Lots of thanks to Kira Tamarion for her patient work with this long chapter and for her endless support and encouragement :D

Million Miles from Home I'm Walking Ahead

For three full days, Ashara knew nothing but the joy of motherhood. She kept to her room, practically locked away from the rest of the world, oblivious to everything around her except for the little baby in her arms. She spent hours upon hours simply gazing at Anyu, admiring her little features, and marveling at the tiny details of her face. She believed that there was no more perfect baby in the world.

Wynne said that all babies had blue eyes when they were born, but to Ashara it looked as though Anyu was a faery child, a little snow angel. Her skin was pale, paler even than Ashara's, and her little tuft of hair was as white as fresh snow blanketing a forest floor. She seemed the very image of purity and innocence, and Ashara was speechless at the thought that this perfect little baby was hers.

When Anyu cried, she cried real tears, scrunching up her face and bawling with the fury of the Creators. When she slept, she lolled in Ashara's arms like a man passed out drunk. Ashara studied every inch of her daughter, drinking in the sight of Anyu as if she couldn't get her fill.

During the three days of this joyful bliss, Tamlen rarely left their side. He held Anyu as many times as Ashara could stand to be parted from her, whispering words in her little ear that Ashara couldn't hear. He brought plates piled high with food and made sure Ashara ate enough, hovering over her like a worried parent, always asking if she had had enough to eat.

Kali spent the time fluttering in and out of the room, bubbling with excitement as she admired Anyu and constantly chattered about all of the things she wanted to give her. With the aid of some of the servants, she invaded Isolde's sewing room and gathered so much material that it took three people to carry. She brought it back to Ashara's room, whereupon she began to stitch one beautiful outfit after another. Lady Isolde, she reported to an amused Ashara, could hardly protest since Kali was making clothing for the baby. But, the servants had gleefully told her that Isolde, frustrated with how overrun her castle had become–what with the Grey Wardens and the army–had shut herself away in her rooms, sobbing about how no one had manners anymore.

For those three days, Ashara was happier than she had ever been. She had her daughter in her arms, Tamlen and Kali by her side, and Keeper Marethari always nearby to offer a suggestion or word of advice.

Then, she crashed back to reality.

The Blight was still a threat to Ferelden, the civil war was still raging, and they still needed to find a cure for Arl Eamon. Ashara had been graced with three days to spend with her daughter, to forget about everything else, but now it was time to resume her duty. She mentioned to Keeper Marethari how difficult it was to pull herself away from Anyu and worried over who would watch her while she was gone; the Keeper broached the idea of bringing in a new mother to help keep watch over Anyu, and also to nurse her.

"You have a Blight to defeat, da'len," Marethari said in her calm way. "You cannot do that if you are nursing your child. You cannot focus on your task if you are worrying about who will watch her."

Ashara was stunned by the suggestion and fought the urge to collapse into tears. She shouldn't nurse her own daughter? What kind of mother would that make her? Tamlen tried to comfort her, to tell her that it didn't matter if she nursed their child or not but Ashara pushed him away, telling him that he didn't understand.

With a hidden smile, Marethari informed her that it was the best way to do her duty and ensure that her child was healthy. During the three days that Ashara had nursed Anyu, they could all see that the baby was gaining weight. A new nursing mother would not halt Anyu's growth and would be available to feed her at any time of the day, something Ashara could not give her if she was to resume her duties against the Blight.

Much as Ashara was reluctant to admit it, she knew that the Keeper was right. The army was gathering outside the castle and Ashara had a lot to do. She had to help provide them with plenty of weapons and armor; she had to check that the army was fully prepared. Kira might have helped Ashara lead their group across Ferelden, but to the army Ashara was the one in charge. She had to speak with her soldiers and review plans with them. She had to answer their questions and calm their fears.

When Marethari saw that Ashara had relented, she left for the Dalish camp and soon brought back one of the new mothers from Keeper Lanaya's Clan, a slight woman by the name of Tiatha. The Dalish mother brought her nursing son, Seith, and seemed nervous to be inside such a large castle.

Ashara was not inclined to like this woman–as far as she was concerned, Tiatha was usurping her role as a mother–but when she saw how sweetly the young woman held Anyu, her anger faded.

"She is a beautiful girl, lethallan," Tiatha said warmly, holding Anyu to her chest. "I am sure that you and Tamlen are very proud."

Ashara sat on the edge of her bed and watched the woman hold her daughter, ignoring the pang of envy. "We are." She hesitated. "Ma serannas for your help. I... it was not something that I wanted, but the Keeper helped me to see that it was the best choice."

