A/N: Not sure where this came from. Kind of dark; thoughts behind the beginnings of an eating disorder. Rachel's POV. I'm a little afraid it might be terrible, though ... I've never tried anything quite like this before. Only a Mercedes drabble following the events of 'Home', but how could I pass that up? Haven't done her in a while ... maybe I should get on that, haha.
Hope you enjoy!
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It's not a big deal, she tells herself.
And it's not.
So what if she skips breakfast? It's just one less banana and protein shake each day. Add in a measly fifteen minutes more of exercise on the elliptical, too. She feels really bloated lately, and when she looks in a mirror all she sees are her thighs … she just wants to be a little thinner, alright? And it's not like she's eating any less than anyone on the Cheerios squad does on a regular basis. And her self-imposed exercise regime isn't nearly as intense as their daily practices are. So it's not like she's doing anything dangerous; after all, they're all fine, right? Besides, everyone who's anyone in Hollywood has done it at least once. And if she's going to make it big, she's going to need to look the part to sell her entire package.
And right now, her body is obviously less than perfect. Not even mentioning her large nose or incredibly undesirable brown locks, it's possible in a single glance to see that she has a ways to go before she's slim enough to have a chance. It's not like she has height or a large bosom to blame any extra weight on, so the number she sees on the scale is very clearly unsatisfactory. If it were, the girls at school wouldn't call her 'RuPaul' or 'Stubbles', now, would they? There must be a reason …
Maybe she'll skip lunch today, too. Just one vegan salad less than usual.
Totally not a big deal, either … right? (Because it's just more empty calories that would be going straight to her hips if she bothered to consume them; eating's overrated, anyways.)
If it gets her that last inch closer to stardom in the end, it's more than worth it.
She smiles to herself in her mirror, because this is something she can control. She can control what goes into her body and in doing so she can control what her body will look like. She still needs work, though … The smile falls from her lips. Just look at those ankles, really. She thinks she'll wear pants tomorrow, take the advice Kurt always gives her when addressing her skirt collection; just until she's more presentable and visually appealing, obviously.
(Maybe she'll skip lunch, too. A faster means to the end result she desires.)
But it still isn't a big deal. Really, it's not.
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