Chapter 37

A/N: I just want everyone to know that I write this as I go and I know where I want to take it. But there are no outlines and no saved ahead chapters. Well for the most part that has worked however there have been some chapter that are just not my favorites. This is one of them.

Also, I am not going to please everyone reading this. Team Gideon or Team Christian. There are some that will not like this. But I won't change where I am going with it. Before writing this I had a thought that there would be people that ended up hating this and I'm ok with that. Overall, I like the story so far and am enjoying writing and sharing it with all of you. Even if you choose to dislike it in the end.

Welcome to all my new followers and favs. You guys rock! Again I want to thank ya'll for all the wonderful reviews everyone! They do make my day and I love seeing them.

Please let me know what you think with your reviews! :-) Sorry for any typos or mistakes. All reviews are seen and appreciated!

I do hope that ya'll like this chapter as well. Again I do not own the characters.

APOV

I am being awoken by Kate as the Dr. Anderson has come in with a nurse with my discharge papers. They have given me the all clear to leave, with a prescription for prenatal vitamins and told that if I need anything for pain to take Tylenol, given a set of crutches that had to be adjusted to fit and then I see Gideon standing quietly standing off in the corner on one side of the room and Elliot standing next to Kate.

Gideon is looking at me with a mixture of pride, longing and something else. There's a softness in his face that I haven't seen before. It's a confusing mixture and I don't know how to respond to it. I smile at him but I know that smile doesn't reach my eyes. Too much has happened over the last 24 hours for me feel happiness. But I will say that I am extremely grateful that he is here and hasn't abandoned me like Christian did.

Just thinking about Christian brings tears back to my already red and puffy eyes. I am willing them not to fall. I have cried enough over that man and I need to stop. No more tears. No more stress. I will cope and deal with this situation but better than I have dealt and coped with horrible situations in the past. This time I can't run to daddy like I did with husband #3. I make the decision that if I have to do this, raise this child by myself, that I will allow my family and friends in, allow them to help if they want but the burden of this is on me and I fully intend to take this head on. I will be the best mommy that I can be to this precious little chicken nugget. I giggle at my random thought of Gideon's remark during the ultrasound. Chicken nugget? Too cute!

We've made it back to my apartment and I tell Gideon that I need to call my office. It's Monday and I should have been at work hours ago. According to the doctor I can not be at work for the rest of the week. I need to let Jack know and I know that he is not going to be pleased. Especially since its so late in the work day now and he's just going to be hearing about this.

"Jack Hyde."

"Uh hi Jack, it's Ana."

"Where are you! You should have been in 3 hours ago!"

Our conversation didn't go any better. Jack wouldn't let me get a word in edgewise as he continued to tell me how unprofessional I have been to fail to call if I am not coming into work and that it shows bad faith being I have been employed by SIP for such a short amount of time. I know that its better to let him just yell and get it out of his system before I interrupt.

Finally he stops and I get to explain that I was just released from the hospital as I was in a car accident. He asked how long I would be out but never once asked how I was. UGH! I really do dislike that man but thankfully I would have a week to get myself in order before I have to deal with him again. I love my job but could do with a different boss. He really does give me the willies but I need this job, especially now with this little nugget on the way.

I can tell Gideon is irritated that the phone call took as long as it did so I explain, "Gideon, I have to take Jack's bullshit if I want to keep my job. I've learned to just let him rant before explaining anything. Especially now, I need my job more than ever before because of nugget."

His eyes soften at the mention of my nugget and he glances at my tummy and when he looks at me again there is so much tenderness in his face that if I didn't know better I would say that he was a man in love. But he can't love me. I'm broken and I don't know if I'll ever be repairable. He walks over and sits down on the couch next to me taking both my hands in one of his and moving a few strands behind my ear, "I don't want you worrying about anything but taking care of yourself and nugget in there. You don't need the stress of an asshole boss. I can make sure you have everything you need."

He said it with so much sincerity that I was flabbergasted. Taking one of my hands and putting it to his cheek, "I know you mean that but you have to understand I have to work. It's just me. Christian walked out and nugget isn't your responsibility. We are friends. I don't want that to change and I have to be able to take care of this baby. I have to do that myself."

