It was nearly lunch time when Nick rolled over and stretched his well-worked muscles. No matter the current circumstances, he had never been happier in all his life. He loved being needed, being wanted and loved by just one woman. It was the way he was raised; He loved women, grew up in a house full of them. Loved the way they talked, the way they smelled, hell–he loved the way they laughed—and he knew how to treat them right. Something his father had always been adamant about–and it had been the best advice he had ever received.
Instinctively, he reached over to put an arm around Jamey and found nothing but the empty space beside him. Frowning, he opened his eyes and looked around the room—and felt his heart drop.
She wasn't gone, as he always suspected some day she would be—rather she was standing quietly in her white bathrobe, hair piled up on top of her head, holding a cup of steaming coffee. She had opened the window to get the breeze and looking through the blinds down to the street below, but her shoulders were shaking slightly, and he knew that she was crying.
Alarmed, he peeled back the blankets and scooted over her side of the bed. "Jamey?" He set his feet on the floor and rose. "Darlin, what's wrong?"
She gave him a quick glance, just enough for him to see the redness in her eyes and nose, but held out her arm for him to stay back. "Don't." She said softly, as she turned back to the window.
"Don't what?" He asked, confused. He sat back down and waited. His heart hammered in his chest and he felt a sense of foreboding. She was either leaving him or was about to tell him something terrible.
"Don't come any closer." She shook her head, set the coffee on the high-boy beside her and reached up to wipe her eyes.
He frowned. "Why not? What's wrong?"
"I have to tell you everything." She confessed. "I can't sleep anymore. It's all I can think about." She bowed her head and took a deep breath before sitting down on the pillow covered window seat. "It was my fault."
"What was your fault?" He asked softly.
"My son's death. A.J.'s death was all my fault."
"Come on, Jame.." He began, but she looked up at him with a look so haunting, he shut his mouth and decided to let her get it out—it had been a long time coming. "Sorry." He said. "I'll shut up."
"You don't really want to be with me."
"What?" He shook his head. "What are you talking about?"
"I let my son die." She swallowed hard. "I don't deserve to be with someone as fine as you."
He took a deep breath, tried to hide the panicky feeling of dread that was creeping up on him. "Don't say that." He shook his head. "Don't let me hear you say that again. You are the only good thing that's come into my life in I don't know how long. I love you. I want to be with you so you better get used to it. What happened to your son could not have been your fault or you would have been in jail."
She looked beyond him, somewhere up on the ceiling, remembering another time, and he knew that by telling him her story she would relive it all over again. "We wanted to have a pool party for him. He loved the water and he was learning how to swim. Danny..." She looked directly at him this time. "That was my fiancee...did you know that?" She asked.
He nodded. "I know darlin. It's okay."
"Danny didn't want to have a pool party. He hated the water. He nearly drowned when he was a kid and he never went near the pool unless he had to be in it with A.J." She stopped and took another couple of deep breath's. "I pushed for it and in the end I got my own way. And there were about ten neighborhood kids there and the party was really crazy with everyone runnin around and screamin..." Her accent became thicker, more pronounced as she continued. "A little neighbor girl was on the trampoline and she jumped the wrong way and fell down through the little opening on the side..." She looked up at him again. "You know the little opening on the side?" She seemed almost in a trance. She began to pace around the room. "It's amazing how fast and hard a child can fall through it. Trampolines are very dangerous." She rattled on. "Do you know that?"
"I've heard that."
"And they really can be fun but every year there are at least one hundred deaths across the country because of trampoline related accidents." She informed him.
"That's terrible."
"And you know..." She continued. "That me and my sister used to love to play on it when we were younger. My parents bought us one when we were teenagers. We had a lot of fun."
He nodded, not knowing what else to say. "Have you ever been on a trampoline?" She asked.
