Cullen expected to find Solana training the mages, but Hawke was hosting the drills instead. Anders was leaning against the wall watching, so Cullen elected not to go ask where his wife was.

He checked their room, but she wasn't there. Nor was she in the kitchens. But then neither was Celeste. Perhaps she was pouring her heart out to the maleficar?

Don't call her that, Cullen corrected himself. She's your wife's friend. She saved your life.

Still, it made him deeply uncomfortable that Solana might be sharing her frustrations about him with the woman.

The library was the next place he thought to look. He really should have been working, but Solana had slunk away as soon as they'd reached the guest wing with his family and now he'd finished giving Mia the grand tour, he wanted to make sure Solana was okay.

He found Celeste sitting with Fiona in one of the library alcoves, pouring over some old tomes.

"Have you seen Solana?"

She shook her head. "You can try the grove."

"Grove?"

"It's not far outside the gates. She goes there to be alone sometimes."

As he made his way along the narrow path, he wondered how he'd never heard of this place. The ground was snowy but here and there a bright flower pushed through. Evergreen trees nestled close to the side of the mountain. Through them, he could see the grey-purple of the Frostbacks. A gentle breeze stroked across the branches, rustling the leaves.

As the path opened up, he saw her. Just as Celeste had predicted. She was sitting on a rock, in a pool of sunlight, hunched over, facing away from him. Green groundcover carpeted a patch beneath her feet. She'd pulled her hair loose and the breeze caught and teased at it. He paused. Celeste had said she came up here to be alone. Perhaps she had come here specifically to escape him? Perhaps he should leave her be?

Then he realised her shoulders were shaking in a way that could only indicate sobbing. She was crying.

All rational thought left him. "Solana?"

She jolted at his voice, head snapping to look at him. Her eyes were red, her face flushed. Her nose was bright pink. She must have been crying for ages, since she'd left them.

He'd done this. She was the strongest person he knew and he'd brought her to this.

"Forgive me," he whispered. And he meant for more than just the intrusion.

She stared at him. "I… I didn't want you to see me like this."

His throat felt tight, his chest hollow. "How long have you been… do you come here often?"

Why wouldn't his words work? Why was he paralysed by her display of emotion? He meant to ask her if, when she came here to be alone, that meant that she came here to cry away from his eyes, so that he might not know how deeply unhappy she was.

"Often?" Her brow furrowed.

He was frozen in place, the enormity of her obvious sorrow hanging between them.

"Are you… like this… often?" He choked out.

Her only response was to hide her face in her hands.

He forced himself forward. Rather not speak. Rather remain silent if he couldn't say anything sensible. He knelt before her, waiting for her to look at him.

"I'm so sorry," he said eventually, not knowing what else to say.

"Why are you sorry?" came her muffled reply. "I…" One green eye appeared through a gap in her fingers. The colour was all the brighter for her flushed skin. "Anders and and your family." She was still crying.

His chest ached at the sound. "I'm your husband, Solana. You shouldn't feel you have to come out into the woods to express how you feel. I should be there for you. I promised that. I…"

A fresh round of sobs overtook her. He swallowed. He was evidently only making things worse.

"I'll try to do better," he promised.

"Cullen, please stop." Her voice was little more than a whimper. "Not everything's your fault."

But this was. It wasn't just his harsh words over Anders. There were so many other things… the constant arguments, the lack of time together, the way he'd broken the news about the pregnancy to his family.

"This isn't you," he said. "This isn't you before you were with me."

She lifted her head. "This is exactly what I was trying to avoid by coming here. I knew you'd blame yourself."

"I'm supposed to be looking after you," he argued. "I don't even eat with you."

"Looking after me? I don't need looking after. I've never needed looking after."

"That's not what I meant." He tried to push down his frustration. Having another argument would hardly help matters.

She took a breath so deep it moved her shoulders. "I, of all people, understand the demands placed on you, Cullen." She hugged herself and sniffed. "I don't know what's wrong with me, but I know it's not you."

They sat in silence. It was too tense for him to feel relieved. He didn't know what to say or do. A thousand possibilities raced through his mind and he dismissed each one. He was at the point of offering to leave her alone when she spoke again.

"I'm not used to feeling this way."

He waited for her to elaborate. What did 'this way' mean?

"When I was told that I had to stop the Blight with only Alistair, Morrigan and the Warden treaties… something changed in me. I started to become hard. I needed to be. And then when Alistair... after he..."

Cullen could see she was struggling to say the words even now. She forced them out. "After he made that ultimate sacrifice, I felt numb. It was like the shock of it made me Tranquil. The things I used to enjoy, the things that would have made me angry. I didn't feel any of it. It was like... like my entire world was at the centre of a Winter's Grasp spell."

He knew the spell. It was one of the Chantry-approved ones they taught in the Circle. You paralysed your enemy by encasing them in ice. Solana swallowed. Her gaze was focused on her knees.

"It was so bad that I couldn't even care for my dog. That animal loved me." She sniffed and then swore, brushing away fresh tears. "I took him to the kennels. They... they needed to breed more mabari. But I didn't even visit him. I just left."

He placed a hand on her leg, hoping it would reassure her. He was at a loss how else to react.

