NOTE: I do not own or have rights to Twilight or its characters. The material is the intellectual property of its creator.
Chapter37
Leads Us Not Into Temptation
Temptation is the devil looking through the key hole. Yielding is opening the door and inviting him in.
~Billy Sunday~
I found myself browsing through the familiar shelves of the palazzo's vast library. Aro was quit the collector of books and he possessed many rare and unique volumes. When I lived, for a time, with the Volturi, the library was my favorite haunt and I spent many a satisfied hour ghosting among the towering bookcases. As Prolocutor, I visited this place whenever time and my busy schedule permitted it.
I wanted to bring Esme with me, but she was having a bit of girl time with Sulpicia. The two of them became good friend during Esme's last visit to Italy. They shared an avid interest in all things horticultural related and enjoyed spending endless hours discussing plants. Though I missed her company, having a few hours alone to digest the day's events could prove valuable to me in the end.
The very moment that Caius insisted on hearing from Sarah directly, my heart sank. Benjamin and I agreed before the start of the hearing that, if possible, he and I alone would speak before the Council. Sarah had personal misgivings about what she considered a denunciation of her affiliation with Esme and me in favor of a coven bond with Benjamin. Her mother and I had no qualms with her claiming an exclusive bond with Ben, but our daughter held the idea in contempt, insisting she belonged to both houses in equal measure. I believed her, of course, but such talk would do little to help our case.
As she explained herself to the council, my hopes for an easy dismissal of Caius' charges against us evaporated like morning fog before the glowing heat of the sun. If only Sarah could have squelched her forthright tendencies in order to speak the word that Tobias and the Council needed to hear … I belong to Benjamin's coven.
I sighed deeply as my fingers brushed the spine of an illuminated monastic Psalter from the late 12th century. If Sarah's own words weren't damaging enough, Marcus' corroborating testimony may well have sealed our fate.
"It's quite an impressive volume," the acid voice of Caius filled my ears, "a pity that the abbot of the monastery thought the book and a few odd relics to be more valuable that the lives of the monks he oversaw."
I turned around to find the blond Volturi Lord standing at the opposite end of the range of bookcases. I managed to stifle the low growl the rose up in my throat.
"What do you want Caius?"
"The abbot received a warning that a pagan raiding party would arrive at the monastery by the next morning," Caius continued with his story as he slowly strolled towards me. "He knew his monetary would be sacked and pillaged and that he and his fellow monks would face certain death. Instead of ordering an evacuation however, the abbot gathered up the relics and texts that he considered most precious and fled with them in the night. The next morning, the raiders breached the monastery walls and slaughtered the monks as they knelt for their morning prayers."
"What do you want," I asked again and this time I allowed a low growl to ring in my voice, just for good measure.
"Contrary to what you might think, Carlisle," Caius spoke casually, "I am not truly interested in seeing you and your … family … eliminated from existence. I have other, more prestigious, heads to take."
"I find that hard to believe," I replied as I crossed my arms over my chest in an overtly defensive posture.
Caius shook his head and sighed. "If I wanted your destruction, would I have come here looking for you so that I might offer you my help?"
I remained silent, as it paid to be skeptical where Caius was concerned; while I might extend a measure of trust to Marcus and Aro, the third Volturi brother was untrustworthy to the very core.
"You are between a rock and a hard place Carlisle … I do not envy you," he continued. "On the one hand, there is the life of your daughter whom you obviously love and on the other there are the lives of rest of your family … your mate, your other children, even a grandchild and a great grandchild," he delivered his remarks in a sickeningly sweet tone that turned my stomach. "That is a very heavy burden for any coven leader to bear … wouldn't you agree?"
Still I said nothing, although if I gave in to rational and practical thinking, then I would have to admit, he had a point.
He took a deep breath and sighed before continuing, "It is clear that you have a difficult choice to make Carlisle … one that will weigh on your conscience for the rest of your existence, regardless of how you decide to proceed.
"Your daughter, by her own testimony before the High Council, has damned herself to destruction … you know this as well as I do. Unfortunately, she will take you and Esme with her … unless, of course, you act first. If you wait for the decision of the Council, your executions will be immediate. If, however, you were to take matters into your own hands … if you were to quietly end young Sarah's existence yourself … the Council would have nothing to decide, thus sparing you and Esme from any judgment."
"You want me to kill my own daughter," the enraged words exploded from my mouth and shook the bookcases around me. "Have you taken leave of your senses? No crime has been committed Caius … do you hear me … NONE. I was perfectly within my rights to restore Sarah to her place among us and I will not murder her in order to gratify your masochistic ego."
"Suit yourself," I watched the blond Volturi Lord shrug nonchalantly as he spoke. "But mark my words well: you and your lovely mate will die with her … it is as simple as that," and then he turned to depart. "Never let it be said that I didn't try to help you," he remarked over his shoulder as he reached the library doors. Moments later, he was gone and I was alone again.
I remained in the library long after Caius left. In the wake of his visit, my thought spiraled into a dark tangled mess that I had yet to fully straighten out. I was certain that we broke no laws by bringing Sarah back into her vampire existence, yet I couldn't deny that Sarah's testimony coupled with Marcus' revelations did not bode well for our cause. This matter obviously fell into a grey area not explicitly covered by the Code of Law, but would the Council see that and act accordingly.