Tiatha looked up at her with sympathy. "It is understandable, lethallan. But, you know that we of the Elvhenan are always willing to help one another. And you were First of your Clan; now you are a Grey Warden destined to save us from the Blight. It is an honor for me to help you in your time of need."

Somewhat mollified by the kind words, Ashara stood up and walked over to the little baby bed, where Tiatha's son Seith was sleeping soundly. A few months older than Anyu, he was an adorable boy with dark hair and skin the deep tones of the earth. A true child of Sylaise. "Your son is beautiful. Is his father with the rest of the Clans?"

The young mother nodded, her face softening as she looked at her baby. "He is one of our Clan's hunters. He is proud that I am to aid you, but I think he is worried about me sleeping in a shemlen castle."

"If it would make you both feel better, he is welcomed to stay with you during the evenings." Ashara grinned mischievously, knowing how upset Isolde got with each new addition to her castle. "I know that he must stay with the hunters during the day but at night, at least, you can be together."

A bright smile broke out over Tiatha's dark features. "I should like that, lethallan. Ma serannas."

Feeling far more secure that Anyu was in good hands, Ashara left her daughter for the first time since she had been born. She keenly felt the emptiness in her arms that longed to hold her baby, but she held her head high and firmly reminded herself that she had a job to do. Besides, Anyu was still in her room; it wasn't like they were being separated by distance. Ashara thought her hormones were making her act ridiculous.

She walked down the stairs and outside to the training yard, behind the castle, where a large group of men and women were training for the upcoming battle. She saw the Redcliffe soldiers practicing with their swords and mauls, mages working on their various spells, and dwarven men and women swinging giant axes and swords while they boasted to one another.

Ashara stood at the top of the stairs that led down to the yard and took a moment to study the scene in front of her. It was encouraging to see the army training hard and, as she scanned the area, she spotted her companions spread out amongst the troops. Wynne watched over the group of young mages, occasionally stopping to offer a suggestion or thought, while Tamlen, Zevran, and Leliana stood off to the side shooting arrows at practice targets. Morrigan, as was her habit, stood in the shadows away from everyone else with Kali's mabari, Drake, at her side; Sten sat cross-legged in the sunlight, glaring at anyone who had the temerity to speak with him. Alistair and Kira spared against one another, and Ashara spotted Oghren and Aric amidst the mass of dwarven soldiers.

Seeing everyone working together, preparing for a difficult battle, was truly inspiring. For the first time, Ashara had the thought that they might actually manage to succeed.

She noticed Kali standing a bit away from everyone else and walked over to the little rogue, who beamed when she saw her. "Ashara! You're up!" Her smile slipped a little. "Is Anyu okay?"

"Yes; she's with Tiatha."

"Oh. Is that the wet nurse Marethari went to find for her?"

Ashara tilted her head. "A wet nurse?"

Kali nodded. "It's a term used for a woman who nurses a baby for the mother. Most of the higher ranking noblewomen don't nurse their own children, so they hire a wet nurse to feed their baby for them."

"How strange." Ashara couldn't imagine why a mother would willingly hand over her child to another woman like that. "Why would a woman not want to nurse her own child?"

The little rogue shrugged. "Noblewomen are weird like that." She smiled. "Anyway, was there something that you needed?"

Ashara leaned against the wall of the castle and watched the mixture of humans, dwarves, and elves scurrying about as they prepared for battle. "I need to get everyone together; we have to get someone else to lead our group to Haven to try and find the cure for Eamon. I doubt I can travel such a long distance right now, and Keeper Marethari said that I should stay here in the castle until I'm fully healed." Privately, she admitted to herself that she couldn't stand the thought of leaving Anyu anyway.

Kali nodded. "Okay. I'll go tell everyone that we need to meet. Why don't we meet in the dining hall; that table's big enough for all of us."

Half an hour later all of her companions assembled in the dining hall. Kira sent some of the human servants for wine and fruit, and Tamlen sat down next to Ashara with a worried look on his face.

"Are you sure you're strong enough to be up?" he asked with concern.

Ashara smiled and patted his hand. "I'm fine, emma'lath. I had my days with Anyu; now it's time to get back to our duty." The servants came back with bowls filled with fruits and ewers of wine. Ashara still felt a little uncomfortable at having someone serve her like some shemlen queen, but she had finally come to the realization that there was nothing she could do about it. The elven servants hadn't listened to her suggestions that they seek out the Dalish, and even the human servants seemed content with their lives.

So, she settled for ignoring them, and instead, looked out over the table. "It's time to decide who is going to travel to Haven. Brother Genitivi's research seems to indicate that Andraste's Ashes are somewhere around there, and we need them to cure Arl Eamon. He's the only one who can help us confront Loghain. With Loghain out of the picture we can recruit the Royal Army."

