Chapter Thirty-seven
Head Games
Igor trudged up the quiet main street of Hogsmeade, fists jammed in his pockets and looking down at the cobblestone street. Natalia trailed after him, anxious and not knowing what to say to him, for he was obviously in one of his precarious states, teetering between one emotion or another. Her belly was full of bumpy knots. As if it wasn't bad enough to have Lucius rear his loathsome head, now she had to tread carefully around Igor's mood lest she draw his ire yet again. Much as she hated to, and even though the answer was obvious, she had to begin this conversation and ask him, "Is something wrong?"
He jerked his head towards her. His mournful eyes were dark and she knew immediately she had misjudged his expression. The ever present droop at the corner was more pronounced than usual and he wore a defeated frown, still she knew he was pondering something. She could almost see the wheels turning inside his head. "Yes," he said so sadly that the sound reverberated in her chest.
"You tend to wear your heart on your sleeve." She slipped her arm through his as they walked along, needing to be close to him.
He looked down at her draped on his arm. "That's where I found it." He smiled sadly.
They walked in silence another block until they were out of town and heading towards Hogwarts. Natalia tried to give him some time and let him start, but other than two very heavy sighs, he made no expression. The silence was maddening, and so she broached the subject again. "Igor please, you're scaring me. Please if there's something you want to discuss then say so. I can't read your mind."
He turned to her and held her hands gently in his. He gulped nervously, and licked his lips before asking, "Do you want to discuss what went on between you and that slippery sack of shit?"
Natalia felt the blood drain from her face then seem to pool at her feet which were now burning. "N-n-nothing." She said with her lower lip trembling.
"Don't lie to me." He growled through gritted teeth now bending to put himself at her at eye level. "I know you used to see him." He paused awkwardly, seeming to decide if he should proceed or not, but then blazed forward. "I walked up on you one night."
Her jaw nearly hit the floor and she regretted her obvious reaction immediately. What had he seen? What did he know? She made a feeble attempt to stall. "Well you know so much, you tell me."
"Stop it." He gave her hands a firm but gentle shake. "I know you had a...relationship. I know it was a secret. I know he was probably such a stupid arrogant bastard that he was ashamed of you. I know all that and I don't care." His dark eyes were sincere enough to break even the hardest of hearts, and they seemed to plead with her. "What I want to know, and I want to know now, is what he meant to you?"
She froze, for it was a question she didn't know the answer to herself. It was absurdly complicated and he would never understand particularly when the most horrible part of the story could never be revealed. She struggled for the right words. "He was...oh I don't know."
"You don't KNOW?" His voice lilted, bordering on sarcasm. Obviously she chose a poor response for his fragile emotions were now leaning to anger.
"No I just...well I..." Natalia sputtered and tripped over her words for she was thoroughly unprepared for this conversation despite weeks of dread that the subject would come up eventually.
"Did you love him?" He asked sincerely, his voice nearly trembling. He cleared his throat and continued to press her. "Please, be honest with me."
How could she be honest with him? He was expecting a simple "yes" or "no" answer and that just wasn't possible. The convoluted emotional layers were difficult to sort out in her own mind, much less explain them and do so without angering Igor or betraying her vow. She attempted to give him the most honest answer she could between her confused emotions and the fear of the Unbreakable Vow. "I loved the illusion that he presented. Please understand. I was fourteen Igor. What did I know? I knew nothing."
Igor again sighed heavily and one would wonder why such a young man would have such a heavy weight on his chest. He looked so terribly grave, far older than his years. When he spoke, he was somber. "Make your choice," he calmly demanded . "Make it now. You can go back there and I'll...you can go if you want Natalia."
His tender request tugged at her heart and she wanted nothing more than to reassure him. She reached up to gently caress his scruffy cheeks. "I don't want to go anywhere but where you're going. How could you think otherwise? I'm in love with you Igor."
Igor sighed and looked down at the ground. His shoulders seemed to relax. He reached up to wrap his hands around hers that were still lovingly holding his face. Turning them, he kissed the inside of one wrist and then the other. He moved them to the small of his own back and then it was his turn to hold her face in his hands. "Natalia, I don't think you understand the magnitude of the effect you have on me. My heart is in your hands, and I've never been in this position with anyone before. It's terrifying. You have to be mine. You have to be mine alone. I can't share you. I just can't. Please tell me I don't have to."
