Disclaimer: The characters you recognize as J.E. are hers. The rest belong to me. Thanks to Knitter (Sandy) for the basic idea for the story.

Spoilers: Anything from the first 18 books.

This is probably more AU than canon. Although there may be material from any of the 18 books, I have changed the reality of Stephanie and the rest of the characters from the Plum series.

I would like to thank all of you that have reviewed. I try to respond to all reviews, so for those of you that reviewed as guests or have your PM turned to off, I'd like to take this opportunity to thank you for your reviews. Special thanks to mandyh for her help with it's and its for future reference.

Chapter 38: The Cook Off

Stephanie's POV:

My alarm went off at 6 a.m. the next morning and I groaned. There was no way I was ready to get up, but I knew if I was going to help Grandma and Lula then I would have to bite the bullet and get up anyway. I shuffled into the shower and the cold water went a long way towards waking me up. I dried off and dressed in a pair of blue jeans, emerald green fitted t-shirt and sneakers. I added the utility belt and gun and added pepper spray and a stun gun. If Marco the Maniac came upon us I for one wanted to be ready. Of course I knew that Ranger was going to have a team of 5 Rangemen shadowing us today. I put my license, credit cards and money into a pocket purse so I wouldn't have to worry about carrying a purse. I attached my cell phone to the utility belt and I was ready to go. I headed downstairs to find Grandma putting stacks of pancakes on the table and Ranger was going over things with the guys. I sat down at the table and ate a couple pancakes. Once I was done we started packing things up to head to the park.

I drove the Cayenne with Grandma and Lula. There were two black SUV's following us with all the gear. Woody, Cal, Lester, Bobby, and Manny were split between the two vehicles. Once we got to the park, I stopped to pick up the directions to where we were supposed to set up for the cook off. I followed the directions to our dually appointed spot and parked. The guys started unpacking all the stuff we needed to set up. All in all it didn't take us long to get set up. It was nearing lunch time when we had finished. Junior and Binkie arrived while we were there. They would be guarding our equipment to make sure it wasn't tampered with. Once we had everything set, we headed back towards the house. We were turning off on our road when a bright yellow Hummer pulled out of nowhere and cut us off from the guys in the SUV's. The Hummer pulled up beside us and Lula screamed.

I asked, "What?"

"It's The Maniac! He's got a clever."

"Well he's going to have a hard time using it over there."

Grandma piped up from the back, "Yeah but those three with him all have guns pointed this way."

Shit! I floored the gas pedal and we fishtailed down the driveway. I could see Ranger and Tank looking at something in the distance and I laid on the horn. Both men turned in our direction and they moved to safer locations and took aim at the Hummer. I spun to a stop and we all ducked down in the Cayenne. I heard gunshots and then the sound of the Hummer speeding away as more vehicles spun into sight. Lula went to get out and I put a hand on her arm telling her to wait till Ranger or Tank let us know it was okay. Several seconds later Tank opened the front passenger door as Ranger opened my door. I wrapped my arms around Ranger's neck and Lula launched herself at Tank taking him by surprise and they both went down to the ground.

Grandma moved her dentures around and looked at the other guys standing around. "I wouldn't mind trying that myself."

All the guys stepped back well out of her launching vicinity. Grandma sighed and rolled her eyes before asking, "Alright, which one of you young bucks is going to help me down out of here so I can fix us some lunch?"

Woody stepped forward and held out a hand to her. Grandma grumbled something about people ruining all her fun and accepted his help in getting down. She hurried inside and I knew she'd have a meal ready by the time we could get inside. True enough, Grandma had platters full of sandwiches and bowls of fresh fruits and vegetables. Everyone helped themselves and in no time all the food was gone.

That afternoon Grandma and Lula worked at perfecting their BBQ sauce. Once they had the right combination they liberally applied it to pieces of chicken as well as ribs before taking them outside to BBQ. They wanted to test drive the sauce for dinner. I offered to help but Lula said they had everything covered. I went out on the front porch and sat down to watch the show. Lula set the trays on the table and walked over to the grill. She took and dumped the whole bag of charcoal in the grill. My eyes widened as I watched her pour three containers of lighter fluid over the coals. I had a bad feeling as she went for the book of matches and I reached into my purse where the panic button Ranger gave me was located. I pressed it. Then I pressed it again for good measure.

