Her heart thuds more loudly than she wishes it would, but she reminds herself that it's only the drum that is beating in her ears.
Selena takes her clothes out of the dresser and throws them into the suitcase, not having enough time to fold anything. She forces her clothes to fit and zips the suitcase.
Before she leaves the room, she admires Jack who was snoring softly with his arm stretched out where Selena once lied. Softly smiling, she walks around the bed and pecks his cheek and whispers, "I love you.", in his ear.
She then grabs her suitcase and walks out the room, closing the door slowly and gently behind her.
She didn't want to, but she had to leave, this wasn't right. They didn't belong together and especially with the both of them going through hell, they had to focus on themselves. That's at least what she was telling herself.
Turning the knob on the door, Selena contemplated in her head if this was actually the right thing to do. She didn't want to hurt him, but it had to happen.
"Were you just going to leave without saying goodbye? Without telling me?"
Selena turned around and seen that the hurt in his voice didn't match the glare in his eyes. He leaned against the sofa with his arms folded across his chest, waiting for an answer.
"Um, no." She nervously chuckled, setting her suitcase down. "I was going to text you when-"
"When what, Selena? When you got to the airport? When you got to the house? You could've just told me instead of having to sneak out. You aren't sixteen, you should've just told to me."
Selena let out a hefty sign and shook her head. "I didn't want to hurt you."
"Hurt me?" Jack tsk'ed. "If you want to leave then go ahead. I'm not stopping you. I'm done, stopping you."
"No, no, no. You're not understanding me." Selena went over to Jack and took his hands in hers. "I wasn't leaving cause of you, I was leaving cause of me. I don't want you to have to put up with me and this disease I have. Like last night, I cried all night when we were supposed to be on a date. I ruined it. I just have so much going on, maybe it is just best if we get this divorce."
Jack exhales harshly through his nose and tilts his head back for a second, trying to control his anger, but it doesn't work.
"You're really starting to piss me off. One minute you wanna be together and the next you don't. If you think I can't handle you having lupus, then you must've forgotten how much shit I went through my whole life. Don't tell me what I can and can not handle. I love you. It's just that damn simple. I just got out of prison and got high off of damn near almost every drug that could kill me. I was going through hell and you were there for me. So, I'm here for you."
Selena nodded. "Okay. Maybe I'm just overwhelmed with all of this and I just get caught up. I'm sorry."
"Don't be." He muttered, pushing himself off the couch then walking back into the bedroom.
Selena knew she was an idiot. She hated second guessing their relationship, but why shouldn't they? They still haven't even talked about anything. The problems in their relationship were pushed aside, just for them to come up in the future and ruin everything again.
Selena's eyes met Jack's when he walked back and stood in the doorway. "Are you coming back to bed or what?"
Softly smiling, she nodded and followed him into the room and on the bed.
Neither one of them could go back to sleep. Jack was too afraid. He feared that whenever he'd wake up, she'd be gone this time. It was always something with her, and he knows that she's slick whenever she wants to be.
It was ten in the morning and neither one of them were the slightest bit tired.
"Marilyn Monroe overdosed. She wasn't murdered, dummy." Jack chuckled, pushing Selena's head to the side.
Selena smacked his shoulder. "How do you know?"
"The autopsy said so." Jack objected as if it was a fact as he twisted his lips to the side and blew out a cloud of smoke.
Selena smirked and arched a brow. "Wrong." She said, sitting up on the bed Indian style. "Let me give you a little background, Marilyn had a normal day and seen her psychiatrist from four to seven, which is a long time for a session. When her psychiatrist left, he told the housekeeper to keep an eye on her."
"Yeah, and she should've cause look at what happened."
"When the police got there, one of the cops had a feeling it was staged and he said there wasn't any water or alcohol in the room, so she didn't have anything to swallow the pills with -"
"Okay and?" Jack furrowed his brows at her. "I've seen you dry swallow pills before. She could've just used her spit."
Selena's face fell. "You didn't let me finish."
Jack motioned with his cigarette and hand for her to continue.
"There wasn't any pills found in her body and if you actually read the autopsy you would know."
Jack rolled his eyes. "I never said I read it. I thought everyone just knew, but keep going."
