"In My Place"

I blinked at Sasuke, whom I distinctly remember being shorter than myself, as he glared down at me with an intensity that could chill nearly anyone's blood. Luckily I was already immune to a much more intimidating pair of black eyes.

Scared? Nah. Confused as all get out? Absolutely.

Mind spinning, I thought of ways to deflect his incoming interrogation. But, before I could let my anxiety race away with my brain, I held up a finger and turned on my heel, slamming the door in Sasuke's utterly shocked face.

This conversation was not happening right now. Seriously. Fifteen seconds ago I was being ravaged by his impossibly beautiful older brother who is undeniably the most evil person ever to live behind Konoha's walls. And not to mention that under this fluffy pink robe, I wore the sad, tattered remains of my favorite pair of black leggings with only a few strips of bandages hanging from my torso from some very harsh, fantastic, bruise-inflicting lovemaking.

Flinging the robe away, I fingered through the different shirts, ones I had forgotten even existed, and somehow resurfaced in my newly organized closet. My face burned hot as I peeled the remnants of fabric from my sweat chilled skin. In the bathroom mirror my face blanched at the arrival of ten pink fingerprints on my butt from where Itachi clutched. I'd get back at him somehow.

Adorned in a long blue t-shirt and fresh pair of ankle length black tights I returned to the front door to find that it was slightly ajar. I peeked through the crack then swung around to see that Sasuke had seated himself at the kitchen table. Thank gods I decided to get dressed in the bathroom for once.

"No, really, just come right on in." I muttered sarcastically to myself with a frown as I slid the door closed. Using my blood limit, I assured myself that there were no signs of Itachi before waltzing over to the younger teen. I felt a tiny knot of contempt tighten in my stomach toward the kid who interrupted such a fabulous kiss and make up session with my lover. Whenever things were beginning to smooth out there was always a new bump in the road.

How would the he have reacted had he just barged in without knocking? I had no locks on my door, he easily could have. What a scene that would have been. Talk about awkward.

Dragging one chair out loudly, I plopped myself down across from the young man with eyes narrowed and lips tight, "Do you invite yourself into everyone's house, or is that a courtesy you reserve just for me?"

Fidgeting with a piece of jagged wood from the old table with the nail of his index finger, his emotions felt somewhat remorseful, embarrassed even, but that wore off quickly as his intense anger reasserted itself as the dominant emotion. The slightly narrow-eyed look on his face told me that I was not avoiding this discussion easily.

"Tell me everything you know about them," He demanded, leaving the defenseless piece of wood alone only to glare at me instead. "The Uchiha."

I folded my arms over my chest defiantly and rocked the chair back onto two legs to act at ease, "What do you think you could learn from me? Arashi never really told me much, only that you guys are, as she would say," I raised my eyebrows and using air quotes, "'awesome'."

Eyes black as pitch peered into my soul, seeing through my meager attempt to dodge the truth. Under siege of his dissecting eyes I felt nude. It was more unnerving than Itachi's detached appraisals during intercourse. My face lit up red at the thought. His eyebrow quirked. My face felt like it could ignite at any moment. Gods, I hope Sasuke can't see into my head.

"You're lying," Sasuke's hands clenched into sinewy fists, each knuckle tipped with white bands of tendons. One of them cracked as his muscles tensed.

What to do, what to do. Hmm. Okay, option one: I could just tell him that yes, I am lying, but that I can't give him any more information because I'm under oath or something totally believable like that. My fake smile faltered slightly. Then again, those Sharingan could probably see right through such a flimsy lie. I really hated that stupid blood trait. Stupid Uchihas.

Option two: tell him that I know nothing. That I'm a total dimwit with no working knowledge of the Uchiha or their clan killer. No, that would never work. My transparent emotions would show through my face. Not to mention he already knows Arashi was my best friend. Damn it! I wished Itachi could tell me what to say. If I did the wrong thing here it could spark up our recently doused tiff, I was not going to be the one to start that up again.

Since there seemed to be no way to avoid the inevitable, I tried to stave it off with unassuming naivety, "What do you think I'm lying about, sweetie?" I smiled as I dropped my chair back to the floor and propped my face up with my hands innocently.

Black and harsh, he glared at me, loosening his tight fists, "You were there that night," his voice lowered, eyes narrow. "You saw the destruction first hand."

"Oh," my heart felt as if it had been popped like a balloon as horrific images passed over my eyes. I had to get him off my back, this was very dangerous territory to tread. "From what I remember, you were there too. I'd hate to spark some horrible memory or something."

"Of course I was there," shaking his head a little as if I was irritating the crap out of him. He muttered some insult under his breath that I pretended not to hear.

"Well then there's not much I can tell you that you wouldn't already know." I shrugged my shoulders to my ears and smiled sadly up at his anger filled expression.

His face took on the appearance of a moping child. I couldn't help but feel bad for the kid. Here I was, pretending to be totally ignorant while only minutes ago, I was having a screaming fit with the person who caused both of our losses for the exact same reason this boy sat across from me now. Of course, Sasuke's hardships were far more extensive, but we both suffered losses at the hands of his older brother. I was simply stupid enough to fall in love with that particular murderer, "Sasuke, I'd really like to get back to sleep. Can you please just get to the point?"

"You were not sleeping."

A nervous giggle chirped from my lips, "Uh, what?"

