37.
Little Earthquakes Max and Liz's Apartment
(2013) Max is
27, Liz is 26
"Hey baby. I'm gonna be late. Don't stay up and wait for me, okay? Love you."
Liz pressed the 'Delete' button on the answering machine as her body tiredly sank down on the nearby chair. While her left hand supported her heavy head, her right distractedly stroke along the curved line of her abdomen.
It was the third night in a row, the eleventh time this month, that Max had called to tell her that he wouldn't be able to make it for dinner and it was starting to take its toll on her emotions.
She tried to suck it up; tried to squelch the feelings and be happy whenever he actually did come home. Because the last thing she wanted to do with the time he spent at home was fight.
But as she looked over at the groceries she had just put on the kitchen counter, which were to be used to cook his favorite meal, she had to bite her bottom lip hard to stop the tears from falling.
She felt abandoned. She felt fat and unattractive.
Not for the first time since she had gotten pregnant, her thoughts turned dark with the idea that the pregnancy was a mistake. They were not ready. Max was working two jobs while trying to fit in his college studies at the same time and she was working as much as she could. She had been trying to find a good job before she got pregnant, but when they had realized that they were expecting, she had given up on her job search because there was no reason to find her dream job and have to tell them that she had to go on maternity leave a couple of months later. That wouldn't look too good on her résumé.
So she was stuck taking whatever jobs she could get her hands on, which usually left her dead on her feet at the end of the day.
And it didn't help matters that her husband had gone missing when her back was aching and her feet were too swollen to fit into her normal shoes.
Taking a deep breath and silently banning herself for her pathetic mood, she brushed away invisible tears with the back of her hand and got to her aching feet.
She walked up to the brown paper bags and started unpacking, only to half-way through realize that she had forgotten to buy milk.
"Damn," she muttered and started to consider her options. To go or not to go. Her feet were telling her to sit down in front of the TV and not move an inch while her rational mind was telling her that they needed milk.
Sighing deeply, she grabbed her jacket and her hand bag and walked out the door. Fortunately, the store was within walking distance of their home and she realized when she got outside that she actually didn't mind the fresh air. It cleared the feelings of resignation that were weighing heavily on her heart and with every step her feet felt lighter.
It wasn't too bad. She could do this. Several women went through pregnancy without a husband at their side. Some didn't even have the father in their life. At least Max was still around. Besides, the reason he was away was because he was trying to save as much money for the baby as possible. He was doing it for them.
They had been through worse.
Her hand brushed down her abdomen again and a small smile hinted at the corners of her mouth. Looking up, her gaze flickered across the street and unseeingly glanced over the people walking down the street. Her gaze didn't register the figures until it wandered across the people sitting at the café and her feet reached an abrupt stop when she saw a familiar face at one of the tables. Her heart froze as her eyes traveled from the bright smile on his face to the pretty blonde girl sitting opposite him.
She forgot to breathe as she stared at them, her suddenly icy hands gripping the bottom of her sweater in a desperate attempt at control. Her thoughts were disjointed and hasty as they fumbled through her stunned mind, parading between shock, disappointment, anger, betrayal, sorrow, hurt and a million other unidentifiable emotions.
The milk completely forgotten, Liz turned and numbly started walking in the opposite direction, leaving the laughing couple behind her. She didn't notice the odd looks she was attracting because of the tears streaming down her cheeks and her fast pace, which looked slightly uncomfortable for a woman in her state of pregnancy.
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Maria and Michael's house
Maria jumped out of the car, closed the door and opened the door to the backseat where Alba was strapped into the baby seat. She unbuckled her daughter, flung the carrier bag with Alba's necessary things over her should, and hoisted Alba into her arms. Kicking the door closed with her leg, she fumbled through her pocket while balancing Alba on her hip, found the car key and pressed 'lock'. The car lock beeped to announce the act successful as Maria rounded the front of the car and started walking up to the small house they had bought three months earlier.
Her steps faltered as she looked up and saw a curled up figure sitting at the bottom of the small step outside the front door. Fear gripped her heart as she recognized the sobbing creature to be Liz.
"Lizzie?" she asked concerned as she got closer to the door.
