Chapter 37

There were probably several points Lucinda could make for the argument of not telling Tristin what happened in the potions classroom that night, but when it came down to it, he was going to find out. At least, she knew she couldn't keep the whole story from him. She'd foolishly gotten dentention for her stupidity—that much her boyfriend was going to need to know about. She couldn't tell him that she'd been in his classroom in the middle of the night, for obvious reasons—one of them being, most importantly, that she didn't want him knowing she'd been going into a hypoglycemic coma. So, what would she tell him? Why did she get dentention?

"You tore up your notes and threw them in his face?"

So, she went with the truth, more or less.

"I didn't want to talk to him," Lucinda replied, buttering a thick slice of bread at the Slytherin table in the Great Hall. "I've been keeping my word to you. I wasn't going to have a conversation with him if it wasn't about his class, specifically."

Tristin stared at her a minute, chewing slowly, eyes slightly narrowed... but then he shrugged and took a sip from his goblet. "I already told you I'm not being strict anymore," he waved a hand at her. "He doesn't remember you, so there's no point. If you keep getting snippy with him and having fits like that, you're just going to push him further away." Then he added with a grin. "So, I guess that's good news for me."

Lucinda shoved the bread into her mouth so she didn't have to respond. In all honestly, she felt relieved. Tristin had slowly been becoming more and more like his previous self and Lucinda felt like the naive parts of her were flaring up and accepting it. She was starting to believe his kindness like she had before. No, he was nowhere near the beautiful boy inside and out that she knew before Christmas break, but parts of that boy were beginning to shine through again. He could have been a lot meaner about her explanation. He could have asked for more details, like when this declaration of detention took place... but he didn't. He didn't push it and, although he seemed to be amused at professor Snape's "forgetfulness", he was being fairly nice about it. If Lucinda hadn't already witnessed the monster that resided within him, she might have been duped, but thankfully he'd already shown her his true colors... And that was his mistake.

"So, when did this happen?"

Lucinda was swallowing a mouthful of pumpkin juice when he asked this and she choked on it. She coughed and sputtered and Tristin patted her back, looking a bit alarmed.

"Sorry—" Lucinda coughed more and cleared her throat, cheeks going slightly red. "Went down the wrong pipe."

"Mm..." The boy acknowledged with another careful look at the side of her pink face. Then he waited a moment before asking her again, "When did he give you detention?"

Lucinda looked at him, face blank. "T-today," she finally stammered out. "In class. Before lunch."

It was absolutely false. She hadn't spoken to Snape at all in class. He must have been pissed at her from the night before, because he completely ignored her and stayed silent for most of the period. In fact, the whole class seemed to be unusually quiet, but Lucinda was pretty sure it was only because she'd been used to Aurora's voice in her ear during class. They hadn't spoken yet and Lucinda was still hurt by their conversation the night before, so she sat on the other side of the room. She realized too late that the table she'd sat at was the same one Gabe now occupied, but when he entered class he gave her a somewhat startled look (and she, him) and then abruptly hurried to the next table. No one else ended up sitting with her and she did her potions work alone. Class came to a close, she put her potion on Snape's desk and he never looked at her once. She left class and met Tristin at the doorway. They walked to the Great Hall together and now here they were: at lunch.

"Mm..." Tristin acknowledged again, but this time he stared at her unwavering. "When do you have to serve it?"

"I... I'm not sure..." she said quietly and glanced up at the subject of their discussion at the staff table. The man looked away from her as her eyes reached his and Lucinda felt her heart hammer a little harder in her chest. He'd been looking at her. Why had he been looking at her? "He hasn't told me yet," she continued and placed her attention on her plate instead. "He'll probably do what he did in the past and... I don't know, tell me to stay after class or something and serve it then."

Tristin watched her. Then he watched their potions professor. He sunk his chin into his fist and rested it there, musing over the situation; over her; over the other man. Things were getting so interesting and this time he hadn't lifted a finger. Now it was time to come full circle. It was time to completely throw her for a loop.

"Well..." the boy finally said and smirked at her. "Don't be so stubborn next time he wants to hear about your extracurricular potions. Tell him about it and be done with it. Humor him, I guess you'd say..."