Natalia stood on her tiptoes and kissed his lips gently. "You don't have to. You never will." She kissed him again. "I'm so in love with you."
His lips descended on hers adoringly, slowly savoring her kiss and still cradling her face in his large hands. He moaned softly into her mouth, utterly desperate for all of her and at her mercy. Then he wrapped his arms tightly around her and nuzzled his cheek against her hair. "You must think I'm a fool after my outburst. I'm sorry kitten, ah sorry Natalia."
"I love it when you call me that." She gave him a squeeze while rubbing her hair against his cheek.
"Since when?" He asked, with his tone finally lightening. "I thought you hated it."
She pulled back a bit to look at him with a sweet smile. "It's growing on me."
"I'm glad. You are my kitten, so sweet and vulnerable. I want to protect you from people like that. It's a cold hard world but I'll take care of you."
It was beginning to get dark as they approached the Black Lake where the ship was docked.
"The others will be along shortly. Shall we get the bonfire started?"
"Sure." Natalia said. She would have agreed to anything that would keep her in his company a little longer.
Igor summoned some wood together creating a rather large pile. Then he cast a ball of fire into the center and just before the sun vanished, he had a roaring fire. There was a large rock on the beach near the fire and he sat down in front of it and leaned back, then extended his arm to her. She took his hand and he pulled her gently down until she was sitting in front of him with his arms wrapped around her. They watched the last of the spring sun set as it cast red and purple tones across the sky. Though the temperature was beginning to drop, they warmed one another by remaining close. They sat in silence watching the flames for quite a while before he spoke again.
"I meant what I said earlier." His breath on her neck sent goose bumps down her arm. "I've never given my heart to someone like this before Natalia."
"Nor have I." She whispered, softly snuggling a little more against his shoulder.
"I hate to admit it to you but it really does frighten me." His voice was sounding more like his usual confident self and the return of vigor was soothing to Natalita after their emotional conversation earlier.
"I understand." She patted his hand reassuringly. "I'm far more risk averse than you, so you must know the anxiety you feel is doubled in me."
"So we are in uncharted waters." He observed, and Natalia had a feeling she was in for one of his stories, for he did love to tell a tale.
"It would seem." She responded with a smile that carried over in her voice.
"Do you know the legend of the Durmstrang kompass?"
"No," and she knew she was about to hear all about it.
"We sail. Men on ships are a transient lot. We leave port, leave loved ones behind."
"Oh, don't talk of that." The very thought of him sailing away from her made her stomach tighten.
""But we always return. The thing with seafaring people, we make connections all over the world, sometimes, you're gone so long you feel you no longer have a home or that the ship is your home." He gestured grandly toward the lake.
Natalia took his hand and wrapped it back around her. "I don't like talk of your absence. What does this have to do with us?"
"The kompass leads you home. It knows where you're heart is even when you don't."
"We say, home is where the heart is."
"Right. So when you're in uncharted waters, as we are now, it brings clarity. You're like that for me. When I lose focus, start to drift as I am prone to do, one moment you and I'm righted again. It's always been that way with us. Remember some of my terrible quidditch performances? When you showed up, I was redirected to the right path. You're like my kompass."
Natalia giggled. "Not traditionally romantic but I think you're quite eloquent."
"It's a force I can't describe in a practical manner. So forgive me if I run on.
"I love listening to you talk." She smiled and bit her lip, then turned in his arms to face him. "But I like shutting you up even better." She brushed her lips against his lightly, just to tease him. He responded by closing his eyes and lightly caressing her lips with his, back and forth. He nipped playfully at her bottom lip eliciting a giggle. He smiled, still with his eyes closed then traced her lips with his tongue. "Mmmm," she sighed and the sound travelled deep inside of him causing him to feel the beginnings of arousal again.
'What about the post game?" He growled, curling his leg around her and pulling her closer with it.
Natalia feigned shock. "You're insatiable Mr. Karkaroff. Do you honestly expect me to be seduced right here at the bonfire? A proper young witch like me?"
"Less conversation." He whispered while trailing warm kisses along her jawline. "More kissing your boyfriend please."
When he got to the spot where her neck met her shoulder she laughed loudly. "Hey that tickles."
"Does it?" He went back for more, this time growling playfully like a bear and exaggerating a nuzzle into her hair.
