously knew who he was.
"All of the above." Damon replied shakily.
"I saw things, terrible things you did." Stefan was so calm as he spoke.
Damon sat silently, waiting for Stefan to crush him or punch him.
"What did you do?" Damon asked gravely.
"I saw things, memories."
"How much do you remember?" Damon asked nervously and Stefan studied his face.
"I saw you. The person you were. The person you are underneath."
Damon paled and clenched his jaw.
"This is who I am." He said.
"I'm not so sure anymore." Stefan shook his head and Damon clenched his jaw again. "The person I love couldn't be so cruel."
Damon sat up slowly and rubbed his face feeling exhausted as Stefan kept a safe distance from him.
"I've done a lot of things Stef. I've been different. My brother was the same and there were times we hated each other and times we bonded again. The longer you live as vampire, the more you'll understand that." Damon advised and Stefan searched his face desperately, looking for some kind of resemblance to the monster he'd seen in his head.
"Will you ever hurt me?" He asked and Damon looked at him distressed and in shock. "You loved him but some of the things you did…"
"I was different!" Damon spoke through hurt instead of anger. "Things were different and he isn't you."
"I saw you two together. You loved each other."
"Not like I love you. Nothing like I love you Stef." Damon reached his hand towards him but Stefan pulled back and he paused.
"I'd never hurt you." He whispered and Stefan looked down to avoid his eyes. "You've made me better."
Stefan looked up at him at his comment. Damon's eyes were full and vulnerable.
"Sometimes I get lost in my head and I hate it. I hate everyone and everything. It's been easier to let myself feel that way than long for something, anything, to make me feel whole again. Then, there was you."
"I was always here." Stefan croaked and Damon shook his head.
"No. You came into my life when I thought I'd lost everything. When I opened that safe I expected the same as before - guilt, blame, anger…instead you, you loved me."
Stefan sat listening attentively as Damon struggled to find the words.
"You showed me that I could choose. That there was still some chance for happiness outside of my bubble and you led me there. This is who I really am. It's who I want to be Stefan and that's all because of you."
"I saw you human. I saw you dying." Stefan mumbled, frowning as he realised that he'd tried to lock that door. "You were like you are now. You were gentle. You loved me until I forced you to feed."
Damon tensed at his causal reference to himself as his brother. Clearly it had slipped Stefan's attention that he was doing so other than speaking in the third person like he had since he had began to talk after his rescue. It was unnerving.
"You make me human now." Damon said and Stefan softened as he looked at him. "You make me more than I was."
"I want to believe you." Stefan gave a small smile and lay back down facing him.
Damon lay down too, a safe distance from him as they looked at each other.
"What would have happened if I'd been him when you rescued me?"
Damon's eyes glazed as he thought on that idea.
"I don't know." He shrugged. "I'd have tried to make it right I guess."
"Would he have blamed you?"
"Probably deep down."
"And when you feel like people do that, you do things to get back at them?" Stefan asked, honestly trying to understand and Damon frowned.
"I'd never hurt you."
"Even if I fuck up? If I make you angry, or we fight?"
Damon looked at him, tense. He didn't know how to answer. He couldn't make those promises. People always hurt each other in those situations – it was human nature and vampire nature amplified that. Stefan waited for a response for a few seconds before he turned onto his back and looked up at the ceiling.
"My head hurts." He sighed. "Too many versions of you in here."
"You only need one. This one." Damon said gently. "The one that wants to marry you."
Stefan looked over at him in surprise.
"You said no."
"That was before I thought you might disappear into your brain. Perspective."
Stefan searched his face and Damon grew nervous at how out in the open his heart was right now.
"You'd marry your brother?"
"You're not my brother. Are you?" Damon asked nervously.
"No." Stefan sighed and Damon sagged in relief. "I don't know."
Damon held still, completely still and waiting as Stefan looked up to the ceiling again.
"I'm afraid of you."
"What can I do?" Damon asked, his throat tight and Stefan looked at him sadly as he considered it.
"Remind me who you are."
Damon nodded and moved a little closer, reaching out to touch his face and this time Stefan allowed it, looking into Damon's eyes as he stroked through his hair and searched his face. Stefan closed his eyes and leaned into him, making Damon pull him into him and hold him, rubbing his back gently.
"You said that you were born that day I rescued you from the safe." Damon kissed his shoulder and spoke, muffled by the fabric of Stefan's t-shirt and Stefan nodded and held him back. "I think I was too. It just took me a little longer to let go of my old life."
Stefan pulled back and cupped his face.
"I want the old Stefan and Damon to be gone and forgotten about. Let's be two new people."
"Who we were is still important Stef. It's our journey to be who we are now. We can't forget them."
"So we don't forget, but we let them go." Stefan suggested and Damon gave a small smile.
"Ok."
"Make love to me." Stefan whispered and Damon gave a shy smile that Stefan had never seen before.