"The point is... this now... this is the exact opposite. I grew used to being frozen, to being Winter's Grasp. But now I'm Chain Lighting. These emotions tear through me, and they strike out at everyone who gets close. Especially you. And I can't… I can't stop. I don't want to be this. I don't want to be this… this… vulnerable. There's no hard shell of ice anymore. There's only me. I'm not the Hero or… or… the Grey Warden… I'm… I don't even know what I am."

He waited while she breathed heavily. He could see she was still searching for words. "And I end up hurting you or… disappointing you. Because I don't know how to be anything else. I don't know how to make choices for me, for us."

Like Anders, or training the mages, or the phylacteries. She'd looked at all of those choices as if she was still the Hero.

"I can't even remember what I am underneath it all," she whispered. "And it terrifies me. What if what I am at my core isn't who you thought?"

"That's not possible."

"But Anders…"

He closed his eyes. He couldn't lie to her. He couldn't say that he wasn't still smarting about that. "I wish you hadn't supported him, after everything I've told you about Kirkwall. And yes, it hurt that you took his word over my warnings. But that's hardly a reason for me to stop caring about you."

"It's not just Anders. We keep disagreeing."

It was his own fears echoed back at him. "I have it on good authority that that's what marriage entails." He tried to give her a reassuring smile but from the way her gaze dropped he could tell it wasn't particularly effective.

With a sigh, he took her hands in his own. "It was inevitable. We are two very different people and…" what was it Mia had said? "We are both fiercely independent. But I love you. And I know who you are at your core."

Her eyes darted up to meet his. "How can you?"

"I knew you before all the titles, remember? I was infatuated with you."

She swallowed again. "You can't possibly know if I'm still the same…"

"I know," he said, with certainty. "I hardly would have married you if I hadn't discovered who you are now."

"Wouldn't you?" she asked, hands moving to her stomach.

"No," he said slowly, hoping it was the right answer. No, of course it wasn't the right answer. "I mean I would have, if you'd asked me to. I wouldn't have abandoned you and the child. But if I hadn't loved you as I do, I certainly wouldn't have made the vows that I did. And I meant what I said that day in the Chantry, every part of it. I've never believed in destiny. The life that I built for myself was a testament to self-determination. But this past year… perhaps it's all Cassandra's talk of Max being some chosen one." He offered her another smile, this one marginally more successful. "I don't find it so difficult to believe in providence anymore."

"You think we were fated to be together?" she asked with a small, hesitant, return smile.

"One thing I can say with certainty. If everything I had to go through… Kinloch, Kirkwall… if the hurt and nightmares and withdrawal was all leading to this, it was worth it."

Her eyes were shining again and he didn't know what to do, what more to say to comfort her. Then she gave a giant sob and fell forward, head landing in the fur draped over his shoulder. Hesitantly, he wrapped his arms around her.

"Did I say something wrong?" He asked after the worst of her sobs had passed. "Please forgive me if I-"

"No," her muffled voice came from somewhere in his surcoat. "No. I love you."

"I love you too," he said. He held her to him, gently stroking her back, confused but reassured.

He would make more of an effort to show her how much he cared for her, how special she was, he swore to himself. Mia was wrong. His own concerns were unimportant, they could wait.

Lord Livius Erimond of Vyrantium sneered as he heard the door clang open. The Inquisitor had ordered him locked in the deepest darkest hole they could find, and instead they'd locked him on top of a cliff. There's irony for you.

There were only a few usable cells in this section. The rest had fallen down into the valley some time ago. It was open to the elements and chill winds would sweep directly into his cell. That he hadn't caught some illness and perished was a wonder. Curse his superior Tevinter blood.

The woman who came through the door was unfamiliar. She was carrying a bowl of gruel.

"You're prettier than the knife-ear who usually brings my slop," he told her. "Did they finally get rid of him? He was so dreadfully dreary, I wouldn't be surprised."

She shook her head. "I came to ask you some questions."

He narrowed his eyes at her. "You're not my usual interrogator either."

She gave him a pretty smile.

"I'm afraid I must decline," he said, dismissing her with a wave of his hand. "I serve a new god. When he rises to power, he will release me, and I doubt he will take kindly to my helping your Inquisition."

"My questions don't have anything to do with the Inquisition. And I am no enemy to your master."

That caught his attention. "Don't try tell me you're one of his. You're not red enough. Or Tevinter enough."

"Think of me as a neutral party."

"And why should I answer your questions, Neutral Party?"

"Because I can offer you something your usual interrogator can't."

He snorted. He half expected her to try offering him her body. What was she going to do through the bars of his cage anyway? Instead, she produced a small vial from a pocket. She held it between the thumb and forefinger of the hand that wasn't holding his meal.

"And what, may I ask, is that?"

"Death," she said.

His heart started pounding. "Freedom from the physical," he murmured.

"I have it on good authority that glory awaits you?"

Was she making light? It was possible she'd heard what he'd said during his trial. No matter. Her words were no less true.

"Ask your questions."

"I want you to tell me everything you know about the Blight."

He chuckled. "Is that all?"

She toyed with the vial. "I happen to know a great deal about it myself. To earn your reward, you have to tell me something I don't know."

"Where would you like me to start?"

"Start with the Warden taint."

A/N It seems I'm far too impatient to stick to posting only twice a week ^_^