Chapter Thirty-Seven
In Control

June 17th, 1975

"Do you trust me?" Mia asked him softly.

The full moon was approaching that coming Monday, and Remus was already a little on edge. It did not help that exams were also that week, and he was determined to ace every class in order to secure the Gryffindor prefect badge for which he was hoping. Only Mia knew about his ambition to become a prefect; he confessed it to her late one night while the two sat in the common room, flames flickering gently in the fireplace in front of them while he lazily linked their fingers together with one hand, using his free one to draw soft circles on her shoulders.

He had told her how he felt the need to prove he was a real wizard because the world would never see him as one. She had frowned and tried to ease his frustrations as she was prone to do, making him promises that one day he would be a great duellist, able to fight off all manner of Dark wizards and even creatures like dementors. Remus had chuckled at her vivid imagination and insisted that he would be happy to have a calm life after Hogwarts with a job if he was lucky. Becoming a prefect and being one of the top students was his life goal—to show that being a werewolf did not make him any less knowledgeable in magic.

He had never told anyone else his worries like that, not even his parents.

He trusted Mia with anything.

"Of course I trust you." Remus gave her a nervous smile, staring at the goblet in her hands as she held it out toward him. He peered into the viscous grey liquid; blue smoke wafted ominously off of the top of the surface. He trusted her, especially with potions, but that did not rule out her having something devious up her sleeve, and Remus always liked to be prepared. Plus . . . ominously wafting smoke.

"Then take it," she pleaded with him, and he raised a brow at the genuine expression on her face. "Every day for a week before the moon."

Remus very nearly jumped away from the potion at the mention of the moon, suddenly much more nervous than before. It was one thing to maybe slip him a joke potion that turned his hair a different colour. There was also the time when she dared the Marauders to take a Laugh-Inducing Potion in the middle of Transfiguration and then placed bets on who would get detention first—Peter had.

But to take a potion that she was hinting had something to do with the moon?

"Mia, I know you're good at potions but—"

"Remus, please."

He could actually see tears forming in the corners of her eyes and the sight made his chest tighten. He really could not stand it when she cried.

"I know it's difficult for you to trust people when it comes to your lycanthropy. I know that you struggle in letting me help you."

Remus scoffed. That was an understatement; he had barely allowed her back into the hospital wing since they had started dating at the beginning of the year. Even then, she had only healed him the once.

"But I want—I need you to do this for me. Please take this potion." She was begging him now, and something about the way the word "please" fell off her lips sent a primal vibration through his chest.

She held the goblet out to him again. "This one tonight, and then again every night until the moon."

He closed his eyes and inhaled her scent to try and ground him. That scent used to send him into a frenzy, but now that he was allowed to hold her hand, to brush the hair from her neck and breathe her in whenever he wanted, it calmed him. It also helped that her scent was no longer mingled with Sirius's—just his. Remus would certainly lie about it if she ever asked him, but when she hugged him tightly, he would rub his cheek against hers on instinct, scent marking her as his own.

"I trust you," he said, reaching for the goblet. Her eyes brightened so much that her irises changed from brown to a shade of amber that caught him completely by surprise. If he had not known her scent so well, he might have actually assumed someone had Polyjuiced themselves as Mia, and the potion was wearing off. Just in case, he waited a few seconds, watching her intently.

Her eyes returned to her usual chocolate colour, and he sighed in relief.

"Thank you." She smiled sweetly and kissed his cheek.

Remus nodded, shaking his head and blinking his eyes rapidly, wondering if he was seeing things. He brought the goblet to his lips, drinking it down in one large gulp, figuring that if he got it over with quickly he would have less of a chance to let his nerves get the better of him.

The second the liquid fell into his mouth, though, he almost gagged on it. Forcing it down his throat, he grimaced, swallowed, then turned to her as though she had just smacked him. He coughed, trying very hard not to vomit, and dropped the goblet, kicking it away from him. "Ugh, I trusted you! That tasted like . . . like . . ." But there was no comparison.