Wynne folded her hands on the table and leaned forward. "Ashara, may I venture the opinion that it is not wise for you to travel right now? You have only just given birth; you need to rest and allow your body to grow strong at a slow pace. If you push yourself too much you risk harming yourself."

Ashara nodded. "Keeper Marethari said the same thing. That's why I will be staying here in Redcliffe Castle; someone else will have to lead a group to Haven." She took care to keep her voice light. Though she really didn't want to leave–she couldn't stand the thought of being away from Anyu–she really didn't like admitting weakness to those who depended on her.

Tamlen leaned towards her and put a hand on the small of her back, out of view from everyone else. She could tell that he knew what she was thinking. "I'll stay with you, vulpasha."

Ashara smiled down at him before turning her mind back to the task at hand. She knew who she would ask to lead. Who else did she trust to keep a firm hold over everyone and guide them to safety? "Kira, I think that you should be the one to lead the others to Haven"

The Orlesian Warden's eyes widened slightly. "I should lead? You trust me this much?"

"You were a fine guide when I was in my final months with Anyu, and you have a firm grasp of how to lead. I know that you'll keep everyone safe."

Kira flushed with pleasure. "That is... kind of you, Ashara." She took a sip of her wine, and then her face grew serious. "I would make the suggestion that I only take a few people with me."

"Why do you say that?" Alistair asked.

"If the map that we found is accurate, it should take us roughly a week of travel to reach Haven. I believe that we can move faster if I only have a few people with me." She looked around the table. "Haven is the last place that we must visit, and if the Ashes are truly there we can wake Arl Eamon and confront Loghain. If they are not, then we agreed we would proceed without the king's army." She folded her hands in her lap. "Either way, we are fast approaching the time when the Archdemon will show itself. I believe we need to move swiftly."

Ashara thought about her words for a moment and conceded the point. "I agree. With a smaller group, you should be able to travel at a faster pace. But, that leaves the question of who to take with you?"

"I'll go," Alistair said firmly.

"As will I," Leliana said.

Ashara nodded and looked around at her companions. "Wynne, I think you should go with them as well, in case they need a healer."

The Circle mage nodded. "I agree."

Aric set his cup down firmly on the table. "I'm going too. Ye'll need another warrior or two."

"Then count me in," Oghren said cheerfully. "Better'n staying here with all those nuglickers from Orzammar."

Ashara smiled. "It looks like you have your group, Kira. The rest of us will stay here and help train the soldiers, and prepare to battle the Archdemon."

Kira nodded. "We will leave at first light." She looked around at those going with her. "Get your things prepared tonight, and be sure to get plenty of rest. I do not want to delay leaving; the sooner we reach Haven, the sooner we can confront Loghain and prepare for battle."

The meeting over, everyone got up from the table and went off in different directions to various tasks. Ashara decided that she would go check on Anyu; she had already been apart from her for over an hour. She and Tamlen walked through the castle, towards the room they shared.

Tiatha sat on their bed next to her sleeping son, sewing a small tunic; she looked up and smiled when they entered. "Aneth ara. Your daughter is fine; she's sleeping right now."

Ashara noticed Marethari standing over Anyu's little bed with a smile on her face. The Keeper was always happy to be around children; she had never bonded, and had never been blessed with children of her own, so she had a habit of treating all children as warmly as if they were her own. "Anyu is sleeping soundly; she is growing well, da'len."

Ashara smiled at the Keeper's words and looked at Tiatha. "If you'd like, you can go to the Dalish camp and see your mate. I can watch Seith for you. I think that my tasks are done for the moment."

Tiatha set her sewing down and stood up from the bed, careful not to disturb her son. "Ma serannas, lethallan. I believe I must speak with one of the shemlen servants. He told me that a room had been prepared for me." She shook her head in wonder. "Imagine! I have a room with an actual bed, and a bed for Seith, in a shemlen castle!"

"Have the shemlen been treating you with respect?" Ashara asked. Though everyone was polite to her and her companions, she wasn't sure how they'd react to another of the Dalish. If any of the humans in the castle were rude to her or treated her badly, she was going to have some words with them.

Tiatha nodded, looking somewhat surprised. "Actually, they have. Everyone has been very nice to me; it is unlike anything I expected." She lowered her voice. "That one shemlen woman, the one with the strange accent and really high voice, was a bit rude at first, but the human I spoke with told me that she is stressed about all of the people in her castle."

"That's Isolde," Tamlen said, flopping down on the stuffed couch. He seemed to like the flamboyant comforts of the castle far more than Ashara did. "She's rude to everyone, but I kind of like the idea of making her mad." He grinned.