"I saw you through the window," he muttered enigmatically. My heart plummeted to the gease laiden tiles beneath our feet. I felt my plasteres smile twitch nervously, the barrier preventing me from telling him everything was wearing thin.

"You were shouting at your reflection." He added.

My mouth fell open, a little out of relief, a little out of astonishment.

That son of a…

Itachi probably used some kind of genjutsu. Though I guess when you live as a missing nin for a few years you know that anything that can go wrong will go wrong.

"Yeah," I blushed, Sasuke now probably thought I was off my rocker, "I get angry sometimes.

I looked up just in time to catch his eyes as they softened. He noticed my curious gaze and fixed his absorbed expression immediately. "Me too." He claimed, "You and I are angry about the same thing."

I stupidly goaded him, "And what would that be?"

Sasuke's already clenched fist tensed. One knuckle cracked, "The guy who took everything from us."

The tightening grip of word-vomit was threatening to spill, so I bit my lip, "Sasuke, listen, I know you're upset, but I don't think you can compare your losses to mine."

"Kaz died horribly." He pointed out cruelly, without the slightest sense of respect for my feelings on the matter. I frowned as my heart squirmed in my chest. "Does that make you want to hurt the ones to took him from you?"

I bit down harder, the metallic flavor of blood burst against my tongue. Yes, once or twice the thought had crossed my mind, but I knew that this was a part of the lifestyle we had all chosen. Life and death were on a knifes edge, one tiny push in one direction or the other could send someone spiraling into a truly awful existence. Sasuke was standing on the very point of that blade right now.

I thought about my words carefully and began speaking honestly, "I'd considered it briefly." I curled one leg beneath me to sit more comfortably, "But hurting someone else's child, or brother, or sister, will not bring back the people I've lost."

"You're a fool if you think I believe that," his expression darkened, "The one who killed my clan has no one left to miss him."

It was like a knife was drawn across my heart's tender muscle. There was one person who would definitely miss him, and that woman was sitting right in front of you you dimwit! "I'm going to tell you something I've never told anyone else if you're willing to listen."

Eyes black as beetle's wings watched my mouth as I spoke, waiting for my story.

I leaned my cheek heavily on my palm, bending my wrist painfully as my eyes fell on my scarred left hand that sat unabashedly on the table. Sasuke's eyes followed. I took a deep breath and began, "I was once an acclaimed assassin for the Torture and Interrogation Corps." His eyes seemed to widen at the admission, he had probably never pictured someone who looked like me as a killer. I had to concentrate not to laugh. "Since I was about your age I've been trained as a killer for hire using my family's fighting style. This meant using the very specialized skill of lightning element chakra to slow, or even stop, a person's nerves as they fired," my heart fluttered painfully, remembering the white eyes of so many dead men and women. "It was easy at first, a way to channel the hatred I felt for… a certain person." Sasuke's eyes shot from my hand to my eyes then back again thinking that I wouldn't notice, "That was hard for me. I'm not a hard-hearted person. In fact, I'd say I'm a huge softy. I love people, and animals, and seeing people smile." A broad smile pulled at my cheeks only to fall into a deep frown. "To make myself take a life from someone was devastating to my soul." The undersides of my eyes felt heavy. "One day I had to kill a man as my partner forced him to talk about a potential attack on our land."

The seizing, hard pain in my chest twisted at the memory of that man's pleading eyes. I shook my head like a dog to rid myself of the images as I lifted my hand to inspect my dangerous little fingertips. "Each heartbeat strained. I could feel his nerves firing uncontrollably in a feeble attempt at keeping his body alive. While I was killing him I found a photograph in his pocket. It was a young woman with two little girls with words written for him to read. It said, 'I love you, always.'" I glanced up to meet Sasuke's eyes. "Are those the words written to a person they never want to see again? The photo was worn and faded from the many times he had held it in his hands, he probably wanted nothing more than to return home to his wife and children. It made me wonder. Is it that good people turn around one day and decide to do bad things? Or do bad people decide that they will do good things to make themselves feel better for the evils they had already committed?"

The meaning of that woman's words all that time ago impacted my heart. I empathized with her, because I knew the feeling of being in love with someone who may not do the right things. Those words always stuck with me, because they were the exact ones floating through my mind when I met Itachi again five years after he killed his clan.

Sasuke's blank expression held some contemplation that lingered deep in his eyes. My words meant something to him. I only hoped that he could understand what I was trying to convey. That everyone has someone who will miss them when they're gone, even if they're the bad guy.

"You're a weak ninja who allowed your emotions to affect the mission at hand."

Throwing my hands out to the sides, my chair nearly tipped backwards, but I caught myself by wind milling my arms spastically. Ugh! Such a frustrating boy! "Were you even listening! Yeah, I killed that guy. It was brutal and merciless. By doing so, we prevented a major attack on innocent people." I let out an exasperated growl before pressing a palm to my eye, leaning my elbow to the table to hold up my head. "The point is that there's always going to be someone who mourns a loss no matter who they are. I'm telling you to understand that human lives are precious, not to be destroyed for revenge."

He blinked at me as if I just spoke in tongues.

I wanted to break his pretty little face.

I pressed my palm to my cheek as I sunk closer to the table, defeated. "It's like I'm talking to a brick."

"Some people don't deserve to live," his narrowed eyes looked me up and down suspiciously, "Was it hard to kill? Did it take away your suffering?"