"Like licking the inside of the Sorting Hat?" Mia offered.

Remus's eyes widened, and he nodded.

"Yeah, sorry about that. Can't seem to make it any better. But you still have to take it."

June 24th, 1975

"Where's Mia?" Remus yelled as he burst into the nearly empty Gryffindor common room.

After waking up in the Shrieking Shack following the full moon, Remus had made his way through the tunnel beneath the Whomping Willow at unheard of speeds. Still slow and aching, but he was not limping, bleeding, or on the verge of blacking out. When Madam Pomfrey was not looking, he snatched three phials of Invigoration Draught, tossing them back like they were shots of firewhisky before he darted out of the infirmary against the mediwitch's instructions.

The students were leaving Hogwarts for the summer that morning, and he had originally planned to leave by Portkey later that afternoon once he was feeling better.

But this could not wait.

"Well, look at you, Moony." Sirius grinned as he walked down the stairs, his broom slung over his shoulder.

Everyone else in Gryffindor Tower had likely left early that morning, trunks all packed and ready to go, but James and Sirius had mentioned the day before that they were wanting to have one more fly around the pitch to celebrate another year of winning the Quidditch Cup, though Gryffindor still lost the House Cup when James had lost fifty points after he had been caught glueing rat traps to the floor outside the Slytherin common room.

Sirius set his broom down at the foot of the stairs next to his trunk, which had been covered by an assortment of stickers and logos of Muggle bands he had become obsessed with over the years. "You're all up and looking less like shit than you did last month. Hey, Prongs!" he called up the stairs. "Come check this out! Moony doesn't look like he recently threw up."

James rushed down the stairs, broom in hand and robes hanging open loosely over his red and gold Quidditch jersey, wand tucked behind his ear. "Wow. You look . . ." James paused, tilting his head to the side as he stared at Remus. "More healthy, less sane? What's got your tail in a twist?"

"I've used that one before," Sirius muttered to James.

"Fine," James huffed. "What's got your paw in a . . ."

"Pickle?" Sirius offered.

"Thank you, Mr Padfoot," James smirked.

"You're very welcome, Mr Prongs."

"Will you two idiots shut up?" Remus growled. "Where's Mia?"

Sirius stuck out his lower lip in a pout. "Apparently morning Moony is a prickish Moony, Prongs."

"Indeed he is, Padfoot," James tutted while shaking his head disapprovingly.

Remus took in a slow deep breath, not having the patience for their usual antics. "Tell me where Mia is," he began slowly, "or I'll go and tell Lily that you're the one who stole all of her books and wrote 'Mrs James Potter' in them."

James laughed mockingly, listing up the sleeve of his robe with a proud grin. "Nice try, mate, she already knows that. I've got the scar from her stinging hex to prove it."

Remus growled and ran his hands through his shaggy hair in frustration. "Why are you two being so difficult?"

"Not sure," James admitted casually. "Might be your reactions, if I'm being honest. I'm feeling very provoked into the need to fuck with your head a little right now." He chuckled, and Sirius joined in.

Remus turned and snarled at them, actually feeling it when his eyes flashed gold.

They immediately stopped laughing, though neither looked actually frightened. Four years of watching Remus fold his socks had left his friends less than intimidated by him.

"Okay, okay," James conceded. "Why do you need to see my sister?"

"She's been feeding me a potion all week," Remus admitted, trying to calm himself down.

"What potion?" Sirius asked.

Remus sighed. "I'm not sure. She didn't tell me what it was called."

"You took a potion from your girlfriend without finding out what it's called?" Sirius gaped at him.

Remus refused to make eye contact. "I know, I know."

"Better yet, you took a potion from Mia without finding out anything about it?" James asked, looking horrified. Growling werewolf? No problem. Potentially poisonous sister? Everyone on alert. "You do remember The Great Rainbow Explosion of 1974?"