Tiatha giggled at his words. "I got the impression that no one really likes her." She walked over to the bed and gently picked Seith up. He kicked his feet and gurgled in annoyance at being woken up, but when Tiatha settled him against her hip he calmed down. "I would like to go to the Dalish camp and speak with Roth. I want to tell him that he is free to come to the castle during the evenings; it will make him feel better about me staying here."

Tamlen stood up from the couch. "I'll ask Kali and Zevran to go with you. The Dalish camp isn't very far from the village, but you shouldn't be walking there by yourself, especially not with your son. Come on."

He tossed a smile at Ashara and led Tiatha from the room. Once they were gone, Ashara went over to the little baby bed and peered down at her daughter. Anyu was sleeping deeply, her face relaxed. Ashara felt a wave of tenderness, unlike anything she had ever known, wash over her. This little girl was hers, a perfect baby made from her own body. It was humbling.

Marethari stood next to Ashara and smiled down at the baby. "Anyu the Survivor," she said quietly, almost to herself.

Ashara's head snapped up. "Why do you call her that?"

The Keeper shrugged carelessly, as if her words were unimportant. But, despite Marethari's calm, Ashara felt a tendril of fear settle into her stomach. She hated it when the Keeper made comments like that. It was an infuriating habit most of them had; they lived for so long and dedicated themselves to the realms of the unseen for so many years that occasionally a Keeper made prophetic comments that even they did not often understand.

However, when the words dealt with her precious daughter, Ashara wasn't about to let the matter go. "You called her Anyu the Survivor. Why?"

Marethari shook her head slowly. "I have no answer for you, da'len." She studied Ashara's face calmly, as if they were back with the Clan, preparing for daily lessons. "You are no longer an untrained child, Ashara. You are a Grey Warden, and now a mother. You know that the future is often unclear, that we are only granted muddled visions of what might be."

Ashara looked down at her sleeping daughter. "Yes, but..."

"None of that. You have too much to do without worrying about the distant future."

With a sigh, Ashara reluctantly let the matter go. She knew it was pointless to argue. Marethari might be a calm and sweet woman, but sometimes her refusal to give straight answers could rival Asha'belannar's stubbornness. The Keeper smiled, as if she knew Ashara's thoughts. "Now, on to lighter topics. I have a gift for you."

She walked over to a corner of the room, where for the first time Ashara noticed a beautifully carved silver staff. Marethari picked the staff up and held it out to her. "Master Ilen made this for you, to celebrate the birth of your daughter."

Ashara took the beautiful staff, her eyes widening as she admired Master Ilen's work. It was crafted from precious ironbark, with markings that symbolized protection etched around its slender body. Beautiful black feathers, symbols of Elgar'nan, were tied to its tip with strips of dark leather, and Ashara felt her magic channel through the staff as she held it. She smiled; it had been a long time since she had carried a staff. After her father's wooden one had been broken in the Deep Roads, she had begun to carry daggers. But, perhaps she could find a way to use both daggers and the staff.

"I... ma serannas. Tell Master Ilen that I am grateful."

"No matter where you go, you are of the Elvhenan. We will always do what we can to aid you in your tasks."

The door opened and Tamlen walked in. "Kali and Zevran agreed to take Tiatha back to the Dalish camp. She's going to speak with her mate and bring him back to the castle for the night." He paused and looked at the two women. "Did I interrupt something?"

Keeper Marethari smiled. "Not at all." She inclined her head to Ashara. "I am going to rest for the evening. Tomorrow I shall spend the day with the Elvhenan. If you have need of me, send word."

The Keeper left the room and Tamlen walked over to the baby bed, peering down at their daughter. "She is so beautiful, vulpasha." Ashara could hear the note of pride and awe in his voice. "We have a daughter. A beautiful girl to carry on our heritage."

He snaked an arm around her waist and pulled her close; Ashara rested her head on his shoulder. The two of them stood there for a time in silence, each content to admire their daughter.

"Do you think she'll be a mage?" he asked curiously.

Ashara looked up at him. "Do you want her to be a mage?" Dalishchildren usually didn't begin to show signs of magic until around three to four years of age, but most parents were thrilled to have a mage child. Magic was rare among the Elvhenan, and a mage child brought prestige to their parents and the Clan.

Tamlen shrugged, as if he didn't care one way or the other. "Whatever she is will be perfect for me. We'll teach her everything we know. I'm going to show her how to hunt, magic or not, and you can give her the knowledge of herbs."

Ashara smiled, envisioning all of the skills their daughter would have. "Yes. And Kali is already planning to teach her how to sew. Anyu will never want for anything."

Tamlen chuckled. "She's going to be spoiled."