I had to be careful with what I said here. Time and time again, my brothers and I would get into deep discussions like this, they would always word things to try and make me do the right things. This was my chance to try and help Sasuke make the right decision. Or, for the very least, the right decision in my eyes. The decision not to kill Itachi.

"No, it didn't help," I claimed, "It distracted me until I realized that I was doing the same things he had done. The only difference was instead of killing innocent people, I was killing bad guys. It was the hardest to kill when I didn't agree with the reasons, but I never had a choice in the matter."

"So, what you're saying is that you compared your missions with his senseless act of murder, which made it somehow more difficult?" The boy arched one fine eyebrow dubiously.

Closing my eyes to restrain the urge to knock him out, I took a deep, cleansing breath, "Think about what you're saying. Obviously I don't compare myself to that guy. He killed my best friends, children, infants; people who were no match for someone like him."

"He will die for what he did," Sasuke announced, his round cherub face hardened. "Whether or not you care about him is not my problem."

Pulsing heartbeats thrummed within the shell of my ears, effectively drowning out Sasuke's voice. I gulped, but my throat was dry as a bone. Scared that he somehow discovered my connection with his brother, I thought of ways to explain it all away. If he had, I couldn't even comprehend the hate he would feel toward me, toward my particular interest in him. I imagined how angry he must have been when we last saw each other in front of the compound.

A lucky cosmic boo-boo caused my to choke on thin air as a coughing fit made me double over, hands over my mouth, nearly crying from the stress. It was the perfect cover to give me more time to think of something to say. Catching my breath, I pounded on my chest lightly with a soft fist and a smile, collecting myself slowly.

"Sorry about that," I rasped, "Do you want some tea?" Placing a hand on the table to lean against, I started to stand, but hesitated for Sasuke's answer. The irate glare I received at the suggestion made my hairs stand up, so I sunk back to the chair like a chastised puppy.

Sasuke's stern face was betrayed by heartbroken emotions as he demanded answers, "Don't try telling me that you didn't know him, I know you did."

Vomit burned the back of my throat as the truth burned the tip of my tongue. I clamped my jaw, shutting away the words that yearned to escape. I made myself think carefully. What do I tell him? He shouldn't know about Itachi and my relationship, he was too young to remember the few times we met as kids. He should only know about my relationship with Ryu and Arashi.

The side of my lip pulled up into joyless smile, "Personally, I didn't know him too well. Arashi and Ryu were some of my best friends, I could tell you anything and everything about them, but Itachi," I watched him wince away from the name, "he was a little more, I don't know, 'standoffish' than the others." Sasuke's suspicion was palpable. I backtracked, "I saw him around sometimes, though. Arashi used to train with him, so we met in passing, but it was nothing too memorable," I shrugged, softening my face in hopes that he would believe me.

Sasuke looked me over with a disappointed scowl. I had to hide the smug shoulder dance of success that wanted to wiggle free from my body. Damn, I'm a great liar.

Sasuke's tight fists shook a little as he glared at the air in front of my face. That's the same look Itachi gives me when he knows that I'm lying; completely devoid of emotion, eyes intensely thoughtful as they dissect my every word and syllable.

Never mind. I'm an awful liar. Heat rushed to my cheeks, I stood abruptly to busy myself by actually making tea, hoping he wouldn't see the guilt on my face.

"Tell me everything, not just what your selective memory decides to give away." I heard his quietly commanding voice behind me.

My shaking hand opened the metal top of my teapot. "Uh, let's see," I bit my lip and filled the thing with water, feeling Sasuke's eyes burning a hole through my back, "He dated a girl from the village. He liked some restaurant around here; Arashi sometimes went to keep him company and dragged me along. He graduated way before the rest of us, so we never had classes together or anything. I don't really know what else to tell you."

I told him very superficial facts so he couldn't detect how much I was hiding. Then, the kicker. I spun on my heel and pointed at the ceiling, as if I'd just remembered the most important thing in the history of all things. "Oh yeah!" The exclamation made Sasuke jump a little, but he played it off as nothing. "There was this one time, I think you were there, we all had dinner together at the cafe downstairs. All of my friends were there and you knocked me on my ass." I giggled, "You were so little though, there's no way you'd even remember it."

My giggles ceased at the image picture of contempt before me.

"That's how I figured it out."

I halted mid laugh to place a hand on my hip and remove the pot from under the water and onto the open flame of my stove top, "And what did you figure out, exactly?"

"You and that guy were," he made a face of total repugnance, "together."

The world went dim for a second, and I realized I'd stopped breathing.

How could he know that?

The flames licked the bottom of the teapot causing it to whine and snarl as bubbles began to erupt.

"What did you say?" He asked plainly.

"Huh? I didn't say anything," I smiled innocently over my shoulder.

"You're an idiot," Sasuke pointed out.

Stupid, stupid, stupid. My brain-mouth filter needed a serious upgrade.

"I'm going to kill him. I only came here for answers. Did you know that he was going to end my clan?" he demanded indignantly, threatening almost.

The squeal of boiling tea water punctuated the moment. I almost had a damn heart attack as I fluttered around the kitchen to find my oven mitt that was suddenly missing. How did he know this stuff? And why did he feel the need to talk about it today? I hadn't spoken to him in months, why bring it up today of all days?

Time to take another tactic. The broken hearted fool in love.

