AUTOR'S NOTE: Hellooo! You guys! You won't believe what happened to me...I actually thought I had updated on Friday, I already had the chapter written and ready to update but I went a little crazy and I'd swear I did it but then a guest asked me about the update which surprised me a little, so I checked the uploaded chapters and realized that I did not update it in the end...I was probably distracted by something :/ I think I'm going crazy with so much work XD I'm sorry for the delay because it was actually a stupid delay since the chapter was finished! Well, I'll keep it short and I'll stop talking ;) This is another happy chapter so enjoy it! Thank you so much for reading and for your wonderful support...Luv ya all! and have a great week!
CHAPTER XXXVI (Alex's POV)
I was immersed in a peaceful state that I had never experienced. I had finally found the relief that for so many days I had been yearning agonizingly. To the calm, I had to add the feeling of extreme tiredness that reigned in every inch of my body; she had left me completely wasted. My right hand inadvertently began convulsing making fists; I knew what it was asking, but I stood firm in not falling into the temptation, refusing to be so lacked of self-will. I had to hold back my dark instincts as much as I could, but to think about the cell 342 and about what surely awaited me in there was almost irresistible in that moment, when my weakness was quite manifest. Thankfully, it was no more enticing than to be with her. I took a deep breath in an attempt to clear my mind of those dark thoughts and focused on her. I distracted myself by following closely the sound of her beating heart encompassed by her deep breathing and the nasal embellishment of her captivating snoring. I placated the itching of my right hand with the burning skin of her lower back, sliding it carefully under the sheets, which were the only thing covering her naked body, that way I managed to overshadow my primal impulse. Nevertheless, there was something else I found impossible to ignore, the dozens of voices that rumbled in my head; voices that became more persistent as I ignored them most. I had not attended any of those requests for days and maybe it was time to at least turn to the most desperate prayers. I did not want to leave her side, but I thought it would be better to take care of my business while she slept. Reluctantly, I got out of bed and away from her warm embrace. There were still a couple of hours left for dawn to come, so I hurried and got dressed immediately. I made sure to leave the fireplace alive, and I wrote a short note in case she woke up before my arrival or in case I was home later than expected, and so, I went to attend to the prayers of my petitioners.
The fulfillment of my duties as the Warden also helped me to forget about my other imperative need. Perhaps occupying my mind on other matters would be beneficial to me; maybe I could take another day without visiting the cells of darkness if I kept myself busy. The list of petitioners was endless; I attended first the most hopeless voices and then turned my attention to smaller requests. I had completely lost track of time and the morning passed in a sigh. I allowed myself to visit a couple more of requesters, high on the need to close more deals, and then I went home, when I could no longer stand to be away from her…
I did not know where she would be at those hours, so I headed to our room thinking it was a good place to start looking for her. The image I found in the room left me appalled; the first thing my eyes acknowledged was her, lying on the bed…I knew something was wrong immediately…
"What's going on?" I asked with urgency while approaching towards her. What did I do?...What did I do?...I kept repeating assuming right away that her obvious weakened state was my fault.
"Well well…look who's finally home!" Nicky said cheerily, but that did not soothe my worries
"Piper…" I got into the bed to get near her and very softly I caught her face between my hands as if afraid to break her "What happened?" I asked her but Nicky was the one to answer
Nicky said it was a cold but, what if it was something else? The first thing that came to my mind was the possibility that I had affected her as she affected me. I was scared to the bone; I was supposed to be the one to pay the consequences of my doom, not her. I misdirected my own frustration towards Nicky, blaming her for not having called me, when in the first place I should never have left her side…
"Alex…!" Piper's reproachful tone made me regret my roughness towards Nicky "She's right…it's just a cold…besides, I've been in very good hands" She said smiling sweetly "Nicky and Red have been taken care of me all day"
"I would still have liked to be the one to take care of you" I felt miserable knowing that she had been ill while I had been occupying my morning so selfishly looking for deals to close.