"Okay, this is where my job or just a little bit of knowledge would come in." She smiled before she continued. "When someone overdoes, they usually foam out the mouth or choke or puke and their legs will cramp up. BUT, when they found her, her legs were straight and her arms were by her side. The autopsy says she died because of an overdose of barbiturates, but like I said, there wasn't any pills found in her body, but barbiturates were found in her liver."
Jack shrugged hard at first then shook his hands, growing frustrated. "You literally just said she didn't overdose, but the autopsy says so and there were barbiturates found when you also said there weren't pills found." He shook his head as he took in a drag. "Now you're just lost and don't know what you're talking about."
Selena huffed. "This is cause they were inserted rectally...She didn't take them."
Jack suddenly found himself intrigued. "That's makes sense." He nodded.
"The psychiatrist that she had seen earlier that night claimed to have broken the window to get inside her room, because the housekeeper and him couldn't get inside through the door. Now, since you and your brothers broke into a few houses yourselves, tell me when you break a window, where does the glass land?"
Jack grabbed his ashtray and crushed his cigarette on the outside. "It falls inside." He answered, blowing out his last puff and setting the ashtray back on the nightstand.
Selena smiled and watched as Jack leaned back on the headboard, pillowing his hands behind his head, his bulging muscles on full display. "The glass was on the outside."
"Wait, so it was staged? The psychiatrist did it and he tried to cover it up by telling the lady to keep an eye on her."
"Yeah, and before he left he probably gave her some medication that she was prescribed to and then after that, he drugged her with an enema. Maybe he was hired by someone to murder her cause of her "affair" with JFK."
Jack smirked and balled up his fist. "I'm on board. I agree." He bumped fist with her then put his hand behind his head again. "How do you know all of this stuff anyways?"
"I read. When you read, you find out a lot of things."
"You're so smart." Jack said, pulling her down on top of him, his palm sliding down her back to then squeeze her ass.
Selena giggled and ran her fingers through his hair. "Do I get a reward for being so smart?"
"Yeah...Just not now."
Selena chuckled. "Did you just decline my invitation for sex?"
Jack nodded. "I have an interview at the radio station in two hours, so I gotta get ready." He told her, starting to get off the bed, but she lays her palm on his chest and keeps him where he is.
"What am I supposed to do?" She asked.
"You can either come with me or you can go to that fashion show that I told you about."
Tapping her finger against his solid chest with her hands folded underneath her chin, she took a second to think. "I guess the fashion show. What am I supposed to do there?"
Jack arched a brow. "Um, watch models wear the new the clothes that designers made." He stated in an obvious tone.
"How do I buy the tickets? On my phone?" Selena reached over him and grabbed her phone off the nightstand then unlocked it.
"No. I already got them. You sit in the front row."
"How?"
Jack shook his head. "You ask a lot of questions." He complained, but continued. "They gave them to me. They pay celebrities to attend."
Selena's reaction told him that was the dumbest thing she could ever hear. "Why would they pay y'all?"
"Cause, if the celebrities attend then the designers and the models get a lot of attention and if a celebrity sees something they like, then they'll pay a lot of money for it whenever the clothes comes out."
"I guess that makes sense, but I'm not a celebrity. They'll be expecting you and instead will get me. I don't bring attention to anything."
Jack smiled. "You're a bigger deal than what you think you are, babe. My fans love you. Other celebrities love you. People love you. You speak on issues and donate, and you're a pediatrician. You're making a difference, plus you're funny and sweet when you wanna be. People adore that kind of stuff. You're not famous, but I promise you that you're not just a wife."
Jack could tell by the dull look on her face that her mind wasn't changed.
Chuckling, Jack got out the bed and walked towards the bathroom. "Don't wear anything boring. Wear something that will catch their eye. Maybe you'll get picked up to be something in the industry." He smirked, closing the door behind him.
Moments Later.
"So, whenever we're both done, we can go walk around or find something to do. Sound good?" He asked, locking his watch around his left wrist.
Selena grabbed her round and dark sunglasses off of the dresser. "Yeah."
"Okay. Berry and Kevin can stay with you. Sean's coming with me."
Selena rolled her eyes and huffed as she leaned against the dresser, getting the same response back from Jack. "Don't argue with me on this. You're not gonna go walking around a place you don't know alone, Sel."
"I'm a grown woman. I don't need babysitters."