My phone rang immediately and I answered. "Hello?"

"What's wrong Babe?"

"Lula and Grandma are getting ready to BBQ for dinner and I have a bad feeling."

There was complete silence on the other end and then Ranger said, "Tank and I are heading around the house now."

At that moment Lula lit a match and the whole book went up in flames. It surprised Lula enough she tossed the flaming book and it landed on the top of the charcoal. The mound of coals on the grill was suddenly ignited and the flames flicked out and caught Lula's chef's hat on fire. I told Ranger, "Bring a water hose and you better hurry."

Seconds later Tank and Ranger came running around the house. Sure enough Tank had a hose in his hands and he aimed it in Lula's direction and placed his thumb over the end so the water sprayed in her direction. Tank put the flames out but he also soaked Lula who was reacting to the ice cold spray by gasping and flapping her arms, running around to try and get away from the spray. In her bid to escape the water she knocked into the grill and sent it tipping over onto its side. The charcoal spilled out onto the ground and the flames started eating at the grass. Ranger had grabbed Grandma and carried her over by where I was now standing and anxiously watching as soon as Tank turned the water spray on Lula. Ranger told us both to stay put and he went back to help Tank with the fire.

By now there were more Merry Men pulling up. Lester, Ram and Manny all got fire extinguishers out of their vehicles and ran over to the fire to help put it out. Their task was made harder by a weaving Lula who was kicking live coals all over the place. Finally, Tank handed the hose to Ranger and he ran into the thick of things and grabbed Lula and lifted her in a fireman's carry and got her out of the fire. Within seconds of Tank removing Lula from the thick of things the fire was out. By some miracle the table with the meat on it had survived without a scratch. Lester took the trays of meat back into the house and Manny and Ram cleaned up the mess from the fire.

Ranger came over shaking his head. He stopped beside me and said, "Woody's up to go with you tomorrow. Any chance I can convince them to let him do the grilling?"

I looked at the disaster of my yard and then turned to Grandma who was wearing a dazed look. I narrowed my eyes and replied, "Don't worry. I'll convince Lula it was her idea."

Ranger pulled me to him and hugged me. "I'd appreciate that Babe."

By the time Lula had cleaned up, Lester had the meat grilled on the stove. Grandma put together a huge bowl of potato salad, cole slaw and baked beans. Everything was on the table ready to be eaten by 6 p.m. We sat down and I had to admit the sauce was the best I'd ever eaten. Once all the food was gone we cleaned up. Instead of sitting outside for a while, everyone retired early and spent the rest of the evening in their respective rooms. Poor Les and Grandma were solo.

I'm not sure what the other couples were up to but I know how Ranger and I spent the night. The minute the door was closed I was in Ranger's arms and he was kissing me with enough passion to melt the biggest iceberg in the world. Once the kiss was going he lifted me in his arms and carried me through to the bedroom where he gently placed me on the bed and stripped me down before removing his clothes and joining me in bed. The kisses grew more heated and I went up in flames in his arms taking him with me.

I felt Ranger slip from the bed and opened my eyes to see what time it was. I groaned on seeing it was only 4 a.m. I turned over and closed my eyes only to have Ranger sit down on the bed and pull me back around to face him. He kissed my cheek before saying, "Don't forget to make sure Woody does the grilling Babe."

I gave Ranger an umpf and kept my eyes closed. I felt the bed shaking as his shoulders shook with silent laughter. Ranger got up and I heard him quietly leave the room. Seconds later I was in a deep sleep. When the alarm went off at 8 a.m., I groaned and thought about turning over and going back to sleep but then I remembered I was helping Lula and Grandma with the cook off. I slid out of bed and headed to the shower. Once I was thoroughly clean I dressed and added makeup. I pulled my hair back in a ponytail and headed downstairs to see if Grandma and Lula were ready to get this show on the road.

We had just reached the Cayenne when Woody pulled up. He got out of the black SUV he was driving and came over and got in the back seat. Lula looked around with narrowed eyes and demanded, "What are you doin' here?"

I cut my eyes to Woody and then turned back to Lula, "He's our cook for the afternoon. He's in charge of the grill."

Lula turned narrowed eyes in my direction and put her hands on her ample hips, "You sayin' I ain't capable a grilling our meat?"