"You can take care of me now…" She told me with a big smile, which warmed my insides. Nicky said goodbye and I felt the need to apologize to her. I caught her in the hallway, after she left the room
"Nicky wait!" Despite how inconsiderate I had been with her, she did not seem displeased
"Yes?" She said conceited; she knew I was going to apologize to her, nobody knew me better than her
"I'm sorry" I told her sincerely
"Pardon?" She made a gesture as if she had not listened well, even though I said the words clearly enough.
"I'm sorry…I lost my temper and I took it out on you" I did not even mind to repeat the words "And thank you for taking care of her in my absence"
"I'm speechless…" She joked but put on a serious face immediately "And you should not thank me for taking care of her…you know she means a lot to me, and to Red" I knew it already, but hearing her say it reassured me enormously "Go with her…she's been waiting for you impatiently"
"Wait Nicky…there's something I want to ask you" I said inadvertently, my urgent tone took her aback…
"Yes…whatever it is…" She agreed to it without even knowing what I was going to ask her
"If ever…something happened to me…" She narrowed her eyes in confusion "Do you promise to watch over her?"
"What the hell are you talking about?" She laughed as someone would laugh at a joke that they did not understand "What would happen to you?"
"I don't know…I'm just saying" I tried to appease the urgency in my voice, not wanting to raise suspicions "In the remote case of something happening to me…"
"Alex…is everything alright?" She inquired with gravity sensing maybe that I was hiding something from her
"Yes, of course everything is alright…I'm talking nonsense actually…I guess it was just…" I said nonchalantly lost at words "Seeing her like that…and knowing that I was not around" I turned my head towards our room "I don't know why I'm even asking you this" I forced a short laugh so that she would not worry
"Because you care deeply about her…it's completely normal" She pointed out smiling at me warmly "And…in the unlikely event that something happens to you…I promise I will take care of her…"
"That's all I wanted to hear" I said with endless relief
"Are you sure you are not keeping something from me?" She inquired with mistrust
"Absolutely sure…" The last thing I wanted was to worry her about something that not even I understood completely "I think lately I have softened too much" I justified myself lightly
"The merit is all hers…" She joked
"You know that I…care deeply about you too, right?" I wanted to let her know; maybe asking her to take care of Piper might seem like I did not care about who was going to look after her…but Nicky knew how to take good care of herself in that world, besides, she had Red
"Oh Alex…come on! Keep some dignity for crying out loud…" She said with feigned awkwardness making me laugh; obviously she had said it to mess with me. She turned around and began walking away "She has really softened you…" She stated in surprise, to no one in particular… "Oh!" She exclaimed remembering something and facing towards me again "There was no way to make her take the damn soup…so make her!" She said with irritation and left
I went with her immediately not wanting to be far from her for another second, and remembering Nicky's last words, I made her take the soup; in the end I did not really have to force her to do it. When she had taken the whole soup, I got into bed with her. I worried greatly when I pressed my lips against her forehead and felt her skin burning with fever; I tried to disguise my concerns for her sake and kept a casual demeanor…Maybe it is a simple cold Alex…I told myself and paid great attention to any minimal change. Eventually she fell asleep; I offered her the chilliness of my lips to soothe her heated skin. Little by little I perceived that the fever was diminishing, a fact that calmed me down a bit, however I decided to prepare a strong concoction of herbs that would surely help with the fever, as long as it was really a cold and nothing more…
I had been away just for a few minutes to prepare the infusion, and she was already calling me. When I heard her voice in my mind, my lips burst into a smile. I did not know why I had not taught her how to call me before…I went to meet the needs of my most recent and important petitioner…
"Aren't you the greediest girl in the world?" I told her joyfully; it fascinated me that she seemed so eager to be with me "I was away only for a couple of minutes to prepare you this…" I clarified so she would not think that I had broken my promise to stay by her side "This will take away your fever" Or so I hope…I thought with dread while helping her to sit on the bed "I must warn you…it probably tastes as hell" I couldn't know so I warned her, just in case. I gave her the mug and the first thing she did was to bring it closer to her nose; she grimaced at the smell and let me know that it smelled terrible, but she drank it all without complaints, I could not believe it. She was not happy to know that it would make her sleepy. I did not specify that another effect would be the word looseness…
After finally getting settled in bed to go to sleep, she could not contain her tongue most likely due to the herbs, and mentioned again certain subject that I had tried to avoid discussing with her the night before…Idiot! You thought she'd let it go…She would never forget about it, she was too persistent to let it go. I realized that I would have to tell her someday, to tell her that she was in love with a heartless being. I was afraid of her reaction, that's why I thought that moment was better than any other, when I could use the effect of the herbs in my favor. I took a deep breath and gathered up my courage. I brought her head to the left side of my chest, resting her ear in the place where my heart should be and encouraged her to listen so she could miss my heartbeat…
"I don't hear anything…" She said befuddled
"Exactly…" I told her back. She pushed herself away from my chest to look me in the face; her gesture made me notice her confusion "You can't hear anything because there is nothing to hear" I enlightened her further "I don't have a heart" I said barely, afraid to be heard, but she heard me…
"Is that why you think you can't love me?" I had just told her that I did not have a heart and that's what she asked me. How did she know about my inability to love?