Ashara waved a hand dismissively. "Of course. But no child could deserve it more."

"True. She'll always know how precious she is, and that her parents created her out of love." As he spoke, his hands slid up Ashara's arms to cup her elbows; he leaned down and kissed her lightly on her forehead.

Ashara smiled in contentment and rested her head against his chest, relaxing in his arms. She would raise her daughter to know that her parents loved her. Anyu would never have to endure the loss of her mother and father. Ashara closed her eyes. She would never repeat the steps of her own mother; she would never abandon her daughter.

oOo

That night, after the evening meal was cleared and everyone had retired, when the castle slowly drifted towards silence and the stars glittered in the sky, Kira and Aric sat in the dining hall, sharing a few glasses of ale as they reflected on the tasks ahead of them. It had been a long time since they were afforded the luxury of privacy, and both were grateful to take advantage of it.

Aric poured them both another glass of the delicious spiced ale from Orlais and took a long drink, sighing deeply. Kira didn't need to ask him what was wrong; the two of them had been friends for five years, since she had first joined the Grey Wardens at the young age of eighteen. She understood his moods, and knew that he was thinking about the battle with the Archdemon, and what the Wardens must do.

"It seems strange that Duncan did not explain much about the Grey Wardens to his new recruits," she remarked thoughtfully, taking a small sip of her ale. Though the two of them had been drinking for over an hour, neither of them were feeling much of the affects. They were accustomed to long drinking bouts with their fellow Wardens of Orlais; both had a high tolerance for alcohol.

"What did you expect?" the dwarf asked with a resigned sigh. "They were recruited right before a battle. Duncan didn't have time to tell 'em."

"Yes, but why not tell Alistair? He became a Warden six months before the others underwent their Joining. We all felt the stirrings of a Blight long before it happened; even in Orlais we felt it. Why did Duncan not mention anything to him then?"

"Who knows?" Aric's thick black beard twitched, expressing his agitation. "But, it's our job to tell 'em now. They need to know."

Kira set her cup down firmly on the table. "What we need are our brothers and sisters! Why does Mikhail not send more Wardens?" She brushed back her hair impatiently. "These last few months I have been trying to understand his reasons, but I have come to the conclusion that he is truly content to abandon Ferelden." She could hear pain creep into her voice. "I thought that we were better than this, Aric. I thought that it did not matter if we were Orlesian or Ferelden; I truly believed that we would all uphold our honor and fight against the threat of the Blight."

Aric, ten years her senior in both years and experience with the Wardens, reached over and patted her hand. "The way of the world, lassie. Yer a close relative of the Empress; you know how politics are."

With a resigned sigh, Kira slumped back in her chair in a most unladylike fashion. "I know, but we have been helping these people for six months now. I do not know what I expected when we first crossed the border, but I did not expect this. Without the aid of our brothers and sisters, the Ferelden Wardens have been forced to travel the country and beg for help from strangers, when they should have already had it from their fellow Wardens!" Her frown deepened. "If we manage to end this Blight, I fear that tensions between Orlais and Ferelden will only grow. Ferelden will always remember that Orlais abandoned them in their time of need, and I cannot say that I will blame them."

The dwarf took a deep drink of his ale and studied her over his glass. "What this country needs is a ruling family that can bring peace."

Despite her foul mood, Kira couldn't help but smile. "When did you become interested in politics, Aric? I always thought you were above such petty things."

"Doesn't mean I don't pay attention. Even I see that the humans are twitchy without a king. Just like Orzammar; Ferelden needs a strong king to keep things steady."

"Yes, but unless Alistair decides to claim his right to the throne–and we all know that he despises the thought–I do not see who else would have the strength to bring peace. Queen Anora is the daughter of Loghain; no doubt she shares her father's hatred of Orlais."

"If the pike twirler's the only one with a strong claim, I don't see that he has much of a choice."

Kira folded her hands in her lap, looking down at them so that Aric would not see the worry on her face. It was a thought that constantly plagued her. Alistair was the only person alive in Thedas with Theirin blood in his veins; Ferelden needed him. He believed that he would be a horrible king, but she knew that he was wrong. He was a good man, strong in his convictions and firm in his beliefs. He would be as a soothing balm to these hurting people.

But, to be the king of Ferelden would close him off from her forever.

She knew it was a selfish thought; to prefer her own desires over that of an entire country. What a woman she was! But, she couldn't help it. She had grown to care for him deeply over the past months. The thought of being separated from him caused an ache in her chest.

Aric cleared his throat loudly; Kira glanced up and saw that he had been watching her. "As I said: Ferelden needs a ruling family to fix the problems with Orlais."

