Chapter Thirty Seven
My Love
Dear Draco,
I can't remember the last time I wrote my feelings down on paper. Did I disappoint you? I know that every day I disappointed myself, and that I let you down. I feel so sickly guilty, knowing that I was such a failure in your eyes. I want you to know, that I saw our end before we had begun, and I know that we can never be, not now. You're the first thing I think about when I wake, and the last when I sleep. Have you ever experienced anything so painful, that the only time it doesn't hurt is that brief moment, when you first wake up, and you're too asleep to think of anything? Then in the next moment you're back the way you were, thinking about that same agonizing thought that tortures you. Not even sleep is a safe house, for your face lingers always in my dreams, never leaving me alone waking me up every hour in tears. I wish I could do what I did that night on Lily, I wish I could take your soul, like that ride, out into the night. I am here for you, if you only care, if you would only listen to my words, look at me. You touched my heart. You changed my life, my goals, my future. Love is blind, and I knew it, I am so blinded by you. I love you with all my heart, sharing your dreams and knowing your thoughts. I knew you so well, I knew your smell, I've always been so addicted to you. You were always the only one for me, my love. I love to dream, but when I wake, you always break those spirits and take all my dreams. Remember me, remember us and all we were and used to be. Remember how I watched you cry? I've seen you cry, I've seen you smile, I've seen you laugh and grin. All the times you watched me sleep, planting little kisses on my cheeks. Draco, I want your child, I want to live happily ever after with the boy of my dreams, if he is the one who haunts them. We've had our doubts, and even though we aren't together, we are fine now aren't we? So now we are fine, I cant live without you. But every day that passes you seem to get farther and farther away from me, and I don't know what to do anymore, I'm so frightened. I feel so alone and so lost with no where to go and all I have is you, but now it seems you are no where to be found anymore. You were always my one, and you always will be. And I feel so empty. I still hold your hands in mine, when I'm fast asleep. I still feel your warm breath at night, when I'm alone in the dark. My soul will grow in the shadow of your judgment, forever cloudy and lonely and dark. And every day will be an eternity, but at least now you know me, and all we once were, and could have been.If you only knew the things I have gone through, the feelings I have felt. I can't describe to you these feelings anymore then I can describe the meaning of my life. But I do know one thing, that I am now a hollow shell, and before you met her we were so happy, and so ready to take on the world together. Never forget me Draco Malfoy, for I will never never forget you. I intend on giving you this letting one day in the future, I think it will make things better between us. I just want you to know everything, everything I am thinking. I need to tell you one other things, it is more important then anything I have even told anyone, and if my father finds out he will kill me. You may never read this because ei have it hidden so well, but I will write it anyway. I have a curse on me Draco, a most terrible curse. You have to know, that it is the worst of any curse and I don't know what to do, help me, its called-