Chapter 36
Gloria remained in Leonard's office for about an hour, talking some with him, but mostly comforting him, she didn't want to push him so she just let him say what he had to say and just acted as a friend. She now knew she had not judged Leonard's feelings to be as intense as they were now turning out to be, they had been much more. She had known he had feelings for Penny, by the way he had been acting with her, but now she could definitely tell he had fallen in love with the young woman. This would make it much harder for him to heal, love was like that, people didn't get over the loss of the object of their love quickly and without a great deal of pain.
It left Gloria torn inside, she wanted so badly to help Leonard feel better but on the other hand she knew that Penny's feelings about him were greatly influenced by the mental breakdown she was having. So she asked herself what good would it due to encourage hope in Leonard, that he would see Penny again, only to have the young woman reject him when she got better. Some one in love would be devastated by the rejection of the person they loved, and with this whole situation that outcome seemed to be the only logical conclusion, to all that had happened, to Gloria. So she decided, she would make Leonard understand that he had saved her and then convince him that if he truly loved her, he had to let her go, it would be hard to encourage him to follow her plan, but she felt it was the best solution for him and that is all she wanted, the best for Leonard.
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Carol was becoming frustrated, and as a therapist she knew that letting frustration control your actions was just lazy excuse to not go on, so she mentally the ignored the last 20 minutes of getting no where with Penny and concentrated on what she had to do next. Penny had barely talked to her and when she did, she only provide one word answers, Carol needed a trigger to open her up and from the notes Gloria had sent to her, that one trigger seemed to be someone named 'Leonard'. So with a new plan in her head Carol jumped right into to a change in their conversation, one that she hoped would finally break the walls set up by her patient.
"Are you missing Leonard, Penny?" Carol asked in a soft soothing voice.
The reaction was almost immediate, the once previous sad lethargic woman suddenly locked her attention on Carol, eyes wide and breathing coming in short gasps. "Have you seen Leonard?" Penny pleaded in desperation.
Even a trained experienced therapist, like Carol, was shocked how much of impact that a person's name could have on a patient. It made her want to lie to the young woman, tell her she knew him and had talked to him, just to keep her in the state she was currently, alert and hanging on every word, but that was unethical and Carol was good at her job so she would never lie to a patient to make it easier on herself. "No Penny, I haven't seen Leonard."
Carol then watched as Penny started to fold back into herself, it made her again want to scream in frustration, so the next thing she did was partly her submitting to that frustration, even though she hated to admit that she did. There was something else mentioned in Gloria's notes to her, something she would have never thought to address to Penny in this way, except she was getting no where with the young woman and she needed something to get through to her. So, with that promise still in Carol's mind, the one she made to her friend Gloria to help this young woman, she did something she even had some reservations about in her own mind.
"You love Leonard, don't you Penny?" Carol then watched her patient, with some trepidation, to see if she had done the right thing.
Again Penny eyes shot to Carol, only this time those eyes quickly became wet and tears ran down her cheeks as she weakly nodded to her, her only words a soft "Yes".
Carol was not an emotional person with her patients, she felt that when you, in any form, became emotionally involved you lost your objectivity as a therapist and losing that meant you were not really helping them at all. So Carol just waited quietly for Penny to get through this moment of emotion, waiting for when she was able to concentrate enough to hear what Carol had to say. There was no lack of empathy on Carol's part or actions, she truly wanted to help Penny, so she just waited for her, Carol needed to get through to her, to help her and this was the best way she knew to get through to this young woman.
The moment Penny seemed to calm, she began, "Penny you know Leonard must really love you too." Carol then waited for Penny to concentrate on her again.
Penny's eyes locked on Carol, the words about Leonard loving her immediately making her become more alert. "Did he tell you?"
Again Carol had to force herself not to take the easy way out and lie, "No Penny, I can just see how much he loves you by his actions."
Penny immediately became confused, "I don't understand."
Carol smiled, a sympathetic smile, one she hoped would calm her patient, "Penny, he must love you a lot to make all this effort to get you well."
Penny thought about her words, they seemed to make sense but there was still something else that bothered her more, "But he left me!"
Penny's outburst now made Carol understand the source of some of her current depression, she was feeling abandoned and after being put to the street being abandon by Leonard had to hurt even more. So since Leonard was the most important person on her mind she needed to remove that feeling from her mind, and she knew how to do that, put the blame on the doctors, her and Gloria, well mostly Gloria since she still had to treat Penny.
"Penny, Leonard didn't leave you, he was doing what he was told to do to help you."
Penny looked at Carol in surprise, "Who told him to leave me?"
Carol took in a breath thinking 'here we go', "Gloria, the doctor you talked to, told him to send you home."
