"I'm going to start the apocalypse?!" Claire gasped.

Elkay cocked her head, letting one ear fall to the side loosely.

"You said that like we just got back from a commercial break or something."

"Chapter break," Claire replied flatly, "And can you please answer my question?"

Elkay sighed.

"Fine. Katharos was mentioned in several prophecies as a bringer of doom. It appears to be an event and a person, kind of like Woodstock."

"My god . . ." Penumbra whispered.

"I don't like Peanuts either," Elkay admitted, "Of course, prophecies tend to be phrased weirdly, but they always come true in one way or another. Several sources agree that Katharos will bring about the end of the World, which means our days might be numbered."

Claire waved her front foot with agitation.

"Wait, wait, wait. How do you even know this prophecy is accurate? What if there's a trick in the phrasing or something? Show me the documents so I can see for myself."

"Can't."

"Why not?"

"I ate them."

Claire blinked.

"You . . . ate them?"

"Yes, I put them in my mouth, chewed them up a little, then swallowed them."

"I know what eating is!" Claire snapped, "What I don't understand is why you would do such a thing!"

Elkay winced, whining uncomfortably.

"I wasn't thinking straight, okay?! When the prophecy about Ellie's defeat turned out to be true, I had a moment of weakness. I decided that if there was no way to change the future, I'd be better off removing any temptation to look ahead, since reading a self-fulfilling prophecy would make me guilty of completing it."

"What if you were supposed to read the ones you ate?!" Claire barked.

"Impossible. Prophecies are always true, so the information that ended up in my belly was not going to be useful for planning a sequence of events, unless we can find a way to recover it."

"What about the narration?"

"I ate that, too."

Claire groaned.

"Fine, okay . . . Wait, what if you do a flashback to when you read the prophecy? Detailed flashbacks can be carried out in our medium without being considered narration, or at least not direct narration like the one you ate. A retrospective narration would allow us to access the missing prophecies in their complete state."

Elkay grinned excitedly.

"That's brilliant, Claire! Here, let me try . . ."

She scrunched up her face, eye twitching.

***TSFEW***

Elkay placed her paw on the yellowed page. Her black-tipped claw traced each line as she read the ancient text, which said-

-something she'd never be able to remember word for word, because her past self ate the flashback narration, then ate the memory of the action so that her future self would be surprised by this punchline.

***TSFEW***

Elkay slammed her paw on the library table.

"Oh, COME ON! That wasn't even funny . . ."

The corners of Claire's mouth sagged. Her tail became a limp pendulum as she sighed deeply.

"Elkay, you may not have the exact words, but can you tell me why you think that this Katharos thing is me?"

The dragon's ears folded backwards as she looked away uncomfortably.

"Well, the text said something along the lines of 'Katharos will bring about the chaos of Katharos', referring to the person and event-"

"How do you know?"

"It's an educated guess, based on the way the sentence is formatted-"

"No. How do you know it's me?"

"The prophecy was very clear about what kind of animal Katharos resembles. It said she was- would be- a wingèd creature adorned with plates most fearsome upon her back, with curvèd horns and a tail lined with blades much sharper, donning a gaze as cold as death, otherwise recognized by an evil mark placed upon her brow. That sounds like a Stegoceratops to me."

Claire pondered this for a moment before stomping her foot in objection.

"It can't be me. I don't have an evil mark on my forehead."

Elkay tightened her beak skeptically.

"You had a crack on your frill, once. It's healed over now, of course, but it was replaced by your Sweet Spot, which could be considered a mark of sorts."

Claire shielded her frill with embarrassment.

"I don't remember telling you about my Sweet Spot . . ."

"Every Stegoceratops has a Sweet Spot," Penumbra chirped, perking up after a long silence, "Its location depends on where you received your first physical trauma. It appears where you're most broken."

"Does that have anything to do with the rape metaphor?" Elkay blurted out.

Penumbra stared at the dragon blankly.

". . . What? . . ."

"Oh, you know: I'm talking about your anatomy in the context of Stegoceratopses being a metaphor for rape. It seems like the Sweet Spot has something to do with that symbolism, considering it has violent origins and causes your muscles to relax when someone applies pressure to it- I assume it also opens the little trapdoor that covers your-"

Penumbra cleared her throat loudly.

"Elkay, where are you getting this from?"

The dragon rolled her eyes.

"It's a well-known fact that Stegoceratops is a metaphor for rape. Look it up."

". . . In the dictionary of . . . what, exactly? Your mind?"

Elkay wagged her claw sternly.

"Hey, I coined it, so that makes it canon by merit of originality. No one's disproven it thus far."

"Would they even think to do that? . . ." Penumbra asked uncertainly.

Claire shook her head.

"Penumbra, don't listen to Elkay. She's crazy."

"Nowhere does it say that Stegoceratops is NOT a metaphor for rape!"

Claire growled.

"Elkay, you can't honestly be suggesting that all Stegoceratopses have been raped . . ."

"Of course not."

"Good."

"Just metaphorically."

Claire slapped her forehead.

"Elkay, no . . ."

"It's canon, Claire."

"Why are you . . . ugh . . ."

"Canon."

"Yeah, okay."

"I'm just gonna go ahead and speculate that your metaphorical rape was anal."

"Oh, jesus."

"You took a metaphorical dick to the butt, Claire. That's why you act like there's a pole shoved up your ass."

"Why do you say these things? . . ." Claire groaned.

"Just accept the metaphor, Claire, or I'll reveal the exact diameter of your rectum."

Claire let out a beleaguered sigh.

"Fine. I accept your stupid metaphor. This conversation is creepy enough without having to hear you admit that you're familiar with very specific and scarily accurate aspects of Stegoceratops biology."