"I heard you the first time," she retorted, somewhat irritably. "I have no doubt that Alistair would do his best to ease the tensions between Ferelden and Orlais. But, quite frankly, it is not our decision. I know that Ashara is already thinking of Alistair as king; she is already planning the various ways he can help to bridge the gap between humans and elves. But, unless Arl Eamon decides to put Alistair forward, I do not see what say we have in the matter." Her words were clipped; though she had never spoken with Eamon, she vehemently hated the way he had raised Alistair, as the spare to be brought forward only when deemed useful.

Aric poured himself another glass. "Of course Eamon will put Alistair forward as king, if he wakes up. Who else is there? But, even though the lad would make a good king, I don't see him fixing everything on his own."

Kira studied the dwarf suspiciously. "What are you implying, Aric?"

"I thought it was obvious. You sure yer not drunk? I'm saying that you rule with him."

She stared at him for a moment, before dissolving into laughter. "How much have you had to drink, my friend? You are drunk, yes?"

"I hold my ale better'n you, lassie."

"Then, why would you ever suggest such a thing? Rule with Alistair? That would mean to marry him! I do not... I have not even..." She wiped tears of laughter from her eyes. "I can just imagine the look on his face were I to propose such a thing! Besides the fact that Alistair and I are not even close to the point of marriage, I doubt Ferelden would want an Orlesian as their queen."

"Makes sense, if you think about it." Aric began to list the reasons off on his chubby fingers. "You and pike twirler are already batting eyes at each other; it's obvious to anyone with half a brain that yer sweet one each other. Yer a high noble, with a family that has a good claim to the Orlesian throne after the Empress. You know how to run a kingdom; you could give him the support he'd need." He shrugged. "If Ashara supports the idea, it could be done."

Kira stared at her friend as if he had suddenly sprouted two head. "No... that is not... I don't..." She was at a complete loss for words, something that rarely happened. Instead, she decided to fall back onto an argument that couldn't be refuted. "I can hardly demand to be made queen, Aric. Besides, we do not even know for sure if Alistair will take the throne."

"Didn't say you had to decide now." Aric shrugged. The two fell into a short silence, before he cleared his throat again. "Have we gotten a letter from that elf? The one looking for Riordan?"

Kira sat back in her chair, grateful for the change of topic. But, her relief was short lived. "No, we have not." Her voice lowered sadly. "I think we have to assume that he has been captured. I do not know what Loghain would do to him, but I think we can be sure that he is in danger."

Aric shook his head. "Loghain's inviting trouble, capturing an Orlesian Grey Warden."

"I get the impression that he is beyond thought or reason at this point." Kira lowered her eyes sadly. She had heard plenty of tales of Loghain, the great hero of River Dane, the best friend to King Maric. For such a proud man to have fallen so far was a terrible thing. "If he can abandon his king on the field, and then sell elves into slavery, I think we can assume that he will not stop at harming a Grey Warden."

She closed her eyes against the worry she felt for their friend. Riordan was a good man, an honorable Grey Warden who always looked out for his brothers and sisters. He had taken her under his wing when she was first recruited, took the time to show her the ropes, and ensured that she adjusted well. He was a like a big brother.

But, she knew that they could not break off their task to go searching for him. They had to prepare for the Blight. Riordan would be extremely disappointed if she turned her back on her task and try to find him. He would willingly go to his death if it served the greater good of defeating the Blight.

Aric sighed, his face reflecting some of Kira's own thoughts. "Nothing we can do but keep fighting the Blight. If we find Riordan, we find him; if we don't... well, then there was nothing we could do."

Kira nodded, and stood up from the table. "Come, let us retire. Morning is not far away, and we both must rest before we leave for Haven."

Slowly, weighed down by a whirlwind of different thoughts and worries, the two friends left the room.

oOo

A week after the others left for Haven, Kali and Ashara found themselves outside in the training yard with the army. Kali dove quickly to the side, ducking down to avoid the blow of the staff and swung her foot around, coming within inches of Ashara's exposed side. She stopped before her foot actually made contact, and the Dalish woman straightened up with a tired smile.

"Well done. I guess I've gotten out of shape these past few months."

Beaming, proud that she had progressed so much that she was actually able to get the upper hand on Ashara, Kali slid her daggers into the belt around her waist. "Well, it's only been a week and a half since you had Anyu. Wynne said that most women have a hard time getting their energy back after childbirth."

Ashara bounced the staff up and down in her hands, feeling its weight and trying to get used to carrying a staff again. "Dalish women are different from human women."

"How so?"