Lucinda stared at him like he'd just told her to make out with Severus and to let him watch. What he said was ludicrous. He couldn't mean it. He wouldn't let her just... speak so informally to her professor all of the sudden. What exactly was his motive?

"Why are you looking at me like that?" Tristin laughed and placed his hand over hers on the bench between them. Lucinda wasn't expecting it and jumped. "Hey, hey calm down," he whispered and laced his fingers within hers, holding her hand tightly against his. "I'm not messing with you—honest."

"Sorry," Lucinda apologized again and put her free hand to her forehead. "I'm just jumpy, I guess. Not sure why..." Of course she knew why. Tristin was up to something. He was a ticking-time-bomb. Any moment and his kind facade was going to crumble and he was going to lash out violently. She couldn't be manipulated by him. She had to keep him as the monster that he was in her mind. She couldn't forget the things he'd said to her and the things he'd done...

"Can I kiss you?" Tristin whispered suddenly.

Lucinda stared at him again with that look of slight bewilderment. Why did he ask? There had already been several times in the last couple weeks that he simply leaned in and kissed her whenever he wanted. Whatever this was—whatever kind of test he was trying to put her through—it wasn't going to work. She wasn't going to fall into his trap and get into trouble with him. So, she said, "Of course you can. You know that."

Tristin's eyes shifted over her face for a moment, but then he smiled. "I'm glad." He said and leaned in close to her, but he didn't kiss her. He only went halfway.

Lucinda's heart jumped back into life as she watched him watching her. His black eyes trailed over her face again, but this time slower. They came to rest on her lips and he licked his, eyes moving back up to look into hers. Lucinda glanced down at his lips, as well, out of reflex at his close proximity. She couldn't be sure, but she had a pretty good idea that this was natural behavior for anyone who got too close: your eyes natural went to their mouth.

"Will you kiss me?" He whispered even softer and glanced at her lips, once more, except this time his eyes stayed on them. He leaned just a fraction closer. Lucinda felt herself instantly gravitate toward him. It was like second nature. The want and the need was automatic and she suddenly felt the urge to fulfill his wish. She leaned closer to him and felt his breath across her face. Then they were two inches apart... one inch apart... Tristin lifted a hand to her jaw and slid it to the nape of her neck and then their noses touched. He tilted his head just a little, lips brushing first across the corner of her mouth and then he fully covered her mouth with his. Lucinda's eyes closed at the contact and then her lips parted, succumbing to the kiss.

The next second, the whole table erupted in a teasing, "woooooo!" and Lucinda broke away from him to cover her face in embarrassment. The surrounding Slytherins clapped and laughed at her and she quietly went back to her plate and continued eating without another word. Tristin, on the other hand, looked pointedly up at the staff table where he met the other man's black eyes. Both stared at one another. Snape's look was fairly blank, but it was peculiar that he would continue to stare him down. Tristin couldn't help the self-satisfied smirk that grew on his lips and all the while, Snape just stared at him with no reaction...

There was something between them. It was blatantly obvious when she acted the way that she did around him. Whether it was that they had grown close, something serious had happened, something... dare he say inappropriate? Perhaps he had witnessed something he wanted to forget about... Maybe to protect her or himself or someone else... Maybe she had nothing to do with the memories at all. There was no way to know without either asking her or finally looking at the memories. Severus opted for neither.

He ignored her. That was the safe thing to do. If he had been idiotic enough to get involved with a student, no matter the context, he wasn't going to backtrack and screw it up by getting involved with her again. That is... until the moment in the Great Hall.

He'd been watching her from afar, starting in the potions classroom, because he found it strange that she wasn't sitting with the Borealis girl. Normally he wouldn't notice or care, but since the girl was so fresh in his mind, he couldn't help but notice. Then the Gabriel boy pointedly refused to sit with her. She was curiously quiet and even seemed to be a little upset by the way her brow knit together every so often, yet her potion was perfect once he looked it over at the end of class.

His wondering about her reached its peak during lunch. She was at the Slytherin table. Snape knew, or at least he assumed, that she was probably dating Samael, but he'd rarely seen a Gryffindor at the Slytherin table; perhaps never. It made sense that couples would want to sit together, but it was crazy to imagine a Gryffindor dating a Slytherin... especially one as twisted and vile as Samael...