"Even creepier when you consider that I wasn't referring to Stegoceratopses in general."

Claire gazed at her for a long time, then turned away.

"Apologies to the reader. I have no idea what the fuck just happened."

Elkay cuffed her testily.

"Hey! Talking to the theoretical audience is my thing."

"So are metaphors related to anal rape, apparently."

"Okay, now you're actively trying to make this awkward. You don't get to take out your anger on me just because you're the bringer of doom, you know."

"I'm NOT the bringer of doom!" Claire argued, "And if you want to get into psychoanalysis, why don't you mention the fact that dragons don't have buttonholes? What does that mean, huh?"

Elkay scoffed, shaking her head with her eyes turned to the ceiling.

"First of all, you suck at psychoanalysis. If anything, the metaphorical dick up your butt was created by the Stegoceratops association to become the phallus necessary for the fulfilment of Owen's fetishistic desire, which he developed when he discovered that his mother had no penis."

"WHAT."

Elkay shrugged.

"Hey, I'm not the one who coined that. Take it up with Freud."

"I'm not sure Freud mentioned dinosaurs . . ."

"He would have if he'd known about saurophiles. Or Claireophiles, in Owen's case, since he seems to bang you no matter what animal you are."

"I'm not an animal."

"We're ALL animals, Claire, and why the fuck are we still talking about sex?"

"I DON'T KNOW! I can only assume that you're having some kind of breakdown due to withdrawal!"

"Oh, sure, make fun of the dragon who's trying to quit cold six-foot-turkey. It's hard enough repressing the emptiness in my soul without you being a cunt about it!"

"You have NO right to say that."

"Sure, I do. Why wouldn't I?"

"Because that's not what friends do!"

Elkay squealed happily and lifted Claire into a bear hug.

"We're friends! . . ."

Claire snorted.

"Jesus, will we ever figure out what's wrong with you? . . ."

Penumbra cleared her throat awkwardly.

"Listen, you two, I know you have a complex relationship, but I think it's probably more urgent to focus on whatever this Katharos prophecy says."

Claire nodded.

"You're absolutely right. I mean, we're not even sure who it's about."

Elkay frowned.

"Well, Miss Denial, if you're still having trouble figuring it out: Katharos means 'clear'. Do you know what other name means 'clear'? . . ."

She glared flatly.

"Genevive?"

Elkay dropped her unceremoniously.

"Very funny."

Meanwhile, Penumbra had wandered away, assuming the conversation wasn't particularly pertinent to her. Her attention was soon drawn to a different area of the room, where a blank wall was becoming . . . less so. One by one, fiery letters crossed the paint until they spelled out a sinister phrase, which Penumbra read aloud.

"The Cataclysmic Reign Of Elymas."

Elkay and Claire turned their heads at the same time.

"What is that?" Claire whispered.

"That's the title card," Elkay breathed, "You can tell because the capitalization is incorrectly assigned to all words. Not even the French are crazy enough to do that . . . Also, the timing of that reveal could NOT have been more misplaced. I mean, we haven't even left the room, so there goes the pacing . . ."

Claire shot her a look. She coughed.

"Right, well, I suppose that's not important when there's a sinister message being etched in flame."

Penumbra stepped closer to the wall, trembling lightly.

"What does it mean? . . ."

"Well, first of all, I was right," Elkay boasted, "And on that note, the world is about to end, so I might not even have time to say 'I told you so'."

"You literally just did," Claire said as she strode calmly towards the burning text, "But never mind that now. We must find out who wrote this message, and whether or not it's indicative of the current state of affairs."

"Geez, Claire, isn't that a little wordy?"

She wheeled around, plates bristling.

"I WANT TO KNOW IF IT'S ABOUT ME, OKAY?! ARE YOU HAPPY NOW, YOU MISERABLE DRAGON?!"

Her ears drooped.

"No. I live in constant misery."

Claire tossed her head and lowed with agitation.

"The question of whether this threat is worth our concern is irrelevant right now; it could be nothing or it could be something, but no matter how serious this is, I don't like it, and I want to get to the bottom of this."

She raised her foot as Elkay opened her mouth.

"My statement was confusing. I know. I'm kind of stressed out right now."

Penumbra stood tall, lifting her chin and puffing out her chest just a little too dramatically.

"Claire, I'm going to read through the rest of the book and see if there's anything that can help us. Since this genius dragon decided to eat material she knew had the potential to be self-fulfilling, she stupidly robbed us of knowledge that may have been the key to saving the world. The least we can do is figure out whether or not her apocalyptic ramblings are accurate or complete and utter bull. Whatever the case may be, I choose to believe that this situation- if there even is a situation- is reversible, no matter what some dusty, old piece of parchment says. In the years I've known you, you've proven time and time again that you are capable of breaching the impossible, and it is my sincere belief that you have been given the means to combat whatever forces seek to destroy us. My faith is not the only proof I have: your destiny is as clear as the wings on your back and the antlers on your head. The Star chose you for a reason. I don't know what that reason is, because there's already so much that makes you special. You've crossed the globe many times over, cheated death twice, and most importantly, you changed what was in my heart. I don't care if defying fate is an impossibility, because I am positive that you, Claire, can stick it to the impossible. I believe in you, and I'm with you every step of the way."

Penumbra gazed ahead proudly, expecting her words to reignite Claire's spirits, but instead, she nodded solemnly.

"Thank you, Penumbra. While you do your research, I'll consult with any available Asterparan elders to see if they can provide additional information. Good luck. See you later."

She turned and lumbered out of the library, tail dragging. Penumbra watched her leave with worry in her eyes. She barely noticed Elkay dipping her head down with an equally concerned expression.

"There's a woman who just took a massive dick to the bum of the mind."