Liz looked up with red eyes and wet cheeks, the look of pain in her eyes so acute that Maria had to look a way. Liz tried to smile, sniffling back the next sob. "Maria. Hey."
Maria frowned at her, ill-ease flushing through her system. "What happened?"
Liz bit her lower lip, her eyes drifting to the toddler in Maria's arms. "Hey Alba."
Alba looked slightly worried herself, gazing astonished at her favorite aunt who didn't look like she usually did. The unease floated over Alba and she turned and hid her face in Maria's chest.
"Can I hold her?" Liz looked at Maria, her eyes begging.
"Is it the baby?" Maria asked, worried, while she handed Alba over to Liz's arms without a second thought.
Alba continued to look at Liz cautiously, but the small smile on her aunt's lips calmed her momentarily as Liz hugged her close to her body. As close as the bump over her midsection would allow.
"Do you need a ride to the hospital?" Maria asked, wondering why Liz was here if something was wrong with the baby.
"It's not the baby," Liz murmured, brushing a feathery kiss across the top of Alba's blonde hair.
"Did something happen to Max?" Maria asked, barely restrained panic in her voice. Something was really wrong. Liz was acting very strangely.
Liz's face fell and her lips and eyes pressed tightly together as she fought against another set of sobs. God, she hated being this hormonal. Pushing her face into the neck of Alba and breathing in her scent, Liz tried to calm herself down.
"No," was her muffled reply. "He's…happy."
Maria frowned and fished the house keys out of her handbag. With a cautious look at Liz and her daughter, she unlocked the door and pushed it open. "Let's go inside."
Liz nodded and passed Maria into the apartment lit with the afternoon sun sifting through the large windows while Maria closed the door behind them and slowly unloaded Alba's stuff in the hallway.
"I'm just gonna put Alba down," Maria said and reached for her daughter. Alba was in desperate need for a nap and judging from Alba's silence, Maria had a feeling that Alba was going to fall asleep instantly instead of the usual protests. Liz's crying countenance had puzzled Alba too much to remember to be herself.
Liz nodded quietly and watched Alba and Maria disappear around the corner. Sniffling, she got to her feet and started walking around the house, looking at all the small photos of her brother, Maria and Alba in different places and events. Her fingers slowly traced the pictures displaying the familial bliss with broad smiles and contented looks, her sobs catching in her throat.
When Maria returned twenty minutes later she found Liz staring at a photo from last year. Alba was just a couple of days old, being held by Michael in the center of the picture. Maria was standing on his right, a bright smile on her face. Max was on Michael's left, his arm tight around Liz's waist, holding her to his side. As the camera had gone off, Max had leaned over and pressed a kiss to the side of Liz's mouth. The photo had captured the teasing look in Max's eyes and the surprise in Liz's. But mostly, it had captured the complete adoration on Max's face.
"I think he's cheating on me," Liz whispered when she heard Maria walk up behind her.
Out of all possible scenarios, Maria hadn't even considered that one. Her frame froze as she stared at Liz with wide shocked eyes.
"What?" she croaked.
"I was trying to be strong and not give into my insecurities-"
"Liz, you can't be serious," Maria said slowly, staring at her friend as if she had gone 100% insane.
"But I guess all the signs were there," Liz continued, still looking at the photo, avoiding Maria's eyes because she knew that she would feel ridiculous if she looked at her sister-in-law.
"You think Max is cheating on you?" Maria repeated incredulously.
"He's never home and-"
Her eyes still big as saucers, Maria sank down on the arm rest of the couch, her mouth hanging open. "Wait. You think Max is cheating on you?"
Liz sighed in frustration and turned to face Maria. Her voice was sharp as she snapped, "Yes! Is that so hard to believe?"
Ignoring Liz's tone of voice, Maria deadpanned, "Yes. Actually."
"Don't be ridiculous," Liz said. "He's no angel."
"Liz," Maria said with a small smile in an attempt to transmit the ridicule of the situation, "Max loves you."
"He also loves girls," Liz murmured, the pain clenching her heart again.
Maria's mouth fell open in disbelief for a second before she started laughing. Liz swallowed against the laughter and crushed her arms protectively across her middle. "This is not funny, Maria."
"Oh my God, Lizzie," Maria said, her laughter coming to an abrupt end. "You can't be serious! Are you still holding onto his past?"