"Stop!" She laughed, shoving him playfully. "You're rotten Karkaroff!" He growled again pushing her back on the ground much to her delight. She squealed with laughter which only emboldened him and he began to tickle her. "Ahh! No fair!" she squirmed beneath him. He continued for a moment before pulling back to watch her laugh. She noticed that he stopped. "What is it?"
"Nothing. You're beautiful Natalia."
She smiled and looked up at his adoring expression with the brightest dark eyes imaginable. They gazed at each other in the light of the fire and the moon, young and in love.
"Hey you two!" Levin and Fiona strolled up and Igor reluctantly pulled himself off her and assumed a more appropriate position. However he kept his arm around her and remained close.
As the rest of the Durmstrang boys joined the bonfire, Igor introduced her to everyone and included her in all conversations, deferring to her for her opinion on any topic that came up. It was new territory for Natalia, who had never had someone to draw her in so attentively. Igor actually seemed to want to show her off. He was attentive and extolled her virtues until she blushed and chided him. He playfully stole kisses at moments when it was appropriate, but not like the morning in the great hall so as not to make her self conscious. He was thoughtful and considerate, and Natalia was falling more in love with him by the moment.
His friends were lively and intelligent, not at all snobbish and she felt happy to be a part of the group. Though some of the crowd continued to drink, Igor passed on all offers and whispered into her ear, "You're intoxicating enough for me." His lips brushed against hers briefly but did not linger so long as to draw attention to them. She felt relaxed and a welcome part of his circle of friends. She mused about how different things were with Igor as opposed to Lucius.
Lucius. It was if he heard her thinking his name for almost immediately he came staggering over the hill with his sister Sasha, Severus, Regulus and Barty Crouch Jr. They were an odd lot, all appearing to be inebriated except for Regulus and perhaps Sasha, thought she didn't appear to be herself. Barty was draped all over her despite her attempts to wriggle free, but when she wasn't rolling her eyes at Barty, they were fixed on Severus with heartbreak right at the surface. Severus looked to be in a brood as usual but his expression was unfocused. Lucius staggered, giggling about something with Barty as Sasha fumed. When Lucius found her in the crowd, he made a ridiculous face which was most likely intended to be sexy but looked more like a constipated duck in Natalia's opinion.
"Oh no." Natalia gasped.
"What's wrong?" Igor turned to her with concern.
"Lucius again." She nodded in his direction. "Can we just go before he causes more trouble?"
Igor's spine stiffened. "I'm NOT running from him." He said icily. Then more softly, "Nor should you."
"I don't want to deal with anymore of his shenanigans."
"Well then we have to face him."
"Oh Igor, I don't care about him but he's already caused one riff between us today."
He smiled, wide eyed, " But look at the good that came of it. I feel even closer to you." He kissed her lightly again. "Don't worry about him Kitten. You're with me now. We stand together and there is nothing that arse can do about it. Let him try."
"Igor, please," she begged.
"I told you, I am NOT running from him. WE are not running from him. Darling, I think you will find me always willing to compromise, but in this matter I will not give in. Don't argue with me sweetness. Everything will be fine." He smoothed her hair gently and the gesture relaxed her. Despite what people said about him when he was around her he was not controlling, quite the opposite. She rather liked this side of him. "Trust me?"
"Yes. Implicitly."
And everything was fine, for about an hour. The drinking and revelry continued. Igor appeared to forget about Lucius although Natalia knew inwardly he always had one eye on the enemy. He was no fool. Natalia tried very hard not to look at Lucius but the few times she weakened and did, she found him leering drunkenly at ther. Not good. Natalia considered trying to lure Igor away with the promise of seduction but she was afraid Lucius would follow. That would be just like him to be their perverted voyeur.
As the evening wore on, Lucius and Barty got louder, trading stories back and forth. While Severus continued to drink with them, he became quieter. Barty became more bold with Sasha and began to touch inappropriately. She continued to slide out from under his touch under the disapproving eyes of Regulus. Severus too watched them with hazy interest before abruptly leaving and heading in the direction of Hogwarts alone. Sasha watched him go and sighed. Barty gave her a squeeze and she smiled patronizingly at him. She said something to him and he nodded. Then Sasha rose and walked over to where Natalia and Igor were standing. Igor was otherwise engaged in conversation, but Natalia slipped out of the circle and greeted her friend.
