This chapter has a fair amount of detail in it. It's not much but I guess it would be rated M for that . . .

XXXVI

(EPOV)

Father lead me outside where Carlisle was standing and enjoying the fresh air. He noticed our approach, "Hello. How are we this morning?"

"Esme told you?" father asked.

He nodded with a sad smile directed at me.

"I feel better," I assured weakly, "At least, a little."

He nodded more somberly.

"You're a man of healing," my father said, "Have you ever had dreams similar to a war dream."

Carlisle sighed with a small hint of reluctance in his eyes, "Yes. Many times."

"Perhaps we should have a fathers-and-son talk, then. I'm sure it would help all of us."

He smiled, "I believe it would. Let us go to that balcony overlooking the city. We'll have privacy there."

We agreed and journeyed there in silence. It had been cleaned up a bit. The girls had busied themselves with it. It had a couple of benches made from the wood Leo sent me; the vines had been cleared away; and work was being done on the overgrowth of other plants.

We sat down on the benches and struggled to start. We were all a little uncomfortable but this almost seemed like a duty. We needed to talk of this.

"Why don't we relay our dreams?" father suggested.

I shuddered a little. I didn't want to go back.

"We'll have to face them some time," Carlisle whispered.

We all knew that was true but none of us volunteered to go first. Finally, father took a breath, "Apart from my first dream, I had another that was worse." He breathed in another breath and closed his eyes, "The field was large and almost everyone was dead. My fellow knights and I were wandering through the dead, trying to find our own. It was alright until I found my father. Blood was bubbling up from his lips and he was clutching my arm. His eyes were pleading with me to save him but-" he shrugged, "-I couldn't."

I sympathized by placing my hand on his shoulder. I knew I wouldn't be able to handle that.

He continued, "Then, my mother appeared, crying. She started blaming me for his death, saying I could have saved him. My sister appeared then-"

"I have an aunt?" That was surprising. I had never known anyone from my father's side other than him.

"Had. She died when we were little. She never recovered from an ailment."

I flinched, "Sorry, father."

"Its alright. Anyway, my sister started crying and clutching her stomach. I pleaded with her to tell me what was wrong when she removed her hands. Her dress was covered in blood and I clearly saw the wound on her. Plus the blood running down her legs told me she had been raped as well. Then, she fell over, dead."

I realized father saw his sister die twice and my heart ached awkwardly.

"I soon heard the moans of the rest of my family and realized they were all dying around me . . . Then, I saw your mother. A couple of French knights had her and were in the process of raping her. I couldn't seem to get to her. Then, I heard a child crying." He looked at me, "My dream was just after your mother told me I was to be a father. Though I never saw the child, I knew it was mine and that it was crying out for its mother. The dream ended when I saw a French sword aim for Elizabeth's throat."

I grimaced. That certainly was a horrible dream.

Carlisle took the next turn, "My dreams surround war but not like yours. I see death and attempt to take life from it." He turned to me, "Before I begin, I want you to know that my dreams are not your fault Edward."

I nodded, a little weary, "Okay."

He smiled slightly, "I have had horrible dreams before but, after you joined the military, they became worse. First, I saw you fighting to protect our family and you got injured in the process. I attempted to save you, but I couldn't. It seemed I only made things worse. You drowned in your own blood. I backed away while Esme and Alice started crying over you. I looked at the blood on my hands, seeing only my failure."

Now, my heart felt like it was being strangled, "Carlisle, I-"

"Edward, its not your fault. Its just worry. Its alright."

I clamped my mouth shut and nodded, still feeling guilty.

"Then, Esme cried out Alice's name. I looked up to see her dragging you in the house. You had a different wound and I tried again to save you. It didn't work. The cycle continued again and again until Esme woke me up."

I looked down. I never realized what my actions in the war really did to my family. I felt so bad.

"Edward, you're blaming yourself."

"Forgive me, Carlisle, but I can't help what I feel. I just . . . I just wished I could have realized what my involvement in war really did to my family."

Father laid his hand on my arm, "We all answer God's calling, son. The important thing is keeping together. True, your occupation in dangerous and we all worry but we support you, no matter what."

"That's right, Edward," Carlisle said, "We'll stay behind you and always be there for you."

I smiled a little. Their devotion to me made me feel a little better. However, it was my turn now.

I took a breath, "In my dream, I woke up as I did every other day. It was pretty normal, only I was still training the men of the city and not building strategy with the King's men. Then, the gate collapsed and an army of French soldiers entered. They killed all the men and captured me before I could react. Many stormed the castle and brought all of my family out." I shuddered, "They held us back as they raped the women. They were all screaming and pleading for my help but I couldn't get free." I shuddered again, "Then, they cleanly sliced open everyone's throats, . . . I was tossed out of the city and left to be alone. I walked away, numb. I just couldn't believe what I saw."

Father patted my arm, full of sympathy.

"The part that really got to me was the realization when I was awake. Something like that could really happen and it would be all my fault."

"Edward, don't believe that," father said quietly, "Nothing is your fault."

I sighed and looked down, "But it would be, father. I'm, in part, in the center of all this. The King hates me, the French are seeking to forcibly recruit me, and anything either side does would be brought upon by me."

"Don't think like that," Carlisle said quietly.

I sighed again, "I wish I could do that."

They looked at the floor, reflecting on what was said. I knew my fathers did not wish for me to think this way but I couldn't help it. I felt like I was coming apart.

I suddenly felt the need to have Bella in my arms again. I got up and left, heading toward the kitchen. My fathers had the same idea as they followed me.

We found Bella, Esme, and mother in the kitchen preparing a meal. Wordlessly, we walked up behind them and pulled them into our arms.

"Edward?" Bella asked turning her head slightly, "What's wrong?"

"Nothing love," I whispered into her hair, but I wouldn't let her go.

Similar statements were traded between my fathers and mothers. We held our women close and tried to lose ourselves in the feeling of them. It seemed our talk had revived feelings of dejection in my fathers.

Bella turned in my arms and looked up at me. Her eyes softened and she curled her arms around my waist. Her head rested on my shoulder and I closed my eyes. I fell into her warmth and found some shelter from the lingering truth:

War dreams were a terrible thing . . .

Kind of sad . . .