[September 8, 1991]

There were two things Tami really loved about church:

(1) She and Eric got to spend a relaxed hour sitting down and holding hands without having to worry about Julie pulling furniture on top of herself. Their little one was in the church nursery under the watchful eye of a loving nursery volunteer.

(2) Eric looked incredibly handsome in his Sunday suit.

The music wasn't bad either, but God knew she didn't come to church for the sermons. Not that Pastor James was a bad preacher. He was good as far as preachers went, but her mind did tend to drift. Not today though. He was preaching on the scripture that read, "But I say unto you, that whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart."

Tami couldn't help but sneak a sidelong glance at Eric. He gave her a warning look, as though to say she was about to lose the bet. She leaned close to his ear. "I said nothing. That's just Jesus talking." Eric shook his head. She leaned hers against his shoulder, to let him know she was only teasing.

"That's a tall order," Pastor James was saying. "Not even look at another woman to lust after her. I think three things are happening here in this passage. One is this. Jesus sets forth an ideal. An ideal, ladies and gentlemen. But no human person, and no human relationship, is ideal. When we don't meet the ideal," He held a hand high up above his head, "We shouldn't do this," He brought his hand down to his eyes. "We should leave it here," he said, and shot his hand back up above his head again, "and do this." He looked up at his hand above his head.

Tami took a little peek at Eric. He was staring straight ahead, like a soldier at attention.

"That is, we've got to strive for the ideal," Pastor James continued. "We won't obtain it in this world, but we've got to strive. Character is in the striving."

Eric slid away from Tami and leaned forward in the pew.

"The second thing is…sin begins in the heart. For out of the heart comes murder, theft, false testimony, and, yes, ladies and gentleman, adultery. You can't do it until you first think it. And the more you dwell on it, the more likely you are to do it. I think that's what Jesus means."

Pastor James scratched his cheek and continued, "Those of you gentlemen who are married, I think your wives would react very differently to knowing you think about other women – and I know you sometimes do – to knowing you'd had sex with another woman. I think they would react very differently indeed, because those are very different things. But adultery begins in the heart. That's where it begins. So that's where you got to reach down and nip it in the bud, so to speak. Don't let it bloom. Be aware of your thoughts, and redirect them to better objects. Drink from your own cistern, as the author of Proverbs says."

A man in front of them coughed and shifted nervously.

"Because it all may seem very harmless right now," the pastor preached, "but the day will come when the waves start chopping. When the marriage gets a little rocky. All marriages go through tough times. And if you aren't in the habit of studying your own hearts, gentlemen, well…those are the times when that heart of yours might start to lead you astray. I know it's a tall order. I know it seems prudish. But there's a practical reason for these words. Don't beat yourself up when you do it, but when you catch yourself, well…redirect those thoughts to the glorious waters that are running from your own well."

Pastor James glanced at his watch. Today, there'd been some special music, and church was going to run over if the pastor didn't cut it short.

"Last thing. There's a difference between looking at a woman and thinking you'd like to have sex with her, and thinking about the same woman over and over and over again. Lust is active. It's is repeated. Lust dwells, gentlemen. And ladies, before you think I've forgotten you, all this applies to you too. But I'd wager y'all don't have quite the same struggle a lot of men do." He glanced at his watch again. "Let's pray!"

Tami and Eric drove home from church in relative silence. Eric seemed pensive as they ate lunch while Tami chattered about her plans for the rest of the day. Julie went down for her afternoon nap, which was when Eric usually worked-out, now that he wasn't working at the bookstore. However, he lingered in the living room and was sitting in the arm chair when Tami emerged from the nursery. She sat on the couch.

"Listen," he said. "In case you mistook our conversation the other night – "

"- What conversation?" Tami asked teasingly.

"A'ight, our lack of conversation – if you mistook that to mean I dwell on other women, I want you to know, I really don't. I mean, yeah, I'm a man, and I've thought about various women sexually in passing. A single passing fantasy here or there. But I don't have any repeat fantasies about anyone but you. I don't dwell on anyone. I swear. There's no one I desire anything like I desire you. And I'm going to be better about even those casual, passing thoughts. I'm going to…nip that in the bud."

She smiled. "I did not bring this up," she told him.

"I know. I did. It's just on my mind, and I wanted you to know."

"Okay," she whispered quietly.

"I want to be a good husband."

She was touched, and perhaps her tender smile showed it. "I appreciate that."

He pointed to the floor in front of him. "C'mere. Sit down in front of me. I'll give you that back rub."

"I was kind of hoping to do it in the bedroom, you know, so I could take off my shirt and bra and lie down on my stomach."

He suppressed his smile. "That can be arranged."

As they walked back toward their bedroom, she said, "I used to have a fantasy about that in high school."

"Me giving you a backrub without your shirt on?"

"Yeah."

He grinned as he closed the door. "Tell me all about it."

[September 21, 1991]

"Hello…Gretchen is it?" Mr. Taylor asked as he claimed his seat next to Tami only to find Gretchen sitting to the left of her.

Gretchen leaned forward in her seat to look over Tami. She smiled at Mr. Taylor. Not even a smirk, but a real smile. "You remembered my name," she said.

This was the first time Gretchen had bothered to come to a football game. She'd decided she didn't hate football anymore, and she wanted to see Stumpy play live. The Bears were playing Missouri at the home stadium. Last weekend, Eric had been in Colorado, where he'd put in his best performance to date and the Bears eked out a victory 16 to 14.

Even though the weather had cooled, Gretchen had on a short sleeve shirt. She pointed to a butterfly on the inside of her lower arm. "I got some new art. Butterflies suit my personality, don't you think?"

Mr. Taylor snorted and scooped up Julie, who was walking back and forth in the aisle at their feet, and set her in his lap.

"Do you have any tattoos?" Gretchen asked him.

"One that I got in high school, during a foolish, youthful moment."

"Can I see it?" Gretchen asked.

"No. That wouldn't be appropriate."

Gretchen chuckled. Tami shot her friend a warning look that said Absolutely no flirting with my father-in-law, though she was pretty sure Gretchen was doing it just to wind her up.

In the third quarter, a pager attached to the belt loop of Mr. Taylor's jeans went off. He looked down at it.

"You have a beeper?" Gretchen asked. "I thought only doctors had beepers."

"I need it to keep in touch with my workers," Mr. Taylor said, "but this is my wife. I need to get to a payphone."

"You can use my cellular," Gretchen told him, and pulled a thick, black Nokia phone out of her giant purse-like bag and handed it to him. "You have to go out to the snack bar to get reception. And you have to pull the antenna all the way out."

"How do I turn it on?"

Gretchen showed him and he disappeared. A few minutes later, he came clamoring down the stands and practically threw the phone at Gretchen. "I have to go. She's having the baby. He wasn't supposed to be due for almost six weeks!"

Eric, who was on the sidelines during a time out, glanced up at the commotion as his father fled the stands. Tami made a rocking baby motion in his direction, and he appeared concerned.

Eric's distraction showed in the last quarter, but the Bears still defeated Missouri soundly.