"He was a playboy," Liz hissed through tight lips. "It's in his nature."
All humor gone from her face, Maria said harshly, "Oh for God's sake! It was all a charade! He told you that himself!"
Straightening her spine, Liz's face turned hard. "Just because he didn't act on it, doesn't mean he didn't want to."
Maria took a deep breath, rubbing her eyes tiredly as she mumbled incoherent strings of words under her breath. Looking up, she said, "Okay, exactly how did you figure that he's apparently cheating on you?"
"I saw him," Liz answered, her words giving Maria the second shock of the day.
"You-you what?" Maria spluttered, imagining Liz walking in on Max having sex with someone.
"I saw him talking to this girl-"
Frowning, Max held up her hand to quiet Liz. "Wait. You saw him talking to someone?"
Liz gave her a warning look. "Let me finish."
"Fine," Maria mumbled, already feeling relieved. If all Liz had seen was Max talking to someone, this couldn't be much more than Liz's imagination pulling away with her, could it?
"I saw him at the café, talking to this…gorgeous blonde girl. They were laughing. And he reached out to touch her hand-"
"Liz," Maria said slowly, trying to find the right words to tell her friend that this might not be what it looked like.
"I know what you're gonna say, Maria," Liz said. "But you didn't see them. I haven't seen Max smile like that in…since before I got pregnant."
"Max would never cheat on you," Maria said.
Liz turned hurt large eyes on Maria. "How do you know?"
"Because I've seen with my own eyes how much he loves you," Maria answered calmly. "And why would he put up with all that bullshit you were putting each other through before you got together if he didn't love you?"
"Maybe he did love me," Liz whispered. "But maybe he doesn't anymore."
Maria raised one eyebrow in disbelief. "Come on, Lizzie. You're having a baby!"
"Exactly!" Liz snapped and walked over to stand in front of Maria, her arms out to her side. "Just look at me, Maria. How can he still love a cow like me?"
Maria sighed heavily. "Is this about you feeling unattractive?"
"No," Liz whispered. "This is about him cheating on me because I'm unattractive."
Maria closed her eyes and shook her head wearily. "I know what you're feeling, believe me. But I'm pretty sure Max doesn't see it like that. He loves you."
Liz's eyes filled with tears as her heart squeezed painfully in her chest. "Then why is he never home? Why is he out having coffee with beautiful blonde girls instead of being home with me? We haven't made love in a week, Maria!"
Maria's eyes widened in theatrical shock and she gasped, "You haven't had sex in one week?!"
Maybe if the prospect of losing Max wasn't looming at the periphery of her mind, Liz might've found that funny, but now she just turned her face away with silent tears running down her cheeks.
Maria sighed, inwardly scolding herself for her insensitivity – Michael was rubbing off on her – and stood up to put her arms around Liz's waist, resting her chin on her friend's shoulder.
"You know, you're married now," she said softly. "What is it they say; Marriage is the death sentence for your sex life."
"That's not funny," Liz murmured.
"Have you talked to Max about it?" Maria asked.
Liz shook her head. "No, I saw them, turned and walked straight here."
Maria rolled her eyes. Right. They were back to how Liz would run away from an uncomfortable situation.
"I wanted to walk up there," Liz interjected when she saw Maria's facial expression. "But I didn't want to come off as the hormonal pregnant wife having a hissy fit."
"So you walked to your friend's house and had a hissy fit there instead?" Maria wondered while furrowing her eyebrows in amusement.
"I'm perfectly calm," Liz said and emphasized this fact by taking a deep breath. Her trembling hands betrayed her though.
"Call him," Maria said.
"No."
"Why not?"
"He's Max. He's gonna laugh at me. Say I'm being silly and wave it off like another little thing."
"If that's what it is then-"
Liz bit her lips together, frustrated towards a breaking point that out of the two she seemed to be the only one to understand the seriousness of the situation. "I saw what I saw! He leaves a message that he's gonna be late and for me not to wait up. I think that he's out working and I see him having fun, meeting with some girl at a café!"
Maria shook her head in amazement. "God, you're really jealous, aren't you?"
"I'm not jealous!" Liz erupted.
"I can't believe I've never seen this in you before," Maria mused.