"We were never 'together'" I used air quotes, "and I don't know why you would think something like that," I took the pot off of the stove as it whistled the sad cry of a lost fledgling. "When we were young, all I wanted in the whole world was for him to see me for who I was. But, just like every other guy on the planet, he saw me more as a spectacle than a person," I frowned, "An anomaly like me had no business with an elite Uchiha, you know that. No, I had no idea what he was planning. We never really spoke much, and even if we had I doubt he would have said anything about it. When I found out what he did I…" Tears choked my words and threatened the backs of my eyes as the memory of that night flooded my mind.

That horrid smell of blood and metal. Those pin wheeling, blood red eyes. I bit the inside of my lip hard enough to push the memories back into my skull. Itachi and I just talked about this, I needed to try and let the pain go.

But, it was no use, a thick tear dropped down my face as Arashi's horrifying face flashed into view. I clutched the counter's edge behind me to keep from toppling to the ground with grief. I choked back a sob and lifted my face to seem stronger than I really was, "He was sick, Sasuke. Twisted and sick. A sociopath who took everyone and everything for granted. He had this ability to make you feel so insignificant, like you were nothing." My eyes fell to the ground, realizing only after I spoke how much truth my words actually held.

Sasuke's fists loosened and I looked back to his face. Dark eyes transfixed on the two steaming teacups behind me. There was a disheartened absence as he tried not to look at my tear streaked face. I got the sense that he felt somewhat sympathetic. I couldn't help the guilt that pitted my stomach at this betrayal of his trust.

"Tell me about Ryu and Arashi," he urged quietly into the darkness. For a brief moment, I wondered why he wanted to talk to me of all people about his deceased, or otherwise indisposed, family.

Then it hit me.

He was looking for fuel, for more reasons to hate his brother. That's why he came here tonight. Dreading the thought, I sighed heavily, "Arashi was my best friend and Ryu was a kid with a huge heart. We went everywhere together. It was the hardest day of my life when I had to identify their bodies." My heavy eyes lifted to his distant gaze, like he was considering an extremely important decision, "Sasuke, I hate to ask, and I know how hard it is to keep all of this inside, but what really brought all of this up? Is there something I should know about?"

The popping sound of each knuckle cracking made clear his implication. Worry carved into the walls of my heart.

"Mind your own business," his jaw set, he looked to be pouting as he jerked his face to the side, eyeing up the front door, ready to bail as soon as the circumstance arose.

"It's my business now, kid," I cocked an eyebrow at the boy satirically. "You can't just invite yourself into my house in the middle of the night and expect me to go along with your little cross-examination without questions of my own. I'm pretty awesome, but I'm not quite a saint," I smiled ruefully, "So spill it."

Abruptly he shoved away from the table and stood, the grating sound of my chair digging into the floor made me wince. I face palmed. That would be a real bitch to fix.

His steps tapped in quick succession as he strode out the door. His hand hesitated on the handle before swinging it open, allowing the chilly night air to raise bumps on my arms.

"Wait!" I looked away from his retreating form to the chair he'd recently abandoned, "Whatever you end up doing with yourself, please know I'm here for you." My whisper carried through the darkness. By the time the words spilled from my lips, he was gone.

The silence was dense and comforting until heavy hands quietly dropped over my shoulders. I wanted to think that this was his way of agreeing with my pledge, but I knew better. Itachi hated his family, I would never know why, but he did, and he took care of that problem by killing them. In doing so he created a dangerously cold spirit inside of his little brother.

In that moment, I wanted to absorb him into my body and protect him from the inevitable. But, Itachi had made it clear on several occasions that he was going to kill his little brother. Or his brother would kill him. I wanted to argue, to yell and fight, claw and cry, do anything to change his mind. But, if there was only one impossible thing in this pliable world, and it was the unachievable dream of changing Itachi Uchiha's mind. He had to die by the consequences of his decisions, and I hated that. I hated that I wholeheartedly agreed, that he allow his baby brother to exact vengeance for his mother and father's pointless deaths. There was a chance he would survive, but I doubted he would live much longer afterwards anyway. The cancer was ravaging his lungs, spreading a little further every day, and he simply allowed it to happen.

Living with consequences of foolish decisions included this stupid decision to stick with Itachi, to trust him, if only a little, and to bear some of this hell with him, instead of condemning him like my brother asked. Maybe I was born a little rebellious, but anytime Hiruko wanted me to do something for him, I automatically wanted to do the exact opposite.

That ASEB book, for example. I hid it under a floorboard while Itachi examined the slight damage from where Sasuke's chair had dug into the floor. The last thing I needed right now was another argument. The offer was tantalizing my every thought. Hiruko wanted me to join ASEB, the memory only came back in pieces, through piercing headaches and dizzy spells. Itachi made it painfully clear that he did not trust ASEB or my big, stupid brother. Why did he think my brother was, and I quote, "a monster"? My goofy brother just wanted to see everyone safely coexist with one another. He was not a violent person. Curious to a fault, but certainly not a danger to himself or others.

The broken floorboard under the left side of the couch seemed to pulse with energy every few minutes, dragging my eyes over to see if it was still there. My own curiosity was burning, calling for me to read it, to find out more about the strange world my brother had created.

"What're you thinking about?"