"I hate her." Penny responded with venom, actually surprising Carol with all the raw emotion that came out of her, it was actually a good thing Carol thought.
"Penny, she only want's to help you and I agree with her." Carol now added, hoping Penny didn't turn her off now.
"Why?…Why did you make Leonard leave me?" Penny now pleaded with Carol, obviously looking for an answer to why the most important person to her was taken away.
Carol was in a little spot now, she had to explain to Penny why they separated her from Leonard and she had to do it in a way that the hate she just expressed for Gloria wasn't transferred to her. The raw emotional outburst seemed to Carol to be just the way to do that, just tell her the truth and let her feelings come out. "Penny, you need help, you can't take care of yourself anymore, Gloria can see that, I can see that and after we explained it to him, Leonard could see it. You were too dependent on him, and if you stayed with him you would never get better and Leonard cares for you so much that he will do anything to see you get better. So he brought you home so you could get help and that is why you are here with me now, without Leonard."
Penny wanted to scream, they had taken Leonard away from her, she just wanted Leonard back, so she just wanted to wail till the walls came down, wail until they brought Leonard back to her. "I WANT LEONARD BACK!" she screamed.
The raw emotion was what Carol wanted, but she had to make sure it didn't get completely out of control and it seemed to her now that the best way to get Penny's attention and calm her was 'Leonard'. "Penny, Leonard left you here so you could get well, he sincerely wants you to get better, so I need to ask you, if you love him as much as you say, are you going to dismiss his wanting to help you, reject his feelings about you and just want him back so you can watch him suffer knowing you are not well and there is nothing he can do?"
Carol's words had their affect on Penny, as tears started down her cheeks again, the thought of hurting Leonard verses her missing him was tearing her up inside. "No." she whispered back, after a few moments, to Carol's question.
Carol now knew it was time to sink the hook into Penny, give her a reason to come to therapy and to get better, so in a voice just a little louder than Penny's whisper she responded back. "Penny, I know you don't want to be here. I know you want to just be with Leonard and leave the world behind. But the truth is you are not the person you were before and I think you know that, Leonard knows that. Leonard, me and Gloria all want you to be well and back to that person you were before, so the question is, will you try to get better, like Leonard wants?"
Penny stared at Carol, her emotions all over the place, the words she told her running around in Penny's head and the meaning of them both upsetting her and making her, at the same time, want to please Leonard. "Leonard wants me here."
Carol could tell that Penny was making a statement instead asking a question and she thought she had now gotten through to her so she could get help, but then quickly everything changed. "You're lying to me." Penny suddenly blurted out the accusation, "Leonard would never leave me, you are lying to me."
Carol was stunned and it took a second to think about what to do, but she was very quick minded and she had patients accuse her of lying before. So Carol got up from her seat and went to the door, opening it and looking at the couch for Penny's parents. "Susan could you please come here."
Susan looked surprised first at Carol and then at her husband, but she did as told and followed Carol into the room, Carol closing the door behind her, leaving a confused Wyatt just to stare. Carol then brought Penny's mother into the room, where a now wide eyed Penny sat, and noticing she had Penny's full attention turned to her mother, "Susan, Penny thinks I'm lying to her. She wants to know if it is true that she was sent home to get help and get well, and if Leonard was responsible for sending her home because he wanted her to be in a safe location so she could get help from me." Carol gave Susan a quick glance directly in her eyes to let her know how important her next words would be.
Susan looked at her daughter, who was staring at her now, remembering the words Dr. Gallo told her about her daughter and thinking back to the last few days. "Honey, Leonard did bring you here because he wanted you to get help and Dr. Gallo wanted you to get help too. They said that home was the best place for you, because it was safe, and Carol, your doctor, would be able to help you and make you better."
Penny looked like she was going to cry, first looking at Carol, then her mother again, before looking down at her hands and whispering, "I'm sorry."
Carol turned to Susan as soon as Penny looked down and away, giving an assuring nod and quick smile that she did well before saying, "Penny I'm going to ask your mother to go back outside, is that okay?"
Penny nodded and, "yes" came out in another whisper.
Carol just nodded to Susan then who turned and went back out, softly closing the door behind her. It had all happened so fast that Susan just stood there a minute looking at Wyatt, noticing the concern on his face but she couldn't move, she needed the time to set straight in her mind just want happened. So when she finally did come over, to sit by her husband, she only had one answer when he asked what just went on, "I don't know."
Carol sat down across from Penny again, waiting in silence before Penny finally lifted her head to look at her again, "Penny I need to ask you again, are you willing to get help like Leonard wants."
