Chapter 37 – Love
Christine clung to Mme. Giry. "I am such a selfish woman," she sobbed. "Erik always thinks of me first and he has done so much for me, and I…" Tears streamed down her face and heavy sobs shook her body. Mme. Giry held her in her arms and tried to comfort her. "Now that you know the problem, all will be fine soon," the older woman whispered. "Just don't make him wait any longer." Christine shuddered inwardly. She knew she would have to do it that very evening, she owed it to her Angel to allow him to … But the thought of a man – even if it was her dear Angel, who certainly would try to make the whole experience as little embarrassing for her as possible – the thought of him thrusting into her was enough to make her dread what she would have to do.
Mme. Giry seemed to think that Erik might be able to make her enjoy this activity, but Christine knew that it would be awkward at best, probably more like humiliating and utterly embarrassing, and to think that she would have to actually offer her body to Erik so that he could satisfy his need that way… Then she thought of Erik, how he had always been there for her, helped her, saved her. What had she done to thank him for all his love? How could she even think of the discomfort this would cause her when he was under so much stress? If Mme. Giry was right that he needed this, then she could not deny him any longer. She sighed. She had known this was something men enjoyed and Raoul had tried to convince her that he needed to do this on a fairly regular basis, so why had it not occurred to her that it might also be important to Erik?
It took a while for Christine to calm down, but after a while her sobbing stopped. Mme. Giry smiled at her. "Don't worry," she told her surrogate daughter. "You will be fine. Both of you, I promise. Just remember that you love Erik." Christine nodded bravely. "Tonight," she whispered. "Since I love him, I will have to endure this." Mme. Giry hugged her. There was no point repeating a few more times that marital relationships were something quite enjoyable for a woman, since after her previous experiences in that regard, Christine was not going to believe her until Erik showed her otherwise.
Xxxx
Erik came home from the stables just in time for dinner. He was too busy fighting his own desire to notice that Christine was overly nervous. Spending a few hours caring for his horse had not really helped him get over his most basic need to make love to his beautiful young wife. Mme. Giry was therefore the only one of the three who enjoyed the meal. She observed her two protégés closely. Erik was a mess. This situation had gone on for far too long. She was impressed that he had been able to keep his promise for that long, considering his condition. Christine on the other hand was obviously trying to build up courage for what was to come. Her mind, her memories told her to expect the worst, while her subconscious obviously longed for Erik's touch just as much as he yearned for hers. Mme. Giry was confident that within a few hours all would be well between those two.
After dinner, Mme. Giry did not have to pretend that she was tired. The train ride and the highly emotional conversation with Christine had been exhausting and she was looking forward to a good night's sleep. When she retired to her room, she prayed that Christine would follow her lead and go to bed soon as well, asking her Angel to join her.
Once the two of them were alone, Christine summoned all her courage and faced her husband. How pale he was, how weary he looked. Her heart went out to him and she promised herself that she would do anything, endure anything to get this pressure off him. How could she selfishly think of herself when her Erik was suffering so much?
Christine went over to him and put a hand on his shoulder. "I am tired as well, Angel," she said quietly, "and you look like you could need some rest, too. Let's go to bed!" she begged him. Erik closed his eyes and inhaled deeply. He did not think he would be able to spend even the short period of time at her side till she would be asleep and he could slip out of the room. His need for her was getting stronger every day. "Go ahead," he rasped. "I am not that tired, I will join you later," hoping she would go to bed and leave him to his misery.
Christine insisted. "Angel," she pleaded with him. "I can see that you are exhausted. You have not slept well in days. Your health is at risk. Please promise that you will follow me in twenty minutes at the latest." Erik looked at her. She seemed so determined, and yet somehow on edge. It obviously was extremely important to her to get him to bed right now. Was she really that worried about him? He sighed. He knew that he could not deny her anything when she looked at him like that, he would have to endure the torture of holding her in his arms once more. He would fight his body and make sure he would not disgrace himself and break his promise by kissing her or making love to her. He nodded, unable to speak.
Xxxx
Christine went ahead, picked up her nightgown and changed in the bathroom. The closer the moment she dreaded came, the more nervous she got. "I have to do this for Erik," she kept repeating to herself. "I have to be there for him, when he needs me." She was once again rehearsing the words she would say to him, reminding herself that she could not betray her fear. He would never take her up on her offer if he realized how scared she was at the mere thought of the activity.