"Or the Laugh-Inducing Potion she dared us to drink?" Sirius chimed in.

"Or the Exploding Potion she flushed down the second-floor girls' bathroom?"

"Pretty sure that was us, mate," Sirius said thoughtfully.

"Oh, yeah." James nodded with a nostalgic smile. "But what about the Babbling Beverage she slipped Peter last Spring? He's still not allowed within ten feet of the Hufflepuff table."

"Or the prefects' bathroom," Sirius continued.

"Remember when Macdonald punched him in the face?"

"Knocked out one of his teeth." Sirius laughed at the memory. "Remember how we told him we could fix it with a Sticking Charm, Prongs?"

"But we put it in backwards!" the two said at the same time, leaning on one another as they burst into laughter.

"Hey!" Remus shouted. "Can we reminisce about Peter's miseries later? The bloody potion she gave me. . . it kept me there!"

Sirius blinked, confused. "Kept you where?"

"Kept me . . ." Remus sighed and collapsed onto the large sofa; he could smell her scent all over it. "It kept me present. I was there, in control. For the most part."

"I don't understand," James said as he moved over and took a seat next to him. Sirius leant against the empty fireplace, arms crossed over his chest, one foot crossed over the other.

"When I transform, I become the wolf," Remus explained. "The wolf takes over completely. I'm still there, but it's like watching from behind the scenes while someone else takes control of my body. I barely remember anything each month because it's like I'm not even really present, but last night I was there."

He looked up at his friends, who both stared at him with wide, interested eyes. "Last night was . . ." Remus's voice trailed away as he remembered.

He had been taken out to the Whomping Willow as usual and had turned back to see Mia smiling at him from the doorway of the castle, a hopeful look in her eyes that made him feel genuinely nervous. She had not told him any more about the potion the rest of the week but still forced him to drink the nasty stuff each day leading up to the full moon, including that night.

Slipping beneath the willow, Remus made the stressful walk to the Shrieking Shack. Once there, he fell into his usual routine of undressing and taking in slow, deep breaths as the moon began to rise.

His skin had itched badly, and it felt like he needed to scratch it all the way down to the bones. A heat washed over his body, and he could feel the blood pumping through his veins, throbbing as it flooded his head, toppling him to the ground where his knees buckled and the shift began to take place. Pain. Always pain. Excruciating pain as his bones shifted, elongating until some of them broke, only to heal themselves back in place moments later. His muscles tore, adjusted, and repaired themselves, and the skin of his back split open to accommodate the shape of his secondary form. Fur, both soft and coarse, pushed its way through his skin, and his face elongated into a snout at the same time as his hands fell to the ground heavily, shifting into large paws.

Normally, the wolf would have taken over, searching for a way out—searching for something to kill, something to tear at, and—lately—something to take, to claim, to fuck.

Of course, trapped in the Shrieking Shack, there was nothing and no one, at which point the wolf would usually turn his frustrations on himself. It had been horrifying over the years to watch from behind the eyes of the creature as its desires changed. It had been one of the reasons Remus insisted on not getting too physical with Mia. He worried that one day the wolf would take over completely and there would be nothing Remus could do to stop him from hurting her.

But last night . . . the wolf was in the back and Remus at the front.

He had sat there in the shack, smelling the air and looking around, waiting for the wolf to begin tearing into his own flesh angrily when attempts to escape failed—but nothing happened. He had stood up on his hind legs, stretching to look through the cracks in a boarded-up window where he gazed up at the moon that still called to but did not dominate him.

"I was fully in control," Remus admitted quietly, reverently. "I mean, I transformed and everything like normal, but it was like I could see with my own eyes and move willingly."

"Merlin," James whispered, shocked by the revelation. "And Mia—"

"I need to know where she is, Prongs," Remus said, looking up at his friend desperately.

"She left early with Evans for the train," James answered immediately. "We stuck around to wait for you."

"Well, I'm here now." Remus leapt from the sofa and made for the portrait hole quickly. "Let's go!"