"If Max is cheating on me, don't I have the right to at the least be jealous?!"
"Maybe it's because Max was always the one acting out on the jealousy that I never noticed your behavior," Maria continued as if Liz wasn't even in the room.
Liz sighed exasperatedly and sank down in the armchair, squeezing her eyes tightly shut, trying to stop the tears from anew falling down her cheeks.
Maria quieted as she saw Liz resignation and bit her lip in sympathy for her best friend. "I'm sorry, Lizzie. I guess I just can't see Max cheating on you. I don't mean to act like I'm not on your side-"
"You should be on my side," Liz grumbled and Maria had to smile at the recognizable stubbornness.
"I'm just trying to make you see Max's side. It's probably not the way it seems."
"She was so pretty," Liz said quietly, large tears rolling silently down her cheeks. "So pretty."
Maria sighed. "You're pretty, Lizzie."
"I'm a cow," Liz murmured. "I hate it. I hate not being able to walk five feet before I need to catch my breath. I hate not being able to tie my own shoes. I hate not being able to make love to my husband properly." Her sobs increased as she exclaimed frustrated. "I can't even see my toes anymore!"
Maria looked at her best friend, pressing her lips tightly together, and really tried, really really tried, not to laugh. But the repressed laughter exploded across her lips and Liz opened her closed eyes in offense. It only took Liz a second before a smile started to spread across her lips.
Picking up a pillow, she threw it at Maria, screaming, "Maria!" while she started laughing herself.
"You're pretty pathetic, you know that?" Maria gasped between giggles, wiping the tears from the corners of her eyes.
"Stop making fun of me!" Liz cried, even as laughter was shaking her body.
"Okay, okay," Maria said and willed herself to calm down through deep breaths. Reaching across the couch she grabbed the phone.
"What are you doing?" Liz asked suspiciously as Maria speed-dialed Max's cell phone number.
"Either you are going to talk to him, or I will," Maria announced.
"I don't want to talk to him," Liz said, folding her arms stubbornly around her waist.
"Fine," Maria said, "I'll talk to him."
Liz grimaced as Maria put the phone to her ear, not sure if it was better or worse to have Maria doing the talking.
"Max, hey. It's Maria. Yeah, yeah. I'm good. How's life on your side? Aha…Okay…Yeah, yep. That's understandable. Yeah. Well, actually… I have Liz here with me."
Liz sank further down in the couch as Maria gave her a pointed look when Max said something on the other end.
"She's…well, not really okay…. Calm down, Max. The baby's fine." Maria looked at Liz and mouthed 'Talk to him', to which Liz fervently shook her head.
"But she's a bit upset," Maria continued. "I think you should talk to her about it." Maria grew quiet as she listened to Max on the other end, before she said, "Problem is she doesn't want to talk to you."
Not being able to stand the pointed looks anymore, Liz stood from her seated position and walked into the bathroom. Closing the door behind her, a new wave of low self-esteem crashed over her as she saw her own pale face staring back at her in the mirror. Her eyes were large and red and her face seemed puffy in places it shouldn't be puffy.
"Oh God," she murmured, new tears falling down her cheeks as she bent over the sink.
She hated feeling like a martyr. She hated being this pathetic, but the evidence was literally staring her straight in the face on this one.
There was a knock on the door and Maria's muffled voice drifted across. "You okay?"
Liz tightened and relaxed her fists along the sides of her body, before she straightened up and opened the bathroom door. "What did he say?"
Maria looked at her concerned and answered, "He's coming over."
Liz felt her heart skip a beat. "He's what?"
"I told him that you were upset about something and that I thought you should tell him yourself what it was and he just said that he was coming over and hung up."
"Right," Liz sighed while her thoughts were running through what this meant. If Max was able to leave whatever he wasn't able to leave before, it more firmly supported that he might be unfaithful. If he had to work, he wouldn't be able to just leave. Would he?
There was a loud knock on the door, causing both Maria and Liz to jump.
Maria frowned. "That can't be him already."
Liz's frown matched her friend as they together walked towards the front door.
Maria barely had time to get the front door open before Max had pushed himself through. His worried flickering gaze fell on Liz and he rushed forward, cradling her face between his hands.