When she was finished in the bathroom, she headed to their bedroom. Her hair was not brushed yet, but Christine did not really care. She was very tense and she felt weak. She sat down on the bed, nervously waiting for Erik and steeling herself for the unpleasant procedure she was about to submit herself to. She heard Erik come up the stairs a few minutes later. He would not spend much time in the bathroom. Soon he would enter the room and then she would have to act.
Xxxx
While in the bathroom, Erik had tried to get his body under control with the help of his hand, but once he entered their bedroom, he knew this had been of little use. The sight of his wife sitting on the bed, wearing one of her pretty nightgowns that he had bought for her, blushing deeply when their eyes met, was enough to fill his body with desire again. He quickly sat down on his side of the bed, facing away from her to hide his condition from her, but Christine had noticed. Now that she was aware of her Angel's problem she had furtively glanced at him and noticed the sudden bulge in his pajama pants.
"Mme. Giry is right," Christine thought, "he does need this. Raoul always looked that way when he wanted to relieve himself by using my body. I have to be strong for him." She turned towards Erik, putting her hand on his shoulder. A sharp intake of breath showed her how deeply affected Erik was by her touch. His discomfort gave her courage. "Angel," she whispered. "I know we said marriage in name only, but.. " she hesitated. "It is okay, if we do it." She exhaled deeply, glad that she had found the strength to tell him. Erik quickly turned around and faced her.
"Christine, please," he rasped. "Don't play games with me. I know that you did not want to get married, that you did not want to have marital relations with anybody ever again, and that that includes me." She nodded. "It is true, Angel, that I did not want to. I do not really like this… activity," she added shyly. "But I know that it is important for you men, and that you need to do this in regular intervals." She blushed deeply, pointing at his bulging pants. "When Raoul was like this, he always told me he needed relief. I can see that you need it too, but you are not going to ask me, since you promised me the marriage in name only." Erik looked at her, barely able to stay in control of his conflicting emotions. "Christine, you have no obligation whatsoever towards me," he mumbled. "And I do not want you to do this out of pity of my condition. I am deeply ashamed that I could not hide my problem from you, since you have obviously guessed it."
Christine trembled. "I do not pity you, Angel," she whispered. "I feel so bad that I have withheld relief from you for so long. Really, it is okay. If I could do it for Raoul, I can certainly do it for you." Her fear was suddenly gone. Erik's reluctance to take her up on her offer, when it was so obvious that he needed her help badly, warmed her heart. "Maybe it won't be so bad after all," she thought. "He won't humiliate me more than absolutely necessary, and afterwards, he'll hold me and comfort me and apologize to me for having used me like that, and then all will be well."
Erik felt dizzy. How often had he dreamed of making love to her? Then why did he still hesitate when she finally told him he could do just that? Could he take her up on her offer? Would she not regret it in the morning? He was still considering what to do, when she looked at him hesitantly. "Let's get it over and done with, Angel," she said. "Really, I don't mind. Just…" she paused, blushing deeply. "Just tell me if you want me to take off my nightgown, or if it is okay if I just lift it up a bit, like that."
With these words Christine lay down on her back, spread her legs and lifted her nightgown up, exposing the lower part of her body, thus giving him access to her genital area. Erik averted his eyes, deeply shocked. "What are you doing, Christine?" he asked. "You do not expect me to use you like… a commodity? Quick, cover yourself." His whole body shook. The sight of her exposed body had aroused him more than anything and he could barely refrain from ravishing her on the spot. On the other hand, seeing her lie down and spread her legs like a cheap whore hurt him terribly.
Christine forced a smile on her face. She sensed his tension and knew that she had to convince him to get his relief. She got up and knelt behind him, leaning against his back. "You can do it, Angel," she whispered. "It's no big deal. All married couples do this. I have been a bad wife to you by denying you this so far, but I know now that I did not have the right to do so. Please."
"All married couples do this?" Erik repeated, appalled. "Are you trying to tell me that this is… that Raoul… that he just stuck his… that he did it this way?" Christine nodded, blushing deeply. "Of course, Erik. You may not know this, since you have not been married before, but that's how it is done. The woman lies down and spreads her legs and her husband…" she turned an ever darker crimson red. "He thrusts into her body," she whispered.