"Heyyyyyy Nat," Sasha slurred a little and hugged Natalia sloppily. "You look loooovleeeey." She gushed, smiling in a rather goofy manner with heavily lidded eyes.
"Merlin's beard Sasha, you're completely pissed." Natalia tried to hold her friend up but was thrown off balance and staggered with her.
"I'm celebrating." Sasha remarked flatly, her mood turning quickly. It was almost as if she had forgotten she was in a foul temper and then was reminded.
"Celebrating what?" Natalia inquired with a scowl. "You've been looking like you're going to a funeral all night."
Sasha's mood changed yet again and she now appeared melancholy. "I guess it is sort of like a funeral," she mused. "It feels like something is dying. I'm engaged to Barty." This announcement came with none of the usual emotion one has when announcing their own engagement. She might as well have remarked about the weather.
Natalia could do nothing but gape at her for several moments. "Barty?" She wrinkled her nose in ill disguised disgust. " But I thought...I didn't even know you were even seeing him."
"I'm not." She spat, now petulant. "Father arranged it all." She shrugged her shoulders and sighed. "By the end of summer I'll be Mrs. Barty Crouch."
Natalia couldn't help but ask, "Does Severus know?"
"Mmmph," Sasha shrugged again now drifting back into sadness. "Yes."
"What did he say?" Natalia had a pretty good hunch that Severus, though frequently leering at Sasha, made no move to oppose her match with another. However, there was the hope.
"Nothing." She whispered. "Not a word. He's been quite preoccupied today."
"I guess so. That was quite a scene he made with Lily." As soon as she mentioned the name, she wished she could take it back. Sasha was sure get wound up tight at the mere mention of the incident.
"Stupid cunt."
"Sasha!" She was as unruly as her brother in her current state. Natalia quickly looked around to see if anyone else heard her colossal breach of propriety.
"Ugh, what?" She sassed like a spoiled child complete with a surly sneer on her lips. "Don't YOU start."
"I'm not starting with you but remember yourself." Natalia chastised her in a firm whisper.
Sasha rolled her eyes and put her hand on her hip. "Oh, pardon me for using language unbecoming of a Malfoy."
"What's unbecoming of a Malfoy?" Lucius seemed to appear out of nowhere. "Sasha, how could you even use those two words in a sentence together?" He snickered before his eyes landed on Natalia. "Hello love." Brazenly, his eyes swept up and down her body carrying with them the familiar look that she knew all too well.
"Lucius." She nodded while the color drained from her face. Here she was toe to toe with him and Igor was not close enough to help. She hastened to return to his side before things with Lucius digressed as they normally did.
He stepped closer to her and began to turn on what passed for charm. "You're looking particularly lovely this evening. I might say radiant if I didn't know better." One eyebrow arched upward almost daring her to call him out in some fashion.
But Natalia would not be tempted, preferring to return to Igor and avoid the confrontation entirely. "Excuse me." She turned to go. But she should have known better than to think he would let her go quietly.
"Walk away slowly Natalia." He drawled loudly enough for anyone within twenty feet to hear. "I'm admiring the view, and I like what I see."
With the reflexes of a pouncing jaguar, Igor jumped between them, violently seized Malfoy by the lapels of his coat and glared into his eyes for a second before a guttural noise erupted from his chest. He lurched his upper body back, then thrust savagely forward, cracking his skull against Malfoy's and knocking him unconscious. He released Lucius who tumbled into a heap on the earth.
"Lucius! Oh, Merlin's Beard Igor!" Sasha dropped to the ground and began trying to revive her brother who lay there stupefied as if he'd been cursed, with a large gash that was beginning to seep blood down into his eye.
Natalia stood frozen to the ground, watching the surreal scene in astonishment. After Sasha gently slapped his face and called his name several times, Lucius appeared to be coming out of it. Natalia was anxious to get out of there with Igor before Lucius came to his senses and the fight continued. She looked up at Igor who was watching her with a worried expression, his mouth forming a tight line and his forehead crinkled. She didn't want him to worry. Her heart soared in the knowledge that he would stand up for her. She smiled dreamily at him.
"See?" He said in a clipped business like tone. "I told you there was nothing to worry about." A crowd was beginning to gather around the casualty. It wouldn't be long before some of the Slytherins exacted some kind of vengeance.
"Can we go now please?" She pleaded softly
He nodded curtly but did not return her emotion. "I'll walk you to the castle."