Maybe that's why the potions master was staring at her so fixedly. He was lost in thought as to why this seemingly gentle and smart girl was interested in such a loathsome piece of shit. She had to know that he was one. I mean, the guy unashamedly laughed at her while she was being reprimanded for her potions essay. Something was off. Something wasn't right...

Once again, he normally wouldn't care—and perhaps he didn't exactly care now—

but this girl held some kind of importance in his mind (important enough to keep something as stupid as a scrap of potion notes) and for that, he found that he didn't like that she was dating Samael Scum...

Then came the kiss.

Again, the shameful feelings flared up: his anger. Was it anger? Perhaps it was disgust. That could be it. He was disgusted at seeing Samael kiss anyone. Snape chewed the inside of his cheek and looked at one of the surrounding female Slytherins. He imagined the boy kissing her instead.

Disgusting... it was definitely disgusting... but he felt no anger. He experimented with a few more random girls in his mind (even though it was starting to make him feel like a creep) and the outcome was the same. Disgusted, yes. Angry? No... It was only when he was kissing Lucinda Morgan that he felt his face grow hot and his throat began to tighten with anxiety.

Luckily for Snape, he rarely showed how he was feeling on the outside. His face was little more than blank as the Slytherin prefect looked up at the staff table. Was he looking at him? Was he deliberately trying to stare him down and was that a—a smirk? Severus gripped his fork and clenched his teeth. What in the literal fuck was going on..?

Lunch ended and Severus watched the girl leave with the boy. The students filed out and he sat, thinking. His anger didn't end. It continued to grow, slowly. He left the Great Hall and made his way downstairs to his office. He locked the door behind him, marched to the cabinet behind his desk, unlocked that, stared at the little vials of memories and felt the infuriation rising in his blood.

don't look

I will look if I want to! Severus thought heatedly and snatched one of the bottles off of the shelf. He pulled open the drawer below that revealed his yet-to-be-used Pensieve, waved his wand over it and the liquid inside clouded over. He held the little bottle over top the basin, hand shaking slightly. He pulled the tiny cork out. He tipped the bottle. The liquid inside shimmered at the edge, ready to spill into the Pensieve below, but Severus kept his hand still then. The breath leaving him was ragged and broken, as he stared at the milky substance clinging to the rim of the vial. His hand shook more and finally he re-corked the bottle with a shuddering sigh. This was not that way...

However, when he went to put the bottle back in its place, one single drop from the memory slid from the crack between the cork and the neck of the bottle and fell, landing in the Pensieve's water below with a gentle "poit".

The honorable part of Severus turned around instantly, not wanting to see whatever might manifest on the water's surface. His heart was beating faster than usual, mostly because he had no idea what might show itself; what he might learn from one little drop of a memory...

Unexpectedly—although he should have expected it—Severus suddenly heard a voice behind him. It was quiet, spoken softly.

"Professor..." It echoed slightly in the room and it was her voice, as he somewhat expected it would be. He held his breath as the voice continued behind him and he felt helpless to stop it. "Are we not friends?"

His heart thundered so violently behind his ribcage, he thought his vision might start to swim. Then he heard his own voice answer the girl's.

"No." He said and Severus couldn't help it—he turned around in that instant and stared into the basin. What he saw was the girl staring back at him, chocolate eyes full of hurt and betrayal. He put his hand to his forehead, sliding his fingers back into his hair and fisting a handful of it in distress at what he was seeing. The girl's lips seemed to move in slow motion as she responded again.

"No?" She questioned in disbelief and he was feeling the moment all over again, watching her eyes begin to tear up. He remembered the moment, but nothing outside of it. He already knew what he was going to say next...

"No, you can't be friends with a teacher."

"No, you can't be friends with a teacher."

He spoke in unison with his past self. Before the girl could respond, the memory dissolved and then it was gone. The Pensieve was fairly still and quiet, once more. The clouded liquid swirled around and he watched it, finally letting his breath out.

He was right. He shouldn't have looked. Because now he had been teased. He regained one single moment from this mystery and not being able to remember anything else was infuriating, especially since he knew what he was feeling for this girl during that single moment...

A budding and horrific affection.

"Will you just talk to me?"