I looked at her with widened eyes and said, "Not at all. Ranger just thought it would be better with Woody cooking to give him a cover for being there in case Marco the Maniac shows up."

Lula thought about it for a minute and then she shuddered before saying, "Good thinkin' on Batman's part."

I cut my eyes to the rearview mirror and saw the look of respect Woody sent my way. I gave a slight nod in response. Thirty minutes later we were pulling into the park and heading to our assigned section. Binkie and Junior were still there guarding everything. We unloaded and then I drove the Cayenne to the parking area and walked back into the park. Good thing we'd gotten there early or I would never have been able to drive up to the tent to drop stuff off.

Woody set up the grill and Lula, Grandma and I got the meat out and started marinating it in the BBQ sauce. Binkie and Junior headed out and a couple minutes later I saw the two Chesters headed our way. Chester Deuce and Chester Rodriguez were complete opposites in looks. Rodriguez stood 5'9" in height and weighed 185 pounds of compacted muscle. His black hair and skin tone gave homage to his Latin roots. Deuce stood 6'3" in height and weighed 185 pounds of muscle. He was a blonde haired, blue-eyed, movie star handsome, heartthrob.

From the glazed look in Grandma's eyes I knew we were in for an interesting afternoon. In no time we had the meat ready. Woody got the grill fired and started putting the meat on to grill. All of a sudden Lula squealed, "There's the Maniac!"

I turned and sure enough Marco was making his way through the tents with his meat clever in his hands. I figured we were safe enough with the two Chesters and Woody but then Grandma asked, "How much was that reward for his capture?"

Lula got a gleam in her eyes and took off running after him with Grandma hot on her heels. I turned to Woody and said, "No matter what, keep grilling."

Woody looked torn but seemed satisfied that the two Chesters were with me and I had adequate back up. I was running all out and by the time I caught up to Lula and Grandma, Marco was climbing into a car and taking off. Luckily enough the Cayenne was close by so I headed in that direction telling Grandma and Lula to come on In no time I was on Marco's tail as we sped out of the park, through Trenton and on towards Ewing. I was closing in when I saw the lights in my rearview mirror. I was tempted to keep going but Chester Deuce insisted I pull over.

When the officer came up to the window he scowled at me as he said, "License and registration please."

"Officer, I was chasing Marco the Maniac. He's wanted in connection with a murder in Trenton."

The officer gave me a condescending look before taking my license and registration. I turned to the guys in the back and shrugged. "Looks like he doesn't believe me."

When the officer came back up Rodriguez sat forward and gave the cop a look that had the cop backing up and reaching for his gun. At that moment I saw a nondescript car that looked vaguely familiar race by. The cop handed me my license and said, "Today's your lucky day sweetheart." And he turned to go after the other car.

I leaned out and quickly grabbed the keys he had on his belt and tossed them to Lula. She gave me a wide-eyed look and I indicated the window. She tossed them out and the officer was looking around to see where the keys went. He turned angrily back to me and demanded, "Did you take my keys?"

I lifted my hands, "No. I have no clue where your keys are."

The cop snarled and I backed up. He took a step towards the car and stopped dead. Chester Rodriguez had his gun trained on the cop. "I work for Rangeman security. Run it through your dispatch. We are leaving now and you will let us leave or Ranger himself will come knocking on your door."

At the mention of Ranger's name the man paled and swallowed before asking weakly, "Why didn't you tell me you were Ranger's guys. By all means, have a nice day." And he turned and ran back to his car.

I started the Cayenne and we headed back to the park. We had just returned to our tent when Morelli strolled up. "Hey Cupcake, how you doing?"

I gave Morelli a narrow-eyed, questioning look and asked, "Why do you ask?"

Morelli grinned. "I just got a call from the Ewing police department about a Stephanie Plum and men from Rangeman."

Lula piped up with, "Whatever they said was a lie."

Morelli shook his head. "Apparently the cop decided to call in the information on Marco the Maniac. When the state police arrived at Marco's car they found him with his throat slit with his own meat clever. No sign of foul play." Morelli gave me a look and asked, "You wouldn't know anything helpful would you?"

I shook my head no trying not to give anything away. Morelli nodded and said, "I didn't think you would."

About that time Grandma said, "Well I'll be. Would you look at this?"