"Who told you that?" I wondered knowing already the answer. She had spent the whole morning with Nicky, they surely talked about it "No…forget it…I know the answer already" Damn Nicky and her mouth…
"She did not do it on purpose…" No of course she didn't, she never said anything on purpose; she simply lacked control over her words "And it doesn't matter anyway…I was going to assume it once you told me what you just told me…" I guessed she was right about it; sooner or later she would come to the same conclusion on her own. Her mind seemed to be working really hard to comprehend the information so I gave her time and kept quiet "I want you to answer my question…is that the reason why you didn't tell me that you love me back?" I had to answer sincerely, that I owed her
"Yes…" It hurt me deeply to recognize it; I did not want to hurt her feelings
"Do you really believe that you are incapable of loving because of it?" She wondered sweetly
"Tell me…how could someone love without a heart?" I inquired grimly. She pondered about it for a while or maybe her mind was slowed down by the herbs, but she finally spoke out
"I don't love you with my heart" She said in a tone that denoted nuisance "I…I love you with all my being Alex…not just with my heart" I sensed she was going to elaborate her statement so I just listened "What I feel for you cannot in any way be limited only to the heart…that would be too…poor" Before I could say anything, she continued her speech "Look…" She suddenly said and held a fist close to my face, I did not understand where she was going with it "Once my father told me that our hearts were the size of our fist" I put my attention on the fist in front of me and assessed it with affection, as If it were really her heart "It would be impossible for something so small to contain something so large…" She stated with her so known crushing logic. I held her fist with my left hand curling my fingers around it
"It's a very small heart indeed" It fit easily in my hand…I smiled and faced her again holding her heart very close to my chest
"Certainly, my heart goes crazy every time I see you, or every time you touch me or kiss me" She began talking again, determined to go on proving her point, even though her eyelids began to weight notoriously "But my skin…I felt it melting under your touch, even the slightest feathery caress is enough to make it burn…and my lips get itchy just thinking of your lips and my mind…my mind keeps storing every little detail about you and every memory of the moments we share, I keep them as a treasure…and my ears delight themselves when they hear your laughter and my nose gets so joyful when it registers your unique essence…" She talked nonstop and I could only listen mesmerized to each one of her words with which I could completely identify myself, as she also made me feel all that and more. Could she be right then? Could it be what I felt for her actually love? "I don't want you to tell me that you love me…" I saw she really meant her words "What annoys me is that you think you are incapable of loving when the only thing you do every day is making me feel wonderfully loved" And that…to know that was all I needed in life; nothing else mattered to me. Any word I said at that moment would be too little to make her understand how important she was for me, so I decided to say nothing and seal her words with a kiss "Mhmmm…wait" She murmured against my lips and withdrew from me "I'll make you sick"
"You know I can't get sick, right?" I let her know and she got me a smile when she immediately decided to resume the kissing; that time I was the one to stop "Still…I don't think you should be in contact with cold things…" I said jokingly disguising my true concerns; perhaps my closeness was responsible for her deteriorated state. I would have to consider that possibility and be very watchful from then on "We must keep you warm" I kissed the tip of her nose very lightly and drew her closer to me to resume our previous position; I was very careful to wrap her snugly with all the sheets and covers available in bed, avoiding her direct contact "I want you to go to sleep and get some rest" I need you to get better…I thought scared to the bone
"What have you given me?" She babbled in an accusatory tone already severely affected due to drowsiness; I was surprised that the herbs had taken so long to take effect, although I should not be surprised with how stubborn she was. She had obviously been fighting the soothing properties of the brew. I laughed to think about it…
"Have sweet dreams" I wished her
"I will…" She replied "I love you…" She finally said in an infinite sigh.