"Why should I?" Lucinda said to the girl following behind her. The rest of the day had passed in silence between the two girls, even though they had other classes together. Lucinda sat somewhere else in each of those classes and Aurora was left giving her side glances, but Lucy kept her eyes on the professor or her work. She sat with Tristin during breakfast and lunch in the Great Hall and now they were headed for supper, where Lucinda planned to sit with him again.

"I didn't mean it when I said I was writing you off!" Aurora called ahead of her. "I was just trying to be hurtful and it was wrong. Come on, Lucy, just talk to me!"

Lucinda spun around on the spot as they arrived at the top of the marble staircase in the entrance hall. "Okay, what do you want to talk about?" She said in mock interest, raising her eyebrows up. "You want to tell me who I should be dating and who I should be talking to?"

"I didn't mean to make it sound that—"

"What, you didn't mean to treat me like your child?" Lucinda cut her off with a sarcastic retort. "Gee, I didn't realize that I had two over-bearing mothers—"

"I'm trying to be your friend!" The silver-haired girl screeched. "Stop acting so self-important!"

Lucinda's lips pressed together in a tight, thin line and she shook her head. "How can you say you want to be my friend?" She asked quietly, voice falling from its previous level. "You won't listen to me—"

"I have been listening to you. You've just been talking nonsense about—"

"I'm dating Tristin, Rorie. That's what you wanted right?" Lucinda asked, voice now falling to a whisper, although no one was on the stairs to hear them. "Regardless of what I want or how I feel... What kind of friend is that?"

"Lucy..."

"I'm going to supper—" the girl turned around and her dark curls bounded down the stairs. "Give Clover my best. I'll be sitting with my boyfriend."

Aurora's pride, once again, did not allow her to chase after the girl. She watched her go and meet the aforementioned boyfriend at the entrance to the Great Hall and go inside. Then she slowly made her way down the marble staircase on her own. When she got to the bottom, a door opened to her left and Xavier Michael came out of it, followed by Madam Pomfrey. They both had their winter cloaks on. She didn't mean to pause and stare, but the boy caught her eye anyway. He looked particularly pale this evening, but he smiled at her anyway and she thought she even saw him wink.

"How are you feeling?" Aurora asked stiffly, ignoring the suggestive gesture and stepped closer to the two.

"Why?" X grinned, fastening a button under his chin. "You worried about me?"

"Hardly." Aurora sniffed and looked away from him, crossing her arms.

"Well, regardless," the red-head replied and continued forward toward the double doors to the outside. "I'm fine. No need to worry your perfect, little head."

The girl rolled her eyes and watched the two walk away. "Where are you going?" She called.

X looked over his shoulder as he reached for the door handle. "Got some business to attend to."

"Like?" Aurora pressed, though she did so in an offhand manner, slowly making her way to the Great Hall.

Xavier opened the door and Madam Pomfrey walked out. Then the boy turned and looked at the girl watching him. "Like a funeral." He said.

Aurora's white eyebrows drew down, but she didn't say anything and he didn't either. He gave her a weak smile and a small wave and then he left, shutting the door behind him. Students passed her and headed into the Great Hall, but she just stared at the front door for a minute longer.

"A... funeral?" She repeated to herself.

"You're very quiet."

Lucinda looked up from her bowl of chicken soup. It was one of the Slytherins who usually sat at Tristin's table who'd spoken. How very strange... "Am I not always quiet?" She asked. She saw her boyfriend look up, as well, in her peripheral vision.

"Sometimes you speak." The boy answered blankly and then went back to his own soup. He didn't say anything more. He had a dark complexion and even darker circles under his brown eyes. Lucinda thought he might have plain brown hair to match, but his head was shaved, so it was too hard to tell.

Tristin narrowed his eyes a little, but then he turned his attention back on his girlfriend. "You are very quiet," he observed. "Did something happen?"

Lucinda shrugged. "Just got in a fight with Rorie, is all."

"You're bothered by it, obviously..." Tristin scoffed, but not unkindly. "What was the fight about?"

Lucinda fell silent and the boy instantly knew the fight was about him. He said nothing on it, though. "It doesn't matter," she said finally. "She's being selfish, so we're not friends right now."

"Whaa?" Tristin laughed, disbelieving. "You two? Not friends?"

"That's what I said," Lucinda proclaimed dryly. "And it's going to stay that way until she can learn to trust me."