Erik shook his head. Understanding suddenly dawned on him. If that was her experience with intimacy, it was no surprise that she had not wanted to remarry. "You are right," he whispered. "I know nothing about such things. I have never made love to a woman. None would have wanted me, because of my face, not even a whore. I have absolutely no experience in this area. But," he continued, "I do know that it should be something really wonderful and intimate, a celebration of the love that unites the couple, a mutual kissing and caressing, a worshipping and exploring of each other's bodies, slowly building up desire in each other, slowly preparing each other for the final climax, the moment of joining, when the two bodies become one."
Christine listened to him, her eyes wide in wonder. What Erik described seemed like something totally different from what she had experienced so far. It did not sound awkward or humiliating at all, it sounded like something grand and sublime, like the thing she had been longing for those past couple of weeks but not been able to name it.
"That does sound wonderful," she whispered, her voice thick with sudden desire. "Can we try it that way, Angel? Please?" Erik turned around to face her. "It should only be done between people that love each other," he objected. "I know that you care for me deeply, but your feelings for me are only that of friendship. Therefore it would not be right for me to .." Christine shook her head, smiling at him with all her love, and finally the words that Erik had dreamed of for so long escaped her lips.
"I do love you, Erik," she whispered. "It took me a while to realize it, but I think I have always loved you." Erik could not believe his ears. "But Raoul,.." he asked. Christine looked down, ashamed. "I thought I was in love with him. We had known each other as children, and I had somehow always expected that sooner or later I would marry him. He seemed the kind of man every girl dreams of," she added. "And I did care for him. He was the first man to ever kiss me." Erik sighed. If he had revealed himself to her a bit sooner, if he had started courting her before Raoul returned into her life, if he had been the first one to kiss her, would she have been his then?
"It is not that I did not love Raoul," she continued, "but I think my feelings for him were more those one has for a friend, a brother, a cousin, the boy one grows up with together, whereas you,…" she snuggled up to Erik even more. "You are my universe. Without you, I feel incomplete, but with you…" she blushed. "In your arms I feel safe, when I am with you, it feels so right, when you are holding me, I feel at home, where I belong."
Erik listened to her as if his life depended on her every word, his heart singing. "Can it be true?" he whispered in awe. "Do you really love me, the hideous, disfigured freak?" Christine's hand reached for his deformed cheek, gently caressing it. "I love you, because you are sweet and caring, because you understand me like nobody else, and because you are always there for me when I need somebody. Your face does not change who you are as a person, and it is this person that I love, have always loved."
Erik hesitated again. "Would you allow me to kiss you?" he asked shyly. Christine beamed. "Oh Erik, I have waited for so long for you to kiss me," she said. "Don't you remember, two years ago, when I… " she interrupted herself. She still felt awkward about having kissed him first then. "It did feel so right," she added. "Did you not feel it as well?" Erik nodded. The memory of those two kisses had kept him going after he had lost her, and had helped him deal with the current situation for the past few weeks.
Reverently he lowered his lips onto Christine's, who immediately responded to his kiss, relishing the feeling of his lips on hers, quickly parting hers to allow his tongue access. The moment their tongues met, both moaned in pleasure. They wrapped their arms around each other and tried to pull each other closer. Christine felt a warmth spreading inside her, a need for fulfillment that she had never experienced before, and when Erik's lips and tongue started to work their way down her throat to her collarbone, the warmth within her reached the point between her legs. A sudden desire to feel skin on skin overwhelmed her and she began to work on the buttons of Erik's pajama shirt. Her hands slid up and down Erik's bare back, before reaching lower, underneath the elastic band of his pants, cupping his buttocks, pulling him closer to her. At about the same time, Erik had managed to free her breasts from the nightgown. His tongue brushed lightly across her exposed nipples and Christine thought she would die with pleasure. How could she have survived so far without this exquisite delight of Erik's caresses?
Erik took his time. As urgent as his need for her had been, now that he knew she was his, now that she sighed and moaned under his caresses, begging him not to stop, now he found it in him not to rush things, to savor every moment of it, to truly turn this into a celebration of their love, into a memorable experience for both of them. He sensed that Christine was ready for him, long before he finally entered her. When he started to move within her, she quickly found his rhythm, and together they neared a climax neither of them had thought possible.
Afterwards, they lay in each other's arms, naked, their legs entwined, feeling each other's skin. Christine smiled at her husband. "This was the most wonderful experience of my life, Angel," she whispered, her face glowing. "I never knew it could be like this between husband and wife."
Erik pulled her closer. "I did not know it either," he confessed. "But I always hoped it would be like that – between us." Their lips found each other, and met one again in a kiss of pure love and strong passion.