Blinking a few times to shake the thought, I looked over the top of the text I was pretending to study to see a suspiciously happy Itachi. My face jerked to the right to catch an inquisitive glint in my lover's eye as he seemed to follow them to what I was hiding. For a split second, I thought I'd been caught and was about to be lectured, but tonight was my lucky night. He let it go without a word.

Itachi was happy. Well, his version of happy.

The way he sprawled and stretched was feline in nature. Normal people curl up, or lay with their legs crossed, or just sit against a wall or something. Not Itachi, he never relaxed like a normal person. I suspected he was a little bit of a sybarite the way he would force comfort into any situation. One leg would jut in some direction while the other could be either tucked near his chest, flopped to the side, or propped up on something. In this case his foot was being propped up by the windowsill at the end of my bed as his head sat heavily on one arm, bent at a sharp 90 degree angle. The other hand rested inconspicuously into the curve of my hip from under my belly, rolling circles into the prominent bone.

"Hiruko," I allowed with a little shrug, turning my eyes to my lover.

"Did he speak with you again?" Barely evident alarm rang in in his voice, though he realized and quickly scrambled to cover it up by drawing out his most devastating smirk, dark eyes turning my insides to jelly. Damn him and his stupidly distracting smile.

One eyebrow jumped up curiously as I pretended to start reading again, shaking my head slowly, joking, "Yup, he used telepathy this time."

"Ha-ha-ha," he faked a laugh before dropping any trace of humor from his face, "No. I don't believe anyone would intentionally subject themselves to the sheer chaos in your head."

"Hey, watch yourself, you seem to be forgetting that you asked what I was thinking about." I smiled as he ran a pair of fingers under the hem of my over sized shirt, "making you one of those crazy people subjecting themselves to my thoughts."

Caught, he smiled passively and continued massaging the wee muscles in my side. A hummed moan buzzed my lips, I closed my eyes and took in the affectionate sensation, closing the book, using a hooked finger as a bookmark. My hands fell slowly, eventually dropping it to the floor to be forgotten indefinitely. That's when the headache started.

Noticing the title of the book, his voice broke my quiet musings, "Dim Mak is impressive."

His voice rang concentric circles around my vision as a migraine began taking hold.

I closed my eyes tightly to press the pain back. "You don't really want to talk about that, do you."

For once, that deep baritone was entirely unwelcome. A little grouch face wrinkled my forehead in protest of conversation. I was weary of this topic, remembering that his reaction the last time we brought up my assassination gigs had ended rather violently. Just thinking about it put a damper on the sweet evening we'd been having.

"It would be wise to continue training, maybe become a master of the art."

I shook my head, he seemed sincere in his suggestion, "Like Ayumi? Yeah, right. You know very well that you don't want me within ten miles of her. And I told you, I don't do that stuff anymore."

Judging by the hitched breath he took at the sound of the beautiful blonde's name, it was pretty apparent that I'd guessed correctly.

"It will keep you safe in the long run."

By that he meant, 'it will keep our little family safe when I'm dead.' I was getting better at deciphering the real meanings behind his words. I had to navigate through the inconsistent sea of speech patterns and emotions he tried to hard to hide, "I can try and get Miz to help me with it, I get the sense that you kind of hate my sensei."

"I don't hate her. I hate what she requires of you." He answered, staring up at the ceiling.

"Same difference," I waited for him to correct my vernacular, but it never came. Slitting my eyes suspiciously, I watched his breathing, wondering what was going on inside of that cryptic mind of his. Why was he so serene?

There was a softness in his almond eyes, making them look like big, shiny ink blots. The difference between the two alter egos was striking.

Evil Itachi had these sharp eyes that could cut through you without expressing the intention of doing so. The mere thought of his eyes could make me say or do whatever he wanted out of fear of being gutted like a sheep. Yet, the sweet Itachi that snuggled into the curve of my neck was pure love. His eyes seemed to round out, the harsh creases under them seemed to accentuate that innocuous curiosity of his, making him look more like a big, black kitten than a panther on the prowl.

I knew exactly what he was thinking about.

Watching the way his eyes traced my body's outline from the corner of my eye, I caught a hopeful light in his eye. I turned onto my back and pressed a kiss to his hair where he rested against my chest, "Do you want a boy or a girl?"

His fingers crept over my stomach and hesitated there so he could rub his calloused thumb over the ticklish skin there. "There's no way to decide something like that."

I snorted a laugh as his thumb made me squirm. "Just play along," I giggled, taking his hand in mine to prevent any further tickling, "If you could pick, which would you want?"

"Healthy."

Closing my eyes to keep them from rolling, I lolled my head to the side to look at him as he distanced himself enough to look me in the eye. "That's not a an answer."

"It's what I want," he offered quietly into the desperately large distance between our faces. Actually, it was only a few inches. I wanted to curl up closer and kiss him smack on the face, but I didn't want to do something wrong and ruin his good mood while.

Smiling dreamily, I got caught up in my thoughts again. If the world was perfect, if things hadn't turned out the way they did, if he hadn't taken those unforgivable actions, he would have made the perfect father. I had always figured he would be. Itachi's father was harsh; a rough man with a notorious temper. Arashi would tell me stories when we were very young about how her one aunt and cousin were the victims of his mistreatment, but I never wanted to believe it could be Itachi's family.