Lily helped some of the first years with their luggage, purposely trying to get the attention of the current prefects and Head Boy and Girl as though their opinions mattered on who would become prefects the following year.

Mia, meanwhile, turned her gaze over the horizon at the castle in the distance, worrying her lip between her teeth as she nervously thought of Remus, praying to Merlin that she had not botched the potion. She was terrified something had gone wrong, and he would be furious with her for tampering with something so very sensitive.

Trying to distract her thoughts, Mia helped a second year Hufflepuff try to wrangle his owl back into its cage.

"Mia, I thought you said Remus wasn't feeling well today?" Lily asked.

"What?" Mia blinked, looking up at Lily. "He's not well. He was in the hospital wing last I heard."

Lily pointed behind Mia. "Well, he doesn't look very sick. He's running toward us."

"What?" Mia gasped and turned quickly.

Lily was right; Remus was at full sprint. James and Sirius trailed behind, unable to keep up with him despite it being just hours post-moon.

Mia's eyes widened at the sight of him looking so good, and she wondered what the hell she had done to the potion to get these results. Wolfsbane had never done anything like this to Future Remus, at least not that she knew of.

He continued to rush forward, his eyes fixed on her, and Mia swallowed nervously as he closed the distance between them, panting, with sweat on his brow. He must have run the whole way down from the castle.

She worried that he would yell at her, call her a know-it-all, or tell her to mind her own business from now on. She was terrified that he would say he could no longer trust her, break her heart, and tell her how dare she stick her nose where it did not belong.

"Remus, I can explain . . ." she began to say, but he swallowed the rest of her sentence as he crushed his mouth over hers, kissing her soundly.

He had not waited patiently, silently requesting permission, like Sirius had done. Remus took immediate advantage of the way her lips parted in a shocked gasp, and he invaded hungrily, moaning and growling against her lips, and the sounds vibrated in her throat, tickling. Cold shivers quickly transformed into heated waves that travelled over her entire body.

His kiss was like throwing a rock into the Black Lake: a deep plunge in the centre and then watching as the effects rippled outward, reaching the bank of sand and rocks the way that his kiss reached all the way to her toes.

At first, she could scarcely hear the whistles and cheers from the students surrounding them, but when her hearing fully returned to her, she blushed in realisation of where they were. She gasped for air the moment that Remus let her go, but he did not move far, pressing his forehead against hers and gazing deep into her eyes.

"I love you," he said before she got her breath back.

Her heart swelled at the words, and she had to blink away the tears forming in her eyes to make sure it was really him standing in front of her. She reached her hands up and touched his stubbly cheeks, relishing the sudden feel of his hands buried in the thick of her hair.

It really was Remus.

And Remus had kissed her.

And Remus loved her.

"You are brilliant and wonderful and absolutely perfect, little witch." Remus grinned brightly, his eyes flashing gold. "And I love you."

Her voice was shaky when she quietly asked, "It worked?"

Remus laughed and kissed her again, this time less desperate and hungry, but she could feel his smile against her lips. She was not surprised at all and could not help but return his smile when she realised that he tasted like chocolate. She let out a laugh as he picked her up into his arms and spun her around joyfully.

"Ahem!"

Remus and Mia broke apart to turn, red-faced, toward an approaching James.

"Took you long enough, Moony!" Sirius hollered from behind him.

"Lily." Remus turned and looked down at his friend with pleading eyes. "I would never under any other circumstances ask this of you, but . . ."

"Ugh." Lily frowned. "You want me to distract Potter, don't you? Fine, but I can't guarantee he'll be returned with all present attachments." She wielded her wand for emphasis as she pushed her way between Remus and Mia to present herself in front of James, who almost missed her while he was staring down his sister and friend.

"Potter? Could . . . Could you . . . Oh God. Could you sit with me on the train?" Lily's voice was tight, her words sounding like they were being pushed through clenched teeth. "I'd really like you to explain Quidditch to me."

