Severus rolled his head trying to release the tension in his neck as he milled about the grounds of the school. The weather was turning bitterly cold. Severus blew on his mitten covered hands before wrapping his arms around himself and rubbing his arms. His eyes narrowed as he scanned his surroundings, waiting for her.

A sudden heat rushed through his body, warming him instantly as the adrenaline began to pulse through every nerve ending. Severus has slipped her a note asking her to meet him out there, far away from anyone accidently or purposely running into them and interrupting the conversation.

She was late.

Severus pulled his wool cap down further onto his head to cover his ears more thoroughly. At most she was only ten minutes late, he wasn't concerned. She would come.

He turned his back and looked out over the lake. The shoreline was dotted with frozen spots. Without warning a twig snapped somewhere behind him causing him to jump and spin, his eyes eagerly searching for Lily. There was nothing there. He furrowed his brow and began to turn back to look out at the lake when he felt a strong hand take hold of his shoulder.

Severus found himself sprawled out on the ground on his back. He hadn't even had time to reach for his wand, but as his hand moved to retrieve it his eyes landed on the person who had grabbed him. The stranger moved a step closer to him revealing their face.

"Professor Herman?" Severus choked on the surprise.

"SHHH!" The man drew a finger to his cracked lips before offering his hand to him. Severus took it gladly as he brushed the dirt from his robes.

"I was told you were dead." Severus whispered as he looked over his shoulder to see if Lily was near.

"Good," The older man nodded his approval. "Everything went according to plan then."

"Wait. You faked your death?" Severus was confused.

"Hush you fool!" Professor Herman quickly looked the way Severus had just a moment before. "She isn't going to come."

"Who?" Severus felt his heart quicken with fear.

"Snape! Dammit get ahold of yourself!" Professor Herman reached out and grabbed the boy by both shoulders. "Has Trelawney not told you everything she can? The girl walks a dangerous path to tell you the small amount she can and you're out here just plain ignoring her!"

"What does Sybil have to do with any of this?" Severus pulled back a bit but the old man didn't release his grip.

"You're a fool Severus Snape, a bloody fool!" Professor Herman spat. "I had to 'die' in order to protect you. Do you not think of anything other than yourself and your own satisfaction?"

"You're not making any sense!" Severus pulled away again and this time he succeeded.

"Dammit boy listen to me! There is a war on and it's about to get right ugly! There are dark forces, terrible forces and they have plans for you! I tried to protect you, to teach you, Merlin knows I did. But you, YOU, have one thick skull because you don't listen to a damn thing that anyone tells you!" Professor Herman stopped and looked around quickly. "I've stayed too long, I have to go. Tell no one you saw me, do you understand?"

"Yeah." Severus scowled.

"I mean it! You MUST start paying closer attention Snape! Listen!" Professor Herman turned and disappeared.

Angry, Severus turned and stomped his way back towards the castle. Professor Herman was alive. He shook his head as he tried to understand why anyone would have plans for him. He wasn't a bad wizard, he could never join forces with dark wizards. It wasn't in him to do it.

His pace slowed as he began to connect the dots.

Is that why the Headmaster had offered him apprenticeships?

No.

Severus smiled as he picked his pace back up. Coming up over the last rise the castle came into perfect view. There were students milling about the entrance he had used to exit the castle. Two students to be exact. As he drew a bit closer he noticed one was Lily. She had been coming to meet him! His heart soared.

Then he heard Potters voice.

Quickly he ducked behind a tree so they wouldn't see him. They didn't know he was there but he could overhear everything they were saying to one another.

"Why won't you tell me why you're sneaking out of the school, Evans?" Potter laughed.

"It's none of your business, that's why." Lily replied. Her voice had a slight sing song tone to it. Severus felt his stomach clench.

"Fair enough. I was looking for you anyway." Potter's voice grew a bit more serious. "Sirius said you fancied me, and I was wondering if that's true."

"Please, like you should listen to Sirius." Lily shot back.

"That's not an answer." Potter chuckled.

"So what if I do? You're still a rotten jerk to my friend Severus." Lily's voice grew small.

"Why are you so worried about that kid? He fancies you, everyone can see it. It's rather sad really." Potter laid it out and Severus held his breath waiting for her response.

"Severus does not fancy me, he's my friend." Lily replied.

"Oh, he does trust me." Potter sounded a bit disgusted. "It's going to turn ugly if you fancy me because well…as you know he and I aren't exactly mates."

"Don't go and try to drag me into this! You're making things up to try to start a fight with him." Lily sounded as though she was getting sick of their conversation.

"I just wanted to tell you the truth. He's going to tell you because he's afraid that you fancy me. Evans, you can read it all over his face whenever he is near you." Potter sighed.

"But…but…" She stammered. "Everything is going to be ruined now."

"Ruined?" Potter parroted back to her.

"He's my friend but that's all I see him as. Oh, this is going to crush him." Lily's voice was just above a whisper. Severus felt his heart shatter and the pieces fell to the soles of his feet.

"So…you fancy me then?" Potter was changing the subject.

"A bit." Lily's tone grew flirty. "But I'm not ready for dating or anything, so…"

"Take it easy, Evans, no one is saying we need to run off to Gretna Green or anything." Potter was flirting back. "But we can be friends, right?"

"I suppose, yeah, I'd like that, James." Lily replied.

"I'd like that too, Lily." Potter said her name, Severus felt like he was going to be sick. "Come on, let's go to the common room and get some cocoa it's bloody freezing out here."

"Sounds great."

Severus waited, his back pressed against the hard unforgiving bark of the tree. He hurt so bad his chest felt like an inferno.

She didn't know he loved her. She only saw him as a friend.

Severus sniffed, tears burning his eyes.

He had to make her see him in a different light, before it was too late.

Severus wiped his runny nose on his sleeve, he hadn't realized he had been crying.

Maybe Sybil was right, maybe everyone was right.

His heart was shredded, his hopes snuffed out.

Severus stayed behind the tree until he could no longer feel his toes or fingers from the cold. When he finally turned towards the darkened castle sometime after the sunset, he felt a change within him. He didn't know it yet, but where once his heart was tender and open a brick wall was being built. Love hurts. First his mother and now his Lily. If he couldn't be loved why should he love at all?