It seemed impossible to me that someone could hurt their own children, especially someone as gentle as Itachi once was. I'd always imagined Itachi as a passive, loving parent who could accept any child's dreams as possible; the complete opposite of his father. More than once I had heard the two fighting, or more, Fugaku yelling at Itachi as he listened intently, most likely silently plotting how he would dispatch the man when the time came. The thought sent shivers down my spine, goose bumps rose all over my arms. Itachi saw this and placed a warm hand over the offending flesh, curling his body over mine. Closing my eyes to take in the comforting touch, I remembered back to when I was a kid and how my father had always seemed so aloof. He never took an interest in us, he seemed to avoid me completely, thinking that I was the black sheep of the group. My mother took our interests upon herself, she was a full time parent with few exceptions. I wondered if Itachi's mother had done the same. I imagined so, he spoke very highly of her, even referring to her once as the perfect woman.

He wasn't waiting for me to speak. For whatever reason, Itachi was very talkative tonight. I was near the point of exhaustion listening to all he had to say. We hadn't gotten a wink of sleep and the hours of early morning waned until the white light of an early sun began to rise through my wood paneled window.

I decided to make omelets. They burned a little, and maybe I'd forgotten to grease the pan, but aside from that, they came out pretty decent. The bits of rust and charred egg shell gave it character.

"I didn't know you cooked," Itachi pondered aloud quietly as he poked the deformed yellow roll on his plate like a horrifying science experiment.

Somewhat offended by his treatment of my carefully constructed food items I pouted at him, "Well, you never asked."

Itachi tipped his head to the side slightly as he lifted his fork to peel off some of the rust, "When we were younger, you seemed to be sustained by only a few different flavors of cereal and microwaveable dinners."

"Gotta grow up some time," I snapped. I covered my mouth, not entirely sure where that came from. Itachi's eyes jumped up to mine. Embarrassed, I scowled back to the bubbling yellow mass in my pan. An odd mood was crawling under my skin as I flipped the crusty blob. The smell was both enticing and nauseating.

"Do you still drink sugar water?"

I spun around and saw him standing midway between the main room and kitchen, cup of cold tea in his hand as he looked it over nervously. For whatever reason, his voice was grating on my nerves. I narrowed my eyes at him, "Can you, like… stop talking?"

He didn't seem to understand so he took a step toward me, "I'm not sure-"

"That!" I shrieked, covering my ears as my headache returned full force. "You need to stop doing that! Right now!"

Eyes wide as tea plates, his brain started whirring like a machine. "If you just tell me-"

"SHUT UP!"

Perplexed, with just a dash of bemused concern, he pressed his eyebrows together, worried that I'd gone off my rocker, "Are you alright?"

"Of course I'm alright, why wouldn't I be?" I growled, temper building, I was ready to explode at any second. The realization of my crazy spell hit me like a ton of bricks. I stormed away from a pair of well-burned eggs, not bothering to turn off the stove. The smell truly was nauseating. I needed to get away before I could cause a real scene, or start another huge fight. I stomped off, leaving a very punch-drunk man in my wake.

Locking myself in the bathroom, I sank to the floor in a ball, and cried into my elbows, pulling at my hair with one hand. What the hell is wrong with me?

A light rap came at the door before he tried the knob, which shook uselessly. Itachi's voice muffled through the wood partition, "Let me in, Katsue."

Repulsed by the thought of human contact, I ignored him. Sitting in a loose ball on my bathmat seemed like the most logical thing to do in my current state. He began to ask again but I interrupted, voice cracking, "No! Go away!"

I sounded like a pouting preteen.

The knob jingled a few more times, then clanged to the linoleum, sending a few chips of my helpless floor scattering. The round knob rolled to my feet and I curled up tighter to hide. From the way he held the door, I didn't hear the squeak of the corroded hinges. Itachi pushed the door open and peeked his head inside. I hid my face under my long bangs, strands of hair stuck to my tear stained face, making me feel ugly, which in turn made me cry even harder.

He didn't come any closer. Rather than face whatever crazy was going on in my head, he let me cry it all out without saying a word. Just being there in the same room as me was surprisingly comforting.

Feeling stupid and lightheaded from the wracking sobs, I eventually wiped my eyes and looked up at him from beneath my tear clumped eyelashes. Watching my every motion were a pair of mildly amused black orbs. I wanted to die. I was so embarrassed. There was something annoying me deep inside. I thought it was Itachi's voice, but it was much more than just a voice. My skin felt was electrified, every sensation was too overwhelming. It was giving me a raging headache and the feeling that bugs crawled over my oversensitive flesh. Maybe it was because I was still hungry. I absentmindedly wondered if Itachi knew how to cook at all. Doubtful.

I decided to apologize for my crazy moment, that would surely get rid of that 'deer in the headlights' look he was currently bestowing upon me.

"Sorry-"

"Don't," he cut me off.

"Please don't be mad," I cried softly, begging.

Tears fuzzed my vision again, he didn't look angry, just totally flabbergasted. I felt like such an idiot.

"Keep crying."

Floored by the suggestion, I shot upright and cocked my head at him, "What?"

A light smile pulled the corners of his lips up. "Don't stop crying yet. Tears have a soothing effect."

"But, I'm not sad anymore," now I was puzzled at myself.

Leaning weightily against my pedestal sink, eyes dancing with amusement, he pointed out, "You weren't sad to begin with."

He had me there. I really didn't know what that whole freak out was for, it held no purpose. It was a momentary break in sanity, "I shouldn't have gotten mad at you."