"Are you okay?" he asked breathlessly, his eyes moving quickly across her face to check for any clues as to what might be wrong.
His soft words and his worried eyes instantaneously fired the guilt inside of her and she suddenly felt herself teetering on the edge of apologizing and collapsing into his warm arms.
"No," she mumbled and pushed out of his arms. "Don't do that."
Max looked at her confused, his arms falling helplessly and limply down along the sides of his body. "Don't do what?"
"Don't confuse me with your words," Liz said, her voice trembling with anger and hurt.
Eyebrows furrowed, Max took a step forward and his body tensed as she took a responding step backwards. "What's wrong, Liz?"
"I saw you," Liz whispered and bit her bottom lip hard to prevent herself from shedding the tears that were threatening at the rim of her eyes.
"Saw me?" Max asked, looking at her like she was out of her mind.
Liz's hands moved down her abdomen, as if unconsciously protecting the life inside of her from whatever Max might say. "All those nights you've been away…where were you, Max?"
"Parker, what's this about?" Max asked, taking another step towards her.
"Don't come any closer!" she snapped as she felt the bookshelf press into her back. If he came any closer she wouldn't be able to think clearly. He would confuse her with his words and manipulate the truth. Like he had done when they were younger.
"You know where I am," Max said, his voice harder. "Either I'm working or I'm in class."
"I saw you," Liz sniffled, brushing a tear off her cheek with the back of her hand. "What's her name, Max? How long have you been with her?"
"Wh-?" Max looked at her completely confused. "What are you talking about?"
"You could've just told me," Liz sobbed brokenly. "You could've just told me that you didn't love me anymore and I could've moved on. Instead you have to break-"
Anger flashed across Max's face and he was suddenly very close to her, his hands gripping her tightly by the shoulders. "Liz! You're not making any sense. I love you."
"Don't lie to me!" she cried and pushed his hands away, but he grabbed a hold of her hand and pulled her back against his body.
"No, Liz. You're not running away until you tell me what you're going on about."
"Do you think I'm stupid?" I should've known from the start that I could never hold down a guy like you. "You don't want to have sex with me anymore," I look horrible "and you're not ready for a family yet." I don't want to lose you. I love you so much. I can't lose you. Please don't leave me.
He stared at her, his mouth drawn into a tight line while his breathing was deep and barely controlled. "Are you ever going to see past my history? Are you ever going to forgive me?"
"This isn't about that," she cried desperately. "This is about you having sex with someone else. About you cheating on me!"
His mouth opened to say something but closed again without a sound, his jaw tightening. "You saw something, did you?" he asked calmly. Much too calmly.
"I saw you with this pretty girl. At the café. You were laughing together. I saw you there when you were supposed to be at home with me!"
"That was Tara," Max said evenly. "She's in my class."
"And you would rather spend time with her than with me?" Liz stated sadly.
"You're being irrational," Max said.
"What does she mean to you?" Liz asked, looking up at him with rejected eyes that had a fire of protectiveness shoot through Max's heart.
He could tell her that she should trust him. That she was the one with the problem and that he shouldn't have to explain himself to her. But he knew Liz. Had known her for most of his life. And he knew that if he went down that road he could lose her forever.
That was not an option.
"I've spoken to her twice before," Max said. "We have a group assignment. 40% of the final grade. She's in my group. We were waiting for the third member to show up when I noticed that she was wearing a very nice ring. She told me that her boyfriend had just proposed to her the weekend before. That was probably what you saw, because just after that Tom arrived and we started discussing the project. That was what we were doing when Maria called me and told me that you were at her place and that something had happened."
Swallowing deeply, Liz dropped her eyes.
"She scared me half to death, Liz. You scared me half to death. I thought something had happened to the baby. I thought something had happened to you. And this was it?" He held his arms out in resigned confusion. "This is what made you so upset? Why didn't you come up and talk to me when you saw me? I would've introduced you to Tara. You would've seen that she wasn't a threat-"
"Did you even look at her, Max?" Liz whispered, feeling slightly guilty about what seemed to be the truth, but still being bothered by her feelings of abandonment. "She's gorgeous."
Max shook his head slowly. "I don't see anyone else but you."
Liz sniffled and laughed humorlessly. "What a line."