"We're always on the move; the whole Clan can't afford to stay in one spot for weeks after a woman gives birth. That can be dangerous, depending on where the Clan is, so most Dalish women are given two weeks to rest. Then, although she doesn't do much physical labor, she's still expected to move on with the Clan and help with everyday tasks."

Kali leaned against the wall of the castle and wiped her damp bangs away from her forehead. It was a hot day, and both women had been outside in the sun for hours. Ashara wanted to use both her daggers and staff as weapons, and wished to get comfortable with switching between the two, and Kali had agreed to help her.

There wasn't much for them to do while they waited for Kira, Alistair, and the others to return from their trip to Haven. It had been about a week since they left, and most days Ashara and Kali found their way down to the training yard. The soldiers seemed to enjoy seeing the Wardens outside, training beside them, and were relieved to hear Ashara assure them that they had a plan to defeat the Archdemon.

Kali found it strange to see so many different races all gathered in one place, acting like a giant town. Humans and dwarves stood side-by-side and practiced with their swords, while elven mages stood by to heal their wounds. Even the templars, sent by the Tower to watch the mages, relaxed their strict attitude. The sounds of laughter, bawdy jokes, and general companionship rang through the large area.

The mages teased the dwarves about their lack of magical ability while the dwarves in turn swore that a puny mage didn't have the strength to handle their weapons. Templars offered up prayers to any who asked for them, and the humans were cheerful and comfortable with the elves. None of the soldiers seemed to be nervous around the mages, either.

It almost seemed like the boundaries between the races and cultures didn't exist; that everyone was equal. Kali delighted in it; she felt like she was helping to bridge the gap between the different races. When the Blight was over, if all of these people would remember how they felt now, maybe it would be the start of something better.

Ashara swung her staff through the air. She had said that she wanted to practice using it for both magical and physical attacks, but to Kali it looked as though she already knew what she was doing. She brought the staff to the ground as if slamming it down on an enemy, and channeled magic through the ironbark, sending a streak of lightning from the tip.

She stood up with a smile, clearly pleased, and then slid Kali a sly glance. "You know, there was something I've been meaning to ask you about, ashalan."

Kali knew that look; Ashara was going to tease her about something. She tried to keep her face light, but she had a feeling that by the end of this conversation she'd end up embarrassed. "Yes?"

"Well, I heard a little rumor on the wind." Ashara finger's danced lightly across her staff as her voice carried the barest hint of teasing. "Tamlen told me that a certain assassin has begun sharing your room at night."

Just like that, Kali felt like her ears were about to burst into flame. She buried her face in her hands to hide her embarrassment. "Um... y-yes... that's true..."

She heard Ashara's ripple of laughter. "Well? Tell me about it!"

Kali peeked through her fingers, feeling a rush of shame as well as nervousness. "You're not really asking me to gossip about that, are you?"

"Why not?" She paused. "There's nothing for you to be ashamed of."

"Maybe not to you," Kali said in a rush, lowering her hands. So far she had kept quiet about the situation. At first, she had been too nervous to tell Ashara anything more than that she and Zevran had finally really been together. Then, she kept quiet because of all the excitement over Anyu's birth. But the reality was that Kali had spent the last few weeks in a jumbled mess of confusion, torn between a sense of elation and absolute terror. "But for me, this is a big deal!"

Ashara lowered her staff and tossed Kali a curious look. "I know it's a big deal. Losing your virginity is always a big step, especially when the relationship becomes more permanent, but Zevran is a good man. It's obvious to all of us that he cares deeply for you. One might even say that he loves you."

"I know he does," Kali mumbled. "It's not that."

"Then what is it?"

She glanced around the training yard. There were at least fifty people around, all of them practicing their skills, shouting out suggestions or laughing at stupid jokes. It was too crowded. She grabbed Ashara's wrist and pulled her off to a quiet area in the corner, where they could be partially hidden by a small tree.

Ashara seemed to grow concerned. "Kali, what's wrong? Has Zevran done something to upset you?"

"No! It's not that. He is so... he's always..." The thought of Zevran made her blush and look away. "It's not him. It's just... in the Alienage, women are supposed to stay virgins until they get married."

"So?"

"So, I'm not a virgin anymore. And I'm not married."

Ashara looked genuinely confused. "But, you're not in the Alienage anymore. You're a Grey Warden."

"I know." Kali ran a hand through her damp hair. How could she expect Ashara to understand it when she could barely figure out how she was feeling? "And I know that I don't want to go back to the Alienage. I want to stay a Grey Warden, and stay with you and everyone else. But... I don't know..." She lowered her eyes. "What would my father say if he found out that I was sharing a room with a man I wasn't married to? Do you know what women like that are called? Even Shianni would be upset!"