He watched her, knowing that she was working her way up to the hardest part. "I have.." He blanched, seeing her face turn white, her eyes bleak. He wanted to be close to her, to at least give her the comfort of touch while she told him what had happened. "Come over here." He instructed. "Come sit beside me."
She ignored him and kept walking from the dresser to the window. "The little girl...she fell hard. I mean, her arm was broken about five different ways and she was screaming and screaming..." She began to wring her hands. "Do you know what that kind of sound does to a person? It's awful...really awful to see a child in pain." Her voice rose in pitch and he knew that she was almost there...
"Jamey, sit with me, please."
Again, she ignored him, wrung her hands and shook her head. "And everyone was yelling for us to come and help because we both have had training in first aid...it's good to know first aid." She said un-necessarily . "Everyone should have it in case of an emergency..."
He felt the beginning of tears sting his eyes as he watched her. "I know, honey. I know."
"And Danny was getting A.J. ready for the swimming part of the party. But when the little girl fell, everyone started screaming for us and we ran over...we ran to help her...and it was too late..." She was shaking hard now, and despite the fact that she didn't want to be touched, he rose from the bed and put his hands on her shoulders. "He fell in the pool and the next thing we knew he was floating..." Her voice rose to a hysterical pitch as the tears streamed down her face. "He was floating!" She yelled in his face. " Dead! And ...we.. left.. him ..to ...die!"
She fought him. "He's gone! He's dead!"
"Oh, Jamey...baby it wasn't your fault." With tears now making their way down his cheeks, he forced her hands to the sides of her body and held her. "It was not your fault!"
"It was! It was!" She yelled, struggling to get out of his grip. "Let me go!"
"No!" He yelled back, shaking her slightly. He wasn't about to lose the love of his life. Not now and he would do anything to make her believe that she hadn't been neglectful. "It was not your fault!"
She shook her head, ignoring his words.
"It wasn't your fault."
"Stop it!" Her eyes locked with his, her lips trembling. She was angry. She was hurt, but she was finally dealing with the pain of her loss and he wanted to be the man who helped her get through it. "Don't lie to me."
"It's not your fault." He said again, as another tear slid down his cheek. He made no move to wipe it away, only held tighter to her arms. "It's not your fault."
"When are you gonna stop saying that?" She cried. "You're like a broken record!"
"As many times as it takes for you to believe it!" He yelled back. "I love you and I want to live the rest of my life with you and I will not let you keep believing that you killed him! That's bullshit! It's bullshit!" He was breathing heavy, nostrils flaring, and now, was as angry as she. "If you were to blame than you'd been in jail. What happened was a mistake...a terrible...terrible...mistake! But you have to stop blaming yourself because it wasn't your fault!"
"You can't want to be with me...you just can't." She cried, this time more weakly, defeated. She'd stopped struggling, and he had the feeling that if he let her go she'd sink to the floor.
"I can and I will." He said bluntly. "I want to be with you for the rest of my life." He let one hand go and lifted her face so he could see her eyes. "Jamey...it's you and me. Forever. Period. End of sentence."
"Why? How can you still want to be with me?" She closed her eyes, ashamed.
"Jamey...do you love me?"
"Of course I do." She opened her eyes, reached up and ran a hand over his unshaven cheek. "I love you more than I've ever loved anyone before."
His heart swelled and he had to take a moment to swallow, less he start to cry again. "Than live with me. Live for me and I'll live for you."
"Are you sure you want to be with me?" She asked softly. "Because I couldn't take it if you changed your mind. I just couldn't cope, so please, please be sure that you want me."
"Darlin, you were made for me. There's no one else on this earth that moves me the way you do. That makes me want, that makes me need. You're everything I've ever wanted."
He grabbed her into a bear hug. This time she didn't struggle, only cried and held him as tight as he held her. "I love you, Nick. I love you." She wound her arms around his neck and held on.
"Marry me." He mumbled into her hair.
She pulled back. "What?"
He narrowed his eyes, considered what he was about to ask. "Marry me. Be my wife."