For a moment I pondered carefully about how would it feel like to say those words…Did it really matter to speak the words at that point? Would it make a difference? I had the suspicion that it wouldn't, because in the end, words were worthless. Even so, I allowed myself to say at the end…
"I love you too…" I said without fear of being heard…she was already far gone into sleep. The words seem to me hollow; the three words could never replace what I felt for her. Since then I decided not to think about it anymore, I would stop worrying about my stupid heart; from then on I would only worry about her, and if she assured me she was happy and she felt loved, then why keep torturing myself with the subject? At that moment there were more urgent things to think about, like her health and her current state.
The fever gradually decreased throughout the night until disappearing completely, which led me to think that my herb brew worked. That fact did not calm me down until dawn; she had spent the whole night without a fever, although her pronounced snoring indicated that her nose was still congested. Then I relaxed and started to believe that in the end, it really was a simple cold. Anyway, that day my cares towards her would not cease, just in case. The change in her breathing warned me that she was about to wake up. It was mid morning and she had not changed her position all night; I heard a little grumble that came from the depths of her throat. Her head remained settled on my chest…
"Good morning" I said cheerfully, ecstatic for her awakening. She mumbled more sounds of protest before speaking
"What time is it?" She said with a throaty voice after some seconds
"Mid morning" I let her know caressing her long golden locks
"Why didn't you wake me up?" She inquired irritated
"Someone is cranky this morning" I chuckled lightly "How are you feeling?"
"So much better…" She said softly and raised her head to watch me looking at her from above "Lizard's eyes worked pretty well" Her sleepy face seemed more colorful than the day before. I smiled at her broadly
"You look like you feel better" I agreed feeling wonderfully relieved
"Although I feel a little stiff" She pondered narrowing her eyes
"Well, of course!" I exclaimed "You have not moved and inch throughout the night"
"I'm sorry…have you spent all night and half of the morning like this?" She said remorsefully
"I think I promised you that I was not going to leave your side" Even if I had not promised her that, I would not have left her side in her condition. She smiled at me tenderly and her eyes shone with a layer of moisture, my statement seemed to have touched her deeply. She climbed on me to reach my height and pressed her lips devotedly on mine. The simple gesture awoke in me my insatiability for her. I wrapped her waist with my arms with covetousness, attracting her to me and kissed her delicate lips fiercely. She seemed encouraged by my intentions, instantly, her breathing became moist and hot and her hands clung with greed to my neck. I flipped us around, so that I was on top of her and forced myself to break our lips apart
"I don't think…this is a good idea" It took me a lot of effort to say
"But I'm feeling better" Disappointment was patent in her face
"Which is why you should be more careful" I said "I don't want you to get worse" I sentenced and she puckered her lips from discontent
"I'm sorry…" I said enjoying her distress, although at that moment I felt more contrite for my own needs "I'll go to the kitchen and get us breakfast" I informed her and kissed her forehead. I felt the need to get out of bed immediately, so as not to fall into temptation
"Please…" She pleaded when I was already out of bed standing by its side "No more soup"
"No soup…I promise" I guaranteed and left. In the kitchen, the first thing Red did was ask me about her
"How is Piper?"
"No fever last night…" I told her with a smile "Thank you for asking and…thank you for taking care of her Red" I thanked her
"Oh nonsense!" She diminished my words of gratitude. Like Nicky, she worried truly for her.