Max put his palm against the side of her neck to look her closely in the eyes. "It's not a line, kitten. I'm completely and utterly in love with you. You are the most beautiful woman I've ever seen. Everything else is bleak in comparison. I miss you every single hour I'm away from you – and the baby." His eyes drifted to her pregnant shape and she trembled with the hope his words ignited in her. "I'm doing this for us. For our family. I don't want to be away from you."
She felt stupid.
Her bottom lip trembled as she whispered, "You don't think I look like a cow?"
He knew better than to laugh at her, but a smile still pulled at the corners of his mouth as brushed the tears away from her cheek. "You're gorgeous."
"Then why won't you touch me?" Liz mumbled, her eyes large and hurt as she looked up at him.
His eyes shifted with frustration as he tried to understand the train of her thoughts. "I don't touch you?"
"I miss you," Liz whispered. "We haven't made love in a week."
"8 days, 7 hours," Max corrected and Liz face snapped up at him as her mouth fell open in shocked surprise.
"Max, I-" she stuttered, not sure anymore what to say.
Max's hands against her cheek silenced her. "You're exhausted, baby. Every night when I come home you're already asleep or barely coherent."
"Wake me up," Liz said quietly.
He smiled at her crookedly. "You want me to wake you up to have my way with you?"
"Yes," she whispered, almost fervently. "I need you. I barely see you anymore. I see you for like five seconds in the morning and a couple of seconds during night if I wake up to find you next to me."
Max leaned his forehead against hers, looking deep into her eyes. "I love you."
Her voice hitched on a restrained sob. "And I love you."
"I solemnly swear to from now on to make you as sleep deprived as possible through uncountable sexual activities," Max murmured, completely serious.
Liz felt a rush of desire flush her from top to toe and she smiled weakly, "Uhm…okay."
"But on one condition," Max said softly, his breath caressing her face. He continued before she had time to answer, "Could you please try to restrict these hormonal mood swings to a minimum?"
The warm feeling was gone and Liz narrowed her eyes at him, which had him laughing softly and pulling her in for a deep kiss which effectively cut off what she was about to say.
Max loved seeing his wife pregnant, but he still couldn't help but look forward to when she would leave that hormonal battlefield behind her.
Pulling back, he searched her eyes. "Are we okay?"
Looking at him sadly, she whispered, "I'm just alone."
He brushed at a strand of hair whisking against her cheek. "Kitten, I-"
"I'm sorry," she interrupted. "I'm sorry for not trusting you, for jumping to conclusions. I'm just… so afraid that you will…leave."
She closed her eyes at this, knowing how much it frustrated him that she still didn't believe he would stick around.
"Let's go home," he whispered.
She cautiously opened her eyes and peered at him. Noticing the tense line of his jaw she knew that she was in trouble. "Maybe you should go back. You have that group assign-"
His hand found hers and he grabbed it tightly. "No." There was a resolution in his voice that she didn't dare to argue with. "You're coming home with me and I'm gonna do whatever it takes to make you understand that I'm not leaving you."
"Wh-whatever it takes?" she stuttered.
Her breath hitched in her throat as he leaned in close, his breath caressing her face as he whispered hotly, "Whatever it takes."
A tremble of desire ripped through her and blackness flashed across his eyes as he saw that he was getting the message through.
Maria's voice broke through the thick sexual tension. "Are you okay?"
Without looking at her, his eyes holding onto Liz's tightly, Max answered, "We're fine. Thanks, Maria."
Taking a step back, he pulled at Liz's hand. "We're gonna leave now."
Maria looked suspiciously between the couple. How Liz was staring almost transfixed at Max and how he was possessively wrapped his arm around her waist to mould her shape against his side.
"Are you sure?" she wondered, a small smile creeping into her voice. Liz was so gonna get laid. Maria was sure of it.
"Yeah, thank you, Maria," Liz said, her voice monotone and dazed as she stumbled along Max towards the front door.
"Okay," Maria said more cheerfully now. "Have fun!"
Max stopped with his hand on the door handle and momentarily looked away from Liz to meet Maria's eyes. "Oh, we will."
Maria rolled her eyes and closed the door behind them.
"Those two are crazy," she mumbled under her breath.
TBC...