Gideon looks at me and I see that same look of longing in his face from earlier. The one that left me confused. But it's when I look in his beautiful blue eyes that I finally make the distinction. Love. He hasn't said it but its there written clearly. It makes my heart flutter and my head scream. I'm broken, Christian has broken a huge part of my heart and I don't know if I will ever be right again. I don't know that I am fixable right now.

"You don't have to do anything that you don't want to do alone sweet girl. I will always be here for you when you need me. I still want you. It doesn't matter that you're pregnant. It just means that I'll be able to care for another part of you. It's a package. Want the mom, accept and want the child. Simple equation for me. You wanted time before you found out, I'll still give you that even if now more than before I wish you didn't need it."

I know that I am looking at him like a deer in the headlights. I couldn't ask for more than he was offering except that right now I wish it were Christian offering it to me. I know that I should say something but I have no words for what he has just shared. So I do the only thing that I can do and wrap my arms around his waist and hug him. That's when I realize that I'm crying. Silent tears, wishing that I could offer him what he wants now; wishing that I knew that I'd be able to offer it to him at anytime in the future.

"I don't deserve you." Its a simple statement but one that he needs to hear.

"You deserve more than anything I could give you sweet girl." He whispers to into my hair before he kisses my head, wrapping me in his strong muscular arms and just holding me.

We sit there for awhile just listening to each other breathing. No words need to be said. He just strokes my back giving me the comfort that I didn't realize that I needed.

Quietly, "I want to talk to you sweet girl and I know that you're not going to like what I have to say but I want you to seriously consider what I have to say."

"Uh. Ok" I lean back and look him in the eyes and its like looking into the deepest part of the sea. Just an amazing blue that sucks you in. But I can see he nervous.

"Security..." He begins.

"Gideon. No." I interrupt forcefully.

"Ana, listen to me. It's not just you now." He places his hand on my stomach. "Nugget. I want you both safe and I can't make sure you both are when I'm in New York. What if it's just one man, like the day that I was in Portland. You knew he was there but he was intrusive to you. Do you think that you could do that?"

"I'd rather not Gideon." I'd noticed that he actually used my name instead of his endearment for me. So I know that this is really bothering him. "But I guess, if I have a few days to get used to the idea I'll be able to deal with it. As long as I don't feel like you're keeping tabs on me and he'll just be there to watch over me?"

I can do this. I can give this to him. He has given me so much, his friendship and comfort when I've needed it. I can make this concession for him. He doesn't need to be worried about when he has a company to run 3000 miles away.

"Really? God. Thank you!" There's relief in his voice as he answers me.

Then cups my face with his large hands and leans down and kisses me. It starts as a kiss that begins showing the gratitude he feels for me accepting what he wants to do for me but it quickly turns passionate. His tongue slides on my lower lip and I moan and he slips his tongue between my lips to dance with mine. It feels wonderful but I pull back, effectively ending the kiss, but then leaning my forehead to his before leaning back to look into his alluring blue eyes.

"I can't." I reach for my crutches so that I can go make some tea.

"Ana." I hear the surprise in his voice. This is the first time that I have actually pulled back from him. But right now I need to keep a clear head.

"Don't Gideon. I'm going to make some tea. Would you like some?"

I turn to look at him the best I can on the crutches without toppling over. He looks crushed and shakes his head no. I hate that I put that look on his face but I can't lead him on if I don't know what I'm going to be doing either way. Right now my priority is this baby.

I'm still trying to wrap my head around everything that Christian said and didn't say. His body language never gives much away but there was a storm raging in his eyes when I was telling him about the baby. Especially once he realized that he was the father. He has me all over the place. First, I'm not enough and he can't live without the need of a submissive; then he shows up after he thinks that I've moved on to tell me that I'll never understand how much he cares about me and that I am enough for him; finally he tells me that he wants me but not his child. This fucking roller coaster that is Christian Grey is more upsetting than anything else.

Then I think about Gideon. That gorgeous man out sitting in my living room. He's just as physically appealing as Christian. He's as successful as Christian; not that it matters to me. I imagine in business he is just as ruthless as Christian can be. But he wants me. He cares about me and I dare say that he just may love me. He's willing to take care of me AND my baby even though my little nugget isn't his.