And what if they don't, the dark question rose up like bile in my spirit, what if they do condemn Sarah? Esme and I would find ourselves at the gallows with her. Could I stand idly by and watch first Sarah and then my beautiful mate destroyed. Though I tried to suppress it, my vivid imagination took hold of me and forced disturbing images onto the stage of my mind. I nearly fell to the floor when my imaginings placed Dmitri's rough hands on Esme's neck … when he wrenched her head off, I almost blacked out.
"God in Heaven," I croaked as I shook myself free of the disturbing vision. I simply could not allow that nightmare to come to fruition.
"… if you were to quietly end young Sarah's existence yourself …" Caius' iniquitous words drifted into my consideration.
While the loving father in me railed against such a vile notion … the darker, territorial male vampire, in me seemed to embrace it. As a matter of common practice, males of my kind would do anything to ensure the safety of their mates … up to and including destroying other vampires. This was true even within very tightly knit covens.
"But yours is a family Carlisle, not a coven," I chided myself aloud. "Fathers do not murder their children in cold blood for the sake of convenience."
Indeed, the dark beast within me sneered, but what about mercy killing. My imagination conjured a new haunting scene for me to endure; this time I witnessed Dmitri toying with a very terrified Sarah before finally wrenching her head violently from her shoulders. Just before the ending moments of her life, my imagination gave me a close-up view of the horrified look in my daughter's blind eyes. Would you have her suffer, the beast asked, you know how much he enjoys making sport of his victims.
My stomach turned as I shook myself free of the disturbing nightmare once more. I would not and could not abide watching poor Sarah tortured in her final moments before being destroyed. With a depressed sigh and a heavy heart, I made my way towards the library doors. If Sarah's existence must end, it would be calmly and in peace … at my hands.
As I strode with purpose back towards our apartments, I was shocked at how easily and quickly my mind set itself to the task of planning the dark event. In my mind's eye, I saw myself leading her away to a quiet spot on some pretense or other. I watched the vision with increasing grief as I saw myself come up behind her; I spoke quietly to her … she was unaware of my intentions and therefore at complete ease with me. I watched my hands, trembling with dread for what I was about to do, come to rest lightly on her shoulders … NO, my spirit shouted, but the vision continued on its dark path. I whispered something soothing to her then … I love you, or perhaps I'm sorry … then I watched as my hands as they went from her shoulders to her neck, and in one smooth movement I ended her existence.
The dark vision ceased abruptly, and I found myself unable to breath. I stumbled like a drunkard into the nearest wall and, after a moment of standing there, I slid down into a puddle on the floor and began to sob.
"I cannot," I muttered in a voice that shook with emotion, "God in Heaven … I cannot … but I must."
I was suddenly shaken from my misery by a vibrating in my pocket; my cell phone was ringing. I fished it out absently and answered it without checking the caller ID. Why should I care who was calling me anyway … I was about to kill …
"Carlisle," a familiar female voice called urgently from the phone, "Carlisle, its Alice, answer me!"
"Alice," I muttered weakly.
"Carlisle Cullen," Alice spoke my name with more panic in her voice than I'd ever known, "PLEASE tell me Sarah isn't dead."
Poor Alice, I thought sadly, she must have had one of her visions and seen my grim task. "I have to," I managed to answer her. "I can't let Dmitri do it, he'll frighten her," as I finished the statement, tear-less sobs rose up to claim me again.
"Listen to me Carlisle," she insisted sternly. "Are you listening?"
At first I only nodded, but after a few seconds I managed a weak "Yes."
"Don't … kill … Sarah," she instructed me in slow deliberate words, "I repeated … Do not … kill … Sarah."
"But I …"
"Carlisle," she interrupted in the same stern tone she used moments earlier, "if you kill her, you will never, ever, forgive yourself. It will tear this family apart. It will devastate Esme and she will leave you forever. Ben and Bart will swear an oath of vengeance against the whole family. The Quileute Pack will turn on us and a war will ensue that will cost Bella and Edward their lives. Nessie will commit suicide in the wake of her parents deaths and Abigail will follow her shortly afterwards. Please, for God's sake, Carlisle … don't!"
"But the Council," I stammered, "they will condemn her and …"
"I can't see the outcome of the Council; there are too many individual decisions involved," she insisted in a calmer tone. "Now, will you promises me that you won't kill Sarah … cause I'm not hanging up this phone until I'm satisfied that you've given up on this insanity … and I'll know if you're lying, so don't even try. Only Sarah can hide her life from me at will … thank God."
I took a deep breath and let it out slowly. As each atom of air left my lungs, it seemed to take with it whatever malicious spirit that was imparted to me by Caius' words. I stood then, straightening to my full height. How could I ever raise my hand in wickedness against my beloved daughter, I would fight every demon in hell with naught but my own two hands to ensure her safety … or that of any other member of my family for that matter.
"Carlisle," Alice's voice over the phone drew the last fragments of my right mind back into alignment, "I'm waiting."
"Thank you Alice," I answered her sincerely. "I think you just saved me from the greatest mistake of my nearly four hundred year life. You have my word; I will not kill Sarah … not now ... not ever."
"That's better," she sighed on the other end of the phone, "the world is back to the way it should be."
"Uhm, one more thing Alice …" I began sheepishly, but I was interrupted before I could finish.
"Don't worry Carlisle," Alice giggled impishly, "this conversation never happened."
AN: Billy Sunday (1862-1935) was an American clergyman.