I went back to the room loading a generous tray loaded with all kinds of food, since I did not know what it was that she wanted to eat; fruits, jam, cheese, biscuits and fresh buns. Her eyes widened when she saw the tray. I did not want her to get out of bed but she insisted so hard that I had no option but to let her; I looked for anything that I could put on her…I covered her shoulders with a blanket, I forced her to put on her coat and as an extra measure, I added my cloak over her shoulders
"Is all this really necessary?" She wondered with bored tone
"Yes, it is" I returned strictly. Only when she was well wrapped, I let her get out of bed and I accompanied her to the table, always offering her my support
I asked myself if her appetite had ever been affected by anything…I enjoyed watching her eat with such drive; she was so focused on the food that she did not even noticed my deep stare…
"So…what are the plans for today?" She asked animatedly when she had finished the second bagel
"I have big plans for us today" As I said the words, her eyebrows rose delightfully in excitement, attentive to what I was going to say "Have you ever heard of staying warm in bed and drinking a lot of liquids?" I inquired with great enthusiasm, as if it was the most extraordinary plan in the world. She glared at me deadpan "Oh don't look at me like that…the plan includes both of us" I got to draw a smile on her face. After breakfast, we went to bed again, and in an attempt to keep her entertained, I thought it would be a great idea to teach her how to play chess after she had claimed that she did not know how to play.
"Can I move this piece like this?" She asked innocently
"Ammm…yes" I pondered surprised by how quickly she had learned the basic rules. She continued asking before making any movement and after what I had thought were fortuitous moves she had my king cornered, I had no escape…How could this be possible? I asked myself focused deeply on the chessboard…How had I lost with someone who had just learned?
"Checkmate" She said after a while, although I had not taught her that word yet. I raised my eyes from the board placed between us on the bed, and found a victorious smile on her face. Then I knew she had been cheating on me. I looked at her astonished by her ability to win me in chess and for the ease with which she had deceived me "I think that's what you say when you leave your opponent without options to move" She alleged nonchalantly "Oh! I forgot to tell you…I am really good at chess"
"You little liar" I accused her "For your information, I was being gentle with you because you told me you didn't know how to play…I won't have mercy with you this time" I said while arranging the chessboard again challenging her to a new game
I really came to think that she had won because I was not paying too much attention to the game since I was more focused on teaching her than on winning, but in the middle of our second match, that had been quite long and tied, I realized that she was actually very good at it. Again, she had threatened my king and I had no way to remove her threat leaving me in a completely hopeless position…Damn it!...I fixed my eyes on her fascinated by her skills
"I told you…" She said smugly
"Well…I have to admit that you are really skillful at chess" I assumed my humbleness before her talent
"You want to play again?" She proposed
"Yeah…why not?" I agreed resigned, knowing in advance that she was going to win again
In the middle of another game, I noticed that she was glancing stealthily at my chest. We had not spoken again about my heart, so I wondered if she would remember our conversation from the night before…
"There's something I still don't understand…" She began tentatively while moving one of her white pieces and I smiled internally knowing in advance that she was going to talk about it…Of course she remembers…I observed her expectantly
"What?" I encouraged her to go on smiling at her tenderly
"Did someone take your heart from you?" She asked with sorrow
"Nobody took it…" I told her
"Then…the scar…" She began but I interrupted her
"Nobody took it…I did" I clarified and her face was immediately filled with horror
"Why? How?" She wondered appalled. I watched her cryptically, considering that maybe I could tell her how it had happened
"Come on" I chimed in getting out of bed forgetting the chess match. She looked at me cautiously "I want to show you something" With that she followed me out of the bed. I helped her put on her coat and mine over it and I took her to the attic…
"What are we doing here?"