Tristin audibly sighed and rested his chin in his palm, staring at her. "I'm so glad you're confiding in me," he stated happily.

"Who else do I have to talk to now?" Lucinda said before she could stop herself.

Tristin fell silent and Lucinda didn't even care anymore. Aurora didn't believe or trust her, Severus no longer spoke to her either (and there was the little detail of him having forgot her completely), X was preoccupied with whatever was going on in his life, and Gabe was keeping the snub going like usual. Everything had gone wrong. Her time at Hogwarts was turning into the worst time of her life. She was happy that Tristin was at least being nice to her now, but who knew how long it was going to last? And no matter how nice he was, it wasn't going to make her want to be with him. What was there to do? She was going to continue being with him until she could finally get away from him after they graduated. Hogwarts was no longer cherished in her mind; it was just a place to house her sadness and mistakes and eventually she'd be able to leave it all behind. She was going to continue to do her work and get as many perfect marks as she could and then, after all of this was behind her, she was going to build her life around the experiments that she loved. She just had to remember that this was temporary. It wasn't going to last forever...

"Are you finished eating?"

Lucinda lifted her eyes from her bowl and raised them just to the table top. She couldn't have heard what she thought she heard: his voice. Why would he approach her all of the sudden? She lifted her eyes all of the way. Professor Snape stood just behind the bald Slytherin boy. He was staring at her.

"Um..." she said, glancing down at her nearly empty bowl and then to Tristin next to her, then back up to their professor. "I-I guess so?"

Tristin glanced between the two of them, but he didn't comment.

"Then, please, come with me." Snape said.

There was no emotion behind his words. Lucinda swallowed tightly and her heart started its ascent into her throat. "Why?" She asked, glancing at Tristin again.

"To serve your detention—is there a reason you keep looking at him?" He suddenly asked with just a little bite to his voice.

Lucinda stared straight ahead and swallowed again. It was very difficult to do, as she felt her tongue swelling up. "I don't know, I just—"

"Do you need his permission or something?" The man continued on, voice growing a little more with irritation. The girl felt herself shut down.

Tristin—to Lucinda's surprise—actually laughed. "Of course she doesn't need my permission," he said and reached over to squeeze her hand. "Lucy can do whatever she wants. Well—" he added, "as long as it's within her rights without breaking school rules, of course, professor—"

"Thank you for that, Samael," Snape drawled in obvious annoyance at the boy. "I had no idea. Now, maybe just keep your comments to yourself next time."

"Sorry, professor Snape," he laughed again and let go of the girl's hand. "I'll be as quiet as a mouse from here on out."

Snape looked away from him in disgust and stared at the girl on the other side of the table again. "Miss Morgan..." he said, voice shaking just in the slightest, "...is there any particular reason you have not yet stood up or is it that you wish to receive another detention? Perhaps points taken away?"

Lucinda still didn't look at him, but she did finally stand. She looked at Tristin again, but his focus was back on his food. When she slowly walked past him, he said cheerfully, "see ya tomorrow, Lucy!" and she continued on, content that it seemed to be okay.

Snape quickly walked through the aisle on the other side of the table and then stood in the entrance hall, waiting for the girl to catch up. Even when she finally arrived, she didn't look up at him. She stared somewhere near his black boots. If he was waiting for her acknowledgement, he didn't show it or let it be known. He quietly turned and headed through the door to the dungeons and Lucinda followed slowly behind.

Once they were a flight of stairs down, Snape walked a little slower, but he still stayed ahead of her. He listened to her shuffling footsteps as they went and his agitation and confusion grew until they arrived at his classroom. Snape went to the cabinet at the back of the room once inside and then turned around to look at the girl. She stepped into the center of the room, but then she was still and didn't say anything. She waited. Snape waited.

"Come here..." he said when he couldn't deal with her unresponsiveness anymore.

Lucinda silently obeyed and walked to him. Her eyes stayed on the floor.

"Well..." Snape said angrily, unable to hide his feelings, at all, at the moment. "I didn't peg you for being disrespectful, but it seems that I was wrong."

Lucinda knit her brow and raised her eyes to chest level.

"Look at me." Snape ground out.

She raised her eyes to his mouth and couldn't seem to go any higher than that. She had to keep her composure. She had to keep in all of what she was feeling inside. This man didn't know her. It would be like unloading on a stranger. And because of that fact, Lucinda felt her eyes beginning to water. Through blurred vision, she saw the man's lips press tightly together.