"You could yell at me like that every day for the rest of my life," he crouched down to lay his hand against the side of my face, running his thumb under my eye, "And I would deserve it."

Agreeing with that statement wholeheartedly, I grinned. The smile seemed to melt away my pent up anger, "Yeah, you would deserve it, but that still doesn't make it okay."

"Anger is part of the cycle of our relationship. Happiness, anger, sadness, then happiness again," rough skin left my face smooth as he ran his fingers across my cheek, then through my long hair, brushing it away from where it had stuck to the undersides of my eyes, "Tears are meant to be shed. My mother used to tell me that each time you fight back tears, they accumulate inside. Eventually, they build up so much that you have a situation like this where you can no longer control them," he gave a weary smile.

Looking away, my heart seized. I had to tell him about the book. Tears and secrets, both of them can have that mounting effect. Keep too many inside, and eventually you'll just implode. Or become completely, emotionally constipated.

"I like that. Maybe that's why girls are always crying so much," I laughed, "By the way, what 'relationship' are you talking about? A little birdie told me that you did not currently have a girlfriend," a sarcastic smile pulled the left side of my face up; eyebrow, lip, even my eye squinted in mock displeasure.

"I hate that word," his stony face dropped into a slight scowl.

I wiped my eyes with my fists and looked up at the man kneeling before me, dark hair falling around his face. "Why?"

"It doesn't encompass what we have."

Open mouthed, I gaped up at him like a fish out of water, caught entirely off guard by such a statement, "Well, what would you call it?"

"I have no idea."

"Yeah, well, what's the closest thing?" I asked. He shrugged noncommittally. I rolled my eyes, "For example, if you were a relatively normal guy, and you were introducing me to your friends, what would you call me?"

Without moving his face his eyes lit up as he admitted softly, running his long fingers down the side my face in quiet affection, "My wife."

Spoken so nonchalantly, like it was common knowledge. A little tickle in my stomach made me giggle like an idiot. I covered my mouth; wide-eyed shock filled my every nerve. The expression on Itachi's face withered slightly at my ill-timed reaction. He retracted his hand and rocked back away from my reach, emotionless façade back in place. He thought I disagreed.

"No! I love it!" I cheered, throwing my arms around him, stuffing my face into his chest, "You don't even understand. That's what I was daydreaming about before! That if given the chance, I would have married you in a heartbeat."

Itachi strained to get away from my tight hold, but I would not give an inch. He gave up the game of tug of war and sighed, frustrated. "'Would have' being the operative verbiage."

"C'mon. Let me have this one." I held his shoulders and watched his frown twitch into a humorless smirk then disappear. "You know very well that I can't marry you; it's unfair to even expect something like that. Under any normal set of circumstances you would say that we're too young to get married. Not to mention you're an S-class felon and I'm a noble Konoha jounin," I added, squirming into his chest, latching onto one of his arms and curling onto his lap like a little kid, "In another place, and another time, I would have jumped down your throat in utter excitement exclaiming 'yes' thousands of times, but we can't have that. Not in this lifetime."

Muscles tense, I rubbed my face against a firm trapezius as a kitten would the leg of a chair. He was still put out that I'd laughed at him. I couldn't blame him. I really had a knack for ruining the moment.

I took his face between my hands. I felt like a complete goof. My hands were so small compared to his head it was almost comical. His was obviously pleased at my attempt to make him listen, "Listen here Itachi, I love you. We're trying to have a disjointed little family together. That's the closest thing we'll ever have to being normal. So take one for the team and just be happy about it, alright?"

He didn't answer, only shifting his posture slightly, still wanting to get away from my grip. I held strong. With a mildly irritated expression he pressed a large hand over my shoulder to push me away, "I have to leave."

My face plummeted to the floor as stinging tears pricked at my dry eyes again, but I bit them back. "How long will you be gone this time?"

"I'll be back tomorrow. Until we're assigned a new mission we will be in the area."

"For some strange reason I don't find that very comforting," I imagined Kisame, the big shark man staying in Konoha, picking out small children and eating their bones like the monsters from childhood tales.

"Kisame won't bother you again," Itachi promised. The harsh anger deeply imbedded in his voice told me that he knew something that I didn't.

A moment of silence, and a deep-seated need to remain in each other's presence for just a moment longer, passed slowly. Then I remembered about the book, I didn't know when the next time I'd get to talk to him about it would be. I needed to talk to him about it today. If anyone in the world knew anything about ASEB, Itachi would.

"I have a question for you."

"You don't need to preface your questions by informing me that you have a question."

"Whatever," I rolled my eyes. Smart ass. "This is serious though, so don't write me off."

"Katsue, I have to go." he said, peeling me off of him like wet clothing.

I clambered off, keeping a tight grip on his right arm to keep him from escaping. "It'll just take a second, please?"

Relaxing his muscles under my grip ever so slightly, he gave me a permitting glance. But, I chickened out. I bit my lip. What if he started another fight over this? I felt boxed in. Trapped. I stood abruptly. His thin black eyebrow quirked up with curiosity. Before I could register my exact plan, I reached into the shower and turned the faucet with a tiny smile as water began raining down. "You smell kind of funny. Shower with me?"

Before I could finish speaking he had his shirt in a pile on the floor.