He grabbed her hand and nearly pulled her arm out of the socket when he hauled her out of the party without so much as a good-bye to anyone, even Levin. They walked quickly and in silence back to Hogwarts, neither knowing how to begin and both fearing the other's reaction. As they neared the castle, Natalia led him away from the main entrance. "Let's go through the conservatory. It's well after curfew." It was true, but really she just wanted to be alone with him in the safety of the castle. The day had been turbulent and she just wanted peace.
"Mmmmhmmm." Igor mumbled.
They entered the greenhouse, dark but with bits of moonlight streaming through the leaves of the plants in front of the windows. She sighed with relief and turned to face him but couldn't find the right words to begin. Suppose he thought she had flirted with Lucius. Perhaps he would be angry that he left her side. Her mind turned over these thoughts and words failed her until she saw him rub his head. Of course after the blow he'd dealt Lucius it must be throbbing. His injury gave her something on which to focus her conversation.
"Does it hurt?" She reached up and placed her hand on his head softly so as not to aggravate a tender spot.
"I'm fine Natalia." He removed her hand and examined it carefully, running his fingers over the soft back of it.
"I suppose you're angry with me for my outburst." He continued, unable to meet her eyes. "You probably think I'm barbaric."
His words tugged at her heart as it occurred to her that no matter how confident he appeared on the outside, he shrank from all his insecurities just as she shrunk from her own. His apprehension made her want to comfort him again. How could he be unsure of her after all his reassurances? She wanted nothing but to be in his arms. She waited for him to embrace her but he did not, rather he remained looking down at her hand, his hair shading his eyes so that she could only see the well defined lines of his nose and chin. His full lips mesmerized her particularly when he licked them nervously, then exhaled raggedly. She felt desire begin to stir inside her jeans and could not resist initiating what she so desperately wanted. While she'd enjoyed pleasing him earlier that morning, it had left her torturously unsatisfied and she had thought of it frequently throughout the day.
"I think you're incredibly sexy." She drew nearer, reached up, and curled her hands around the back of his neck, then pulled him closer for a slow leisurely kiss. He responded in kind mirroring her unhurried caress, but then something seemed to come over him for this passion intensified. His kiss became harder, more urgent and he pushed her back against a table. He lifted her up and set her down on it then pulled her backside against his groin. It was what she wanted. She needed him to need her, to be mad with desire and to go mad if he couldn't have her. His roughness thrilled her. Gladly would she give herself again and again to such a man. She wrapped her legs around his body, arched her back to be closer still to him, and moaned her desire into his mouth.
"I need you Natalia. Please I need you now."
"Now yes. Yes Igor." She whispered before finding his lips again and beginning to undo his belt. She managed to undo it quickly and he began working on her jeans. Undoing the button was no problem but it took some writhing around to get her out of them. That mission was accomplished quickly and then he pressed himself against her again, assaulting her lips and caressing her backside thoroughly, not missing a spot and going over and over it.
Their desire increased to a fever pitch and finally he lined himself up and plunged his thick erection into her slick sugar walls. Both cried out, but rather than pause to gather himself, Igor plunged immediately in again, and again and again. His hands firmly gripped her arse pulling her to meet his insistent thrusts. Each time their flesh came together Natalia breathed hard and whimpered, utterly at his mercy and eager to submit to his wishes. She too, grabbed him by the bum and pulled him into her harder and harder each time. She felt she couldn't get him to slam into her hard enough, unable to enjoy the pleasure of the last thrust before she was anticipating the next. Suddenly their rhythm seemed to find sublime perfection, hitting the ultimate point of friction each time, over and over, so perfect, so incredible until the ultimate rapture came over them both. Igor shuddered as he clung mercilessly to her, squeezing her hard and unable to let go. Natalia's legs clenched around him, riding out each wave of pleasure as it swept over them and then ebbed slowly away like the tides.
They remained still for several moments, not wanting to break the spell and drift back to reality. It was Igor who moved first, moving his face so their cheeks grazed one another. "I meant what I said today. You will be mine forever."
AN: Apologies to canon loyalists as I know you are questioning Barty's age. I made him a little older for this little sub plot. If you want to know what happens to Severus after he leaves the party, check later this week. I should have a juicy little one shot posted in a few days. Enjoy the weekend and root for DH2 at the MTV movie awards...or just drool over Russell Brand...either way...:)