"Ah, I see now." Ashara set her staff against the tree and put both hands on Kali's shoulder. "You're afraid that what you're doing is wrong." It wasn't a question.

"Yes."

"Well, it's not."

Kali lifted her head. "I know that the Dalish believe differently, but in the Alienage we're taught that a woman should be pure when she gets married. If she's not, her betrothed is within his rights to leave her." She grimaced. "Since I'm a Warden, I don't think Father can arrange a marriage for me again... so I guess that's not a problem for me. I just..." With a sigh, she threw up her hands. "I don't know why this is bothering me, but it is!"

Ashara let go of Kali and crossed her arms. "Kali, there is no reason at all for you to feel ashamed because you love a man and want to show him that you love him."

"But..."

"Giving yourself to someone out of love is the most powerful gift you can ever give."

Kali shook her head. "I don't know how true that is. Zevran has been with a lot of people," she mumbled quietly. She really didn't like to think about all the people Zevran had been with before he met her. She accepted it about him; there was no way she could change the past, and she trusted him and his feelings for her. But, that didn't mean she liked to think about it. "And I don't think he cared that much about most of them."

Ashara waved the comment aside. "There is a world of difference between what he did with strangers, and what the two of you share." Kali bit her bottom lip and thought to protest, but Ashara continued before she got the chance. "When you're with Zevran, what do you feel?"

Heat crept up Kali's face, as she thought about their moments together. "Um, I feel like the whole world stops. Like, there's no Blight, no civil war, nothing but me and him."

"Exactly. There is no reason to feel ashamed of that; the heart wants what it wants. You and Zevran love each other." She shrugged. "If your people find a reason to judge that, then instead of feeling ashamed of yourself, you should feel pity for them. Pity that they haven't experienced such a love for themselves. If they did, they would understand."

Ashara's words brought a small smile to Kali's face. She always had a way of settling Kali's fears, putting her at ease. Suddenly, the day seemed a lot brighter.

Ashara grinned and put an arm around Kali's shoulders. "Come on, let's go give Tiatha a break. Anyu hasn't seen her aunt in over a day now."

Kali giggled, feeling better than she had in weeks.

oOo

Kira held her cloak tighter around her shoulders and tried to avoid stepping in the patches of mud. Though it was nearing the end of summer when the air was still warm, as soon as they reached the base of the Frostback Mountains, the temperature took a distinct plunge, near freezing, and Kira did not enjoy being cold.

Alistair noticed her miserable expression and laughed. "You know, it's not that cold. At least, it's warmer than the last time we were in the Frostback Mountains."

Kira giggled, trying to avoid staring at the way his lips turned up when he smiled. Ever since Aric had put that ridiculous idea in her head, she couldn't seem to stop thinking about it. She didn't care a bit about being queen, but it had given her the idea that if Alistair did become king, she might not risk losing him.

But, she was afraid to raise the topic with him. Although they had kissed, and although Alistair had gotten comfortable enough to pull her into an embrace or lightly kiss her forehead, so far he hadn't yet invited her to stay the night with him. And Kira was too nervous to broach the subject; she didn't want him to think she was too forward, and risk scaring him off. Their relationship was hardly set in stone at this point.

Something about her face must have confused him, for he raised an eyebrow. "What? Do I have something on my face?"

"Well, yes. You have two eyes, a nose, and a mouth," she replied sweetly, and was rewarded by his ring of laughter.

"Forgive me for interrupting this playful exchange," Leliana said. Kira and Alistair looked ahead to see her, Wynne, Aric, and Oghren all staring at them. "But," the bard continued with an indulgent smile, "we can see Haven ahead." She pointed up the hill they were approaching where, sure enough, Kira could see a small village hidden amongst the mist.

"I suppose that the map was accurate, then," Kira said. She stared up at the village and felt a sudden shiver run down her spine.

Wynne brushed her hair away from her face, fidgeting as she always did when she got nervous. "Something is wrong here. I do not know what it is, but I can sense something strange."

"Then we had best be careful," Kira replied. She adjusted her cloak so that she had easy access to her sword, should she need it, and walked towards the village. It did not matter if something was wrong with this village. They needed to find the Ashes.

Translations:
lethallan - friend/kinsman; used for females
Ma serannas - thank you
emma'lath - my love
da'len - child/children
ashalan - sister
Aneth ara - informal greeting
Asha'belnnar - lit: Woman of Many Years; used for Flemeth

A/N: I hope that the jump between times (going from three days after Anyu's birth to a week and a half) didn't confuse anyone, but it was time to get things moving again. I had spent too long on all the other stuff going on; it was past time to get back to the main storyline XD

Thank you to everyone who reviewed, requested alerts, or are lurking. It means a lot!