"Are you that upset about the detention?" He asked and Lucinda, at last, brought her eyes up to his. He watched her intensely, but he didn't look as angry as he sounded.

Lucinda shook her head and one of the built up tears fell from the corner of her eye.

Snape's eyebrows drew together. "You should not have this much sadness."

"How would you know?" She whispered and a tear fell from the other eye.

Snape wanted to shake her. What was wrong with her? What had he done to her that she had begun to cry so often in front of him now? "I guess I wouldn't," he admitted tightly and then opened the cabinet next to him. "Take whatever you need and work quietly." Then he walked past her.

Lucinda stared at the now exposed shelves in front of her and wiped her cheeks with her fingerstips. She sniffed and then looked over her shoulder at the man's retreating form. "What do you want me to do?" She asked, as he sat at his desk.

Severus looked up at her and then his voice was softer as he replied, "Whatever you'd like..." Then he added in a mumble, "Just don't blow us up."

A few minutes later Lucinda had taken a cauldron and several ingredients from the cabinet and made her way to the front of the classroom to sit down at the table across from her professor's desk. She could have chosen one further from him, but she didn't want to. Even though it wasn't the same as it used to be, his presence brought her comfort—even if it was laced with sadness.

Nearly thirty minutes passed in comfortable silence (save for the bubbling from the cauldron and Snape's quill scratching away at parchment) and Lucinda's mood had shifted completely. Her heart settled down and so did her mind. Potion making was truly therapeutic for her. She measured out her ingredients and stirred them in, feeling herself smile slightly when the concoction began to turn purple. Then she added castor beans and left it to simmer, once more.

"Enjoying yourself?" Snape asked after a few more minutes went by.

Lucinda looked up and her face fell out of reflex. "S-Sorry," she stammered and looked back down at her work. "I wasn't meaning to."

"Don't apologize," he snapped and Lucinda looked up again at his biting tone. "The purpose of you being here was for your enjoyment."

Lucinda stared at him in confusion. "What?"

"Did you not hear me?"

"No, I heard you, but..." Lucinda glanced at her potion and then back up to the black eyes watching her. "I'm serving a detention. Why would I... be happy about that?"

Snape looked to the ceiling and then at her cauldron and motioned toward it. "I let you make whatever you wanted, did I not?"

Lucinda nodded slowly. "Most people wouldn't call that enjoyable, though..." She stated, eyebrows raised.

The potions professor locked eyes with her and neither blinked. "But you do enjoy it." He stated back.

Lucinda paused and then nodded again, even slower. "I do."

"So what is the problem, then?" Snape finally looked down with a grunt and picked his quill back up.

Lucinda's confusion grew and she turned her attention back to her potion, adding wormwood to it, as it had now turned orange. "The problem is that you have no reason to want my happiness..." she mumbled while she put pinches of the ingredient into the cauldron until it began to turn yellow.

"You've been upset..."

Lucinda was surprised he responded and it caused her to look at him again, as she waved her wand over the now finished potion. Her surprise increased upon seeing that he was looking at her, as well. She watched him with an unwavering gaze and then asked, "What does that matter?"

Snape thought about his next words, but found no reason to lie. Her unhappiness affected him. It was true now and it seemed to be true in the past. He chewed the inside of his cheek, but then spoke anyway. "I don't particularly like it when you're upset." He said, still keeping her regard.

Lucinda's brow drew down in that confused stance, but now there was the shadow of something more in her eyes. "But..." she said quietly. "Why..?"

Snape stood, still watching her. He walked forward until he was in front of her table and her head tilted up to keep their eye contact. He clenched and unclenched his jaw, remembering the snippet of memory he'd witnessed and the look on her face then. "I don't know," he admitted and then looked into her cauldron. "Is that..?" He trailed off.

"Euphoria." Lucinda followed his line of vision. "I thought it was appropriate, but I may have made it a little strong in my enthusiasm."

Snape bent down and sniffed the potion. "Hm," he mused and took the clear flask that she'd set beside her ingredients and dipped it into the sunshine colored liquid. Once it filled, he then proceeded to bring it back up to eye level and scrutinize it closely inside the glass. "Strong or not..." he continued quietly (mostly to himself). "It's... surprisingly perfect."