"I want to show you a very important thing to me" I told her with a hint of mystery. I grabbed a candlestick and lit it so that she could see better and I began to walk along one of the corridors. She took my arm firmly "What I'm going to show you…it's my best kept secret" Only I knew about it "Nobody knows about this, not even Nicky" I wanted to show her the most private part of me, to let her know how much I trusted her
"Alright" She barely said, her heart was beating with excitement and maybe with trepidation
I showed her the way to a bookshelf full of small gadgets. I pushed the heavy piece of furniture to the side to reveal a secret door behind. The door gave access to the tallest tower of the castle. It had no locks, since it was protected with dark magic. Nothing and no one could go through the arch of the door without my acquiescence. I opened the flimsy wooden door and I invited her to go in…
"After you" She walked slowly into the darkness, although I followed her closely behind, lighting her way with the candles. A few meters into the narrow hall, was the beginning of the spiral staircase "There are 531 steps" I informed her "Of course I know a faster way to reach the top of the tower" I joked and took her by her arms. In the blink of an eye we were at the highest point of the castle, in a small room with stone walls that kept the source of power most coveted by any man on earth, my power…She took a quick glance around and fixed her eyes on the only thing that could attract someone's attention in that place, since it was the only thing in the room. A simple table with an armored chest on it "I need you to promise me that you will not freak out for what I'm about to show you" I told her, suddenly fearing her reaction. She looked at me guardedly…
"What is it?" She whispered. By her apprehensive look, I could tell she already suspected what it was
"In there" I pointed to the coffer "I keep my heart" Words left my mouth in a sigh. She turned pale at once when I confirmed her suspicions. In there, I could not only listen to her heart, but the eternal lethargic beat of mine, always keeping the same slow tempo. Without words, I went to the coffer and lifted the heavy lid. She seemed moved by curiosity and approached cautiously behind me poking her face over my right shoulder. She pressed her body against my back and grabbed the sides of my upper arms. I felt her propelling herself with the tips of her feet to gain some height and be able to see inside the chest; the interior was covered in dark purple velvet, and in the quilted bottom, lay my living heart. I heard the air leaving her lungs in a deep sigh of astonishment…I did not dare to speak giving her time to assimilate what she was seeing
"Alex…" She let out heavily after a while
"There it is…" I spoke slowly "My heart" Strangely, I felt wonderful to share that with her. There was something special about her being the first and only person to see what was so precious to me
"It's…beating" She said bewildered and I laughed lightly sensing she was a little more relaxed by her voice
"It has been beating for many centuries…is what keeps me alive" I said the last word with irony. She dared to get closer to have a better look of the darkened vital organ…
"How is it possible?" She wondered intrigued "And you said you've ripped it out yourself…"
"Yes…that's what I wanted to explain to you" I resolved to tell her patiently "That heart contains the power that makes me who I am" She looked at me with misunderstanding. It seemed I had to remind her who I was besides Alex "The Warden" I said and she turned her attention again to the beating pulp "The heart is my weakest point…the only thing that could kill me" Well, according to the prophecy there was something else that could end me, and it was standing right in front of me, totally unaware of that fact "Let's say that if someone stabbed that heart, then the darkness contained in it would become part of him…"
"And that someone would become the Warden…" She finished my own words, understanding it before listening to the whole explanation
"Exactly" I appreciated her efforts "That's why the first thing it does when it takes possession of your body is forcing you to rip off your own heart…to keep it safe"
"It?" She faced me furrowing her eyebrows
"The darkness" I explained "As you see…I am only another servant of it" I smiled sadly at her
"I see…" She said with sorrow. I continued explaining…
"In the beginning, it had complete control over me…with the pass of the years I began recovering my own self, I learned to differentiate myself from it and to be the one in control…well, most of the time…" I had to clarify "In the end…it is part of me and nothing can free me from it or from the responsibilities that come with being the Warden…" She listened attentive to my words
"Then…you became the Warden because you stabbed the heart of the last Warden" Her words were not meant to judge me, she seemed genuinely interested in knowing
"Yes…I did it in a moment of true despair" I had forgotten many things from my past life, but that specific episode I remembered as if it had been yesterday
"What happened?"
"I will tell you the whole story…about my past life and about how I became the Warden…" Someday I would have to do it, I really wanted to tell her "But not today…I don't want you to know everything about me so fast" I joked lightly, but in reality, it was a topic I did not like to talk about, I did not feel it was time to tell her about my other life. She understood my inner motives and approached me slowly placing her right hand where my heart should be and circling my waist with her left arm
"Thank you" She said looking into my eyes with extreme tenderness. I did not understand why she was thanking me. I knitted my eyebrows together in confusion "For letting me know more about you and…for showing me your heart" She said in the end lowering her voice "You have no idea of how much it means to me" Far from panicking, she seemed to really appreciate what I thought would be for her a gruesome moment.