Without prelude, James dropped to his knees, looking up at her with deep admiration. "I knew it! I knew if I just kept at it, you'd realise how much you love me!"

"Shut up, you great bloody prat! I do not love you!"

"Marry me!" James implored, arms wide open as though he fully expected her to fall into them willingly.

"This day just gets better and better," Sirius noted aloud, a truly pleased look on his face.

Lily turned and glared at Remus, who was already halfway onto the train, gripping Mia's hand tightly. They both offered Lily an apologetic smile, silently declaring that they owed her. She nodded in reply, presumably calculating the massive interest that was instantly accumulating on this favour for her friends.

Remus rushed down the centre of the train, making his way back to the last compartment, generally reserved for the Marauders. Though they did not have an actual stake of claim on the carriage, it was always empty after Sirius started a rumour that the boys had placed a Pimple Jinx on the compartment that would target anyone entering it without the Marauders' permission.

The couple entered and found Peter already sitting there.

"Hey, Remus, I didn't think you were going to be—"

"Get out."

Peter's eyes widened, and he responded quickly by standing up and moving to the door, keeping his eyes on Remus the entire time.

Remus broke for a few moments and sighed, "Just give us a half-hour, mate," he said with a slightly softened tone.

"An hour," Mia amended.

Remus immediately reacted, grinning. "An hour."

Peter flushed red and turned quickly, closing the door behind him.

The moment he was gone, Remus turned swiftly, cupping Mia's cheek in his hand and bringing his lips down to hers, kissing her sweetly and gently, trying to communicate his gratitude without words. Her potion had kept him awake, alive, and in control for the first full moon since he was four years old. He had spent the night in silence, finding no need to howl or whimper. He had wanted to sleep but could not. He was finally able to experience his wolf form with purpose and control. It was there in the shack, bathed in the light of the moon, that Remus knew he had to kiss her, even if it was just the once.

But kissing her was addictive. She made him feel like a wizard, a human—like a man.

The wolf lingered still in the background of his mind, urging him to grip her harder, hold her tighter, closer—Devour her!—but Remus held back. He was more man than wolf, and she had proven that to him. He did, however, whimper when she pulled away from him for a moment, but she smiled at his complaint and then aimed her wand at the door.

"Muffliato, Colloportus!" she said before drawing down the window shades.

Remus swallowed hard at both the Silencing Spell and the Locking Spell.

"Do you really think Lily can keep James distracted?" Mia asked, her cheeks pink.

"He proposed marriage to her in front of at least fifty other students. I think she'll last maybe ten minutes," he admitted honestly. Telling Peter to take off for an hour had been highly optimistic and incredibly unrealistic.

"Ten minutes." Mia nodded and pressed her hands against his chest, letting the bench behind him buckle his knees forward until he was sitting, and she was pulled down with him, trapped tenderly in his arms, her legs draped over his, and her feet kicked up on the edge of the seat.

Remus grinned and leant in, pressing a soft and significant kiss to her mouth.

He placed gentle and sweet kisses along her jawline, trailing down to her pulse point where he hesitated, trying to fight off—but ultimately giving in to—the need to suck at her skin. He was tender, placing an open-mouthed kiss on her neck, letting his tongue linger on the skin and tasting her for the first time. He let out a deep growl and it rumbled in his chest; he then groaned as a mewling sound escaped her swollen, parted lips. His hands roamed up her back, holding her tighter to him as he traced her collarbone with his mouth, a voice in the back of his mind urging, Keep going. More. Ours.

But that voice was drowned out when Mia leant close, brushing her lips against the shell of his ear, whispering, "I love you."

He paused as the declaration hit him, and he vaguely recalled telling her the same thing just outside the train right after he kissed her. Remus had not expected to say it out loud, but the words would not be contained. He certainly had not expected her to return the sentiment, and now that she had, he sat back looking at her in shock and awe, a part of him waiting for her to take it back and apologise immediately.