"Would you like to share it?"

Snape's eyes snapped back to the girl's. She smiled a very small smile at him and he felt his guts twist up into knots. "Share it?"

"You didn't seem to be in the best mood either," she observed and began putting her left-over ingredients back in their bottles. "I thought maybe you could use a pick-me-up."

Snape thought again about his next words and decided to ask something he'd been wondering about. He watched her face closely, as he asked in little more than a whisper: "Are we friends?"

Lucinda's hands froze in their movements and then she slowly raised her head to meet his gaze. Her lips parted in subtle astonishment at his words. Did he really just say what she thought he said? Was he drunk? Did he remember her somehow? "Um... not really." She decided to answer. "Why would you ask me that?"

The potions master twisted the glass flask between his fingers and watched her, as if he were now scrutinizing her. "Because you act too comfortably around me when your guard is down." He declared.

Lucinda made the mistake of looking away from him then and her face said it all. He had his answer. They were close. All he did was show her a little kindness and she came out of her shell. They had some type of intimate relationship. As for how intimate, he didn't know. He also wasn't sure whether or not to push the issue. Without knowing any details, there was no way to know how far was too far. Then there was the most important issue of all: he had taken his own memories and stored them away. He had told himself not to look at them. He wouldn't have done something so drastic if he didn't have a definitive reason to.

So, then it came down to this: should he drag this girl into his own problem, when it wasn't clear yet whether or not she was a part of the problem?

"Professor Snape..." Lucinda said.

Severus was taken from his thoughts and brought back to reality and the girl who sat before him. She still wasn't looking at him. "Yes?" He said.

"C-Can I have my flask back?"

Snape looked down at the object in his hand and sighed. "Yes, of course." He said and held it out to her.

Lucinda grasped the glass between her fingers, but Snape didn't let go. She was forced to look at him again... and he was staring at her with a troubled expression.

"Professor?"

Professor... are we not friends?

He saw her glistening eyes in his mind; the pain that they held... because of him. The memory was haunting him. The very real feelings he'd felt in that minuscule memory were tearing at his subconscious. He thought he could keep quiet, but it was too difficult. Something was still pushing at the back of his mind. It was pushing him to not let go—for the love of Merlin, don't let go.

Lucinda tugged a little on the flask and Snape let it slide from his fingers. Then something connected in the back of his mind and his hand automatically reached back out in a flash and grasped her wrist to still the retreating hand. Lucinda's eyes widened on him in alarm.

"What are you—"

"What is it that you mean to me?" Snape cut her off suddenly, voice peculiarly urgent and accusing.

To say Lucinda's heart was going to beat out of her chest was an understatement. Her professor's grip on her was firm and warm, but it was definitely not something she expected him to do. He'd caught her as far off guard as he possibly could. "W-What?" She stammered out and her voice shook uncontrollably. "What are you talking about?"

"Do not... lie... to me." He said slowly and deftly, his own eyes slightly wide. "What do you mean to me?"

"How am I supposed to know that?" Lucinda asked incredulously and ripped her arm from his grasp. The flask tumbled from her hand and smashed beneath the table. The girl instantly brought a hand up to hold her forehead and then she sighed long and loud. "Great..." She mumbled and then got out of her seat to crouch down and clean up the mess. Before she'd even had a chance to reach out and pick up a shard, Snape was crouched on the other side of the table, wand out and the next second the flask was intact again. Lucinda stared at the golden liquid inside of it and then looked up at her potions professor. The crash must have brought him back to some kind of saner state, because he no longer looked at her with so much intensity. Lucinda sighed lightly this time and dropped her hand back down to the floor—as it had still been outstretched, ready to pick up the broken glass. He held the flask out to her, saying nothing and she regarded it a moment before fixing him with a hard stare. "Keep it." She snapped. "I'm not drinking Eu-FLOOR-ia."

Snape's composure was lost after that. He looked at her strangely for just a moment and then something incredible happened. He laughed. He actually laughed. It bursted forth from him as if some unknown being had possessed him. When was the last time he'd laughed? He couldn't even recall... Lucinda stared back at him with such a look that he was afraid he'd frightened her. Then, slowly, something else incredible happened... Lucinda suddenly covered her face with her hands and then snorted into her fingers.