I turned and raised an eyebrow, "What is it?"

"The guy that's supposed to give the winner of the cook off their prize. He's one of them guys that was at the house the other night."

I took the pamphlet and asked, "Are you sure Grandma?"

"Yup. Got a good look at that one because he was hung like a horse."

I rolled my eyes. Only Grandma would be able to identify someone by the size of their crotch. I read the section beside his photo and took note of the name. "It says here his name is Zito Dudley and he's the VP of the company holding the contest."

Lula piped up, "Does that mean there won't be no prize for the winner? What's the ruling on that?"

I shrugged. There was a commotion and we all turned to see Connie Rizzoli headed our way with none other than Zito Dudley. He had a hold of her arm and was holding a gun on her. Morelli went into cop mode and drew his gun on Dudley. "Let her go Dudley. You have nowhere to go."

"Drop your gun or she's dead. I have nothing else to loose. That moron the Maniac has ruined everything. I tried to tell my stupid brother-in-law that I could handle this but no. He had to go for the professionals. What did that get him? Nothing! The company is going to be ruined!"

"You can still walk out of this." Morelli tried to reason with him.

"I want a chopper."

Morelli shrugged, "We don't have a chopper. No money in the budget."

Connie moved and Dudley's gun went off. She went to fall but he kept her up in front of him. He was starting to panic. I stepped forward and said, "If you let Joe call for the medevac you can get away using that. You just have to let them come in and take care of her so she doesn't die."

Dudley nodded, "Get the medevac."

I looked at Joe and he shook his head, "I hope you know what you are doing Cupcake." He took out his phone and called for the helicopter.

Everything would have been fine but Dudley got nervous when people started closing in and he dropped Connie to the ground. He looked frantically around and the closest person was Lula. He grabbed onto her and she started waving her arms and squealing. I could see Ranger and Tank headed in our direction. About that time Lula saw them too and she started screaming, "Save me Tank!"

Dudley was losing his grip on her and said, "Hold still you fat cow!"

Lula went into instant Rhino mode and turned and sucker punched Dudley in the throat. He went down and stayed down. Morelli cuffed him and called for backup. Once all the excitement was over we made our way back to our tent. I was surprised to see several people gathered around. We made our way through to find Woody dishing up the BBQ to the judges. Each judge took a bite and then instead of politely placing their plates on the table, they continued eating till the BBQ was all gone.

The head judge declared, "We have a winner. What's the name of your BBQ sauce?"

Woody turned to us and raised an eyebrow. I smiled and said, "Lulabelle's Finest."

The judges were nodding and murmuring. Apparently they liked the name as much as they loved the sauce. As for me, I was glad it was over and we wouldn't be bothered by Marco the Maniac or Zito Dudley again.

Later as Ranger and I lay in bed I marveled at the fact Lula and Grandma's sauce actually won the cook off. Ranger said the first sauce was put forward by a group that worked for the company. When they had tasted the sample Lula and Grandma had dropped off when they had signed up, they knew that was a winning sauce. The group had admitted to breaking in and stealing the sauce. Apparently Stanley Chipotle had paid them to help make sure he won the cook off. When he was murdered they figured they would go ahead and enter the sauce themselves. They were none the less surprised when Grandma and Lula came up with an even better sauce that won the contest.

Although the million dollar prize was none existent since the company was in bankruptcy due to the actions of Stanley and Dudley, a competitor had come forward and offered Lula and Grandma a contract for their sauce. Ranger had his lawyer look at the paper work and broker a kick ass deal for them, and although it wasn't a million, each came out well to the good.

Connie had gone after Marco for the bond money figuring she could use the million dollar reward the company was giving to get out of the Bonds office. Unfortunately for her there was no reward because the company was bankrupt. The cop that pulled me over near Ewing was dealing with unhappy superiors that weren't happy he had screwed up and not followed up with the Maniac. To top that off he had to formally apologize for his attitude towards me. Al Rocher had come over to interview Lula and Grandma. Lula was smiling wide till the camera started rolling and then she let a series of farts that made it impossible to hear a word she said. One such fart set the Guinness Book of World Records for the longest and the loudest fart on record, lasting a stunning 2 minutes and 48 seconds, beating out the old record of 2 minutes and 42 seconds. (Stunningly true according to a google search)

What a day!