She did not.

She smiled at him and touched his face and looked into his eyes as though he were worth more than all the gold she had at Gringotts. As a Potter, he assumed she had a hell of a lot. She looked at him like he was worth a damn, like he was suddenly, somehow, miraculously worthy of her.

He said nothing else but kissed her once more, chastely, and nuzzled his nose into the side of her neck, exhaling slowly to calm himself down.

"Are you okay?" she whispered.

Remus smiled and pulled away from her to place a kiss on her brow. "I don't think I've ever been more okay in my entire life," he replied quietly, stroking her cheek gently with his thumb. "You tip everything upside-down. I was never meant to have friends. You changed that. I was never supposed to be close to someone like this; was never supposed to be properly conscious and in control under the moon. No one was ever supposed to . . ."

"I love you, Remus. You are so very much supposed to be loved."

He pressed his forehead against hers gently and closed his eyes, focusing on the moment and freezing it somewhere in the back of his memory so he could review it again during times of stress and sadness. "You changed everything, Mia."

He felt her stiffen at his words and could hear her inhale sharply. Remus's eyes opened to look up at her staring down at him as though she were looking for something specific inside of him. "What is it? What's wrong?"

She shook her head frantically, almost looking like she would cry at any moment.

"Mia? Did I do something wrong?" He was beginning to panic but let out a small sigh of relief when she shook her head again and smiled, although tears still lingered in her eyes.

"I haven't changed anything. You can't change what's meant to be." She began to worry her bottom lip between her teeth. "I'm just doing what I'm supposed to, Remus. I have to enjoy my life. I ended up being very lucky that you're such a big part of that life."

She looked like she was holding something back as she brushed the hair from his forehead affectionately and whispered, "Please always be a part of my life."

"Breaking up with me already?" he joked, but a part of him was terrified. "Am I that bad of a kisser?"

Mia threw her head back and laughed.

"Remus, you are such a good kisser that I could probably snog you for the next thirty years, but it would eventually get awkward. I'm just saying . . . we never know what the future has in store, and I want to make sure that, no matter what, you'll always be in my life. My best friend."

"So you're not breaking up with me?" he asked, seriously this time.

"No, you prat! I just want you to know what I feel for you, that I love you . . . and it goes beyond this relationship. You are a part of me, and that started long ago—long before I ever met you on this train," she admitted, leaning down to feather her lips lightly against his own.

"I promise. Always in your life."

She let out a long sigh of relief.

"Now that we're not breaking up," Remus remarked with a chuckle, "I need to lie down."

She raised an amused brow. "My lips too much for you?"

"Your lips are a great many things, and I look forward to discovering them all. Unfortunately, the full moon was last night," he reminded her, shifting her from his lap and then tipping backward to lie down on the bench. "I'm needing at least another six hours of sleep."

"I meant to ask about that," Mia said, curious. "The potion was meant to keep you alert and in control, but you look—or at least you did until just now—like nothing happened at all."

"Oh, your potion did what it was supposed to, I guess," he admitted, yawning. "But I needed to see you today, so I sneaked out of the infirmary after downing three phials of Invigoration Draught."

"Three?!" She blinked down at him, wide-eyed as he fell unconscious. "Remus Lupin!" But he only snored softly in response. She let out a frustrated sigh, making plans to scold him later for self-medicating.

Just then, there was a loud bang on the door, and Mia rolled her eyes and aimed her wand at it. "Finite Incantatem!"

James was the first to burst through the door, a dangerous look in his eyes, hair standing on end more than normal as though he had been recently electrocuted.

Mia gaped at him as he walked into the compartment.

Sirius followed close behind, grinning at Remus's supine form. "Wore him out did you, kitten?"

James punched him and then turned his gaze on Mia. "What happened in here?"

"What happened to your hair?" Mia countered with a raised brow.

Sirius cleared his throat, holding back another laugh. "Let's just say Evans is going to take some time to think about Prongs's proposal of marriage."