Penny just stared at her for a moment, her resistance fading, but this time because Leonard wanted her to get well. Her now knowing it was the truth because she trusted her mother wouldn't lie to her about something so important to her. "Yes."
It was then Carol's watch softly vibrated, not enough for anyone to see but just enough for her to feel. The vibration meant she had only five minutes till the session was over and it was discrete enough to make sure her patients didn't know she was timing their session. Carol wished they had more time, she wished they had gotten further, but the session had made some progress so it wasn't a failure and Carol accepted that.
"Penny would you like to stop for now." Carol asked, knowing that Penny would probably jump at the chance to get out of her office.
Penny nodded, "Yes."
"Penny I would like to see you again Friday." Carol then watched as Penny's eyes and expression told her that she didn't want to come back.
However Penny made no response so Carol spoke again, "Penny you know I'm just here to help you. You also know Leonard wants you to get help." Carol was beginning to really dislike having to continuously use 'Leonard' to encourage Penny to agree to her statements but she really didn't have a choice at this point.
Penny nodded, but again didn't say a thing, her resistance so evident to Carol, but Carol was not going to let her win, she need help. "Penny please think, you are safe at home, surrounded by people who love you, brought here by someone who cares about you. The worse is over Penny, you will not be put out on the street again and no one will hurt you here, you are really safe."
Penny nodded, her mind trying hard to analysis the doctors words, the word 'Safe' going through her mind over and over. Home was safe to her, her room was safe and her parents did love her, she knew that, but Leonard was also safe and California, Penny's mind now locked on California and the pain it caused her, California was not safe. She did want to be home, and she did want her room and her parents, she just wanted Leonard too. It was then Penny came up with a thought, if she tried and got well, maybe Leonard would come back to her, maybe Leonard would come to Nebraska to live with her. It was that thought that made Penny finally respond back to the doctor, "Okay, Friday."
It was just a few minutes later that Carol watched Penny and her parents leave her office, she couldn't help thinking about Penny's case and how different it was compared to her current cases. Carol's patients were mostly people who had money, many of them coming to see her, when their only real problem was that they thought they needed a therapist to get through the days of their lives. She spent a lot of time trying to convince such people that they could function on their own, it was sometimes frustrating, trying to convince people that the only therapy they needed was to get off therapy.
However this young woman was different, she had a real problem that would require Carol to really work to help, it would take the real skill, she obtained over the years, and it would be a challenge, Carol could never resist a challenge. Carol had agreed to accept Penny's parent's insurance and waive their deductible, for her friend Gloria, but now that she knew more of Penny's case, she honestly thought she would have taken it for free. She had to give the young woman back the confidence she lost so she could function again in the world and convince her to break her dependency on a man named 'Leonard'. It made Carol suddenly wish she could have met this 'Leonard', to know what he had done to affect Penny so much, in such a short time.
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Gloria stopped by Leonard's office again, a short time after lunch, only to find, like she suspected, that Leonard had not left his office since she had seen him earlier that day. She had even found out that his friend, Howard had stopped by for him, so he could join his friends for lunch, but he had put him off never the less. However Gloria was not so easy to get rid of, at first having trouble getting him to leave his office but finally using their friendship as leverage to get him to go to the cafeteria with her. She was proud that she got him out to the cafeteria, but she still had a lot to do because now he was just sitting across from her picking at his food.
"Leonard what are you feeling?" Gloria softly asked.
Leonard looked up at her, his eyes so sad it tugged at Gloria's heart, but he said nothing, just shaking his head slowly before turning his face back down to the food he was picking on. Leonard really didn't want to talk about anything, he wasn't even sure he could explain to anyone how he felt because he really had never felt like this before. But he did respond to her, "Gloria, I really don't want to talk."
Gloria sighed, "Leonard, just a couple of hours ago you were an upset mess, there is no way you are better now." she told him, her voice soft and caring.
Leonard took a breath then slowly let it out, "That was a mistake."
"No Leonard, that was not mistake, what you did was let some your emotion out to your friend, that is something mentally healthy people do, they don't bottle up their feelings. So please don't start doing that now." Gloria pleaded.
Leonard looked up at her, even he could see her face was full of concern, it actually made him feel guilty because she had always been a good friend, "Gloria, I don't know what to say or even how to feel. I just feel empty, I've been feeling empty all day."
Leonard then continued to talk to Gloria for the next hour while they sat there and slowly ate, Gloria just sitting there listening to everything he said. She only responded when he truly needed a response or when she just wanted to keep him talking, her needing him to talk so she could help him in the future and her knowing he needed to keep talking to get better.
A/N: I'm not a psychologist or have any psychology training, so please understand that I'm using literary license for all these therapist sessions and the characters reactions.