This made Severus laugh harder and he fought to regain his composure by biting down on one of his knuckles.

They both laughed together for the first time and all the while, Snape had no idea that this truly was the first time. It was something so small and possibly meaningless, but it meant everything to Lucinda and Snape didn't know it. This moment of happiness was a tease to make her even more miserable and to remind her of what she had lost. It was too much for her to take.

Lucinda's giggling slowed and then stopped all-together and Severus followed suit, becoming silent as he watched her still covering her face. Her hands shook and her shoulders trembled and then, unexpectedly, she let out a tiny sob that she tried to muffle by nearly suffocating herself with her palms.

Snape's face sunk into confusion and he leaned forward, eyes shifting frantically over her huddled form. "Lucinda?" He questioned and he knew he'd made the mistake of calling her by her first name, because then her crying escalated. Snape gaped at her in alarm, unsure of what to do. He set the flask aside that was still in his hand and then flexed his fingers in front of him nervously, debating on whether or not to touch her. He decided to try. He cautiously placed a hand on her shoulder. "Miss Morgan?" He tried again.

Lucinda slowed her crying enough to wipe her face a little and then she stared at him. Her lips trembled and her eyes still continued to leak, but she opened her mouth and spoke. "What do I mean to you?" She questioned back at him and her voice broke. "Nothing." She continued with a shortness to her words. "I don't mean a thing to you."

Severus opened his mouth to respond, but the girl abruptly stood up and paced quickly to the class room door. He stood and followed her, while his mind was watching all of this and screaming "what the FUCK are you doing?!"

"Wait—" Snape said.

"Please, don't follow me," Lucinda pleaded and turned around. "Please... I'm sorry I'm leaving my mess and I'm walking out on my detention or whatever, but please..." She dipped her head down in a subtle bow. "Please, just let me leave."

Snape stretched his arms out in front of him, palms up, and shook his head at her. "What is going on?" He asked, his voice genuinely bewildered. "Miss Morgan, you need to tell what all of this is about. I'm trying to help you—"

"No..." She shook her head and looked at him with exhaustion beginning to creep into her features. "You're trying to help you. That's what you've always done. You're selfish and everything you've done thus far has always been for your benifit or your happiness. You've never once thought of what I wanted. You didn't think about how all of this would affect me. You didn't consult me before you took away our memories—"

Snape's eyes went wider than ever and he took a step toward her, mouth going slack and eyebrows drawing together in seriousness.

"What? What?" He hissed out and Lucinda covered her mouth. "What are you talking about?" He urged. "What do you know?"

Lucinda closed her eyes and shook her head, mouth still covered. She eventually dropped her hand back down and opened her eyes to look at him apologetically. "I don't know," she whispered. "Honestly, I don't know what you did... But I'm guessing it's because you wanted to forget about me."

"But why?" He pushed, taking several more steps to stand directly in front of her. "Why would I do it?"

Lucinda shrugged helplessly. "I guess it was easier that way."

"Easier for what?"

The girl wiped the tears still clinging to her cheeks and just shook her head again. "That's your problem to deal with... or not deal with."

"What do you know?" He asked again, fully convinced that she knew what had happened and why he'd removed his memories.

Lucinda's eyes shifted over his crazed face and she gave him another apologetic look. "Why don't you ask yourself that?" She said with finality in her voice and ending their conversation. Then she quickly said goodnight and hurried out of the classroom.

Snape let her and didn't try to follow again. He was glued to that spot on the floor, unable to process anything that had just happened. It didn't seem real. He would never act the way he did with a student. It was beyond ridiculous and verged on being preposterous.

He eventually left his classroom to retire to his office, where he sat and stared at the collection of vials behind his desk; the collection of memories of Lucinda Morgan; the collection of unknown feelings and possible heartbreak. He couldn't look at them.

He couldn't.

A/n: Damn, Lucinda does nothing but cry nowadays. Didn't she recently say she wasn't going to cry anymore? I can't remember. Hahaha. I know this chapter was insane. Honestly, none of it would have happened if Snape hadn't seen that teeny tiny bit of memory. It was because it gave him an insight into how he felt during the memory and he couldn't ignore a feeling that he knew he'd genuinely had.