They leaned towards each other and kissed deeply and slowly. The tension in their bodies releasing with each caress and kiss of love. Each kiss was like a new promise – to start together, again, fresh, free and completely. Damon climbed on top of him and ran his hand down his back, to his bottom and squeezed. He loved Stefan's body. He knew just how to please him now and he wanted to give him peace. He made it slow, sliding his hands inside of his clothing, to his skin and caressing there as they kissed. Stefan shivered and sighed into his mouth. He wanted to make this good, not too quick, so he made sure not to touch Stefan's manhood at all for a while, concentrating on his skin and the feel of his muscles in his torso. He traced his fingertips over the gooseflesh delicately and pushed Stefan's jeans down finally freeing him. Stefan lifted his hips and Damon pulled the jeans down and off of his legs completely.
Stefan lay back, watching him with huge pupils and flushed cheeks. Normally Damon loved to make sarky comments or to growl or something at this stage of arousal but for a change he couldn't summon it. He felt shy. That was a new feeling. His hands shook slightly and Stefan noticed as Damon removed his own clothes at the end of the bed. Stefan cooked his head as he watched.
Once Damon was naked, he climbed back up to Stefan's mouth again and began to kiss with a little more heat. Stefan tilted up into him, allowing Damon to unbutton his shirt with one hand as he cupped his bottom with the other, holding Stefan as close to him as possible during the process.
"Lick me again?" Stefan sighed, unbelievably aroused as Damon came up for air. "Down there?" He hinted towards his entrance and Damon gave a wide grin.
He descended down to his hips and lifted his legs apart and tilted them slightly so he could have enough room and accesss. Stefan fisted the sheets beneath him excitedly and Damon chuckled before he flicked his tongue over the small vulnerable opening. Stefan immediately shivered and clenched his fists. He made slow work of it, teasing him to within an inch of his life as Stefan writhed and moaned. Who needed lubrication? Damon enjoyed every minute of it, coating him and easing his tongue in until Stefan climaxed on himself and shouted.
"Amazing, amazing!" Stefan panted and Damon kissed his knee as he came back up to look at his face.
"I want you." Stefan panted and Damon raised an eyebrow.
Before Damon could joke about the fact that he'd probably need a few minutes, Stefan was up and on him, knocking him on his back and biting his neck. Damon submitted and hummed. Stefan drank a little to relax him and then decided to try giving Damon's entrance some attention. He moved down and tried to copy Damon's technique but as Damon began to sigh in pleasure, he couldn't contain himself or wait so he sat up, opening his legs wider and entered him. Damon tilted his chin up and exhaled and Stefan leaned his hands on either side of his shoulder so they could kiss as he moved within him. They got carried away, moaning and grasping at each other and Damon climaxed under him, red faced and crying out. No pillow. Stefan gave a small laugh of realisation that Damon was unaware of its absence, as he writhed and panted.
"No pillow!" Stefan gasped and froze as he emptied inside of him in bliss and happiness.
Damon chuckled when he realised and held him as he slumped onto his chest breathing. They lay for a while catching their breath as Stefan tucked his head under Damon's chin and curled around him. Damon looked up at the ceiling, stroking his back gently as he thought on how lucky he was that Stefan had gotten through this. He couldn't have taken it, if his Stefan had been ripped away from him forever. There was no one in the world like him. Stefan gave a small groan of discomfort and shivered.
"My head is pounding."
"That'll serve you right for trying to give yourself a witch lobotomy." Damon reprimanded gently and Stefan snuggled his face into Damon's neck. "Don't ever mess with your brain again."
Stefan nodded and cringed at the pain, Damon pulling back from him and frowning as he checked his pupils. Stefan rubbed at his temples.
"Time for some Tylenol." Damon suggested and Stefan looked at him confused. "Pain killers." Damon added and Stefan nodded.
"I take it you don't have any?" Damon raised an eyebrow and Stefan shook his head. "Ok, lie down. I'll go get some."
"Don't leave me." Stefan grabbed his arm.
He'd never had a headache before and it was so unpleasant. Damon kissed his forehead and lay him down.
"I'll be right back. Just rest your eyes."
Damon jumped out of the bed and blurred out of the apartment as Stefan lay down and tried to regulate his breathing. He felt awful – sick, hot and full of pain. Damon would make it go away. He felt the urge to vomit grow and he dashed out of bed and vomited into the toilet, groaning. It was a macabre sight of blood down the pan. He flushed and held onto the walls as he made his way to the kitchen for water. He stood, supporting himself on the countertop as he poured a glass and took a sip.
The water helped a little and the urge to vomit again dissipated. The pain remained however and it made his eyes go fuzzy. He moved to sit in his chair when he lost his coordination and collapsed onto the floor. His glass of water covered him and he blinked groggily as he watched the glass roll away across the carpet.
"Damon…" He mumbled and closed his eyes.
Damon jumped out of the car and headed back up to him. It had been a while since painkillers had worked on him. He usually just went for either more blood or morphine when in pain as his vampire constitution generally burned up any painkillers too quickly. Still, it might work for Stefan for a while until they could feed. He wanted to make sure that things were right between them before they tried to get back to their lives.
He ascended the stairs, opening the lounge door and stopped in surprise when he saw Stefan looking at the bookshelves with his back turned to him.
"Feeling better?" He asked and Stefan turned around.
"Damon?"
"Expecting someone else?" Damon chuckled but frowned when he saw confusion on Stefan's face. "What's wrong?"
Damon crossed the room and reached out to hold him.
"Where the hell are we?"