"You love Berry and Kevin. Stop fighting me on this, it's not that big of a deal." He took a look at his watch then grabbed his phone off the bed. "I gotta go. Love you." He gave her a soft kiss on her lips then left the room.
Once Selena got to the fashion show, she seen a few celebrities that she spoke to before, but didn't bother having a whole conversation with them. They were always empty and just bullshit.
Berry and Kevin stood in the back as Selena made her way to her seat, sitting next to an older woman with dark shades and a cheetah print coat. Selena didn't need to ask to know that the woman felt some kind of way about her sitting there.
"Excuse me." Her wrinkled hand patted Selena's thigh. "This seat is already taken."
Selena politely smiled at her. "Yeah, my husband gave me his ticket, and this is my seat."
The woman snatched the glasses off of her face and took a long look at Selena. "You're Jack Mercer's wife, yes?"
"Yes ma'am."
The woman let out a laugh, holding her hand over her heart and shaking her head. "Forgive me. I'm Giselle Galliano. I'm the editor in chief for Vogue. Darling, have you ever modeled?"
Blush stained Selena's cheeks as she coyly giggled. "Not really. I did a photo shoot once, and that was it."
"Would you ever consider being a runway model?"
"Not really. Not my kind of thing. The photo shoot was cool until I found out that I got bamboozled."
Giselle chuckled. "Well you have exquisite taste in fashion. I could pair you up with a few designers and make things happen. People love me and they trust me, so they wouldn't dare question me...You might have your own clothing line soon."
The show began to start, the lights dimmed and pop music filled the room. Thin and tall models walked the runway, disgusting Selena because she seen no variety in these women at all, but of course it wasn't their fault.
But she did see the supermodel, Natalia, who claimed she and Jack slept together a few years ago.
"She's beautiful, but her walk is off." Giselle scoffed. "They call just about everyone a model these days." Selena only snickered and shook her head.
Before the show was over, Giselle gave Selena her card and told her that she was serious about doing business with her.
Selena went back to the hotel and fell asleep on the bed, waiting for Jack who didn't come back until it got dark.
Selena woke up to someone gently shaking her. "Sel, wake up." Her eyes slowly opened to see Jack crouched down to her level. "Hey, did you wanna still go out?"
"What time is it?"
"Only seven. I had two interviews then we had a small meet and greet, I'm sorry I forgot."
Selena sat up and shook her head. "It's fine. We can still go, just let me change back into some clothes." She went over to her suitcase and searched through clothes that she didn't get a chance to unpack since this morning.
She went into the bathroom and came back out within ten minutes in a two piece black dress with her dark hair pulled in a ponytail.
"Ready?" Jack asked, grabbing his phone and shoving it into his pocket as Selena nodded in response.
They left the bodyguards behind again and strolled around Paris, with Selena's arm linked around his and their fingers intertwined.
They kept talking to a minimum the time they were touring and sightseeing, but Selena couldn't hold her tongue any longer.
"Jack..."
"Yeah?" He answered as they left the Eiffel Tower and headed towards the street.
"We never talked about what happened."
"What happened?" He repeated, questioning her as if he was genuinely clueless.
"Everything. This is why we're here. We have to save us. We can't just keep ignoring everything."
Jack scoffed and stopped in his tracks, turning to face her. "We didn't ignore it. We had an argument about it then I wanted a divorce and now I don't. See it's simple. It's in the past."
"What do you mean, it? You kept saying it? Are you talking about something specific?"
"Yeah. I'm talking about Adam and you."
Cocking her head back and her brows drawn together, she folded her arms over her chest. "You do know that I'm not the only who screwed up, don't you? You went to prison and then you came out depressed and addicted and angry as hell, not to mention Kiana coming over and you speaking to her, but refused to even look at me."
A look of great bitterness swept across his face. "Kiana? I haven't spoken to her in weeks. And I didn't talk to you, because I was still pissed at what happened between you and Adam. I'm not ignoring anything, Selena. I'm trying to forget about it, because I obviously forgive you cause if I didn't I wouldn't be here right now. But it seems like a whole other story for you. And oh, I'm so damn sorry that I went to prison and wasn't doing somersaults when I got out."
"I didn't mean it like that, and I do forgive you, but you can't keep just pushing these things aside or otherwise we'll be holding these things against each other forever."
Jack started walking again and crossed the empty street. "Whatever, Selena. I don't want to save this if you're gonna keep on being the nagging wife that are."