Flip-flop. My heart plugged along, eyes taking in every hard plane and curve of muscle. He was so evenly built, he was not thin, nor was he massive. He was perfect. I looked away for my little heart's sake, but he knew I was still watching from the corner of my eye, "I'll take that as a yes." Heat crept across the bridge of my nose and tips of my ears.

Without seeing the warning in his smirk, I was suddenly scooped up and plopped onto the sink, fastening his hands to my outer thighs, wrapping my legs around his hips tightly enough for me to feel exactly how much he appreciated my offer.

"Itachi!" My cry fell on deaf ears as he gently crushed his lips to mine. I worried my dinky sink might break, but he seemed to trust the shifty porcelain. I let him pull my clothes away, but I stopped him before he could remove my skirt and leggings.

He didn't seem to get it when I pushed him away and ran to the living room to take my clothes off alone, feeling horribly self conscious. It wasn't the first time he'd see me naked, but the last time he left those little bruises and I wasn't excited for him to see them. He followed with only a pair of black boxers, beckoning me with two fingers and a dare in his dark eyes. Fast as possible, I threw off my clothes and glanced myself over. Itachi appeared behind me and picked me up like a sack of rice over one shoulder. I squealed, smiling like an idiot. He threw the bathroom door closed behind us, allowing the little room to fill with steam.

Little trickles of water formed as small, tear shaped droplets on the walls. They fell in long lines, streaking the paint a new, darker shade of yellow. It could have been the condensation from the water or it could have been from the nearly breathless physical contact.

Nude as the day I was born, I contorted my body so he wouldn't see so much of my skin. Softly he chuckled, "Relax," his lips met the side of my neck, "I want every inch of you," each syllable was evocative sensuality.

I think my whole body blushed as he dragged his dark nails lightly over the side of my ribs, the same hand falling upon my hip before smoothing back. Cupping my behind, his hips rocked to mine. Every bit of white skin was made modest by his overt gesture.

"You have my full," he murmured through our lips, "attention," his teeth worried my lower lip, then let it jump back into place. He made a rough line across my jaw, biting gently on my earlobe before the heat of his breath almost sent me spiraling. "What was so important Katsue?"

How did he always know? I wanted to ask him something serious, but I just couldn't, seeing as we were both lacking in clothing.

"Later," I kissed the hollow of his throat. My tongue sunk along the terrain of his collarbone. One hand rested on his hip, the other stoked the hard muscles of his abdomen, easing lower as his fingertips trailed lightly up my inner thigh. My cold fingers cupped him gently. A deep groan vibrated from his throat. His hand traveled up my spine, pressing my breasts to his chest, nipping my ear once more before forcing two fingers inside.

Sharp intake of breath. Lips to lips, chest to chest. Something primal beaconed. A deep, fiery need. My mouth met his, tongues hot and languid. The very tip of his tongue traced the inner edge of my lip, I shuddered at the masterful sensation. His fingers stoked a deep, tightening the deepest parts within. A quiet whine escaped my throat when he stopped, only long enough to hook his arms under my knees and push me against the slick white wall. Cool tile against my sweltering flesh left me out of breath. Itachi's lips touched to mine gently before pressing his hips to mine. I reached one hand around his neck to keep him in place as I brought my hand between our legs. I felt his lips part at the sensation as I rubbed him against my opening, teasing him until he thrust into me fully. Stars blurred my sight. Itachi pressed his cheek to the top of my head, curling deeply into each rhythmic motion. That deep, curling burn in my lower belly was almost painful. Demanding release.

"Harder." I heard myself plead into his dark hair. He, of course, obliged.

So deep that it was painful, everything came undone. It was like I reached a new nirvana as my body wracked with pleasure, drawing my nails across his neck and back, unable to control my spasms. Itachi's lips touched my temple as his own climax came.

Each breathing heavily, spent, he let go of my thighs. As soon as I stood I could feel him seep from me, dripping down my thighs. I flushed and buried my face to his chest. He laughed lightly, holding me close as he kissed the top of my head. I kissed a spot on his throat and he tensed a little. I looked up at him, curious.

He appeared to be blushing!

I kissed the spot again and he backed away, taking my wrist in his hand with a weary little smile. "Ticklish."

I gasped. "Itachi Uchiha, you dog! How could you hide something like that from me!" I reprimanded as I reached out to tickle him some more. He took my other wrist captive, shaking his head a little, regretting that little piece of information.

"People would be more honest if all important conversations were had in the nude," Itachi tilted his face up into the shower stream, making a funny face to keep the water out of his eyes and mouth. It was the most natural I'd seen him in a very, very long time. Probably ever.

Running a flat hand down his smooth chest, I heard myself say, "Yeah, the only problem with your plot is that people would never get anything accomplished, everyone would just have sex all the time."

A slippery arm wrenched me under the water with him gazing down at me with a devious smirk, "That's not much of a flaw," one finger started under my chin, then dropped down my neck, over one banded scar then landed between my breasts. He paused a moment to look me over, appearing to appreciate the small fingerprint bruises on my hips, before looking back to my waiting blues.

"Now, what was it you wanted to discuss?"

I opened my mouth to speak.

In a disorienting flash, I was cold. Covered with a towel, but shivering in that unwelcome metal room.

… Again.

Hiruko's striking tan face was mere inches from mine. Our noses nearly touching, his teeth bared like a cornered wild dog.

"So, little sis," his tone was calm and collected, but there was fury hiding not so secretly behind it, "Feel like telling me what the fuck you think you're doing?"