"And you have no idea of how much you mean to me"
"I think I'm starting to get an idea" She said sweetly and tiptoed to reach my lips better, rewarding me with the warmest kiss. I circled her waist with my hands making her shiver, which made me remember her recent cold. I released her lips reluctantly…
"We should go back…it's very cold in here" At least she seemed to agree. Back in the attic, I moved the large piece of furniture to cover the door again
"Don't you think you should keep it more securely?" She wondered with true anxiety "It seems to me that a heavy shelf and a door so fragile are not enough protection" Her concern for my heart stirred me deeply
"Fragile?" I asked offended "There are things that your eyes can't see…" I said condescendingly as I approached her "This fragile door is protected with very powerful magic…I'm the only one who can cross it…well, and from now on you too"
"Really?" The information appeared to be special for her
"Really…so in theory you are the only one who could damage my heart" I told her jokingly
"I wouldn't dare" She replied with serious resolve despite my light tone
"I know…" At least not on purpose…I kept myself from saying
We walked side by side the way back to the room, she claimed she wanted to stretch her legs after having spent so much time in bed, and I agreed only because I was sure she was feeling better. I noticed Nicky lingering at our door when we were approaching the room…
"Nicky?" I said startling her
"Oh shit!" She turned around holding her hand to her chest "What the hell are you doing walking around?" She said reproachful "I thought you were in the room"
"We went for a short walk" I explained "What are you doing here?" Then I asked just out of curiosity
"I was just passing by to see how Piper was" She said casually "You feeling better?" Nicky directed her question towards Piper
"Yes, I'm feeling better Nicky, thank you for asking" Piper answered sweetly
"I'm happy to hear that…" She smiled at her "Well…I'll just leave you too alone"
"We have not had lunch yet…" I told her suddenly before she began walking away "Would you like to join us?" I felt guilty because lately I had not paid much attention to her. I had neglected her and left her in charge of too many responsibilities
"I…I don't want to bother you…" She said carefree
"I would love for you to join us" Piper quickly added
"If you are going to beg for it…fine!" Nicky agreed easily and I headed to the kitchen to give orders to someone from the service staff to bring us the lunch.
"Are you coming tomorrow?" Nicky asked me already in the middle of lunch
"Where?" I asked warily not knowing what she was referring to
"We must deliver the coal quota and receive the new prisoners" She reminded me
"I'm sorry Nicky…I completely forgot about it!" I had lost the pass of the days
"It's alright, this morning I have already loaded the wagons with the coal, so everything is ready…I can go alone with a couple of guards" She assured me but I did not think it was right to leave her alone in charge of so many things
"No no, absolutely not…I'll go with you…" I told her with a tone that made it clear that I was not open to discussion. I turned to Piper then "If you feel better tomorrow, do you think I can leave you alone for the day?" I asked her gently
"I told you already, I'm perfectly fine...you should not disregard your duties for me" She responded sympathetically "I guess I can't go with you…" She added in the end with hesitation
"You guessed right" I returned
"Can I ask you why?" Of course she had to ask
"It's not something I want you to see" The simple thought of having the prisoners near her was inconceivable
"She's right" Nicky chimed in putting an end to the subject "It's not a joyful task"
"Sooo…" I began cautiously, wanting to ask her about something, but I waited for lunch to be over "How things are going with Lorna?" I asked as casual as I could
"Arghhh" She burst exasperated "I really don't want to talk about her"
"What happened?" Piper was the one asking, triggering Nicky to talk. She needed so little to start talking
"She is getting married with this guy" She said aggravated "Remember, the idiot who was with her in the market?"
"Yes I remember…I'm sorry Nicky" Piper seemed really sorrowful with the news
"So that's it?" I inquired "You are just going to give up?" I was truly disappointed
"And what the hell am I supposed to do?" She retorted surly "Kidnap her?"
"If you ask me…" I said sardonically, because is exactly what I would advise her to do
"Whoa! I don't think that's a good idea" Piper said guardedly and I turned to her to tell her
"Apparently Lorna loves her back…" I argued to defend my opinion "But she is afraid because her family is forcing her to marry this guy…"
"Oh well…that changes everything…" Piper agreed with me. I knew she would be on my side; surely her own experience having been engaged against her wishes would make her think the same
"Are you even listening to yourselves?" Nicky exclaimed "Do you really think it's a good idea to kidnap her?"