"The nagging wife? I don't nag. You just expect me to let everything go."
"You should."
"Why did you want to save us in the first place? Huh? Is it because you think you owe me for saving your life?"
Jack came to a stop again in front of a closed cafe and turned around to face Selena. "No. But because I owe you cause you saved my life, and I couldn't even give you a kidney, because of how bad my own damn body is doing."
Selena froze. Everything that just came out of Jack's mouth hit her like a train, and she didn't know which part to speak on first. "So, you were a match?"
Jack's gaze averted from Selena to the Eiffel Tower and the tourist and lovers that surrounded it. "Yeah...But the coke, the cigarettes, and acid...it was risky."
"But, Jack...You still could've donated it to me." She fumed, her eyes turning dark.
"Given it to you? Selena, you're a doctor, you know these things don't go well. And why are you on my dick about my kidney. I didn't have to go and get tested in the first place, but I wanted to cause I actually thought I was going to give you one."
"And what's this about you owing me? Are you with me now, because you owe me?"
Jack rubbed his hand across his face, knowing he was saying all the wrong things, but he didn't know how to fix it. "I don't want to lose you and I feel like I do owe you though. I hate saying it, but if you want me to be honest then yeah, that's how I feel."
Selena stared at Jack for a long moment before walking ahead of him. "Let's go back to the hotel, because I'm not arguing with you out here anymore."
She wasn't his charity case. If anything, the only thing Selena truly wanted was for people around her to not pity her, because it didn't make her feel any better and now she knew that Jack was there because he had to be. And that wasn't okay with her at all.
Once they got back into the hotel, Selena tossed her heels to the corner and remained silent while Jack tried to pick her mind apart and find out exactly why what he said was a big deal. It was the truth after all.
"Selena, I told you the truth what else do you want?" He kept pestering her with questions until she finally answered him when she got out of her dress.
"I just need for you to leave me alone. Please, just do that for me." She begged, pulling her tank top over her head. "Let me sleep everything off."
"Alright, fine. I'll sleep on the couch." He mumbled, taking off his shirt and throwing it on top of his suitcase as Selena got under the blankets.
"Get in the bed." She told him, turning over on her stomach. "Just don't touch me."
Selena tapped on Jack's shoulder, whispering his name to wake him up. "Jack..." She gently shook him until she heard him groan.
"What?"
"You know how you said if I need to talk to you then wake you up?"
"Yeah." He uttered with his back still facing her and eyes still resting.
"Well, I'm waking you up."
Jack didn't move for a second then let out a harsh exhale through his nose before sitting up and resting his back against the headboard. "What is it?"
"I don't wanna go through with this." She told him, her eyes steady on his.
"I don't either, babe. That's why we're here...to try and fix us."
Selena shook her head. "That's not what I mean." She feels his gaze grow cold on her as he prepares for what he already knows. "I mean, I can't go through with us, especially when I know you're with me because you feel like you have to be."
"What? I didn't mean that I don't love you."
"Yeah, I know, but you still meant that you owe me and that's not the way I want to be with someone. And I'm just tired of having the same conversation with you. We've been having this same talk for fourteen years and we're expecting different answers...That's insane."
"Fine." Jack shrugged. "I told you that I'm done stopping you. I'm sick of trying to make us work, so when we get back then we'll finish this...For good."
Selena nodded then got out of the bed and grabbed her suitcase, exchanging the shorts she was wearing for sweats.
"Where are you going?" Jack asked, grabbing a cigarette out of the marlboro box.
"I'm leaving. I'm going home."
"You can't wait for tomorrow?"
Selena grabbed a jacket and pulled it onto her body. "No, I can't. I miss my kids and I don't have my medicine, so no I can't wait."
Jack chuckled. "So what was I? Your ticket to an extremely expensive place that you couldn't afford on your own?"
Selena pulled her suitcase off the bed and tiredly looked at him, completely drained from arguing with him. "The fact that you would even think I would use you as a ticket, proves that you forgot who I am. I was your wife, Jack, but you made me feel like a groupie and that's not okay. I don't want any hard feelings, because this is already difficult, so don't make it any harder that what it already is."
Jack only stared at her as he took a long drag, not caring for whatever else she had to say, because he already heard enough. It was over and that's it, there's nothing else to talk about.