What the hell am I going to do? I need to get a handle on this situation. I'm just sitting down at the breakfast bar to drink my tea when the front door opens and I hear Gideon.

"WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING HERE!"

Oh this can't be good. Grabbing my crutches and moving as quickly as possible to get to the living room, I see Christian, Elliot standing behind him. Fuck. Really.

Elliot answers as Christian and Gideon are just standing there glowering at each other. "Gideon he needs to speak to Ana. This is between them. We have to let them talk."

"So you fucking bring him here to ambush her! Fuck for some reason I actually thought you gave a damn about her but it's obvious that you only care about the asshole brother that walked out on her and her baby." Gideon thunders at him. I can honestly say that I have never seen him this angry. And I have to say that I'm not at all pleased with this either.

Moving next to Gideon, I place my hand on his arm and look up at him with a small smile. I know that it doesn't reach my eyes and I also know the he understands that I am not happy about this situation either.

I look at the Grey men standing in front of me. Christian, who looks like he could chew and spit nails and Elliot looking a bit taken aback when I address the older brother, "Elliot. You overstepped the other day. I said my peace and left it be. You're Kate's boyfriend and of course you are always welcomed in our home. But you need to learn boundaries. I can't believe that you would be so disrespectful to me again so soon after." I notice Christian's quick questioning glance at his brother but continue, "This is not the time for a confrontation that you seem hell bent on starting between your brother and Gideon. You knew he would be here today; taking care of me since I was just discharged from the hospital. You also knew that Christian walked out on me during a very important conversation. And yet here you are inviting problems into MY home and at MY expense."

Other than a quick glance at Christian during my rant I haven't taken my eyes off of Elliot. I don't want Christian in my home right now. There's too much turmoil inside me to be able to deal with right now. And honestly, I don't think I could handle him walking out on me again.

"Where's Kate, Elliot?" I'm glaring at him now. Kate wouldn't have allowed him to do this. Not today anyway.

Looking at the floor, chastised some by my outburst, "She still with Mia, getting her ready to go home. They've decided that she can be discharged."

I shake my head and close my eyes, "Shouldn't the both of you be there then? Isn't that where you should be, with your family?"

That's when Christian finally speaks, "You are our family too Anastasia."

"WHAT!?" I scream at him. How dare he say something like that when he point-blank told me that he didn't want this baby! "Like hell I am. You made your position perfectly clear earlier today, when you walked out that door!"

He closes his eyes and starts to speak but I interrupt him before he starts, "You know what? I don't care how you've come to that. Right now I have other things that I am dealing with and I would like you both to leave." Effectively dismissing them.

Then turn to Gideon, "My head hurts and I'm tired. I think I am going to take something and go to bed."

Gideon's looks down at me and says, "I had Angus pick up Tylenol earlier. It's on your nightstand in the bedroom." He bends down and kisses my forehead, "I'll be in in few minutes."

I hear Christian's growl at that comment and I know that Gideon said it just to goad him a bit more. I look back at the other two men in the house glare at both of them before I turn and head to my room.

I hear Gideon, "You heard the lady. Time to leave." I can picture him with a smile as he says that. The further away from them I get the less I can make out with what they are saying but I hear all three.

I make it to my bedroom, find the Tylenol right where Gideon said it would be. I take two and then going to the bathroom to get a glass of water to take them before I lay down in bed. My head hurts so much. I don't know if its from the concussion I received in the accident or because of what just happened with Christian showing up or the fact that Elliot would be the one to push this. I can't think and all I want to do is sleep. Suddenly I feel strong arms around me. Gideon. I smile as he pulls me to him.

"Thank you Gideon."

"What for sweet girl?"

"Not beating his ass just now."

I hear a soft chuckle, "Years of self-restraint and loads of control sweetheart. But you know you'll have to talk to him sometime."

I close my eyes and snuggle down into his arms some more, "I know. Just not today."

"No, not today sweet girl but soon," he says quietly and I know I heard his voice break with that last sentence.

He knows what I need to do, he doesn't push for me to do it on his time-table but he does remind me that it needs to be done. And I'm beginning to love that about him. He wants me to see the reality of a situation but doesn't shove it in my face and I respect him because of that.

"Soon." I whisper right before falling asleep.