"I'm sure that if you give her the choice she will agree to it willingly" Piper said with resolve and Nicky pondered her words but then burst out with frustrated
"I really don't know if I should be listening to you…I don't think you are the best advisers on love issues" Nicky's words were loaded with heavy sarcasm
"What is that suppose to mean?" I asked her slightly offended
"Oh please…" She snorted "Do you have any idea of the work it took me to make you understand what you felt for each other?" Both, Piper and I observed her with incredulity "Yeah…that's right…maybe you did not realize because I orchestrated everything very subtly, but I played a very important role so that you two would end up together" She said smugly
"That's so not true!" Piper was the one who exclaimed outraged
"My bad…you are right…you were not the problem at all" Nicky told her with conciliatory tone "Alex was the one that caused all the problems" She spoke as if I was not there
"What?" Then I was the outraged one
"Oh come on! From the first day I knew you liked her..." She accused me with a smug smile on her face "You were the last one to find out about your feelings even when the last soul in this castle already knew…" She got up from the table suddenly taking a deep breath "Thank you so much for your company and your kind invitation" She said with a flourished voice mocking cordiality and bowed exaggeratedly "I'll go and think about your stupid advice" She said and retired from the table and the room…
"Is it true what she said?" Piper was staring at me with a cryptic look and the shadow of a smile threatening to draw on her lips "Did you like me from the first day?"
"Maybe" I recognized grudgingly. I remembered vividly the first day, when Nicky introduced herself to Piper in the central stairs. The little exchange between them and Nicky's words of endearment towards Piper had annoyed me deeply "But it was only recently that I understood"
"I thought you hated me…" She said softly. Of course she could only think that I hated her
"I did" And it was the truth, there was a moment that I hated her. She was confused by my statement so I proceeded to explain myself better reaching her hand over the table to hold it on mine "I hated what you made me feel…I hated that you seemed to have such a strong hold on me" I confessed staring at her intently "It made me feel vulnerable and so out of control" I had never talked about this subject not even with Nicky, it felt good to get it out of my chest, to explain her why I had been so cruel "Nobody had ever had that effect on me, I was afraid of it so I refused to accept my feelings" She was listening to my words fixedly "I tried to convince myself so hard that I did not care about you, that I hurt you in the process" We had agreed not to talk about the past, but the damage I had caused her because of my arrogance was something that would always hang over my me "You don't know how much I regret having you treated like I did"
"Alex…" She said my name ever so softly and stared at me with affectionate gesture that let me know that she had forgiven me a long time ago "And when did you…understand?" She said after some seconds filling the silence in an attempt to shift the conversation to a more cheerful tone
"The first night you had dinner with me…when I left aside my stupid pride to apologize" When I saw her damaged hands…I remembered with sadness "What about you?" I quickly asked her to erase the bad memory from my mind "When did you…understand?" I wiggled my eyebrows knowingly
"I couldn't put my finger on a specific moment…" She said squinting and continued speaking "I also hated you at the beginning and you were kind of terrifying, still…for some strange reason I could not get you out of my mind" Again I regretted having been so brute with her "Then, after the accident I had the chance to get to know you better and I started seeing you with different eyes but, I could not understand my feelings until…that first night" She ended up saying blushing deliciously and dropping her sight to the table diverting my gaze. I laughed softly thinking about her responsiveness that night; of course I had been aware of her feelings towards me…
"Are you still thinking I'm terrifying?" I asked her lightly, but there was much more in that simple question. She raised her eyes with and incredulous demeanor
"No…I don't think you are scary at all…" She answered with honesty that was clear in her eyes
"Please…don't go saying those things around…" I told her with gravity taking her aback "I have a reputation that I must keep" I finished with mischief making her laugh shortly when she was aware that I was joking
We spent the rest of the day together in that small space of the vast realm of darkness, the only place where I could show my deepest self, where I could exhibit traits that nobody would have ever had the chance to see, because they were attributes that only she could invoke in me…